poetry

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

poetry

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> poetry

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

poetry - 7/8/2006 4:42:10 PM

enigmabrat

Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline

Treswanks lil thread really hit a cord with me and really really upset me how dare he think he is so perfect that he has the right to cratique poetry which comes from a persons very soul so I desided to start this thread were we can all share our poetry and others can say NICE things about them. keep in mind if people who post their poetry are opening themselvs up so if you have nothing nice to say about it please close this thread.
here Ill start

Im drowning on dry land unable to breath
locked in my own head unable to leave
shackled by the chains of a hurtfull past
burried by the burdans others have cast
Im running away yet standing still
an empty void Im serching unable to filll
I hide behind a smile use laughter to drown out my cries
Built a protective wall of manipulation and lies
I turned myself off so I could no longer feel
became totaly numb so I could deal
I face it alone hold it inside
I could fill an ocean with the tears that Iv cried
There is a child inside never permited to grow
suspended in fear no one should know
she hides in the dark corner of my mind
hidden in a place she hopes no one can find
scared she cries out but no one hears
her silent please fall on def ears
I close my eyes and I see her there
she's lonly and broken with no one to care
One day she'll grow up just wait and youll see
I just hope she doesnt grow up to be me

-da enigma-

< Message edited by enigmabrat -- 7/8/2006 4:45:54 PM >

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: poetry - 7/8/2006 5:12:54 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

Enigma,

A few notes:

1: Some people will not listen to your request for no mean comments.
2: Creating a thread to share poetry without critiquing is, in my mind, somewhat dull, as no comments can be made at all, lest someone interpret a positive comment about one as a relative negative comment on another (Why didn't I get a compliment)

I feel that if you want to show your poetry, do so. Some will find it good, some will find it bad, some will find any poetry nauseating (as demonstrated) and some will not care. However, your no mean comments clause is akin to a child sticking their fingers in their ears and singing loudly.

That having been said,

A week ago, at half past nine,
I saw a fellow in a line.
I asked him, "Sir, if you allow
your pretty girlfriend I could plow."

He looked at me, he downright stared,
His girlfriend, well, she hardly cared.
I beat him up, I took her home,
and read her a romantic poem.

And as we lay, upon the grass,
she asked me if I'd fuck her ass.
Oblige I did, and so it went
Both she and I became soon spent.

This girlfriend, she and I are paired
the fellow, well, I never cared.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to enigmabrat)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: poetry - 7/8/2006 5:18:56 PM

enigmabrat

Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline

LOL no I just didnt want this thread to turn into bashing!!!! Honestly any comments are welcome as long as they arent outright nasty there are ways of cratiquing without beeing nasty!!!! I just want people to be nice about it!!!

HEHE and I find your poetry interesting indeed benji but then again i think it fits with your personality!!!

-da enigma-

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Profile

Post #: 3