RE: Forum mentors, guidelines and "screening criteria"

RE: Forum mentors, guidelines and "screening criteria" (Full Version)

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crazyml -> RE: Forum mentors, guidelines and "screening criteria" (3/30/2014 5:34:57 AM)
Thank you, but I wasn't setting up for a big old flouncy departure I was simply saying that I feel it's better to raise concerns here than either simply staying quiet or being a snidey little baby at the other place.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Forum mentors, guidelines and "screening criteria" (3/30/2014 5:43:34 AM)
Ah okay, thank you for the clarification. I'm surprised you were not accepted, I think we could use more men to round out our numbers, and as I said I've always found you even handed. If you were not chosen due to past interactions with another mentor, I find that regrettable. And I agree, this sort of non-confrontational discussion about the process and people's reactions can be beneficial. I hope you don't leave. I also hope that as forum members we can put this particular drama llama to bed. The mods have an extremely thankless job, which they don't get paid to do, and I feel there are times when that is not taken into account. Some seem to expect perfection at a job where perfection is in my mind just not possible. In any case I'm glad we've been able to talk this out, and again I hope you stick around.

Kana -> RE: Forum mentors, guidelines and "screening criteria" (3/30/2014 5:54:00 AM)
I wanted to be a mentor, but the mods, those big meanies, said I had to keep my pants on, couldn't hang out with the wang out. As if.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Forum mentors, guidelines and "screening criteria" (3/30/2014 6:00:08 AM)
You poor thing.

LaTigresse -> RE: Forum mentors, guidelines and "screening criteria" (3/30/2014 7:01:22 AM)
FR Being as how I've not been around here much, I was completely oblivious to this new mentor programme. In theory, it seems like a grand idea. In practice, as with most things on this site, it's not such a grand idea. We already had the mods with real as well as perceived favouritism, and so forthish. Not to mention horrible choices for mods. One nutty dame in particular comes to mind. With ML's words regarding his experiences, this is simply just another facet of the same.

wandersalone -> RE: Forum mentors, guidelines and "screening criteria" (3/30/2014 7:25:55 AM)
Yep like LaT, I have missed the whole mentors thing as I haven't been around here very much (haha slight understatement of mine) however given that crazyml survived being a passenger in my car (I swear I didn't know I was driving the wrong way down a one way road until you pointed out the arrows to me), I figure he would have been perfect as a mentor :)

DaddySatyr -> RE: Forum mentors, guidelines and "screening criteria" (3/30/2014 7:38:54 AM)
... and yet, *every fucking time* I've raised the issue, here, you've been amongst the people that (politely) told me I should be wearing a tin foil hat. Vindication is da shiznit fo shizzle quote: ORIGINAL: crazyml Thank you, but I wasn't setting up for a big old flouncy departure I was simply saying that I feel it's better to raise concerns here than either simply staying quiet or being a snidey little baby at the other place. Screen captures RULE! Ya feel me? Fuck 'em an' feed 'em green beans!

Rasciallymisty -> RE: Forum mentors, guidelines and "screening criteria" (3/30/2014 8:05:34 AM)
First stamping my feet because I was never asked about any other mentor being a mentor.[sm=soapbox.gif]......lol joking as none of us where asked or none that I know of. Actual when I became a mentor it was the first time I even talked with a few of the other mentors.....I had never meet them before that. ML I do not know you all that well as I have not been a big part of posting here....so even if I was asked I would not have had a say either way....but you seem nice. My thought is whom ever told you that there was one or mentors that did not want you to mentor....might be the person to be having this discussion with. An it is true.... at this point we have all the mentors that are needed. Maybe when the newbie section opens up there will be a need for more. Hopefully by then this all will have died down and if there really is a reason you have not been asked.....will have worked itself out. LOL besides would really want to be a part of a team where so many women PMS all at the same time.....just saying. [sm=rofl.gif]

VideoAdminChi -> RE: Forum mentors, guidelines and "screening criteria" (3/30/2014 8:16:00 AM)
[sm=mistress.gif]

crazyml -> RE: Forum mentors, guidelines and "screening criteria" (3/30/2014 8:45:08 AM)
Yep, you're right, and I'm obliged to apologise to you. And not for the first time recently. A couple of weeks ago I thought you were being paranoid when you suggested that people would be seeking to control our private thoughts, and I had to acknowledge later on the same thread that you'd called that one right as well. I would say though, that as a general rule my posting is utterly unaffected by the presence or absence of a clique. And I think that on this occasion it's more likely to be a screw up rather than conspiracy. I would also, and without wishing to judge or lecture, point out that I'm willing to air my concerns here in the hope that they'll be addressed - and they've at least been partly covered so far, so I have hope - and if that doesn't work, me and collar chat will part as friends. If i leave, I won't spend an ounce of effort complaining about it elsewhere. .. my life is too busy, and I feel that complaining from a distance is a pointless waste of time. [ETA] The spat we had the other day doesn't count, as it was in P&R and I absolutely reserve the right to be an asshat in that part of the forum ;-)

