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RE: Relationship Needing vs. Wanting - 7/9/2006 5:50:55 PM

Sinergy

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Hrm, needing vs. wanting.

I need to be in a monogamous relationship with a woman who lives with me and who I can, umm, well, cleave to. So to speak. I tend to experience a rather miserable existence when Im not in a committed relationship.

What always puzzles me in relationships I am in is that I am always the one who decides when we are going to Disneyland, when I am going to work, what color to paint the house, where we are going for dinner, what time to unleash the A-10 Thunderbolts against Al Qaeda, who does what and when and why. I dont get a hardened johnson from doing it, it just seems to work out that way. Relationships I have been in which were not that sort of dynamic just seemed weird and strange and filled with internecine squabbling to me, probably the same to my partner at the time, and so I moved on.

The spankings, butt raping her in a cheerleader outfit, forcing her to her knees in the shower to orally pleasure me, super-gluing her nose to the wall, seeing how many orgasms she can have before she says her safe word, dragging her to the Lair for a lovely beating, are all frosting on the cake. I enjoy them, but I wont die without them.

Just me, could be wrong, etc.

Sinergy

< Message edited by Sinergy -- 7/9/2006 5:51:50 PM >

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Post #: 21

RE: Relationship Needing vs. Wanting - 7/9/2006 6:06:13 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

Have you ever considered whether, to you, a D/s relationship is a need, or a want?

Well, since I can live without it, it is obviously a want.

quote:

Would you want your partner to be with you out of need, or out of desire?

Preferably, both.

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RE: Relationship Needing vs. Wanting - 7/9/2006 6:12:01 PM

popeye1250

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With me it's both a "need" and a "want."
And I hope it would be both to whichever sub woman chooses to be with me as well.
I don't think I could ever have a solely vanilla relationship again.
"How can you keep 'em down on the farm..."
Irishbynature, you put it very nicely!

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Post #: 23

RE: Relationship Needing vs. Wanting - 7/9/2006 6:23:23 PM

Kedikat

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I definitely make a distinction between the two words.
I do not need a D/s relationship. I survive and enjoy life without one at the moment. I want one.
There is a difference to me in the terms, in so far as some might be so much in need of some aspects of the D/s relationship, that it causes a real problem. For instance, depression or destructive behaviour.

But that is my particular take on it. They are just words afterall, and words can have all sorts of meanings attached, aside from the dictionary's definition.

I suppose in my concept of the words. One may enter into a bad or not great D/s relationship, more readily out of need, than want.

< Message edited by Kedikat -- 7/9/2006 6:25:25 PM >

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Post #: 24

RE: Relationship Needing vs. Wanting - 7/9/2006 6:28:39 PM

eruditegirl1

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Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
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For me right now it's a want....I haven't experienced a D/s relationship yet...I am sure that after I have it will become a need...

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Post #: 25

RE: Relationship Needing vs. Wanting - 7/9/2006 6:31:09 PM

juliaoceania

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After reading so many replies I have to wonder if there is a phobia about needing people...not necessarily a Ds person, but just people in general... I need people... not ashamed of it.. I wouldn't be afraid of needing a dom, and I certainly treasure it if he needed me... just me and I could be wrong

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Post #: 26

RE: Relationship Needing vs. Wanting - 7/9/2006 6:46:54 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

After reading so many replies I have to wonder if there is a phobia about needing people...not necessarily a Ds person, but just people in general... I need people... not ashamed of it.. I wouldn't be afraid of needing a dom, and I certainly treasure it if he needed me... just me and I could be wrong

"Need" certainly has a negative connotation to it, doesn't it? I love my need for Master (as does he). Master doesn't need me, however he enjoys me and benefits from me, and prefers to have me around. And I'm grateful for that!! Someone close to us both said "I think you sustain him." I don't think I would go that far, but I feel his love daily and that sustains me!

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Post #: 27

RE: Relationship Needing vs. Wanting - 7/9/2006 6:55:51 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

After reading so many replies I have to wonder if there is a phobia about needing people...not necessarily a Ds person, but just people in general... I need people... not ashamed of it.. I wouldn't be afraid of needing a dom, and I certainly treasure it if he needed me... just me and I could be wrong

I don't see it as a phobia. More of something that I perfer. I like people, and the interaction that I have with them, but I certainly do not need that interaction to survive. The same goes with a partner. It's nice, but it's not going to destroy me to be alone.

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Post #: 28

RE: Relationship Needing vs. Wanting - 7/9/2006 7:05:42 PM

juliaoceania

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Fast reply

Here are some definitions of need....

1need

Pronunciation: 'nEd
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English ned, from Old English nIed, nEd; akin to Old High German nOt distress, need, Old Prussian nautin need
1 : necessary duty : OBLIGATION
2 a : a lack of something requisite, desirable, or useful b : a physiological or psychological requirement for the well-being of an organism
3 : a condition requiring supply or relief
4 : lack of the means of subsistence : POVERTY

Number two describes my definition of need, and yes I do need a wonderful romantic relationship with a dominant person.. just me

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Post #: 29

RE: Relationship Needing vs. Wanting - 7/9/2006 7:12:31 PM

akisha

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For me it's a want.

