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why is the lifestyle so full of jealousy - 4/17/2014 12:26:51 PM

HEADASSASSIN

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my question is why is it that the lifestyle is so full of jealousy and back stabbing these days. i have been the victim of this on one occasion and the end result was having the leave the community for a time being because of it.

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RE: why is the lifestyle so full of jealousy - 4/17/2014 12:29:42 PM

Dripman

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What are you talking about? That is part of daily life. The unfortunate reality is that there are plenty of people in this world that are just simply terrible people. It is not exclusive to BDSM lifestyle by any stretch.

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RE: why is the lifestyle so full of jealousy - 4/17/2014 12:33:13 PM

MsLadySue

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I agree with Dripman. I haven't found anything is worse in the BDSM community compared to everyday life.

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RE: why is the lifestyle so full of jealousy - 4/17/2014 2:25:24 PM

poise

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I see this "left the lifestyle for awhile" quite often, and I've always been curious.
Where exactly does one go when they "leave the lifestyle"?

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RE: why is the lifestyle so full of jealousy - 4/17/2014 2:32:44 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HEADASSASSIN
my question is why is it that the lifestyle is so full of jealousy and back stabbing these days. i have been the victim of this on one occasion and the end result was having the leave the community for a time being because of it.

What the heck does this even mean? Honestly it sounds like something someone would say about high school. Why do you care? How on god's green earth did some random person "victimize" you and how did you "leave" the community?

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RE: why is the lifestyle so full of jealousy - 4/17/2014 2:42:02 PM

DarkSteven

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Um. If someone made false accusations against me, I'd stay around in the community. I get the feeling you're only giving part of the story.

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RE: why is the lifestyle so full of jealousy - 4/17/2014 3:08:09 PM

TenderTorment

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These traits are apparent in all social circles to some degree or other, Is it the one incident you refer to moulding your opinion or are you talking in general terms? If the latter I can't say I've noticed any significant change but that's just me. If it's the former then it sucks that one incident caused you to leave the community but I gotta ask....Why? How bad could someone else's jealousy be that it would cause you to change?

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RE: why is the lifestyle so full of jealousy - 4/17/2014 3:20:48 PM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Um. If someone made false accusations against me, I'd stay around in the community. I get the feeling you're only giving part of the story.

95% chance you're on the money here, IMO. But wasn't there a thread a while back by a woman who help a munch at her house, and didn't want to invite some guy anymore because of jealously drama? There are definitely local communities that don't exactly have well-defined boundaries in place.

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RE: why is the lifestyle so full of jealousy - 4/17/2014 7:30:56 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HEADASSASSIN

my question is why is it that the lifestyle is so full of jealousy and back stabbing these days. i have been the victim of this on one occasion and the end result was having the leave the community for a time being because of it.

I've never experienced jealousy in my entire life so, this is foreign to me.

(in reply to HEADASSASSIN)

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RE: why is the lifestyle so full of jealousy - 4/17/2014 7:32:45 PM

Darkfeather

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quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

I see this "left the lifestyle for awhile" quite often, and I've always been curious.
Where exactly does one go when they "leave the lifestyle"?

Walk the earth, righting wrongs, fighting injustice, healing the sick and infirmed. All with flogger and riding crop.

(in reply to poise)

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RE: why is the lifestyle so full of jealousy - 4/17/2014 8:21:30 PM

HEADASSASSIN

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actually i prefer a few guns and knives and swords like the punisher

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RE: why is the lifestyle so full of jealousy - 4/17/2014 10:30:58 PM

seekingreality

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HEADASSASSIN

my question is why is it that the lifestyle is so full of jealousy and back stabbing these days. i have been the victim of this on one occasion and the end result was having the leave the community for a time being because of it.

Don't worry - my guess is the "community" will somehow soldier on without you. But thanks for sharing.

< Message edited by seekingreality -- 4/17/2014 10:31:26 PM >

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RE: why is the lifestyle so full of jealousy - 4/18/2014 2:10:28 AM

DaddySatyr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darkfeather

quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

I see this "left the lifestyle for awhile" quite often, and I've always been curious.
Where exactly does one go when they "leave the lifestyle"?

Walk the earth, righting wrongs, fighting injustice, healing the sick and infirmed. All with flogger and riding crop.

A BDSM Don Quixote?

OP, seriously, other than "Mean People Suck", I will address one thing that I think may be valid and pertain to D/s more so than BDSM:

As someone who doesn't use the word "jealous" (See FIRST definition) the way a lot of people do and who is not given to possessiveness, I have noticed that it does seem to run a bit deeper in this lifestyle than it does "out there".

