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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 12:54:33 PM   
CreativeDominant


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1. Married long-term? for 20 years.
CHECK!

2. Had long-term relationships besides that marriage? yes.
CHECK!

Not creepy...~does my dance~ (at least not in this area)

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 12:57:19 PM   
Spiritedsub2


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Status: offline 		I myself narrowly averted the weird cat lady fate. Acquired a couple of dogs

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 1:06:14 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


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Status: offline 		Nice post and welcome to the discussion side of CM.





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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 1:17:04 PM   
GoddessManko


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Status: offline 		Wait, are we talking marriage or just dating? I was under the impression we were talking about marriage. I ended a ten year relationship over a year ago, ended my last one a few months ago.

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 1:41:51 PM   
RemoteUser


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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

Wait, are we talking marriage or just dating? I was under the impression we were talking about marriage. I ended a ten year relationship over a year ago, ended my last one a few months ago.


I read it as "committed relationship", myself. I don't think the length is a fair measurement because life happens, you can commit and then run into an unexpected, insurmountable obstacle that has nothing whatsoever to do with either party other than indirectly.


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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 5:35:23 PM   
littlewonder


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Status: offline 		I think it depends on where you live. Here in the DC area it's typical to be 30something and single. Most who are that age are still extremely busy and work most of the time, busy building up their careers, hoping to save enough money to raise a family one day, to make a name for themselves, etc...It's going to be the same in any big city.

But if you live in a small town or small city then yes, people are going to wonder why you're still single and see you as a bit creepy. It was that way when I lived in Allentown, PA.

And at ANY age, your parents and friends are going to constantly be asking you why you are still single.


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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 5:50:24 PM   
RemoteUser


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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

And at ANY age, your parents and friends are going to constantly be asking you why you are still single, and when are they getting grandkids???


Fixed it for ya.

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 7:06:41 PM   
youthinkso121


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Status: offline 		Got to agree.. I married after living with someone for nearly a year, the day after marriage, He moved the goal posts. That was the end.

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 8:18:33 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I admit I've never had to face this problem. I was married at 18 to my childhood sweetheart. After he passed away, I dated and did lots of one night stands and wasn't looking for anything serious for the longest time until I met Master when I was about 35 or so. I'm 42 now. So I guess I can't or wasn't ever really deemed creepy....at least not for that reason.

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 9:49:08 PM   
DesFIP


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser
I don't think the length is a fair measurement because life happens, you can commit and then run into an unexpected, insurmountable obstacle that has nothing whatsoever to do with either party other than indirectly.



There was that thread the other day by a guy who was married for six months thirty years ago and hasn't had a committed relationship before or since.

I don't view that as him having proved he can successfully have a happy, healthy, committed relationship. The opposite actually.

So in this, as in other things, length matters.

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 10:04:29 PM   
RemoteUser


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP


quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser
I don't think the length is a fair measurement because life happens, you can commit and then run into an unexpected, insurmountable obstacle that has nothing whatsoever to do with either party other than indirectly.


There was that thread the other day by a guy who was married for six months thirty years ago and hasn't had a committed relationship before or since.

I don't view that as him having proved he can successfully have a happy, healthy, committed relationship. The opposite actually.

So in this, as in other things, length matters.


I remember the thread. You're talking about the time between relationships, though, whereas I am talking about the length of relationships. Those are two totally different animals.


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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 10:10:40 PM   
DesFIP


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Status: offline 		No actually. I don't think that his six month relationship qualifies as proof of being able to commit, or choose the right person to commit to.

I've known people who got married too young and then divorced within a year. But if in the next 30 years they never had another relationship of any length, I would be forced to conclude that it was due to their overwhelming issues which they refused to get help dealing with.

If you marry and your partner is in the service and dies, that doesn't mean you can't commit. But if you never have another relationship for the rest of your life after age 20, that would suggest to me that you have serious issues. Because healthy people grieve and then eventually move on to connect with someone. They don't live in fear so enormous that they can never trust or love again.

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 10:12:16 PM   
Spiritedsub2


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Status: offline 		This ecard made me think of this thread





Attachment (1)

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/29/2014 10:24:18 PM   
RemoteUser


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

No actually. I don't think that his six month relationship qualifies as proof of being able to commit, or choose the right person to commit to.


Do we know the circumstances?

No?

Then the rest is conjecture.

You're entitled to your opinion, but don't pretend it's fact. It's subjective.

(Let me be clear here, while I would assume you are right, that is an assumption, and still not fact. I prefer to differentiate between fact and fiction, however logical it might seem.)

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/30/2014 8:28:45 AM   
orgasmdenial12


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2
This article reminded me of a recent one in Huff Post describing the search for a life partner...

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4848898


Really loved that article, and part 2 - thanks for sharing :-)

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/30/2014 11:23:12 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
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Status: offline 		I guess I must be creepy since even becoming sick, people never stop asking how it's possible I am single.

I don't even bother explaining that I dated a ton, was married, and in long term relationships until the last year.

I simply say that I am single because I have not met anyone I consider compatible enough to change that status.

I don't discount men over a certain age as creepy because guess what?

NONE of you or anyone else know the stories behind the people we meet and I can assure you, everyone has some type of sad or tragic story, whether bad luck or bad choices, we all deserve to not be judged based on being single.

It's hard enough being so.

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/30/2014 11:48:55 AM   
AlphaFemsRule


Posts: 52
Joined: 1/7/2014
Status: offline 		I've never had this issue. But I've also never spent a lot of time around (or been interested in) people who are socially myopic or dumb enough to make such an assumption.

IME, if you are a 30+ male and take care of yourself, are independent, strong minded, don't have a disaster zone of an ex-marriage / kids, passionate about things other than chugging Bud Lite in front of the television -- you're a rare breed and the opposite of a 'creep'. Women will notice.


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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/30/2014 11:49:42 AM   
smartsub10


Posts: 865
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Status: offline 		Uh oh.

I've always been a little weird.

I've owned cats for well over thirty years.

I was the "weird cat lady" when I was in my early twenties long before my marriage, divorce and several long term relationships.

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/30/2014 2:02:36 PM   
DesFIP


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From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

You're entitled to your opinion, but don't pretend it's fact. It's subjective.




Obviously it's subjective. However, the op was about most people getting warning bells when meeting someone who has never had a long term committed relationship in 20 years of dating.

Moreover, the people I've known who at age 50 have never had a relationship are always people who are incredibly socially awkward (at minimum) and have always refused to get any help. They are people who while ordinary looking, middle class people believe they are entitled to date only people who are incredibly attractive and who are partners in a major law firm. They insist other people should not judge them by such measures while they are entitled to judge others in this way.

And they are unhappy that nobody has ever wanted them while they look for reasons to never have a relationship. They have issues and have always refused to deal with their problems.

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RE: Over 30+ single= something wrong with them? - 3/30/2014 2:09:57 PM   
Phoenixpower


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Single, no. Having no history of a committed relationship, yes.
You don't have to be married or to have been married but if you've never had a long term committed relationship I'm going to assume you have some issues that need addressing.


This....though if there really are issues which need addressing are depending on the individual person...not everyone feels the need to get attached rappidly after leaving school....



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