RE: Why do guys not like to commit? (Full Version)

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FieryOpal -> RE: Why do guys not like to commit? (4/24/2014 9:23:44 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Tomyx

Because there's no reason to commit until a girl proves loyal enough. And besides, a guy looking for commitment is a loser in the eyes of most females, no matter what their response to that accusation. It just is what it is. Self defense.

[8|] As a nemesis of mine used to say (to others), What color is the sky on your planet?




Tomyx -> RE: Why do guys not like to commit? (4/24/2014 9:50:32 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


quote:

ORIGINAL: Tomyx

Because there's no reason to commit until a girl proves loyal enough. And besides, a guy looking for commitment is a loser in the eyes of most females, no matter what their response to that accusation. It just is what it is. Self defense.

[8|] As a nemesis of mine used to say (to others), What color is the sky on your planet?


The color of personal experience and intimate knowledge. This, of course, is the inverted color of forum posturing and quote culture.




FieryOpal -> RE: Why do guys not like to commit? (4/24/2014 10:02:08 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Tomyx

The color of personal experience and intimate knowledge. This, of course, is the inverted color of forum posturing and quote culture.

Is this Domspeak for Dude still living in his mother's basement? [:-]

There are numerous reasons why women will consider a man a loser, and the willingness to commit to a pair-bonded relationship (sans stalkerism) isn't one of them.




Aynne88 -> RE: Why do guys not like to commit? (4/24/2014 10:08:07 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

FR: Why don't guys want to commit? Because we're hormonally-driven horndogs who seek to have as much sex with as many partners as humanly possible before death overtakes us. Fuck the touchy-feely crap, that's the answer, plain and simple.


Bullshit. I have a faithful man that won't even have a threesome with me. Not all men are that way. 25 years in October. I am the one with the monogamy issue not him.




RazTheKiller -> RE: Why do guys not like to commit? (4/27/2014 3:19:24 AM)

Okay here's something that nobody talks about, not people who have been divorced, not money grubbing divorce lawyers (yeah, I said it), nobody. The scariest thing about a divorce or any committed relationship is getting over the void that's left mentally and emotionally when it ends. They say however long you are in a relationship it takes half as long to get over that person. It's worse with D/S relationships because not only do you lose someone who you have a unique connection to, it's way harder to to fill that void with someone else. Even if you do end up finding someone else, you have to build up your rapport with them from scratch. I'm a male who only looks for committed relationships but I've been burned in the past so I'm wary of certain situations.




ThirdWheelWanted -> RE: Why do guys not like to commit? (4/27/2014 3:34:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

Especially the young ones. I see guys say they don't want anything serious. What does that mean? They don't want love? Is it just their way of controlling the relationship? Is it totally just sex they want? When they want?

I just feel it looks kinda tacky in profile, posts, ect. It's like asking for something you value less before it even begins. Or is sex more valued than a deep relationship?

Any thoughts?


I'm going to start this off with a joke I heard the other day. A comedian was on the radio talking about marriage being like gambling. He said "I think I'm still going to love you 5 years from now, but do I want to bet 1/2 my stuff over it?" ;)

Sometimes the reverse is true, I've been told that I fall for people too fast. I've scared away folks in the past for tossing out the L word faster then they were comfortable with.




InHisHeart -> RE: Why do guys not like to commit? (4/27/2014 3:14:48 PM)

quote:

They say however long you are in a relationship it takes half as long to get over that person.


I was with my former M for over 20 years, glad the above statement isn't carved in stone anywhere. How long it takes someone to move on with their life is different for each person. Our decision to break it off was mutual after both of us putting forth the effort and trying everything we could to save our relationship including couples counseling. When we both knew it was over with, we both took our time to grieve and come to acceptance. We're both very grateful for the many wonderful years we did have together and we both came to a place emotionally where we were able to move on with our lives but it didn't take 10+ years to get there.

I've been with my Master now for 7 years and didn't have a hard time building the relationship we have built together. Starting a new relationship is starting from scratch but I certainly didn't get into a new relationship to fill some void. That IMO would be the wrong reason to get into a new relationship. I wasn't even looking for a relationship when we met, I was very content just living my life and doing my own thing.




MasterCaneman -> RE: Why do guys not like to commit? (4/27/2014 6:46:21 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

Then why are you in a long time committed relationship?

