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Psychology questions - 11/22/2004 2:12:44 AM   
Durentu


Posts: 11
Joined: 11/18/2004
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hello, I"m a new Dom and I've been trying to educate myself. I've come across the BEST training manual and it's the only one where it focuses on the psychology. I'm in need of guidance to continue my research

thanks
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RE: Psychology questions - 11/22/2004 5:18:25 AM   
masteroffire


Posts: 66
Joined: 11/9/2004
From: Yukon, Oklahoma
Status: offline
This leaves me with two questions, what is the "BEST" book that you have found, as many talk of the psychological aspects? And what specifically do you seek guidance on?

(in reply to Durentu)
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RE: Psychology questions - 11/22/2004 11:41:07 AM   
Durentu


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Joined: 11/18/2004
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the manual link is here

bestslavetraining.com/Welcome.htm

I'm thinking about training a sub or slave. Withi this comes responsibilities and I just want to make sure that I'm getting the right information and stuff.

here is my current recommended reading list

http://www.thehollowmens.net/html/readings.html

thanks

(in reply to masteroffire)
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RE: Psychology questions - 11/22/2004 2:26:33 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I'm thinking about training a sub or slave. Withi this comes responsibilities and I just want to make sure that I'm getting the right information and stuff.


I would'nt at least in my own opinion consider that link you sent us to be psychological based.
It is merely a person's opinion. Personally what I read ( I didn't read the entire site) I don't agree with their way of training. I think it is important to say some of it I do agree with and other parts raises red flags in my mind.

I have to ask, why are you thinking about training a sub/slave?
I'm assuming you are a Dominant? You are gravitating towards Dominance?
It seems you are wanting to learn. I'd say read. Get out, meet people. Listen to them. Don't only read specific books but read them all. Develop your own opinions. Even if you disagree with someone as long as you've heard them they have helped you along in your journey.
Are you worried you would be an abuser? From what I'm getting from your replies you are afraid you would hurt someone or do something wrong.
How do we learn to swim if not get in the water?
The mere fact you are being so cautious already would make me believe you are going to end up being a good Dom when you find someone.
you already care and you've yet to meet the person.

(in reply to Durentu)
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RE: Psychology questions - 11/23/2004 2:14:21 PM   
Durentu


Posts: 11
Joined: 11/18/2004
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Of course, taking one source as a guide is not a good idea. But from other training manuals that I've read, this is the first one I"Ve come across that even mentions psychological terms, which everyone tells me is required or it a big part of BDSM.

I'm not really gravitating towards a Dom as I know that I'm a Dom. I've come to this conclusino because I've been relearning and examining my life and past relationships. In all cases, I've determined that I'm a Dom (I've also asked many people in irc). Being a sub for me is boring because if I don't engage my brain in full, I become bored easily. There are other reasons why I don't think that I"m not a sub, but I'm not ruling it out because I haven't tried it yet.

I'm in a very* remote place right now where if you don't have a half a tank of gas by 5pm, you might be stuck in the moutains for the night (you get the idea). I'm moving in a few months, but for now, I'm learning.

One of the reasons why I'm thinking about training is because it places great care and demands on the Master. This is what I'm looking for. I'm hesitant to say that it is exactly what I'm looking for because I'm only 5 weeks old (BDSM years).

Also please have a look at my recommended reading list. These are the books and movies that were recommended to me to help my research.

I welcome and and all assistance. Thanks a bunch.

(in reply to sub4hire)
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RE: Psychology questions - 11/23/2004 3:01:31 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Being a sub for me is boring because if I don't engage my brain in full, I become bored easily.


Duretu,
I congratulate and encourage your self evaluation in anticipation of becoming immersed in this lifestyle. It's a maze like path, difficult, slow, and sometimes very humbling. As I have said to many, enjoy the journey as much as you plan on enjoying the destination it takes you.

I wanted to comment on two points from the above quote. You currently seem to have an opinion that a sub doesn't need to engage their brain in full. In all my experience, I have never know a submissive such a submissive. When you consider the mental and physical process a submissive must undertake just to identify themselves as such, I think you will find it takes a considerable amount of brain power. Then once identified the submissive must think constantly how to please their Master/Mistress/Dom/Domme. Many have lifestyle rules, speech protocol, positions, and service duties. A submissive must be able to evaluate their Master's feelings, and act appropriately. he/she must always be attuned to their responsibility to the M/s or D/s relationship. I always respected and held in great esteem the submission of another to me. What gives it such value and worth is the appreciation for all that it involves.

