Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: DOMMES


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: DOMMES Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: DOMMES - 5/9/2014 9:00:26 PM   
BecomingV


Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline 		Sometimes there's a post so laden with hate and derision, it needs no comment. The thing just oozes, "I was written by a hater." I dismiss the information presented in that way because it's just plain suspect. If information is valid, it will be found through a respectable and reasonable source. I treat Cmails the same way. "Oh, it's one of THOSE..." and hit, "block," "ignore" or "delete." To think about them beyond the decision to put trash in the trash... well, do you think about trash after you dump it? Same here. Not all mail is worthy of time or attention and most, are not worthy of any emotional response.

dink22 - Some research on the most beloved mistresses, courtesans and companions shows that typical standards of beauty have absolutely NO bearing on attraction, bonding or loyalty. Most of the renowned women were on the ugly side of such labels. Independence, intelligence and character are what these women possessed and why they were so very much in demand.

Think about it... when I walk into a room, some think I'm a Goddess, while others think I'm a dog. So what? Whose notion of beauty? I know that most men I find to be beautiful looking are not even remotely "hot" to me. Sexy and attractive is not the same as pretty.

A Domme is not measured in beauty points, pounds or years. It's about how well she KNOWS you and how well she uses her powers for good.





_____________________________

Talk about loving travel!!! My BDSM journey to Switch took me to these places...
Previously known as:
sub - TwoHeartsBeatOne
Domme - Lady Q

(in reply to dink22)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: DOMMES - 5/9/2014 10:04:42 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dink22

Are their genuine lifestyle dommes here? There are, not many, but there are. The problem is most of them really aren't "looking" for someone. A decent looking lifestyle domme doesn't really need to "look" at all.... So they make that claim all the time even though it isn't true.


Looks to me as if your vast amount of experience with Dommes has not been promising, assuming that your own expectations have been realistic. Of course, you've never played the *generic sub-to-every-kind-of-Domme* card to get a Mistress, any Mistress, have you? No, you would never stoop to such unethical conduct. Good for you that you have found your match, and let's just keep our fingers crossed that you don't mess this one up for yourself.

I take exception to your generalizations about lifestyle Dommes. Does your logic apply to submissive males?

Are the[re] genuine lifestyle male subs here? There are, not many, but there are. The problem is most of them really aren't "looking" for someone. A decent[-]looking lifestyle sub doesn't really need to "look" at all.... So they make that claim all the time [that they're *real* subs] even though it isn't true.

By Jove, I think you've got it! No point to even bother looking on line because everyone's a bold-faced liar. And those you happen to meet in person are not disingenuous and don't play games. Not. People are people. They might be able to fool others more easily on line than in real life, but a player is a player is a player, no matter where you find him or her.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to dink22)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: DOMMES - 5/10/2014 6:46:58 AM   
dink22


Posts: 171
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BecomingV


dink22 - Some research on the most beloved mistresses, courtesans and companions shows that typical standards of beauty have absolutely NO bearing on attraction, bonding or loyalty. Most of the renowned women were on the ugly side of such labels. Independence, intelligence and character are what these women possessed and why they were so very much in demand.



I'd love to read that research if you could provide a link. I will say that I have, occasionally, seen women who most guys would consider somewhat ugly (though none would say hideous) that have turned me on sexually. I would certainly consider having a serious relationship with them. But those are few and far between. And when I say "ugly" I don't mean that these women have ugly souls or personalities. I very well may enjoy hanging out with them, but I probably would not want a physical relationship.

I don't think it's any different for women. Quite a few on this site say they are not interested in overweight or out-of-shape men, and being 5' 7" I can tell you that height is a very significant factor for women. Just look at personal ads. How many women describe the guy they're looking for as being tall versus being short. Usually, it's something like about 30 percent of the women-seeking-men ads that you see "tall" mentioned as an attribute they're looking for. Conversely, it's extremely rare that you see any women-seeking-med ad that describes the one they're looking for as short. I think I've seen it maybe 3 or 4 times in my entire life.

And there's also hair loss. Some women openly say they're not interested in dating bald men or men who are becoming bald.

Looks are factor for probably 98-99 percent of people. What role physical attraction plays will vary from person to person. I think I'm pretty normal in that regard. If I have a choice between a woman who is a 10 versus a woman who is a 6, I'll DEFINITELY choose the 6 if she has more of what I'm looking for.

(in reply to BecomingV)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: DOMMES - 5/10/2014 6:52:34 AM   
dink22


Posts: 171
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

I take exception to your generalizations about lifestyle Dommes. Does your logic apply to submissive males?



I re-read my post and I'm still trying to figure out what generalizations I made about lifestyle dommes. Could you be more specific?

