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Profile Review - 7/8/2006 11:35:37 AM   
ArtimisBlack


Posts: 154
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline 		Well certain posts today got me thinking.....we all create our profiles with the hope that they can communicate ourselves and what we're looking for and at the same time be interesting or intriguing enough that people respond. But how can we really know unless we get reviews/advise from the people here? I mean, I know I like my profile, but what does everyone else think? Any major flaws I missed? So I'd like to extend an invitation to any and all: Review my profile, tell me what you think. Ask to have yours reviewed as well.
Just to make it easier, here is the basic transcript of my profile as it appears on CM.
Please read my profile before messaging me.
 
Come share a fantasy with me.
I like a challenge. I'll try almost anything once. Even though I have been involved on the fringes and have a lot of knowledge, I have very little hands on experience with BDSM so I'm basically new. I'm trying to get to know my BDSM side better and learn new techniques; all I need is a woman to share with. There are very few things I will not do. I can pretty much count them all on one hand and they are listed as hard limits in my profile. I can be very extreme in what I want so I'm seeking a woman who is comfortable with pushing her boundaries. I am looking for a long term D/s relationship, however if the right person comes along and is seeking short term play only I would be open to that as well.

I'd also love to meet people who have a great deal of experience with the BDSM lifestyle and wouldn't mind mentoring me.

My other half is male, however at this point he is content to watch/not be involved unless requested to do otherwise. I am happily involved in a long term relationship with him.

Please Do NOT Message me if:
You are male and looking to be anything other then a friend
You just want to bash me/my lifestyle.
You are under 18
You live more then 100 miles away and have no plans to relocate – and you want to be more then friends.


You SHOULD message me if:
You want to talk to me, obviously. However, I'm going to take this opportunity to tell you some of what I'm looking for in a woman. So if you:
Can be submissive in the bedroom
Desire to submit to my every whim
Want to explore your own sexuality
Want to push your boundaries
Are a little bit (or a lot) weird
Are ready for more
Are Funny & have a sense of humor
Believe that no pressure is the best kind
Are Creative
Make your own decisions and let others do the same
Like to share (I'm not just talking feelings here)
Have an open-minded attitude towards Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll (not mandatory, but nice if you have it)
Drop me a line; I’ve been looking for you.
 

_____________________________

I wanted to put in my 2 cents but I only have a dollar. Do you have change?

The pain is free. Do not pick the scab.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Profile Review - 7/8/2006 11:39:32 AM   
zumala


Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline 		I generally don't mind if someone takes a look at my profile and comments on it.  I realize that I and my position/situation are not exactly the norm on CM.  Thankfully I'm not in a rush to jump into a relationship and neither is pup.
 
zuma

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Profile Review - 7/8/2006 11:49:28 AM   
ArtimisBlack


Posts: 154
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline 		I don't mind having my profile commented on either. In fact, I welcome all feedback

_____________________________

I wanted to put in my 2 cents but I only have a dollar. Do you have change?

The pain is free. Do not pick the scab.

(in reply to zumala)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Profile Review - 7/8/2006 1:44:56 PM   
sapphirepleasure


Posts: 411
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Land of Enchantment
Status: offline 		I enjoyed reading your profile very much.  It seems to give a good sense of who you are and what you are looking for, and is well-written and easy to read.  The only thing that 'bumped' for me was referring to your male partner as your 'other half'.  I don't know, that wording has always bothered me, as if it takes another person to complete you (and you being dominant, I wouldn't expect that to be the case).

Those are my thoughts.

One of these days I'll have to make a decent profile myself!

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Profile Review - 7/8/2006 2:23:55 PM   
DoctorDubious


Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArtimisBlack

? Any major flaws I missed? So I'd like to extend an invitation to any and all:
 
Review my profile, tell me what you think.  


Hey Artemis, and all....

First of all, some context about the quality of my analysis.

I have zero experience in this online meeting stuff.
My first profile ever is the one I put on collarme recently.
So.... take it not a grain of salt... but a truckload... right?

