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Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/28/2014 7:40:25 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		I found an interesting blog post in my travels, which was particularly interesting to me... Considering I'm not even sure if I turned 30last year or it's this year... I don't like to think about it.


Article:
Does being 30 plus and single deem you automatically to be creepy?
I have come to the conclusion via recent conversations with friends who are dating that when you are single, and get to a certain age that you instantly become creepy.
Yes, it’s true. Think about it.
You know those guys or girls who are great looking, have an amazing sense of humour, seem genuinely lovely… they appear to be the whole package, but you instantly think 'Are they?'.

You go out on a few dates, they seem ‘legit’, but there is one question that nags away at you like a Huntsman spider gnawing on your thigh in the middle of the night:

"Why are they still single?"
Followed quickly by a not very profound statement:
"There must be something wrong with them."
Then, like clockwork the crazy thoughts erupt like lava from a volcano:

a) They must have issues.
b) Maybe he or she is a psychopath.
c) Perhaps they’re a cheat, or have some kind of weird sexual fetish.
Followed by the most ridiculous thought of all…
They must be an axe murderer.
Yes, absolutely, they must be. That’s completely sane to have thoughts like that.

Why are we hard wired to believe that come 30, anyone not ‘snapped up’ must be beyond their expiry date? Do we all believe, that like the natural pairings of high school cheerleaders and sport heads that we must all fall in love young and breed fast?

We should not believe that because sometimes shit happens. People fall out of love, people marry young and it’s not right, some people are romantics and would prefer to get old and not settle for something as meh as a cup of warm coffee. Some people like to wait for the right one.
I was one of those people, the romantic kind. I wanted a relationship that inspired me, and I wasn’t going to settle for anything less. And of course, with that choice I had to become ok with the fact that I may become a crazy cat lady that enjoys talking about technology, and I grew to be ok with that.
If you’re out there in that dating jungle you may meet really lovely people who have just been waiting for the love of their life, and perhaps it’s been a slightly shitty journey. Maybe you’re the one they’re supposed to meet, and if you’re not careful you may dismiss them on the premise that they *might* have a secret bondage cave in their basement.
Everybody deserves a chance. Life is not high school, and it’s not healthy to think that way.
In saying this though I must state that yes, there are some crazy mofo’s out there. So by all means trust your gut, just don’t trust society.
What I mean by that is, follow your own heart, and not the social stigmas around someone who is single and is past the 30 mark. You don’t know what their story is, and perhaps you’re the one that they’ve waited for.
We’ve all been Bridget Jones at some stage of our lives, and we wouldn’t be the people we are today if we hadn’t experienced that.

The next time you meet someone who has hit the 30+ mark, who appears to be lovely, kind and single, perhaps it is what it is.
Think about it.
End of Article

Sorry no link, I copied this and closed the window before I pasted it so forget where the blog thing was.
I posted a pic from it in the trainwreck though, so if your good with tineye, you should be able to find it.

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/28/2014 7:50:56 PM   
GoddessManko


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Status: offline 		This is amazingly cool. After last year and being the only unmarried one of my siblings my singlehood kind of hit home. It was mostly due to being Carmen Sandiego in my 20's and NOT SETTLING for the guy who has everything right but the ONE THING that is WAYYYYYY WRONG for sake of coupledom. But I'm learning being single has its perks even when stagnant for the sake of finding someone you can genuinely care about no matter what. And for the first time I'm actively seeking though dating sucks because well, if you want smoke blown up your ass by random strangers and to realize how dishonest people can be, then yippee. (But I'm still never going to fake it to make it, be it business or relationships).


< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 3/28/2014 7:56:02 PM >

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/28/2014 7:53:13 PM   
RedMagic1


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Status: offline 		Once I hit 38 or so, I started having a lot more women pursuing me. Some middle-aged (and older) men are creepy as fuck -- for evidence see women's complaints about their CollarMe inbox -- but, in general, no. In fact, there has been a lot written about the "market analysis of dating," and how the situation flips for men from when they are in their 20s. That, instead of men chasing scarce women, it's the women who face the predicament of a scarcity of men.

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/28/2014 8:20:27 PM   
MistressDarkArt


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

<snip>
c) ... or have some kind of weird sexual fetish.



<checks the charge on the 312-b with an evil smile> Hey, I resemble that remark! Or is that...

According to my to ex-husbands, I made a terrible wife because I would not tolerate bullsh*t of any stripe or amount. Human frailties, yes; bullsh*t, a resounding no. And thus, I have happily remained single for the last 25 years because I still will not put up with bullsh*t...or settling. Lo and behold, I've had the best partners EVER during this time, and can't imagine feeling even more loved than I do now...I'd probably die of a pleasure overdose.

