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Don't know if this is the best place to ask this questi... - 3/28/2014 1:23:30 PM   
TheWriter13


Posts: 77
Joined: 6/29/2012
Status: offline 		Okay as you can probably guess I am a writer. Currently I am writing a story that takes place in the supernatural genre but involves the BDSM lifestyle now while there is a supernatural feel to it the BDSM relationship is going to be more realistic not a 50 Shades of Grey thing. That being said I feel like I need some input into what a real BDSM relationship is like I understand that all relationships are different but I'm trying keep my main character's relationship with his submissive as realistic and non porno slash 50 Shades as possible.

I've bought books on BDSM relationships and ironically it can very hard sorting fact from fiction. So I decided to ask online instead. I'm just trying to ask about what things to avoid and what I should probably include.

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Men have called me mad; but the question is not settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest of intelligence...-Edgar Allan Poe
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RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this qu... - 3/28/2014 1:27:36 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		BDSM is bondage/discipline/Sado-Masochism. It's essentially kinky sex. So, IMO, kinky sex isn't a lifestyle.

I think probably your best bet would be getting out to your local community and asking if a D/s-BDSM couple would allow you to observe them.

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to TheWriter13)
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RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this qu... - 3/28/2014 1:34:26 PM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline 		Not meaning to nitpick, but as a writer, shouldn't you use commas a bit more often? While your request and story premise is interesting, I'd loathe to decipher a story that lacks those crucial little breaks in the dialogue. I write myself, and constantly self-critique what I've put down to see if it makes sense. Perhaps you should as well. Just a suggestion.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler



(in reply to TheWriter13)
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RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this qu... - 3/28/2014 1:37:17 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheWriter13
Currently I am writing a story that takes place in the supernatural genre but involves the BDSM lifestyle now while there is a supernatural feel to it the BDSM relationship is going to be more realistic not a 50 Shades of Grey thing.

I've bought books on BDSM relationships and ironically it can very hard sorting fact from fiction. So I decided to ask
online instead. I'm just trying to ask about what things to avoid and what I should probably include.

Did you know that for many, 50 Shades of Grey is pretty realistic? Heck, even with all of the naysayers out there,
it has sold millions. Not too bad for being "unrealistic", eh?

I'd be curious to know why you wish to write about something you aren't familiar with? What is the main plot of the
story, and how does BDSM tie into it? What is your vision for it so far, and how would you change it compared to 50 Shades?

My only advice would be to remember there are 24 hours in a day, so it would be nice that the submissive were dressed
at some point.

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When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

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RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this qu... - 3/28/2014 1:39:42 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		You want to write about a real BDSM relationship, but don't know what one is like. Then do what a real writer would do, find a resource person.

Someone who has the time to read your story and verify your story.

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RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this qu... - 3/28/2014 1:41:04 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Attend some munches, and from there an event or two.

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this qu... - 3/28/2014 1:46:39 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		fr

Agree with all the suggestions to go out and meet some people in real life. Go to munches. Show what a decent guy you are and make actual friends, don't treat them as specimens. Watch people. Figure out who has a relationship similar to that in your story and ask them questions.

If you have specific questions, people here might be able to help, but just asking what a BDSM relationship is like is a bit like asking what it's like to be American. It's such a broad topic with so many variations the answers you would get would be almost meaningless.

What I will say, with regards to what you should and shouldn't include is this: Make sure they are real people, with real personalities beyond 'kinky'. Don't be lazy and make their sexual orientation their sole defining trait. Remember that BDSMers can be smart, stupid, energetic, lethargic, slobs, neat freaks, partiers, introverts, political, apathetic, stubborn, free spirited, etc etc etc.

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Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

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RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this qu... - 3/28/2014 1:46:43 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		You know, just like vanilla relationships, BDSM relationships aren't exactly cookie cutter relationships, each and everyone is different and has a different dynamic. What the good relationships have in common (vanilla and BDSM) is that both of them care for each other.

I might be able to point you to some blogs where real people write about real relationships, some F/m, some M/f, M/m or F/f, but you do need to give a bit more info, no such thing as a typical BDSM thing.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to TheWriter13)
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RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this qu... - 3/28/2014 2:29:37 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

You want to write about a real BDSM relationship, but don't know what one is like. Then do what a real writer would do, find a resource person.

