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RE: Whom would you prefer? - 4/20/2014 3:43:02 AM

Lec

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No I don't mind them making decisions. What I do mind is constant protocol. Like using titles etc. Or being too afraid to question their thoughts and opinions. If they are wrong about something, I don't want to be prevented to tell them this openly, just because of our dynamics. If they introduce some crazy rule that will benefit nobody, I want to be able to say... You know... I'll do it if you want, but this is really stupid and unneeded.

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RE: Whom would you prefer? - 4/20/2014 12:03:11 PM

MistressDarkArt

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^^^Then you would seek a woman for whom protocol isn't important. My guess is you are placing too much emphasis on labels/concepts instead of relationships.

Here's a personal example. A few days ago my guy Huck and I had a discussion about who should make decisions about particular situations. My comment was: the person most qualified on that particular subject.

We'll be taking a trip soon, and he is much more competent/current with travel. I gave him my budget and preferences; he made it happen. It was such a relief not having to spend a lot of effort researching something I didn't plan to use much in the future.

Huck makes my life simple and joyful. He reduces my stress, often at great effort on his part. He solves problems; he doesn't cause them. He makes it easy for me to love him.

So to answer your original question: neither A or B. I have Huck, and he's exactly what I want.

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 4/20/2014 12:08:34 PM >

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RE: Whom would you prefer? - 4/20/2014 1:22:44 PM

Lec

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I am glad you have such a great relationship with Huck.
Could you tell me what's the difference between your relationship with him, and vanilla relationship with some kink included?
Is there constant power exchange present in your relationship, or you simply assume dominant role in bedroom?

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RE: Whom would you prefer? - 4/20/2014 8:49:56 PM

DesFIP

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The Man and I have no protocol or rituals. We've got kids in residence and truthfully, I hate that kind of life. I've lived it vanilla and for me it's a total turn off.

What makes this a TPE is that although he'll almost always listen when I speak, he can and does overrule me whenever he wants. So there hasn't been a brussel sprout in this house in years since he despises them. I can try to buy them, promise I won't serve them to him, but when he says put them back that's what happens.

If I was in charge, all cars would be refueled when they hit the halfway mark since I worry about running out of gas. He feels there's still plenty of time when the gas light comes on. If there's an eighth of a tank in it now, I'd be surprised.

It's about him being able to make any decision, not that he has to make every decision.

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RE: Whom would you prefer? - 4/21/2014 12:04:17 PM

MistressDarkArt

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lec

I am glad you have such a great relationship with Huck.
Could you tell me what's the difference between your relationship with him, and vanilla relationship with some kink included?
Is there constant power exchange present in your relationship, or you simply assume dominant role in bedroom?

Yes, I would say there is constant power exchange on a daily basis. I give him the power where he is more knowledgeable, and he gives me the power where I am more knowledgeable. It's the yin and yang of good partnership.

Huck has always said "Do what you want with me. Teach me how to please you." That is music to my ears. I request; he delivers be it in or out of the bedroom. The only labels I'd be willing to put on him is 'pleaser,' 'pleasurer' and of course, 'hero' because he always saves the day when I need a smile brought to my face.

The success here is the meshing of two people who care about each other, not the label of who's 'submissive' or 'dominant'. I stay because he's wonderful. I assume he stays because his needs are being met.

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 4/21/2014 12:05:34 PM >

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RE: Whom would you prefer? - 4/21/2014 2:53:56 PM

Lec

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quote:

It's about him being able to make any decision, not that he has to make every decision.

And what happens and how do you feel when you are 100% sure that his decision is terribly wrong or stupid?

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RE: Whom would you prefer? - 4/21/2014 2:58:14 PM

Lec

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lec

I am glad you have such a great relationship with Huck.
Could you tell me what's the difference between your relationship with him, and vanilla relationship with some kink included?
Is there constant power exchange present in your relationship, or you simply assume dominant role in bedroom?

Yes, I would say there is constant power exchange on a daily basis. I give him the power where he is more knowledgeable, and he gives me the power where I am more knowledgeable. It's the yin and yang of good partnership.

Huck has always said "Do what you want with me. Teach me how to please you." That is music to my ears. I request; he delivers be it in or out of the bedroom. The only labels I'd be willing to put on him is 'pleaser,' 'pleasurer' and of course, 'hero' because he always saves the day when I need a smile brought to my face.

The success here is the meshing of two people who care about each other, not the label of who's 'submissive' or 'dominant'. I stay because he's wonderful. I assume he stays because his needs are being met.

That sounds wonderful. In a D/s relationship I would find great pleasure in pleasing my domme and satisfying her. Doing all sorts of practical work, helping her in life.

But I think I would have problem if she made all the decisions, especially in areas in which I am more competent. I couldn't let her do stupid things, wrong things, if I know they are wrong and stupid. I think when it comes to making decisions it's best that people make decisions in areas in which they are more competent and experienced.

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RE: Whom would you prefer? - 4/21/2014 5:36:29 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lec

I want to know what dommes really want, and how high the submission itself is on the list of desired qualities. (versus other desirable qualities)
Also, I want to know how to behave in order to be attractive to dominant women.

the answer will vary. Dommes don't have a hive mind. lol Also, even if we did, why would we tell you how to act other than you really are in order to appeal to us?

NBMG

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RE: Whom would you prefer? - 4/22/2014 12:42:45 AM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lec

But I think I would have problem if she made all the decisions, especially in areas in which I am more competent. I couldn't let her do stupid things, wrong things, if I know they are wrong and stupid. I think when it comes to making decisions it's best that people make decisions in areas in which they are more competent and experienced.

Believe me, nobody wants to have to make ALL the decisions ALL of the time. Think of it as your Dominant having the FINAL say so. The routine types of decisions should be discussed in advance, decided upon, then followed accordingly. I believe you have no issue with this category, and that it is the major life decisions you are more concerned with, that impact both you and your Mistress. Only the kind of Domme who is on a power trip, which is a mental condition that not all Dominants suffer from (believe it or not), who would treat her sub or slave like a mindless drone, would not be willing to hear your input and value your opinion. Domme or ordinary vanilla person, you wouldn't want someone like this in charge of you at any rate, so choose not to associate with these types. There is no rulebook to follow. Be the best that you can be, and don't allow anyone to trample on your self-esteem or manipulate you into believing that in order to be a "proper" submissive, you must submit to every one of their whims.

If my sub sat back and watched me make a bad judgment call because he was afraid to voice his opinion, I wouldn't even want him for a friend, much less my lover. Nor would I want my sub to feel intimidated by me, act incompetent, or not serve me to the best of his ability. I would expect as much out of a hired domestic servant or any employee of mine, so how much more indispensable to me should my own intimate partner and companion be?

[Edited for rewording]

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 4/22/2014 12:47:15 AM >

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RE: Whom would you prefer? - 4/22/2014 3:01:35 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lec

If you had to choose between two subs:

A: Successful, accomplished guy, a great leader, confident, alpha, submissive to you, but not too submissive. Maybe not submissive enough. But still treats you very nicely and respects you.

B: Super submissive and vulnerable guy, open to you completely. Trusts you 100% and respects you 110%. Tolerates everything, follows you in everything. But not very accomplished in life, lacks some self-confidence, etc. Not an alpha at all.

Whom would you choose to own?