I think when you have a lifestyle that supports (on the surface) "It's all about me" (for dominants). There are bound to be people that are selfish that buy into that, completely and blindly.

I don't think that's a far step from "It's all about me" to "This is mine ... and this ... and this ..."

It's just one of those things that some people will easily fall into, when they're released into the candy store.

Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

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RE: why is the lifestyle so full of jealousy - 4/18/2014 2:30:29 AM

Aibo

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@HEADASSASSIN

These days? It's always been like this as far as I can tell.
It is so easy for people now to change identity or just anonymously slander anyone they target into oblivion.

But I think you talk about BDSM organisaions and clubs when you talk about 'the lifestyle' here.
Even before the internet BDSM organisations fell apart in a powerstruggle between people who wanted power thinking they would get some kind of benefit or other or first call for the slavegirls.
Or changing the direction of the org in question, I can remember two examples, one time when a board member tried to change direction of a major national org into one for bi and homosexuals. And used even means to accomplish that goal since it was in his personal interest. Anyone who opposed were labelled a 'homophobiac' and worse.
It took many years for that organisation to recover.
The same organisation had known rapists as members also.

And we had another where the chairman tried to covert it into one org for swinger couples, it took a coup by the membership to straighten things out.
That org doing fine today though.

And I could give one example where the chairman run off with the funds.
(BDSM being illegal back then, made the dood think he would not be reported and get away with it.)

@MsLadySue: You must have lived a very safe and shielded life then.

No I have not 'left the lifestyle' but I do not participate on events, in organisations or visit many clubs no more.
It save a lot of my energy not to mention nerves and patience for other problems in life. =)

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

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RE: why is the lifestyle so full of jealousy - 4/18/2014 5:19:13 AM

shadowborn61

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Joined: 11/5/2013
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I think it could be that a lot of people in the kink community expect others in the community to not be like everyone else. That somehow being kinky makes one less petty and jealous but sadly that is not the case we are all human and so we are all prone to the baser emotions and to being mean on occasion. The only thing we can do is to do our best to treat others as we would have them treat us and not expect everyone to be a saint.

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RE: why is the lifestyle so full of jealousy - 4/18/2014 7:45:02 AM

Darkfeather

Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darkfeather

quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

I see this "left the lifestyle for awhile" quite often, and I've always been curious.
Where exactly does one go when they "leave the lifestyle"?

Walk the earth, righting wrongs, fighting injustice, healing the sick and infirmed. All with flogger and riding crop.

A BDSM Don Quixote?

OP, seriously, other than "Mean People Suck", I will address one thing that I think may be valid and pertain to D/s more so than BDSM:

As someone who doesn't use the word "jealous" (See FIRST definition) the way a lot of people do and who is not given to possessiveness, I have noticed that it does seem to run a bit deeper in this lifestyle than it does "out there".

I think when you have a lifestyle that supports (on the surface) "It's all about me" (for dominants). There are bound to be people that are selfish that buy into that, completely and blindly.

I don't think that's a far step from "It's all about me" to "This is mine ... and this ... and this ..."

It's just one of those things that some people will easily fall into, when they're released into the candy store.

Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

More like a BDSM Kwai Chang Caine

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

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RE: why is the lifestyle so full of jealousy - 4/18/2014 11:17:43 AM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HEADASSASSIN

my question is why is it that the lifestyle is so full of jealousy and back stabbing these days.

These days? It's hardly anything new.

"The lifestyle" is full of people. People get jealous and backstabby. Why would you expect people in "the lifestyle" to be immune to that behavior?

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RE: why is the lifestyle so full of jealousy - 4/18/2014 3:16:32 PM

MsLadySue

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No more so than the next person. Personally I have run across more jealousy in every day life than in BDSM. Perhaps I choose the people I care to associate with, with more care than others.

< Message edited by MsLadySue -- 4/18/2014 3:20:21 PM >

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I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

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RE: why is the lifestyle so full of jealousy - 4/18/2014 3:39:54 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsLadySue
No more so than the next person. Personally I have run across more jealousy in every day life than in BDSM. Perhaps I choose the people I care to associate with, with more care than others.

That's my read on this situation too. I have no idea what "the lifestyle" is like but I know what my life is like.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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RE: why is the lifestyle so full of jealousy - 4/18/2014 3:41:23 PM

sexyred1

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Jealousy about what?

Jealousy is insecurity run wild and results from real or imagined events that trigger those insecurities.

It is not exclusive or more rampant in the world of BDSM.

(in reply to MsLadySue)

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