Because I've learned how to control myself. I'm still the hormonally-driven horndog I've always been, I've just gotten better with the self-discipline that's needed to have that long-time committed relationship.




Aynne88 -> RE: Why do guys not like to commit? (4/27/2014 9:53:38 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: brispslave

Here is a better question: why would any sane man in the western world want to commit? Give me one benefit of committing.

Once you commit you pretty much give control of your life to someone else. In any divorce proceedings the man loses everything, and women know this. So you commit, and she gets fat and all the power.

Once again, why would any sane man in the western world commit?



Bullshit. Women are definitely the ones that suffer and end up in poverty and no I am not speaking from personal experience I am a feminist this is one of my areas of interest and I deal in facts not personal anecdotes. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brendan-lyle/after-divorce-women-rebou_1_b_1970733.html




FieryOpal -> RE: Why do guys not like to commit? (4/28/2014 12:25:25 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: brispslave

Give me one benefit of committing.

You're a submissive male, right? You even have the word "slave" in your user name.
What kind of slave is afraid of commitment?
Is there a slave in the house who doesn't want to be collared?

quote:

ORIGINAL: quizzicalkitten
quote:

ORIGINAL: brispslave

Once you commit you pretty much give control of your life to someone else.... So you commit, and she gets fat and all the power.

And Giving up control, its kinda the whole point if entering into a D/s relationship for me and my partner... Ya know that whole.. Power exchange thing...

Let's see, a male s-type who doesn't want to give up control, has an issue with submitting and exchanging power, who doesn't want his Domme to wield power over him, to not have any real power over him. [8|]
Hm-m, sounds an awful lot like a NON-submissive, looking to get his freak on with No Strings Attached. That would make him a bottom, of the male slut variety.




lovesobedience -> RE: Why do guys not like to commit? (4/28/2014 1:49:56 AM)

First forum post. I hope I am replying to Aynne88's last comment with the link.
I read the article, and it sounds compelling, but then I continued reading comments.

Were you aware that the study that Weitzman published was never submitted for peer review? And that the work itself has been proven flawed?

I am all for men owning the responsibility to assist in supporting the family he helped create. But if you want to illustrate some numbers that seem a bit wild on the face of them, I would expect those to be backed up factually, and not with something that not only was not peer reviewed to insure accuracy, but that she later claimed the incorrect numbers were a computer error. However, this report was designed to bring these flawed numbers. She refused for years to release the data, claiming the errors were things she needed to fix. It was only after others were able to follow through and repeat the steps she said she took to analyze the data that they realized it was not even half but about a third for both of those values, nowhere near as high as her claims had been originally.

I don't think it is appropriate to use that study or anything that references it as anything other than a farce to support any statements here. It just doesn't feel right.

You might look at this page, ( http://www.acbr.com/biglie.htm ) where a later aggregate data from years 83-87 were used, giving Stroup and Pollock close to 7,500 respondents, instead of the 228 that Weitzman used. I am still shocked that her number was the size it was.

Even more shocking was that instead of a 42% increase in income, or even the modified 10% increase that Peterson, using Weitzman's data but a corrected analysis, had obtained, instead shows that an average of a 10% decrease, 8% for professional men and less educated by 19%. For women, professionals dropped 12%, and unskilled dropped 30%. Those gaps are surprisingly close, considering that originally you had a gap of over 110% between men and women post-divorce earnings using Weitzman's original data and analysis!

She had even refused to allow other researchers to examine her data ten years later, until the National Science Foundation had threatened to declare her ineligible for federal grants in the future that she finally allowed Peterson to examine her data.

When he examined the data, it was sketchy-income or needs data was missing for 134 of the respondents, well above half of the entire study.

What is even more frightening is the decades of policy and court proceedings these flawed numbers have generated. Not to mention ill will towards husbands, especially considering that from the point of her book onward, and likely for some time prior, women were the majority in filing for divorce.

The whole thing stinks.

If this had been decades of women getting the shaft because of faulty statistics, it would have been national news, policies would be expected to change overnight for fear of seeming sexist or anti-woman, and reparations would have been assumed a necessity.

Guess the joke is on guys.

It is stuff like this that, ironically, make me glad I didn't have children with my abusive wife. Well, that and concern she would hit them too.

Please check your data and sources before bashing people over the head with it. It seems like the right thing to do.