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: DOMMES - 5/10/2014 8:20:06 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dink22
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

I take exception to your generalizations about lifestyle Dommes. Does your logic apply to submissive males?

I re-read my post and I'm still trying to figure out what generalizations I made about lifestyle dommes. Could you be more specific?

"Even if it really is someone looking for a lifetime relationship, so many of the "dommes" have extremely impractical ideas.
"For example, this whole, "It's not about you or your needs., it's about me. I couldn't care less about what you want" (and that's not uncommon here) is simply not a practical basis for a meaningful relationship. And "dommes" who think they're going to find something deep or permanent with that mentality are kidding themselves. That's not how a relationship works. There has to be mutual respect on both sides."
Here you are speaking about Dommes as a group. Those who 'have extremely impractical ideas' can apply to the general populace seeking an intimate partner or who are out in the dating world; however, insofar as Dominants are concerned, there are giving Dominants and receiving Dominants, just as there are giving submissives and receiving submissives.

Your statement would only apply to the takers, and unfortunately, there are far too many takers in this world (including narcissists) who can get away with their lop-sided or imbalanced relationship needs being met by a giver, on either side of the kneel.
I don't know of a single Domme who 'couldn't care less' about what her s-type wants, unless the s-type is unable to articulate his needs or is stuck in a slave mentality of his own making, where it's on him to make discerning judgments in his own personal interests. We are not mind-readers.
Nobody seeking a 'lifetime relationship' or a lifelong partner presents as making it all about her/him, only those who are in it for the short haul and don't take their interpersonal relationships seriously. Manipulators regular employ the bait & switch tactic, but you can run into them anywhere.

"As far as expecting you to "truly submit" after 2 e-mails, chances are it was just another person (sometimes a guy posing as a female) trying to exploit submissive males for money."
Cant' disagree with you here. Any Dominant who demands instant submission is suspect. Conversely, an s-type offering instant submission is equally suspect and has probably filled his head with FemDom porn, warped his mind with all kinds of outlandish BDSM acts which he has confused with being how a D/s dynamic works.
Both of these caricaturish types deserve one another and will gravitate towards each another (as do fin-Dom/mes and their fin-slaves). Water ultimately finds its own level.

"Are their genuine lifestyle dommes here? There are, not many, but there are. The problem is most [Dommes] really aren't "looking" for someone."
I'll circle back to your original reference about 'genuine lifestyle dommes.' I fixed your line for you, which still makes no sense.
After all, how can you be 'genuine' AND available, and not be seeking a genuine, committed relationship?
Many poly Dommes who already have a primary partner and who take on multiple subs are still open to finding a suitable submissive.
Those of us who are mono are actively seeking a primary submissive partner.
Those hypothetical few who aren't really looking are players and/or posers, whether they are supposedly Dominant, switch, or submissive.

Even then, the number of HNGs out for cheap thrills with no intention of sincerely developing a D/s relationship dynamic IRT greatly outnumber those Dominants who are playing cyber-Dom/me games. Lifestyle-only Dom/mes are doing really well for ourselves if we run across a 2-5% contender culling rate.
You may also be mixing up Tops with Dominants, for-hire service Tops with Dommes, just as a disproportionate number of submissives are actually BDSM bottoms.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to dink22)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: DOMMES - 5/10/2014 2:44:17 PM   
dink22


Posts: 171
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline 		I appreciate what you're saying but I still don't think I've depreciated lifestyle dommes (who I consider the highest end of the human species and even dominant males want them) in any way. It's the ones who PRETEND to be lifestyle dommes that irk me. You're obviously serious. I mean I hope they would irk you as well.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: DOMMES - 5/10/2014 3:13:09 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Oh, aren't you so cute... <no snark>

quote:

ORIGINAL: dink22

I appreciate what you're saying but I still don't think I've depreciated lifestyle dommes (who I consider the highest end of the human species and even dominant males want them) in any way. It's the ones who PRETEND to be lifestyle dommes that irk me. You're obviously serious. I mean I hope they would irk you as well.

Perhaps the best advice to newcomers/newbies on the scene is not to check your common sense at the door.
While it certainly is much easier for predators to find their marks while posing as a Dominant, there are plenty of kinksters who are playing games at the submissive end of the pool--a pool which is much larger than the one we Dommes swim in. The waters can get quite murky in both.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to dink22)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: DOMMES - 7/1/2014 7:52:53 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BecomingV

when I walk into a room, some think I'm a Goddess, while others think I'm a dog. So what?


And what you do with that shows who you are.

