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ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

Was the other thread younger than this one too?

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ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

Divorce lawyer here.

SailingBum and Jeff are right; men who want commitment aren’t single for long. Very often, divorcing men already have their new girlfriend lined up before or during the divorce process so they aren’t in the single market at all.

Smileforme50 is right: in the hundreds of divorces I’ve been involved in, infidelity is the primary motivating cause. And most divorces are initiated by women. This is because (in my personal observation only) men don’t want the financial dismemberment that divorce will bring, and choose instead to cheat on the side rather than lose half of what they own. There are of course exceptions to this.

Lookie is right: it’s best to have a good lawyer (and you say the sweetest things).

For the first time ever, I disagree with orgasmdenial12: I don’t observe that men are on collarme and similar sites looking for love. I think women are, hence the abyss. Of course there are exceptions on both sides. I suspect men looking for love choose Match or OKCupid, not kink sites.

An 86 year old divorce lawyer I know, in the practice for many decades, said this when asked why so many people get divorced: “Women get married wanting to change their man, but he doesn’t change. Men get married wanting their woman not to change, but she does.”

My own view: people of both genders are, at differing times in their lives, desirous of commitment. But in only the rarest of cases can commitment to that chosen person be sustained with happiness over the vastly increased lifespan of people in our society.

Just my opinions and observations; YMMV.

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ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

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ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2
Smileforme50 is right: in the hundreds of divorces I’ve been involved in, infidelity is the primary motivating cause.

Sorry, spiritedsub, you're wrong.

The office for national statistics gave the following percentages.

In 2012, divorces granted to men were for the following reasons:

Adultery - 14%
Behaviour - 37%
Desertion - 1%
Separation of 2 or more years - 49%

In the same year, divorces granted to women were for the following reasons:

Adultery - 14%
Behaviour - 54%
Desertion - 1%
Separation of 2 or more years - 31%

This shows that women are more likely to divorce due to behaviour of the husband, and men are more likely to divorce because the wife has simply left and been gone for several years. In fact, the number of men who waited 5 years or more before divorcing their absent wife was nearly twice as much as the number of women who waited that long (17% as opposed to 9%). We can either conclude that men are less concerned about tackling the paperwork, or more willing to hang on in case the wife comes back.

In either case, only 1 in 7 marriages ended because of adultery.

Granted, it was higher in previous years (but never the top reason). But weirdly, it's *always higher* for the divorces granted to men. Men may or may not be more likely to cheat, but a husband is much more likely to divorce his wife for cheating, than a wife is to divorce her husband for cheating. For example, in 1974, of divorces granted to men, 39% were for the wife's adultery, whereas on 25% were granted to women for the husband's adultery. In any case, separation of 2+ years was the main reason men filed for divorce (49%) and behaviour and separation were the main reason women filed for divorce (33% and 34% respectively).

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ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2
For the first time ever, I disagree with orgasmdenial12: I don’t observe that men are on collarme and similar sites looking for love. I think women are, hence the abyss. Of course there are exceptions on both sides. I suspect men looking for love choose Match or OKCupid, not kink sites.

Please note that I did say "men on dating and even kink sites like CM" thus encompassing the whole range of websites from vanilla to kink. Do men come on CM looking for love? I believe so, but I've no idea how to reliably prove it. On the spur of the moment, I looked up the first 10 male profiles on CM. Some of the quotes were very touching:

"I am waiting for you. I have been here waiting to hear the sound of your voice, the touch of your hand, your laughter ever since I first dreamed of you."

"It's something I love, something so important to me - and the deeper I go the more I enjoy. It seems strange to come online and look for someone who enjoys this as much as me - but here I am."

"I have been separated for 3 years and ready to move on but I am still treading carefully for now. I am seeking a longterm relationship with a Woman that I can love and worship, if that is not for you then please move along."

"Im looking to serve, obey the right Mistress, would relocate, from ****** or lots of room at mine"

"I enjoy the sensual aspect of being a Dom as well as the training, bond, and love that can come from a trusting this type of relationship."

"I also love the mental side of M/s or D/s ... the connection that comes with someone special. Without that connection play (I don’t much like the word “play” as, for me, it’s a tad too trite, but what the hell it’ll have to do) seems somehow slightly hollow, and yet with it it’s like taking part in building something special and unique with another girl. Something that will hopefully last in our memories for a lifetime."

Of the posts I looked at, 7 were looking for a serious or long term relationship, 1 said nothing and 2 seemed to be more about kinky play. Yes, it's a pot-shot - I'm not going to try and claim that these results are in any way reliable. But to say that men do not come on CM looking for love is, I feel, incorrect, and hopefully these quotes challenge that.

Source: http://www.ons.gov.uk/ons/dcp171778_351693.pdf (page 8 - clicking the link will download an excel table with all the statistics)

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ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

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ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

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ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2
Smileforme50 is right: in the hundreds of divorces I’ve been involved in, infidelity is the primary motivating cause.

Sorry, spiritedsub, you're wrong.
<snip>

How is it that I am wrong given the statistics you cite, when I stated at the very outset that I was only speaking of my observations of the divorces I have personally participated in? We all know what Mark Twain said about statistics, which is why I speak here only about what I've seen, and did not claim that my observations reflect all of reality.

Regarding men on CM and kink sites looking for love, I don't base my observation on what they claim in selected profiles, but on my own interactions with them. I have had men who claim to be looking for love send me a picture of their dick as their opening salvo, or attempt to start highly sexualized conversations within a few exchanged messages. Not all men, but many. So I do draw conclusions about the goals of many men here that may differ from their profile posturing.

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

This thread has bushy armpits That's all I'm saying.

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ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie
Key phrase: "....in the hundreds of divorces I’ve been involved in, infidelity is the primary motivating cause."

(See, the post was made from the posters personal experience....as a divorce attorney.....doing divorces.....as in....in the business meeting people whom were uhmmmm......getting divorced).

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Smileforme50 is right: in the hundreds of divorces I’ve been involved in, infidelity is the primary motivating cause.

You mean like this one:

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ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

That thought should be drawn into a cartoon!

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ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

That thought should be drawn into a cartoon!

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ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

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ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie
Key phrase: "....in the hundreds of divorces I’ve been involved in, infidelity is the primary motivating cause."

(See, the post was made from the posters personal experience....as a divorce attorney.....doing divorces.....as in....in the business meeting people whom were uhmmmm......getting divorced).

Actually, the quote I was responding to was:

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Smileforme50 is right: in the hundreds of divorces I’ve been involved in, infidelity is the primary motivating cause.

Believe it or not, being involved in hundreds of divorces does not enable someone to comment on the accuracy, or otherwise, of other people's dubious and uncredited statistics, no matter how sarcastically you requote them in bold and / or italics :-)

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ORIGINAL: verianna

Commitment isn't a very good gene propagation strategy for young males. Males that commit to one woman impregnate fewer women, so there are fewer male offspring born with "commitment" genes. Thus, non-commitment genes come to predominate.

Commitment is, historically at least, a good gene propagation strategy for females. So females are keen to do it. Destiny isn't just about biology, but it partially is.