Someone who has the time to read your story and verify your story.


This is close to what I'm thinkin', too.
 
I'd agree if you were writing about sci-fi etc - or unicorns - or anything else that you can't realistically experience first hand.
 
Ok, or supernatural, too, I s'pose....  But a BDSM relationship?  You wanna write from a perspective that is somewhat commonplace but can't even be bothered getting your own "hands-on" experience of it?  To put it another way, "credibility" isn't a factor worth incorporating in your writings?
 
Meh, I've often heard how assorted greats suffered for their art; that it's what moulded and inspired the end product.  At the very least (given the current trends), do try and keep zombies out of it....
 
Focus.

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Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

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RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this qu... - 3/28/2014 2:40:29 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		"Fifty Shades of Gray Rotting Flesh"

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

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RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this qu... - 3/28/2014 2:48:42 PM   
InHisHeart


Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline 		I agree, meet people and ask specific questions to what you want to know, take what you like and develop your characters. There's no one size fits all for any kind of relationship. I've been in two long term D/s-BDSM relationships, my former for over 20 years, my current 7 years and although there are some similarities between the two there are many more differences. Relationships of any type are individual to the people involved.

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I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.


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RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this qu... - 3/28/2014 3:03:47 PM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline 		I can see him coming here and asking for input, especially if he has little or no experience in real life. That's not a problem, and an easy fix. OP? Use the Search feature and use that to 'fact-check' what you have got, in anything. Chances are good that any possible scenario you've considered has either been lived out by someone here, or at least discussed academically.

Unfortunately for you, that means A LOT of time going through old threads. And definitely take some of the other advice to heart as well. Go to munches, meet the people who do this for real. Find a club, demo, or whatnot where scene people will be. I say this because I've done precisely the same to flesh-out some of my works doing the same things. Nothing wrong with asking questions, it's all in making sure you ask the right ones in the right way.

And definitely no zombies, please.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler



(in reply to InHisHeart)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this qu... - 3/28/2014 9:23:32 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Go read nonfiction books. Like A Loving Dominant. Or S & M 101. Or the Topping Book or the Bottoming Book.

Enter any of those titles on Amazon and you'll get recommendations of other books to read. Go do your research.

Here how it works is that he makes the decisions if he wants to. Which can include telling me to make fried eggplant and not to get brussel sprouts. Or to buy chocolate mint crumble ice cream and not strawberry.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this qu... - 3/28/2014 10:11:33 PM   
Cindy5555


Posts: 20
Joined: 3/27/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheWriter13

Okay as you can probably guess I am a writer. Currently I am writing a story that takes place in the supernatural genre but involves the BDSM lifestyle now while there is a supernatural feel to it the BDSM relationship is going to be more realistic not a 50 Shades of Grey thing. That being said I feel like I need some input into what a real BDSM relationship is like I understand that all relationships are different but I'm trying keep my main character's relationship with his submissive as realistic and non porno slash 50 Shades as possible.

I've bought books on BDSM relationships and ironically it can very hard sorting fact from fiction. So I decided to ask online instead. I'm just trying to ask about what things to avoid and what I should probably include.


That's wonderful you are a writer. Did you have to go to college and get a degree in it? Or are you a natural writer?

(in reply to TheWriter13)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this qu... - 3/29/2014 7:55:25 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		LMAO   LOL

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

"Fifty Shades of Gray Rotting Flesh"


_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this qu... - 3/29/2014 8:07:40 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

Not meaning to nitpick, but as a writer, shouldn't you use commas a bit more often? While your request and story premise is interesting, I'd loathe to decipher a story that lacks those crucial little breaks in the dialogue. I write myself, and constantly self-critique what I've put down to see if it makes sense. Perhaps you should as well. Just a suggestion.


I tend to use the "Punctuation" shotgun app,,,,, sometimes it blows shit everywhere... but it usually misfires.

Jus sayin

Exiled

P.S. maybe the app is buggy.

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to MasterCaneman)
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RE: Don't know if this is the best place to ask this qu... - 3/29/2014 8:13:07 AM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline 		I thought about that post I made, and I wonder if the OP was originally written on a phone. While I personally don't like the excuse given, I do realize that not everyone has a full QWERTY keyboard handy, and sometimes punctuation takes a back seat in situations like that.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler



(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 17
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