Some women would fret over the ones that thought you were a dog, while others would ignore them and spend time with those who thought you were a Goddess.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to BecomingV)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: DOMMES - 7/1/2014 3:50:21 PM   
Tryingtolosemysh


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/29/2014
Status: offline 		A lot of the dommes here are actually a joke, I tried talking to what turned out to be a "pro domme" and in order to talk to her I need to make a contribution. How do I know she isn't just going to take my money and never respond back?

And then they wonder why their "business" is shit. Either way I wouldn't mind paying for that kind of service since I'm not so new to the scene, but considering how rude these dommes are to some people that approach them how can they expect get anything out of these submissives?

They're just ruining the site. the fun that's suppose to come with it. and the experience.

< Message edited by Tryingtolosemysh -- 7/1/2014 3:51:27 PM >

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: DOMMES - 7/1/2014 4:22:14 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tryingtolosemysh

A lot of the dommes here are actually a joke, I tried talking to what turned out to be a "pro domme" and in order to talk to her I need to make a contribution. How do I know she isn't just going to take my money and never respond back?

And then they wonder why their "business" is shit. Either way I wouldn't mind paying for that kind of service since I'm not so new to the scene, but considering how rude these dommes are to some people that approach them how can they expect get anything out of these submissives?

They're just ruining the site. the fun that's suppose to come with it. and the experience.


Lose yourshelf.

(in reply to Tryingtolosemysh)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: DOMMES - 7/1/2014 4:44:35 PM   
RockaRolla


Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		It's no different from "Masters" who message every female with submissive leanings (and some with none) with the expectation that they will submit immediately. Or sub males who message every somewhat dominant female looking for a free camshow. Or couples who message every bi female expecting them to instantly become their third wheel.

Every week there's a post from a guy complaining about all the fake dommes on the site who won't do what he wants. Fact is, there are individuals in all groups who expect their targets to move at the speed of a squirting orgasm. You're not alone in this.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: DOMMES - 7/1/2014 8:31:11 PM   
SnarkDom


Posts: 59
Joined: 2/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

It's no different from "Masters" who message every female with submissive leanings (and some with none) with the expectation that they will submit immediately. Or sub males who message every somewhat dominant female looking for a free camshow. Or couples who message every bi female expecting them to instantly become their third wheel.

Every week there's a post from a guy complaining about all the fake dommes on the site who won't do what he wants. Fact is, there are individuals in all groups who expect their targets to move at the speed of a squirting orgasm. You're not alone in this.



Bwahahahahaha so true

(in reply to RockaRolla)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: DOMMES - 7/1/2014 9:33:51 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dink22


quote:

ORIGINAL: BecomingV


dink22 - Some research on the most beloved mistresses, courtesans and companions shows that typical standards of beauty have absolutely NO bearing on attraction, bonding or loyalty. Most of the renowned women were on the ugly side of such labels. Independence, intelligence and character are what these women possessed and why they were so very much in demand.



I'd love to read that research if you could provide a link.


Go look at the portraits of famous courtesans and women who ran salons in Paris. Like de Stael and du Barry. They were not in the least great beauties.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to dink22)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: DOMMES - 7/14/2014 11:58:29 AM   
MistressRage


Posts: 138
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Upstate New York
Status: offline 		@OP We Dommes don't have to live up to your expectations of how we should behave, so if you try to "call a Domme out" yes, you will most likely get blocked. And yes there are fetishists who LOVE LOVE LOVE financial Domination. They aren't fools anymore than a dude who wants to be dressed like a sissy is a fool.

Don't like who/how she is? Cool! No prob! Just move on.

_____________________________

Mistress Rage
~outRAGEous~

I don't always return to a thread. It's usually best to message your replies directly to me.

(in reply to needingrelease50)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: DOMMES - 7/15/2014 5:13:16 PM   
SnarkDom


Posts: 59
Joined: 2/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressRage

@OP We Dommes don't have to live up to your expectations of how we should behave, so if you try to "call a Domme out" yes, you will most likely get blocked. And yes there are fetishists who LOVE LOVE LOVE financial Domination. They aren't fools anymore than a dude who wants to be dressed like a sissy is a fool.

Don't like who/how she is? Cool! No prob! Just move on.


Had to be quoted just cuz.

(in reply to MistressRage)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: DOMMES - 7/16/2014 3:51:27 AM   
CloakedProtector


Posts: 70
Joined: 1/5/2007
Status: offline 		Tryingtolosemysh, in most cases she will not 'just take' your contribution.

Divide the Dominants in 3 categories. The lifestyle, pro and fin dom(me)s.

- Lifestyle Dom(me)s will ask you nothing of the sort. They are in because of their Dominant demeanour which is not BDSM related but in this case uses BDSM as an extra means of expression. In this category you also find the wannebee Dom(me)s, the player, the fake's etc because most of them will ask you no contribution, they have different agenda for which asking contribution would be counter productive. I leave the 'scams' out of this discussion, that are criminals.

