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Domme / sub age difference - 4/29/2014 3:06:00 AM

johnnytheguy

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1. What is the maximum acceptable age difference? How much younger he can be than you? How much older?
2. Do you prefer younger or older sub?
3. Is it a bit different than in vanilla relationship where men tend to be older, or it's the same thing?

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RE: Domme / sub age difference - 4/29/2014 3:10:13 AM

freedomdwarf1

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This is one of those "how long is a piece of string" questions.

Kink is just a vanilla relationship with kink thrown in.
All the vagueries and rules/limits still come into play and everyone is going to be different.
Each to their own and each will have their preferences.
There is no "one size fits all" quantifier to answer it with.

ETA: Whether the higher/lower age difference is acceptable is entirely up to you and your partner.
What works for you is Ok. What anyone else thinks is pretty much irrelevant.

< Message edited by freedomdwarf1 -- 4/29/2014 3:55:26 AM >

(in reply to johnnytheguy)

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RE: Domme/sub age difference - 4/29/2014 4:05:27 AM

FieryOpal

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Keep in mind that every Domme is going to approach age preferences differently (as is each individual woman). Some will be liberal, others won't, and to some it won't matter much. My individual preferences are not reflective of any other woman's. I don't seek a non-sexual service sub, where age wouldn't factor in much, if at all, in many cases.

quote:

ORIGINAL: johnnytheguy

1. What is the maximum acceptable age difference? How much younger he can be than you? How much older?

Again, for me personally, since I seek more of a companion-lover in my sub. I would prefer not to go more than 10 years younger due to generational gap issues. 12 years would be stretching it.
This means he would have to be at least 40-42. I won't consider anyone in their 30's or younger for a couple of reasons.
First off, I'm not at the same life stage they are at, and our priorities are not aligned. They have time to settle down, get married and raise a family. I'm past that stage.
Second, some of my son's friends are in their 30's, and it would feel too creepy for me to go there.
I would actually prefer someone right around my age or just a couple years younger. I might go up as high as 5 years older, but beyond that, not a likelihood.

quote:

2. Do you prefer younger or older sub?

A few years younger or right at my same age, given that I am already middle-aged.

quote:

3. Is it a bit different than in vanilla relationship where men tend to be older, or it's the same thing?

It would be easy for me to say that it's the same as with a vanilla partner, but in fairness, that's not entirely true.
With vanillas, I am less inclined to go younger than about 5-7 years, not higher than about 2, so I do have a tighter orb with them. I'm more willing to be flexible in age with a sub, I've noticed.

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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RE: Domme / sub age difference - 4/29/2014 8:45:37 AM

MissImmortalPain

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Speaking only for myself as everyone's opinion will vary.

1. If they can't legally buy their own beer they are to young.

2.Younger.

3. When most people see me with my boys or girls they assume they are my children, so yes it is different.

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RE: Domme / sub age difference - 4/29/2014 10:54:23 AM

Tantriqu

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Joined: 12/29/2006
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Men in their 20's and 30's, having grown up with plenty of female role-models, seem to be most comfortable in their subbiness; what a pleasure. I've tried dating sub men my age and older, but wow, too many issues. Plus, plenty of 20-somethings are far more mature than many 50-somethings on here. I have had problems, though, with younger men who swore they weren't interested in having children suddenly go into biological-clock-ticking overload, so sadly, we've had to part ways.
So I don't have an issue with dating a younger man, and [smirk] fortunately, they don't have an issue with dating an older woman!

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RE: Domme / sub age difference - 4/29/2014 11:32:18 AM

johnnytheguy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

Men in their 20's and 30's, having grown up with plenty of female role-models, seem to be most comfortable in their subbiness; what a pleasure. I've tried dating sub men my age and older, but wow, too many issues. Plus, plenty of 20-somethings are far more mature than many 50-somethings on here. I have had problems, though, with younger men who swore they weren't interested in having children suddenly go into biological-clock-ticking overload, so sadly, we've had to part ways.
So I don't have an issue with dating a younger man, and [smirk] fortunately, they don't have an issue with dating an older woman!

I also don't have an issue with dating older women, but this very thing that you mentioned might be a problem in my case too. I want to have kids one day, and it would be too hard to suppress this desire permanently.

< Message edited by johnnytheguy -- 4/29/2014 11:33:52 AM >

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RE: Domme / sub age difference - 4/30/2014 8:32:38 AM

amazonglamour

Posts: 17
Joined: 4/23/2014
From: NY
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1. What is the maximum acceptable age difference? How much younger he can be than you? How much older?
No max age difference. Honestly, as long as he's legal (I'm only 21 so that's like a 3 year younger limit haha)

2. Do you prefer younger or older sub?
Older, the younger ones usually can't give me everything that I deserve. However, as long as a guy can take car of me, age is a number.

3. Is it a bit different than in vanilla relationship where men tend to be older, or it's the same thing?
I find that most of the guys looking to seriously serve a true Domme tend to be older. The younger ones are just on a novelty pussy hunt most of the time

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RE: Domme / sub age difference - 5/1/2014 12:26:01 PM

alicerabbit

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I am 18 so there really isn't a possibility of him being younger than I am. I enjoy all ages and so far have gotten messages of people between 19-68. Age doesn't matter so much as personality compatibility.

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RE: Domme / sub age difference - 5/1/2014 1:41:38 PM

rokkman7456

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There is a 21 year difference between my Domme and I, she also see's someone older. I don't think age matters as much as dynamics between the two people.