LaTigresse -> RE: Forum mentors, guidelines and "screening criteria" (3/30/2014 8:58:39 AM)
I became disillusioned with the site and the prevailing mindset of 'kinder and gentler' which only serves to encourage the behind the scenes games, favoritism and paranoia about such. Not only was the place becoming boring as hell, I knew that my disillusionment was going to kill any lack of give a damn I might have. That creates more negative snark on my part which does no one else any good. Oh sure, it might be mildly entertaining. Both for me and a few others. But it serves no real constructive purpose. Maybe it is my way of 'kinder and gentler'. I just know that the Collarchat that exist now isn't something that holds my interest for long. The meat, the good stuff, is too lacking. Plus, it's not like I lack for things to do. A job change a year ago limited my computer time. For me to accomplish the things I want to do, I have to prioritize.

kdsub -> RE: Forum mentors, guidelines and "screening criteria" (3/30/2014 9:01:45 AM)
Maybe a way to get rid of all the problems is to assign a full time single moderator to a greeting room that every new member is sent to when they sign up. Butch

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Forum mentors, guidelines and "screening criteria" (3/30/2014 9:02:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crazyml What has ticked me off, is the fact that my sincere offer to help was rejected on the grounds that one or more of the existing group objected to me. ........... I would also be very happy to have an open discussion about the one mentor I am aware of who I think is a very poor choice of mentor, and whose identification with the mentoring program is likely to do more harm than good. You must have been rejected before I came along because I didn't know anything about it. For what it's worth, I think it'd be nice to have you aboard. Also, I didn't think the existing mentors had a voice in who else would be a mentor. After all, we aren't Mods. I can only wonder if the one you consider a poor choice is me. lol I'd like to think not, but....... NBMG

GoddessManko -> RE: Forum mentors, guidelines and "screening criteria" (3/30/2014 9:06:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VideoAdminChi quote: Just to add, I'm very much in favour of a newbie section. In the way I've pictured that, newbies would be strongly directed there first. Long termers would turn up to talk to them as and when they felt like it, but most crucially, when they felt like being kind, helpful and patient. Said long termers would no doubt be nice in relation to certain newbies and their questions, but not others. If the latter, the long termer simply sods off and says nothing. There is no newbie section yet, but you have described our concept for it. We currently enforce a gentler tone in Introductions. This section would be expanded. Certain types of threads would be moved there, and all posters would be held to a civil tone. Regulars who want to be patients and helpful are welcome; others will be directed to post elsewhere. This is a really, really great idea. I hope no one takes this the wrong way, but in many cases I'll quicker use Google to answer some of my questions than to lay myself open for scrutiny on the forum. Just as a tiny example, when someone has been with one partner for a long time, don't care for the local BDSM scene, if there are questions pertaining to being thrust sort of into the new-age dating scene online, it would be great if there was actual helpful information out there and they might be in the lifestyle for a long time as they claim. As a side note, there are members on the forum who, I don't know, have nothing better to do than to make other people they dislike a priority? Who may be genuinely extending the hand of friendship (doubtful), or just plain fishing for information to gossip with their buddies (more likely), and it is something maybe others are not aware of but it's quite childish and bewildering. They take a tiny snippet of information about a person and just run with it, and this person might just be blowing smoke up their ass to begin with. Some people really are here to make connections that will lead to whatever they are hoping to attain and naught more. They might not care about getting into whatever drama people enjoy on the forum. I was debating on even saying anything at all about this but I guess since I am still sort of new to this side maybe my input would help.

DaddySatyr -> RE: Forum mentors, guidelines and "screening criteria" (3/30/2014 9:08:39 AM)
I've frequently aired my concerns here on more than one occasion: 30 AUG 2012 14 OCT 2012 11 NOV 2012 Just a few examples. Each time, people have poo-pooed the idea of this being an issue. There are none so blind as those who stubbornly stomp their foot and refuse to see. My intent in posting about it, here (repeatedly) is to try to affect some change. I'll just keep my nose to the grindstone. It's amusing to me to watch the clique behavior (which will eventually destroy any entity) and wait to see who's next to get "voted off the island". quote: ORIGINAL: crazyml I would also, and without wishing to judge or lecture, point out that I'm willing to air my concerns here in the hope that they'll be addressed - and they've at least been partly covered so far, so I have hope - and if that doesn't work, me and collar chat will part as friends. If i leave, I won't spend an ounce of effort complaining about it elsewhere. .. my life is too busy, and I feel that complaining from a distance is a pointless waste of time. Screen captures RULE! Ya feel me? Fuck 'em an' feed 'em green beans!

crazyml -> RE: Forum mentors, guidelines and "screening criteria" (3/30/2014 9:19:36 AM)
Since you're a smart, articulate guy. And I know this because (outside the P&R bare knuckle cage) you and I have disagreed in a civil way many many times) And especially as I cannot imagine that you don't have plenty of awesome and rewarding things going on in your life can i ask you to consider whether the stuff on fetlife is actually helping? Ultimately, you try to influence change within a forum, and if you can't you move on, don't you?