- Pro Dom(me)s will ask you (tell you upfront) when you engage in play. They are pro's, have a reputation and many of them know what they are doing and provide BDSM as a service. In general they want you to come back if you like the play with them or revisit you if they provide the service as an escort. I am not saying there may not be some rotten apples but that is not related to being pro, it is part of all categories. So just taking your money for nothing is not really on their list and is also not good for business as there is a large offer of pro-Dominance since there is no requirement to have a Dominant demeanour. Just being able to perform as the Dominant will do. Hence you'll find a lot of switches with the pro's that can as well sub as Dom depending on the customer. In some countries it is illegal and considered as prostitution if there is a money transfer.

- Fin-Dom(me)s, they will indeed try to milk you as much as possible. Now in a certain way that is OK if it is negotiated play. As someone mentioned in another thread some people like the idea of being play-blackmailed, or play-force to pay, etc and that can also be provided by the pros. However in Fin-Dom(me) it is the main goal of the Dom(me) of being in the Dom(me) scene to begin with, hence the name Fin-Dom(me).

Now why is the fin-dom(me) not going to 'just take' your contribution? Well, because if you were prepared to contribute ones then there is a good chance you'll be prepared to contribute a next time. And as of that point you are interesting until you are no longer prepared to contribute. As long as you contribute all efforts will be made for you not to change Dom(me) and if possible to kind of isolate you from exposure to others that may talk this out of your head.

They'll make you contribute under the motto of them investing time in you, or as prove that you are sincere about this, or claiming they have so much demand that you may be lucky they allow you to contribute, etc. In short all tricks is in the book are good to get into your wallet. Don't mix this up with play, wanted by BOTH sides where contributions/tributes are a play element, but then the sub/slave is ALSO requesting party for that! That is how you know the difference.
Furthermore you'll identify fin-Dom(me)s by a style that tries to Dominate you even before you submitted, from the very start, even to get in touch with them. Contributing is a form of implicit submission. Fin-Dom(me) is illegal in most countries because it either falls under prostitution (due to the money/valuables transfer even if masked as gifts, tributes, contributions, etc) or it is an IRS offence unless the revenue is declared. Fin Dom(me)s are therefore extremely vulnerable if a sub/slave or a rival Dom(me) turns against them and actually as of then also all others sub/slaves that are still contributing if in that country there is prostitution legislation that applies.

So unless you kick on that, which is OK, most subs/slaves will think twice before contributing certainly if they see what is about to happen. Weak, vulnerable and desperate people have more chance to end up in that street.



< Message edited by CloakedProtector -- 7/16/2014 3:54:33 AM >

(in reply to Tryingtolosemysh)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: DOMMES - 7/16/2014 5:16:01 AM   
MistressRage


Posts: 138
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Upstate New York
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SnarkDom

Had to be quoted just cuz.



Thank you :)


_____________________________

Mistress Rage
~outRAGEous~

I don't always return to a thread. It's usually best to message your replies directly to me.

(in reply to SnarkDom)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: DOMMES - 7/20/2014 9:15:24 AM   
subtrannyeva


Posts: 8
Joined: 5/13/2014
Status: offline 		The OP seems to have many of the same thoughts i have had from looking on here, i wish there was some filters to remove findommes, that would cut out half the people i dont want to look through : ) i've messaged two Dommes since being on here, one to just say i like your style kinda thing, She lives too far away for anything real to be practical...no reply to that..(oh by the way no it wasnt a one liner it was more a long paragraph) didnt expect a reply but well maybe a ty would have been polite, but i suppose my message is just another losers to ignore : ) no biggy.
The second was someone who lives nearby and was more an introduction, which if what Her profile said was relevant i kinda expected some sort of reply, its cool if im not what She is looking for etc, but i obviously made an effort with my scribbling and crayons, so just a polite no thanks reply wouldnt hurt would it? ... seems to me subs and Dommes need each other, politeness cost nothing : )

(in reply to MistressRage)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: DOMMES - 7/20/2014 3:11:17 PM   
slaveoubliette


Posts: 74
Joined: 5/22/2014
Status: offline 		lol

ahh, your not willing to take directions from others and you want to be a what? so yes you might be the problem with finding a Domme for yourself

(in reply to needingrelease50)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: DOMMES - 7/20/2014 3:17:44 PM   
slaveoubliette


Posts: 74
Joined: 5/22/2014
Status: offline 		well said Ma'am

< Message edited by slaveoubliette -- 7/20/2014 3:26:04 PM >

(in reply to MistressRage)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: DOMMES Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109