When a person feels loving, confident and comfortable in their skin, they attract the same. If it takes someone well into their 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond to get to this place...so be it. It's where we are NOW that makes us attractive or not. Do what you need to, to make NOW a good place!


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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/28/2014 9:09:17 PM   
DesFIP


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From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Single, no. Having no history of a committed relationship, yes.
You don't have to be married or to have been married but if you've never had a long term committed relationship I'm going to assume you have some issues that need addressing.

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/28/2014 9:33:14 PM   
Spiritedsub2


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Status: offline 		This article reminded me of a recent one in Huff Post describing the search for a life partner and the ass backward way our culture teaches us to approach this search. It's a great article, and a part of it describes the craziness of hurrying to choose our life partner when we are young and so clueless about what sort of person and relationship would be the right fit for us.

I've seen so many grim long term relationships that I'd rather remain single forever than be stuck in a lousy one. But I must say that generally, meaning with exceptions, I've found older still single men to often be creepy, and older still single women to be extremely picky about what they are holding out for.

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4848898


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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/28/2014 9:38:39 PM   
RemoteUser


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Status: offline 		I've always been creepy, and women hardly throw themselves at me, but then, I wouldn't want them to. I rarely wear a helmet.

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/28/2014 9:47:42 PM   
Delilya


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Status: offline 		I have been blissfully divorced for over 22 years. I am well into my 50's. I am having the time of my life, and have also met better partners since, than I did in my marry minded days.

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/28/2014 10:23:14 PM   
Greta75


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Status: offline 		I think you can draw more that someone who is single at 30 is either a total social recluse, or an unbending person who finds it hard to compromise, they would usually have a long list of things they need ticked off for a potential partner. It boils down to personality. The negative simply means, they will have a hard and long time finding their right one, which is why they are 30 and unattached. Positive or Negative depends on individuals on what's important to them in life.

People who are more compromising with others, and could over look alot more faults, will usually have partners earlier because they are the compromising types.

And for alot of relationships to work, I think being able to compromise with no resentment for compromising is KEY.

I have to admit that I recently ended a casual relationship with a single, good looking 36 yr old guy. I had wondered why is he single, especially when his successful and good looking, and over all, pretty polite and nice. But I soon realise why. His completely self-absorbed and selfish, and everything is about himself and only focus on what he wants, which is fine for a single person. Infact, there was one question I asked him that disturbed me, something like, if your kid was like 13 and got pregnant and you found out too late for an abortion and there has to be a baby, what will you do. He literally said, that kid life will be screwed as they won't be able to go to school anymore and will have to start working. I said as parents, aren't you gonna help keep the kid in school. He said no, they made their bed, they live in it. To be fair, we are from different cultures. This is unthinkable to me. My culture always takes care of their children, EVEN if they become pregnant until they finish their education. Or at least until they are adults if they don't care for their education. That I felt was a terrible father, and I would never want him as a father for my kids. And there is something about the way he do things. While he likes to buy gifts, but whatever gifts he bought me was what he liked me to put on and not what I like.

Whenever I buy gifts for people, I only buy what they like, whether I like it or not doesn't come into play. That's the point of buying gifts right? But not for him. That itself is quite crazy to me. When I ended it, it cemented why I ended it. I explain to him that I am discontent in the bedroom, because even sexually, it's all only about his pleasure and I always am left completely unsatisfied. Imagine having no orgasms, not because it's hard to give me one, but because he was selfish and only cared about his own pleasure. But somehow, he have decided to imagine in his head that I have fallen in love with him and am not happy his not taking it to the next level. It's incredible that he thinks I could possibly fall inlove with a man who gives me no orgasms? There was one session that piss me off so bad cuz I made him cum 5 times, I didn't cum once, not once! He was just so absorbed with what his receiving only.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 3/28/2014 10:44:04 PM >

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 12:55:54 AM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		RedMagic1,
That market analysis of dating... It doesn't seem to ring true to me. If this site shows anything, wouldn't it be that there will always be a ton of guys looking to get the pussy? Who the pussy belongs to doesn't seem to matter that much...

MistressDarkArt,
One of the reasons I found myself liking this article was things like that through it.
quote:

and if you’re not careful you may dismiss them on the premise that they *might* have a secret bondage cave in their basement.

Some people might see that as a ticked box.

Desfip,
Yer, I think no long term relationships would definitely be something to wonder about.

Greta75,
You poor orgasmless thing!

That's interesting about the gifts, as I have bought gifts based on my likes before... Interesting to think about... Probably isn't the best thing to do, good food for thought.
It's also interesting that you gave him a kind of fatherhood quiz... which he basically failed in your eyes.
What made you think of doing that? Or what prompted the question?

RemoteUser,
You don't look creepy haha!
You could very well act creepy, I duno.

Apologies for the group post,
You're all important but if I replied individually, I'd double the length of the thread.