I don't need to have a Master/Dominant to survive. I don't want someone that feels they "need" me to survive. Personally I find that an extremely heavy burden to put on someone.

I want a LTR with a Dominant so that i can have the type of life i desire. So that the submissive needs i have can be fullfilled in the ability to serve someone. I have those needs. But they are not needs that can not be controlled to some extent.

I am a single mother. I will and have put my needs on hold to make sure i am only doing what is best for my child.

I have never felt I needed someone to complete my life. I want someone in my life to enhance it. To make it better. but if i'm single for the rest of my life I'll still be ok.

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Post #: 30

RE: Relationship Needing vs. Wanting - 7/9/2006 7:14:08 PM

juliaoceania

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Ok, if needs are just about survival you couldn't put your needs on hold for your child because you wouldn't survive.... right?

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Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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Post #: 31

RE: Relationship Needing vs. Wanting - 7/9/2006 7:16:08 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Fast reply

Here are some definitions of need....

1need
Pronunciation: 'nEd
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English ned, from Old English nIed, nEd; akin to Old High German nOt distress, need, Old Prussian nautin need
1 : necessary duty : OBLIGATION
2 a : a lack of something requisite, desirable, or useful b : a physiological or psychological requirement for the well-being of an organism
3 : a condition requiring supply or relief
4 : lack of the means of subsistence : POVERTY

Number two describes my definition of need, and yes I do need a wonderful romantic relationship with a dominant person.. just me

it's all good and well that YOU need this. However, I was not questioning you on that area. I was replying to your sweeping generalization that because many stated that they did not NEED, then they must be suffering from a phobia.

/shrug

No matter though. To each their own.

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RE: Relationship Needing vs. Wanting - 7/9/2006 7:17:01 PM

ownedgirlie

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Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

I don't need to have a Master/Dominant to survive. I don't want someone that feels they "need" me to survive. Personally I find that an extremely heavy burden to put on someone.

I can truly understand this...if the Dominant doesn't want that need. If the Dominant/Master wants, welcomes, and develops that need, it is not a burden at all; rather it is his delight.

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Post #: 33

RE: Relationship Needing vs. Wanting - 7/9/2006 7:18:07 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Ok, if needs are just about survival you couldn't put your needs on hold for your child because you wouldn't survive.... right?

my needs to do not parrallel those of my unmentionable. However, if my unmentionable's needs were to come before my own...in a heart beat.

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Post #: 34

RE: Relationship Needing vs. Wanting - 7/9/2006 7:18:19 PM

juliaoceania

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I wasnt responding directly to you... go back and read, "fast reply" on the top of the post... It wasn't meant as a rebuttal of what you said, but a clarification of what I said

On edit, I wasnt just talking about this thread with people needing each other... I notice people having trouble wherever they go admitting to needing things... it is odd to me that people feel this way about expressing their desires.. as though the word "need" is a bad thing...

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/9/2006 7:20:24 PM >

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

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Post #: 35

RE: Relationship Needing vs. Wanting - 7/9/2006 7:26:51 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

On edit, I wasnt just talking about this thread with people needing each other... I notice people having trouble wherever they go admitting to needing things... it is odd to me that people feel this way about expressing their desires.. as though the word "need" is a bad thing...

That's in part because many ( not all, and even not the majority really ) have yet to distinguish the difference between a want and a need. Needs are survival. Wants are perks. Really very simple when you think about it. Just an opinion though.

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Post #: 36

RE: Relationship Needing vs. Wanting - 7/9/2006 7:28:23 PM

juliaoceania

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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Have you heard of Maslow's Hierarchy of needs? Most psychologists consider sex and affection needs

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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Post #: 37

RE: Relationship Needing vs. Wanting - 7/9/2006 7:33:33 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Have you heard of Maslow's Hierarchy of needs? Most psychologists consider sex and affection needs

Yes I have heard of it. And yes, I have read it, in additon to many others who claim the same thing. I happen to disagree with them.
My Master/husband died 10 years ago. I have no NEED for another, nor do I require sex or affection to survive.
Do I WANT it. Sure. Everyone WANTS to know they are loved, needed. But I do not see it as being necessary for survival. That includes sex.

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Post #: 38

RE: Relationship Needing vs. Wanting - 7/9/2006 7:35:18 PM

ownedgirlie

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I can not fathom going through life without love. I would wither.

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Post #: 39

RE: Relationship Needing vs. Wanting - 7/9/2006 7:37:30 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I can not fathom going through life without love. I would wither.

Everyone is wired differently. While married, I most likely would have said the same thing. Now though, I see things differently. Times change, people change. Part of living.

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Post #: 40

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