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Vanilla dating sites - 3/26/2014 4:51:24 PM   
BlkMastIndy


Posts: 20
Joined: 10/27/2013
Status: offline 		I was wondering if anyone who is on a vanilla site also as "come out" as it were on their profile? I'm sure I'm not the first to ask this and if there is already a post on this I would love to read it. Thanks.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Vanilla dating sites - 3/26/2014 4:57:41 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		I don't consider telling someone about my life as coming out. I haven't advertised it on other sites I was on in the past, whatever kind they were, but I sure had no problem telling people privately. I would think that advertising that way would bring on a bunch of email that I wouldn't appreciate.

I stood up publicly for poly households in public... got enough flack from that, but stood my ground and got a few kudo's, mostly from women wanting more than one male partner. That freaked enough Vanilla's out as it was. I got called a whore, etc. but I just laughed. I wasn't surprised.

(in reply to BlkMastIndy)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Vanilla dating sites - 3/26/2014 5:01:00 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		You could try to do a search, but several people on here have vanilla dating profiles, with a few other people I recently helped somebody to "tweak" the profile so the right "bait" was put out, no point in having a profile when the wrong kind of fish bite, right ;)

I think vanilla profiles can be clear, though not "too much in your face", so you attract people that are into your kink, without being TMI and scaring them away.

If you're looking for a relationship, BDSM and kink is just one part of it, mutual attraction and getting along also go a very long way.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to BlkMastIndy)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Vanilla dating sites - 3/26/2014 5:02:55 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline 		My journal entry (here) from 10 DEC 2011 is, essentially, my profile on a 'nilla site.

It mentions D/s, Polyamory, etc. I believe that people deserve to know the worst parts before they decide to engage with me.







Screen Captures RULE! Ya feel me?
Fuck 'em an' feed 'em green beans!

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Vanilla dating sites - 3/26/2014 6:21:10 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		depends on what you mean by "come out". I've said in vanilla profiles that I am a submissive personality and introverted and like dominant personality men. I don't however mention that I am kinky because I wasn't looking for HNGs. I didn't feel a need to talk about my sex life just as I never mentioned my sex life on my profile here either.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to BlkMastIndy)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Vanilla dating sites - 3/26/2014 6:33:53 PM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline 		I found one of my subs on a vanilla site. I had what I was seeking on there pretty explicitly. I didn't use a picture. One of my friends had her fetlife pics stolen and it led to a slew of questions when they turned up on a fake Facebook profile.
I rather have my kinks up and not my pics on a vanilla site, than the other way around. Worked out really well. :-)

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Vanilla dating sites - 3/26/2014 6:45:32 PM   
BlkMastIndy


Posts: 20
Joined: 10/27/2013
Status: offline 		The reason I say "come out" is because Lady Gaga did so the other day. I never thought of it that way until she did. Most don't understand what this is about. As for me I haven't gotten any negative replies other than people I contact saying "no thanks". And that's cool. I just feel it's better to be honest. Some have not being offended and wanted to know more. After I explain they are really ok with it. But some say "it's not for me" and "good luck" lol. Which again is cool I just feel it's better to be honest.

(in reply to GoddessManko)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Vanilla dating sites - 3/26/2014 6:55:29 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I just don't see what there is to "come out" with. So you like kinky sex. So what? Most people do. Just everyone likes something different in the way of kinkiness.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to BlkMastIndy)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Vanilla dating sites - 3/26/2014 7:04:15 PM   
BlkMastIndy


Posts: 20
Joined: 10/27/2013
Status: offline 		Well to be honest for me it's about more than kinky sex. Lady Gaga said as much. It's just good that some with all her power and influence came out and told the world. I think it helps our cause. If you can call it a cause. I know how many vanilla people know nothing of this. I happen to think everyone should. I think divorce would go down.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Vanilla dating sites - 3/26/2014 7:10:36 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		If you mention kinky sex in a vanilla profile poorly you may (female) get inundated with creepy people or (male) drive most normal people away.

I suggest you be subtle. Make it clear it is ONE of many interests not your main one and make what you desire clear.

You could add a short paragraph along the lines of
quote:


If you are the kind of woman that thinks kinky sex is strange, I am not for you. I usually prefer to be in charge of the date and need a woman that likes that kind of situation.


That is a sample, but feel free to use it if you want to, modify it, or ignore it.


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Vanilla dating sites - 3/26/2014 7:14:17 PM   
BlkMastIndy


Posts: 20
Joined: 10/27/2013
Status: offline 		Thanks but that's not been the case. Most just steer away. I think it's either for you or it's not. I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror finally. Unlike how I was when I went back to vanilla and ended up hurting someone.

(in reply to StrongSpirit)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Vanilla dating sites - 3/26/2014 7:18:59 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		While I was completely out as kinky on OKCupid, I wasn't explicit.

I used to do searches for men who used words like "BDSM," "assertive," "dominant," or "Alpha" in their profiles.

(in reply to BlkMastIndy)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Vanilla dating sites - 3/26/2014 7:25:34 PM   
BlkMastIndy


Posts: 20
Joined: 10/27/2013
Status: offline 		How you not be if you were?

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Vanilla dating sites - 3/26/2014 7:27:21 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I don't understand your question. I met someone and no longer have active dating profiles.

ETA - do you mean how could I be out without being explicit?




< Message edited by kalikshama -- 3/26/2014 7:28:05 PM >

(in reply to BlkMastIndy)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Vanilla dating sites - 3/26/2014 8:36:22 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		Also, OK Cupid lets you search for kinky and submissive if you sign up for their pay version.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Vanilla dating sites - 3/27/2014 8:17:54 AM   
VideoAdminRho


Posts: 2055
Joined: 3/24/2010
Status: offline 		This is now in Off Topic

(in reply to StrongSpirit)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Vanilla dating sites - 3/27/2014 8:25:06 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdminRho

This is now in Off Topic


Okay Charon, is Off Topic code for the River Stixx?

Rho, Rho, Rho the topic gently to OT
Merrily, merrily, merrily...

Jus wunderin

Exiled

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to VideoAdminRho)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Vanilla dating sites - 3/28/2014 12:40:52 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

Also, OK Cupid lets you search for kinky and submissive if you sign up for their pay version.


No, I've never had a problem doing free searches for key words like "sub" or "submissive," then later for (their seeking a) "Domme" and "dominant." My searches, unfortunately, turned up submissive guys all over the world (which you normally can't extend to that far of a range for free). More dominant men came up, though, as well as either bi or lesbian female submissives. Slim pickings...
Of course, there were substitute teachers, sub-contractors, and people whose favorite food is a sub. (Why would you feel the need to tell potential dates that? Planning to meet up for a first date at Subway or Quizno's?)

This was a couple months ago. I don't know about currently, as I saw a few days ago they changed their data-base page formatting and so forth. I didn't try "kinky" because I think that is too sexually-loaded a word, and I'm not looking for BDSM necessarily.

To answer the OP's question, I make a couple references in my Okcupid profile, and then I've answered a boatload of assorted questions (a good number of them being kink-related), done enough personality and kink-friendly tests to reveal my tendencies. A couple of people have told me about PlentyofFish, but I haven't bothered to check it out, or how vanilla it is.

On my Match profile I indicated I was seeking a submissive male. I still got contacted by coming-into-your-area Doms, so then I changed my header/tagline to make it explicitly clear that I am a Dominant female seeking a submissive male. You're a man and you might want to be lowkey or take a subtle approach, since you don't want to come across as another one of thousands of horny dudes just looking for sex.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to StrongSpirit)
Profile   Post #: 18
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