RemoteUser -> RE: Forum mentors, guidelines and "screening criteria" (3/30/2014 9:28:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr I've frequently aired my concerns here on more than one occasion: 30 AUG 2012 14 OCT 2012 11 NOV 2012 Just a few examples. Each time, people have poo-pooed the idea of this being an issue. There are none so blind as those who stubbornly stomp their foot and refuse to see. My intent in posting about it, here (repeatedly) is to try to affect some change. I'll just keep my nose to the grindstone. It's amusing to me to watch the clique behavior (which will eventually destroy any entity) and wait to see who's next to get "voted off the island". In that third link, right after you, I said in a reply to CrazyML: By actions and not members, it may be so. I've espoused something similarly recently in another thread, which is to say that there are people who may circumstantially snark together and create the illusion of the clique you keep seeing, DaddySatyr. That does not make it so. A few people seem to perceive "kinder and gentler" as meaning that that they won't be allowed to post whatever they want, and they are saying they may leave because of it. Well folks, kinder and gentler is where the site owner wants things to go, and as the commonly used snark goes: if you don't like the show, demand your money back. I wouldn't want to lose people; if they find the change in CM isn't for them that would be unfortunate, but it is their choice, same as the owner of the site can choose to make the site they own friendlier. I am a mentor to help people, that's my whole investment. To use my free time to find ways to help people adjust and feel good about participating in the Chat society. I do it to be a nice guy, I do it for the newbies who tell me on the other side that CC as it currently is scares the hell out of them. If the time ever comes that I feel I have to leave CM or CC over a disagreement in the layout, then like Facebook I won't bother to show up anymore (well, not entirely true, I do go to FB, but most times it's only to post poetry, reply to a coworker who added me, or fix something for a family member). If that's how others feel, I would miss them, but it's their choice and nothing to do with me. I would give the site owner the same argument - if I didn't like their site then it's their site, I'd wish them well and just not use the site. I can see both sides on this, I have my own personal opinions, but I won't waste time attacking others over it or complaining. I'll just be me, and that will have to be enough for others, because they're not getting anything else. Edited because I was discussing people leaving the site, then named specific posters afterwards as an example of people I would miss, without meaning to have one tangent on the other. Since it could be taken that way, I just took out the names, to avoid the wrong connotation because of a silly morning brain fart on my part.

DaddySatyr -> RE: Forum mentors, guidelines and "screening criteria" (3/30/2014 9:28:47 AM)
This really isn't the place to answer that but, I'll give you a partial answer: Airing my grievances here hasn't done much but gotten me ridiculed, moderated, and ostracized. There, I enjoy the company of people who have gotten the same treatment and therefore, I'm not treated like a pariah. I would point out that, at least a few days ago, you were a member of that same group. So, I would reverse your question on you: Why be a member of a group that you appear to believe is not helpful? quote: ORIGINAL: crazyml Since you're a smart, articulate guy. And I know this because (outside the P&R bare knuckle cage) you and I have disagreed in a civil way many many times) And especially as I cannot imagine that you don't have plenty of awesome and rewarding things going on in your life can i ask you to consider whether the stuff on fetlife is actually helping? Ultimately, you try to influence change within a forum, and if you can't you move on, don't you? Screen Captures RULE! Ya feel me? Fuck 'em an' feed 'em green beans!

VideoAdminGamma -> RE: Forum mentors, guidelines and "screening criteria" (3/30/2014 9:36:11 AM)
I made the final determination to not include anyone that has had issues with anyone else in the forums for the pilot program. I wanted as little conflict as possible in the beginning. This same standard is often used in large corporations when picking members of a team for projects. Now after the program has had all the kinks worked out of it, all that will be taken into consideration is whether someone has violations that would keep them from being a mentor and whether they have been here long enough to have a good lay of the land. What I find the most odd about many of these discussions is that a lot of people say "it needs to be run like a business" but then question every decision that is made by current staff and management. This is a program that the intent is to try and help new members. Mistakes will be made. Just like in anything, you learn from the mistakes and set things in place to handle it better in the future. Now every one of you has a choice. Do you have something constructive to offer about the current program, to assist in it doing what it is intended to do or do you wish to just rip it down? Thank you for making CollarMe a better place, Gamma

DaddySatyr -> RE: Forum mentors, guidelines and "screening criteria" (3/30/2014 9:44:09 AM)
What's an eleven letter word for "something that must be done in secret"? Clandestine . I will *always* have an issue with *anything* that needs to be done in secret. The very nature of needing to be secret means that something needs to be hidden. Speaking out against such a thing, in my mind, is constructive. Transparency rocks. Sock puppetry sucks eggs. quote: ORIGINAL: VideoAdminGamma Now every one of you has a choice. Do you have something constructive to offer about the current program, to assist in it doing what it is intended to do or do you wish to just rip it down? Thank you for making CollarMe a better place, Gamma Screen captures RULE! Ya feel me? Fuck 'em an' feed 'em green beans!

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