But, I've got a lot of experience
in communication, written hundreds of "real" ads in my life,
and have taught ad-writing (copywriting) to experts and beginers alike.

***********************

Here's what this picky old goat likes about your profile,

it's clear about your current relationship
and reasonably clear about the general nature
of the experiences you seek

it's excellent on who should NOT contact you

it's a reasonable good description
of the woman you wish to play/learn/grow with


********************************************

Here's how I think it might work even better for you

In a word, more.

More details about who should NOT contact you.
Perhaps put this higher in the copy,
say right after your lede paragraph.

>>I'm trying to get to know my BDSM side better and learn new techniques; all I need is a woman to share with.

now consider, perhaps, briefly write out some
scenes, scenarious you wish to act out on her
helpless, luscious body.  Help her to imagine that delicious ordeal.

Also, you are a woman, so use your woman's mind/heart
to explore a bit of the mind/heart you want to connectwith..

And, in one of the very few benefits of the patriarchy,
dirty old men men like me being explicit is icky,
and woman/woman stuff is (inexplicably to me) considered hot by most...

Paint a picture .... or five....of kinky predicaments
for your prospective darlin to put herself in....

Also.... if you dare....
tell your story a bit....

there is nothing on this planet more persuasive,
or more attractive than
a good... true... emotional story.
http://www.collarchat.com/m_463104/mpage_2/key_/tm.htm#463458


I'd like to know more about the
stories of the people I meet,
and I suspect you and many others are the same.


The downside of what I say,
is that you will get more unwanted email
this way.... for cm is filled with slavering perverts and pretenders.
It's a small problem.

Another downside....
well, my forum posts get me a few doms
who tell me I'm an ass-kissing pussy,
which ain't all that far from the truth ....

(I tell 'em I'm actually a pussy-kissing ass, but by then the humor is gone)

I've had it suggested,
by somebody who appears bright and sensible...
that when you write long, you appear "full of yourself".

That is a real risk,
but it's outweighed .. I think...
by the value of letting your darlins
spend some extra time in your "thought fields"

Remember... I have zero experience in profiles,
but as I check my cm mailbox,
it seems mine is working ok...

Just the thoughts on an ink-stained old copywriter goat.

DD
PS... now I gotta go rewrite
that dorky profile of mine,
which was dashed off carelessly.

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Profile Review - 7/8/2006 2:38:07 PM   
DoctorDubious


Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArtimisBlack

? Any major flaws I missed?  



Oops, one more thing I meant to mention....
but I'm always in a rush to click that OK button...

We are deeply embedded in a culture
that doesn't value women much,
and simultaniously demand much of them!

This means even many really terriffic women
have what we call in California "self esteem issues".

Your requests for the qualities in your woman
seem really high.....
... so only if it's true for you ...
you might consider putting in some
comforting words for the woman
who longs to play with you,
but fears she's not good enough for you.

That's a high percentage of your
potential market penetration, in my analysis.

And you do want to penetrate the target market, right?

DD

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Profile Review - 7/8/2006 5:23:44 PM   
eroticangel


Posts: 272
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline 		i also would love to have my profile reviewed

(in reply to DoctorDubious)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Profile Review - 7/10/2006 6:14:43 AM   
ArtimisBlack


Posts: 154
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline









Your profile is good, but even though it describes what type of relationship you are looking for and your tendancies, it doesn’t really describe you or your experience thus far. I changed the basic spelling stuff (almost nothing to fix, you'll see I posted it below). IMO, a Master will expect that you serve Him (as you obviously wish to do) but will want to know why they should pick you to serve them rather then someone else. It's almost like a job interview in that way. You have shown your willingness to do the job, but what sets you apart from the other candidates?
 


I am a very serious submissive female from NJ looking to have a full time 24/7 relationship. I do realize however that this cannot happen overnight, and I am willing to go the roads that need to be walked to get there. When I give myself I give fully and completely. I tend to fall for the Man I am serving and I give up control to him. He needs to want to use my body but nurture my soul and my heart. I am all about pleasing and making you happy is where I find my reward, I look forward to hearing from you. Some have accused me of just wanting a boyfriend, I guess I do...but a Master who also wants to be my boyfriend...maybe it sounds silly....but I need someone who will appreciate me and who I am and will see my worth as a submissive/slave and partner...