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RE: Domme / sub age difference - 5/8/2014 4:48:25 PM

Sexyladydee

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Males up to ten years younger have familiarity with my time and music references, up to 20 years younger are usually new to the lifestyle and I don't have to break any bad habits they have acquired with another Domme. Men more than 10 years older may be having prostate issues and that can interfere with their ability to hold their urine for long periods of time or to be able to obtain an erection without medical assistance. As they say variety is indeed the spice of life.

I'm not selfish, just stubborn and usually right. LadyDee

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RE: Domme / sub age difference - 5/8/2014 5:42:54 PM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sexyladydee

Males up to ten years younger have familiarity with my time and music references, up to 20 years younger are usually new to the lifestyle and I don't have to break any bad habits they have acquired with another Domme. Men more than 10 years older may be having prostate issues and that can interfere with their ability to hold their urine for long periods of time or to be able to obtain an erection without medical assistance. As they say variety is indeed the spice of life.

I've been loving your new avatar, Lady Dee.

You're a couple years younger than I am, but I've also noticed that there's a 10 to 15-year younger age variance where we can relate to the same tastes in music and cinema, or appreciation for other artforms. (Never been much into oldies, although I do like some classic rock.) When it comes to literature, though, it's more like a man around my same age or older. I've noticed that virility sharply drops after mid-to-late 40's, but I'm not sure if this ties in with a sudden spike in middle-aged men undergoing midlife crisis who suddenly get swept up in subfever. Their porn-surfing habits intensify as their ability to get hard-ons diminishes. I may have to start going younger for good. Ten years older? Hell, no, I can't even consider 5 years older, if that.

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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RE: Domme / sub age difference - 5/10/2014 12:02:59 PM

Cnidaria

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1. They have to be legal. I prefer people closer to my own age because they are more likely to have a similar level of emotional maturity and shared life experience.
2. Don't care.
3. Nope.

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RE: Domme / sub age difference - 5/10/2014 12:12:10 PM

evesgrden

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I really don't want him to be more than a couple of years younger than me. I'm turning 57, and 50 would be the absolute youngest I'd consider.
I've always liked older men. Last one was 14 years older than me. Ideally 3-10 years or so.

ETA: and I have no idea why.

< Message edited by evesgrden -- 5/10/2014 12:13:27 PM >

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RE: Domme / sub age difference - 5/10/2014 4:07:25 PM

CougarRick

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I am seeing some much older, and it is working. In our case we took it slower at first, and worked on the relationship first and are only soon moving into the kink. Relationships with large age differences can work (and be fantastic), you just have to recognize that there are all kinds of little issues that come up (like dumb jokes from her friends...the same jokes...again...and again..).

< Message edited by CougarRick -- 5/10/2014 4:08:59 PM >

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RE: Domme / sub age difference - 5/11/2014 9:21:55 AM

StrictlyADomina

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It's more about the dynamic between the two people and not the number of years. For me, I probably lean toward the 30-50 age group. That age bracket seems to mesh better with me. The twenty-something boys have a horrible track record about flaking out of in person meetings. (I suspect it's due to undescended testis.) Before the inevitable hue and cry of, "Oh I've had A,B, and C flake on ME!", yea, it happens. However, they have an abysmal track record in this area.

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RE: Domme / sub age difference - 5/11/2014 5:49:44 PM

CougarRick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: StrictlyADomina
The twenty-something boys have a horrible track record about flaking out of in person meetings. (I suspect it's due to undescended testis.).

I'm not sure what you mean by flaking out, but if by flaking out you mean getting cold feet I can see that. I have had two scenarios where I got cold feet. In the first case admittedly it was my fault, I just thought I was more ready than I was (for which I did feel bad) but in the second case I really felt that I was very honest up front about my boundaries and she didn't seem to respect that so I had to kind of put the brakes on.

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RE: Domme / sub age difference - 5/14/2014 6:03:00 AM

pleasemsbliss

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Each person is different I guess. Like all women. I only like my age and older (35+) but younger than my parent's age. I like men who look like "men" and I might want a family so I can't do younger men at all. I also find younger men more "feminine", less settled, if it makes any sense, and that is a turn-off to me. I like men who project stability and maturity, but then I am looking for a relationship, not "casual play".

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RE: Domme / sub age difference - 5/14/2014 7:30:43 AM

CougarRick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pleasemsbliss

I like men who look like "men"

Ouch...but yes I understand

quote:

ORIGINAL: pleasemsbliss
I am looking for a relationship, not "casual play".

I hear that a lot from many mature women (wrt younger guys), and I see that point, but not all younger guys just want playtime. I am currently in a relationship with an older woman and to me it is something I am treating as a long term thing

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RE: Domme / sub age difference - 5/17/2014 12:52:47 PM

dominalisa

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Age doesn't really matter. Maturity does.

But in the past, I've mostly been attracted to those males younger than me.

But each person has a different preference. And I would not say that vanilla relationships tend to be older men with younger women.

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RE: Domme / sub age difference - 5/18/2014 6:04:40 PM

AchingSensuality

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I have two very dear male submissive friends, one is 30 and the other is 20. I think of them as younger brothers and that is the only way I will ever think of them as the thought of being with a guy that is close in age to my children just plain and simple squicks me out.

However, we have had multiple conversations in which they've related how an older woman can be an essential part of the D/s fantasy for a guy. Okay, I can totally understand that, but at the same time it is someone else's fantasy, not mine.

Bottom line: Five years in either direction unless we appear to be ultra-compatible, then I might go as far as eight years, but no more.

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