JollyBoots -> RE: Why do guys not like to commit? (4/28/2014 9:13:45 PM)

ok, well here is something no one else brought up and then a flame war happened... like six flame wars happened... but anyway back to OP, I cannot speak for other men but for me, I put that I want something NSA or non-committal because if we meet up and it doesn't work out for any reason, no one's expectations are too high. If I meet someone online, message back and forth, meet them in person, set up some play time and after all that there isn't the right chemistry then no one's feelings are hurt. As a dom I have to genuinely care about my sub, want the best for them and know where the limits are, and push those limits ever so slightly. We are all looking for something, yeah some guys are just looking to get laid and go home, so are some women, but in my experience most are looking for something ongoing, but if the expectation is one night stand and things go really well we will try to make it an ongoing thing maybe going into an actual relationship. If it ends up being awkward and the chemistry is off, easy out. also some people are in a poly relationship, and only looking for a play partner, or maybe a hundred other reasons. asking why someone doesn't want to commit is the same as asking why someone does, its going to be different depending on who you ask. that's my two cents... that maybe turned into a buck fifty...




metamorfosis -> RE: Why do guys not like to commit? (4/28/2014 10:17:06 PM)

It has to do with biology. Strategies for reproductive success differ according to gender, which leads to the different behaviors we observe from the two genders.

Specifically, females invest more than males to produce each child. Because that investment is greater, they have a greater interest in protecting it. This translates to the desire for long term pair bonds, since this provides stability and support for their children.

Males, on the other hand, have much less invested in each child. Their reproductive success is maximized by mating with as many females as possible, and then walking away afterwards.

Unfortunately, male flakiness has a lot to do with biological programming that evolved to ensure the survival of the species.

ETA: The young ones are probably that much more horny. Know what I mean?




metamorfosis -> RE: Why do guys not like to commit? (4/29/2014 2:13:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tomyx
The color of personal experience and intimate knowledge. This, of course, is the inverted color of forum posturing and quote culture.


Fucking rad.




metamorfosis -> RE: Why do guys not like to commit? (4/29/2014 2:19:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Guessing. The commited ones are married....



That's pretty fucking funny.




metamorfosis -> RE: Why do guys not like to commit? (4/29/2014 2:24:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: brispslave

Here is a better question: why would any sane man in the western world want to commit? Give me one benefit of committing.



So she doesn't wander off. Provided you think she's good enough to keep, committing sort of locks her in.





metamorfosis -> RE: Why do guys not like to commit? (4/29/2014 2:30:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: verianna

Commitment isn't a very good gene propagation strategy for young males. Males that commit to one woman impregnate fewer women, so there are fewer male offspring born with "commitment" genes. Thus, non-commitment genes come to predominate.

Commitment is, historically at least, a good gene propagation strategy for females. So females are keen to do it. Destiny isn't just about biology, but it partially is.


Really cool first post.




metamorfosis -> RE: Why do guys not like to commit? (4/29/2014 2:36:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovesobedience

First forum post. I hope I am replying to Aynne88's last comment with the link.
I read the article, and it sounds compelling, but then I continued reading comments...Please check your data and sources before bashing people over the head with it. It seems like the right thing to do.


Really cool first post.




metamorfosis -> RE: Why do guys not like to commit? (4/29/2014 2:38:56 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JollyBoots

ok, well here is something no one else brought up and then a flame war happened... like six flame wars happened... but anyway back to OP, I cannot speak for other men but for me, I put that I want something NSA or non-committal because if we meet up and it doesn't work out for any reason, no one's expectations are too high. If I meet someone online, message back and forth, meet them in person, set up some play time and after all that there isn't the right chemistry then no one's feelings are hurt. As a dom I have to genuinely care about my sub, want the best for them and know where the limits are, and push those limits ever so slightly. We are all looking for something, yeah some guys are just looking to get laid and go home, so are some women, but in my experience most are looking for something ongoing, but if the expectation is one night stand and things go really well we will try to make it an ongoing thing maybe going into an actual relationship. If it ends up being awkward and the chemistry is off, easy out. also some people are in a poly relationship, and only looking for a play partner, or maybe a hundred other reasons. asking why someone doesn't want to commit is the same as asking why someone does, its going to be different depending on who you ask. that's my two cents... that maybe turned into a buck fifty...



Really cool 7th post.




JollyBoots -> RE: Why do guys not like to commit? (4/29/2014 4:50:08 AM)

Thanks meta!




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