SpiritedSub2,
Thanks for the link, was kinda funny.






Attachment (1)

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 1:15:51 AM   
Greta75


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quote:

It's also interesting that you gave him a kind of fatherhood quiz... which he basically failed in your eyes.
What made you think of doing that? Or what prompted the question?

We were chilling and drinking wine and debating politics, I can't remember why it came out, but it was some comment he made first that shocked me about some news he brought up about a similar situation, then I wanted him to think of it as his own child and would he still feel the same. He was dead sure if it was his child, he would have done the same. But I can't remember exactly what lead to this topic.

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 2:09:05 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
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Being over 30 and single wouldn't automatically make me think someone was dodgy or creepy. But 30 and never had a relationship lasting more than 3 dates might be a red flag - either totally afraid of commitment or doing something wrong. Either way probably hasn't learned relationship skills like arguing in a grown up way. Likewise 30 and 4 divorces tells me they are desperate for commitment and throw themselves into unwise relationships. 30 and still living at home would make me wonder if they had any experience of taking care of themselves and a home (exceptions granted for people who have moved back temporarily for good reason).

Over 30 and single and exclusively searching for women 10+ years younger would make me think creep though. They're either chronically immature and can't relate to adults, or users.

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 2:40:29 AM   
TheLastTitan


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

I've always been creepy, and women hardly throw themselves at me, but then, I wouldn't want them to. I rarely wear a helmet.

Random tackles are much better when they're virtual!



This reply brightened up my morning - thanks.

If there's no story to tell I guess I'd wonder why someone might be single after 30? Would I write them off as creepy No.

I'm hoping that at 34, I'm not viewed as creepy

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 9:27:14 AM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
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Status: offline 		If I hadn't been sleepy I'd have been more precise. I don't view 30 year old men as "older men"! It's all in our perspective, so at my age I see 30 year old men as kids :)

To be precise, I define older men as men in their mid 40s and up, and if they are still single by that age (still single means something different than currently single), then yes, I sometimes find them creepy.

Something about being in a relationship more substantial than a fuckbuddy one is a humanizing experience. Men sometimes need that; I suspect it's the effect of testosterone. Women sometimes need the humanizing effect of relationships to ground them from just becoming weird (think crazy cat lady syndrome)

As always, just my own observations and opinions; YMMV.

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 10:32:10 AM   
myotherself


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I'm almost 49 and have never married. I'm in the 4th year of a long-term relationship now, and very happy.

When I was younger I was all about the career. I had jobs that demanded stupid amounts of working hours and travel, so having a relationship was pretty tricky. I did have relationships, but mostly fairly short-term and not desperately fulfilling for many reasons.

When I hit my 30s I started to think about it. I realised I had put my career first, over relationships, which I was ok with. I also realised that there was a problem with the sexual side of all my relationships. I found sex incredibly boring. If I'd committed to one guy, he'd have to accept a relationship with a crappy sex life, and I didn't think that was fair.

It wasn't until I got to my mid-30s that I realised that what I thought I might need was a D/s relationship and I started to tentatively explore that avenue.

Now I have a different job that I love (although I'm still very busy). I have a dominant partner and a great sex life. All of this is because I had the maturity to consider my life and come up with a solution that worked for me. I doubt I'd have had the experience and wisdom in my 20s to do that - it took all my life skills and experiences to find the answer.

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 10:39:17 AM   
kalikshama


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Single, no. Having no history of a committed relationship, yes.
You don't have to be married or to have been married but if you've never had a long term committed relationship I'm going to assume you have some issues that need addressing.


Agrees.

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 10:42:45 AM   
Blonderfluff


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

I've always been creepy, and women hardly throw themselves at me, but then, I wouldn't want them to. I rarely wear a helmet.

Random tackles are much better when they're virtual!

Consider yourself virtually tackled!!!!

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 10:57:09 AM   
FelineRanger


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Status: offline 		I guess I am officially creepy, since I am 44 and have been unmarried since 1993. My experience has been that relationships have a life cycle that does not last "'til death do us part." My marriage and another engagement that followed certainly didn't.

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 11:03:02 AM   
hlen5


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quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineRanger

I guess I am officially creepy, since I am 44 and have been unmarried since 1993. My experience has been that relationships have a life cycle that does not last "'til death do us part." My marriage and another engagement that followed certainly didn't.



I think the point is never married.....?

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 11:39:16 AM   
Spiritedsub2


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quote:

ORIGINAL: hlen5


quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineRanger

I guess I am officially creepy, since I am 44 and have been unmarried since 1993. My experience has been that relationships have a life cycle that does not last "'til death do us part." My marriage and another engagement that followed certainly didn't.



I think the point is never married.....?

I think the point is never married and never in a long term relationship. That is the difference between still single and currently single.

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