The second point is about boredom. A submissive's tasks may be mundane and repetitive at times, especially during training. But I know of no sub that ever considered their submission boring. I think you'll find boredom a two way street. Your may feel your sub is there to 'entertain' you, but you must be an interesting and active participant in your relationship or it can be just as boring from the Dom side.

You are on the right path, asking questions, looking for references any place you can find them. I happen to agree that psychology is a great tool to use, not only within the lifestyle but life in general. Of all the college courses I took I think I use what I learned in psychology, in business as well as life, more then any other. Just be careful of "Sophomore Psychosis". (Don't think you have every mental defect you read about)

As others have said there is no Lifestyle Manual. What's "best" is what you feel applies to you, your personal goals, and your relationship goals. My suggestion and one easy to accomplish, is to take the time and write your goals down on paper. Refer to them regularly, update them when needed, and when you achieve any one of them - celebrate! Even if when you achieve it, it turns out to be 'no big thing'; at one time it was big enough and important enough to write down - so celebrate!

Good Luck and good fortune to you!

Oh and I couldn't resist commenting. Prior to responding to anyone I always check out the persons profile. I must comment that I've never heard anyone refer to Jericho, NY, or any part of Long Island as a remote and mountainous place. I know it's considered the "North Shore" of LI, but if memory serves it's less then 30 miles from NYC. I think you can find a LOT of great lifestyle places to play, learn, and meet great people.

(in reply to Durentu)
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RE: Psychology questions - 11/23/2004 4:12:12 PM   
Durentu


Posts: 11
Joined: 11/18/2004
Status: offline
[quick correctional post]

Perhaps I should have clarified the boredom part. For me, I really need to be able to craft things. All my life I've been crafting things, from music, to drawings to computer designs, to houses, etc. It is my need to be creative. If I cannot be creative, it becomes bordem and a bit of a cage for me.

Currently, I cannot see a way to be crafting (not crafty) from the bottom. When I sub (irc scening), I usually tend to top from the bottom.

Hope that clears things up.

Also, I'm currently in Potsdam, NY. I challenge you to find it on the map manually!!. I'll be moving to Jericho in a few months. :)

< Message edited by Durentu -- 11/23/2004 4:22:01 PM >

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: Psychology questions - 11/23/2004 4:14:45 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Currently, I cannot see a way to be crafting (not crafty) from the bottom.


Keep looking and you will. My beth is very crafty and crafting in our relationship.

(in reply to Durentu)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Psychology questions - 11/23/2004 9:46:40 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
While it sounds like you need to explore the top to decide where you really belong, you can actually be a crafter and be a sub. It means putting your energy into things like making neat toys for her to use on you, figuring out her needs and meeting them and such. Being a sub isn't just being tied and beaten. Or.. at least that isn't what I think of being a sub as meaning.
As to the psychology part of submission, one place you can look is neurolinguistic programming books. It is most often used in business classes, but it applies here also. Some textbook type psychology books on BDSM you can check out are:

S&M: Studies in Dominance & Submission
by Thomas S. Weinberg

Bound to Be Free: The Sm Experience
by Charles Moser, Jj Madeson

The Mastery of Submission: Inventions of Masochism (Cornell Studies in the History of Psychiatry)
by John K. Noyes


_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to Durentu)
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RE: Psychology questions - 11/25/2004 8:39:24 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

I've come across the BEST training manual and it's the only one where it focuses on the psychology

I took a quick look at that site and I wouldn't say they focus on psychology, but merely that they don't ignore it. But I had a real problem with it because they made up the acronym "BEST" and it implies that it is better than any other method when in fact it is just some guy putting his personal opinions in HTML. I think it would have been better if he had been less ambitious and made an acronym to call it "OK" training.

So you might consider doing your own research on on the broader issue of psychology (instead of limiting your search to the world of BDSM) and see what you can apply like operant conditioning of behaviors and other stuff. But you could also get useful ideas from other sources -- even business school has classes on leadership and power, and the military, history, and biographies could provide ideas on those topics as well. Eventually, you'll be able to put it all together and make your won website that will make the "BEST" site look like a bad joke.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to Durentu)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Psychology questions - 11/26/2004 12:53:46 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

bestslavetraining.com/Welcome.htm



The best part of the BEST website was the laugh I got from the slave Training Techniques page where it says:

Tips for a Master on how to train a slave or submissive and additional information on the BDSM lifestyle.
Followed by
This website is not intended to be a slave training manual, but a few training techniques will be discussed.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 11
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