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
I have lots to offer,
why can't it be to you!

_____________________________

I wanted to put in my 2 cents but I only have a dollar. Do you have change?

The pain is free. Do not pick the scab.

(in reply to eroticangel)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Profile Review - 7/10/2006 7:07:11 AM   
zumala


Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline 		I'm always up for a critique if anyone finds themselves bored. 
 
zuma

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Profile Review - 7/10/2006 7:26:19 AM   
MrrPete


Posts: 614
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		eroticangel,

I like your profile but there are no hard limits listed. I consider that a
red flag.

Your pic is a bit fuzzy and gets worse when blown up and needs cropping.



_____________________________

Awrabest,

Mr. Pete

Boycott Citgo

(in reply to eroticangel)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Profile Review - 7/10/2006 8:18:56 AM   
MrrPete


Posts: 614
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		A profile should be like a skirt. Long enough to cover the subject but short enough
to keep it interesting.

Additional info can be put in the journal.

What kind of site are we on? BDSM? Then IF you put up an interest list include
your BDSM interests. I've seen too many profiles with a totally vanilla interest list.
At the profile level I'm much more interested in lifestyle interests than your vanilla side.
Include dislikes and hard limits as those are what I would want to discuss.


_____________________________

Awrabest,

Mr. Pete

Boycott Citgo

(in reply to DoctorDubious)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Profile Review - 7/10/2006 9:51:11 AM   
NeedToUseYou


Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArtimisBlack

Please Do NOT Message me if:
You are male and looking to be anything other then a friend



I think this part needs work.

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Profile Review - 7/10/2006 12:17:12 PM   
ArtimisBlack


Posts: 154
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline 		What would you recommend? Please be specific. Thanks

_____________________________

I wanted to put in my 2 cents but I only have a dollar. Do you have change?

The pain is free. Do not pick the scab.

(in reply to NeedToUseYou)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Profile Review - 7/10/2006 1:03:09 PM   
ArtimisBlack


Posts: 154
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline 		Zuma, I liked your profile a lot. It was easy to read and specific about what you are looking for and why you are here without being nasty or rude. I would like it even more if you had also selected your experience levels for things, just because it gives an even better idea of what you have done in the past and what you might be interested in repeating in the future.

_____________________________

I wanted to put in my 2 cents but I only have a dollar. Do you have change?

The pain is free. Do not pick the scab.

(in reply to zumala)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Profile Review - 7/10/2006 1:36:20 PM   
NeedToUseYou


Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArtimisBlack

What would you recommend? Please be specific. Thanks


Well, I think it should read.

Please Do NOT Message me if:
You are male and looking to be anything other then a friend unless you recently shaved your head.

I think that would read much better, and only allow the best people through.



(in reply to ArtimisBlack)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Profile Review - 7/10/2006 1:39:20 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I think anything with the do not message me is asking for trouble........set your mail controls...........because anybody who puts that snotty shit in their profile is going to get alot of wankers messaging them just for shits and giggles (often including me)

Ron 

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to NeedToUseYou)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Profile Review - 7/10/2006 1:50:50 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		*runs to her profile and adds "Do not message Me if your name is Ron M."

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Profile Review - 7/10/2006 1:53:13 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		LOLOLOL,

Now that just drips with CLASS.............

XO,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Profile Review - 7/10/2006 4:33:38 PM   
kisshou


Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		I liked your profile but listing as a Dominant couple made it seem a little confusing for me. I know you explained that he just watches but it made me wonder how invovled he would be. There are a zillion couples looking for a third. It also made me wonder if you are submissive to him.  You also didn't state any age preference. I would never find you on this site though because of the listing. Which is a shame cuz you are very hot though live too far away.  

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Profile Review - 7/10/2006 4:47:13 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I liked your profile, zuma, and didn't see what there was to misunderstand.  Maybe some people don't WANT to understand.

(in reply to zumala)
Profile   Post #: 20
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