Where do I find THAT SPECIAL SUB

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Where do I find THAT SPECIAL SUB

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Where do I find THAT SPECIAL SUB

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Where do I find THAT SPECIAL SUB - 5/2/2014 1:44:06 AM

omlaazim

Posts: 1
Joined: 2/4/2012
Status: offline

Im a on going learning Dom
i ve been exploring life style for 12 years but Ive only had Fwb and Im looking for someone I can connect with, then we can grow deeper more intimate and connected like we ave never felt before. Are the genuine sites where I can explore and try and find that one special Sub that connects with me as I will with her. just let me know that
Ray

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Where do I find THAT SPECIAL SUB - 5/2/2014 3:35:53 AM

MsLadySue

Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline

There are similar sites to this one but I doubt you will find it any easier to connect to that special sub. Your best bet is to go to local munches and meet people of like minds. Make friends and possibly someone will know someone else who might be a good match and introduce you.

It's rather difficult to find "the one" through a written medium. If you do run across someone of interest, meet them sooner rather than later to know if the chemistry felt on line carries over into real time.

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to omlaazim)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Where do I find THAT SPECIAL SUB - 5/2/2014 8:01:14 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Your profile talks only about sex, not about intimacy. It's not appealing to women.

You could go to local munches. But you could also just date, and be honest with a woman about what you like as a relationship dynamic and what you like sexually. The rule of thumb here is that if you can't talk about sex with someone, you shouldn't be having it.

In addition, 12 years unable to form a relationship says to me that you have some baggage you need to work on. We all do and there's no shame in admitting it and getting help. There's a lot of shame in not addressing the problems and never getting to a point where you can have a happy life solely because you're too afraid to admit needing help.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to MsLadySue)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Where do I find THAT SPECIAL SUB - 5/2/2014 8:04:51 AM

MasterCaneman

Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline

What MsLadySue said. Finding a relationship in the scene is little different than a 'normal' one. While it is possible to find what you seek online, nothing beats laying the Mark 1 eyeball on someone and experiencing them in the flesh. That's where you'll really find who you're looking for. Munches are a stepping-stone to the following stages, so be prepared to make at least a time commitment to the local groups. A few weeks back, at a munch, I had an interesting conversation with a gent who did just that. He offered to help out with an event the munch host was running, and now he's considered a pivotal member of the local group. Just something to think about. Good luck.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler

(in reply to omlaazim)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Where do I find THAT SPECIAL SUB - 5/2/2014 2:35:42 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

I would recommend going to some of your local munches & getting to know the gals as people first, because they are people first. Also, flesh out your profile more with stuff about you as a person, what kind of person you're looking for besides just the sex/kink, things like that. Right now, it's not very appealing to women the way it is.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Where do I find THAT SPECIAL SUB - 5/3/2014 10:08:09 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsLadySue

Your best bet is to go to local munches and meet people of like minds. Make friends and possibly someone will know someone else who might be a good match and introduce you.

His profile says he's an expert at munches. Either he checked Expert without knowing what a munch is, or he goes to munch and still can't find someone.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to MsLadySue)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Where do I find THAT SPECIAL SUB - 5/3/2014 1:29:51 PM

evesgrden

Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsLadySue

Your best bet is to go to local munches and meet people of like minds. Make friends and possibly someone will know someone else who might be a good match and introduce you.

His profile says he's an expert at munches. Either he checked Expert without knowing what a munch is, or he goes to munch and still can't find someone.

Maybe he's a munchies expert. Spelling is not his strong point.

_____________________________

What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to peppermint)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Where do I find THAT SPECIAL SUB - 5/3/2014 2:23:39 PM

Musicmystery

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: omlaazim

Im a on going learning Dom
i ve been exploring life style for 12 years but Ive only had Fwb and Im looking for someone I can connect with, then we can grow deeper more intimate and connected like we ave never felt before. Are the genuine sites where I can explore and try and find that one special Sub that connects with me as I will with her. just let me know that
Ray

12 years is a long time to have been exploring and yet not know where to go to satisfy your appetite.

You need to try here -- they're in 106 countries.

I've used them myself, and I've usually been satisfied.

(in reply to omlaazim)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Where do I find THAT SPECIAL SUB - 5/3/2014 3:03:16 PM

InHisHeart

Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline

_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.

(in reply to Musicmystery)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Where do I find THAT SPECIAL SUB - 5/4/2014 8:08:57 AM

Bhruic

Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline

The question is the same whether it is a sub, or a vanilla partner you are looking for. And the answer is the same... they can be found anywhere.

This question gets asked a lot though, and it suggests a kind of laziness... as if the question is really "where can I find a woman who openly advertizes herself to strangers as a submissive, and will commit to me so I don't have to do any work developing the relationship in that direction"

I think the answer to that question is... nowhere.

Intimacy in any relationship requires and investment in time and emotion. A successful, intimate, long term D/s relationship will start with meeting someone you can see yourself falling in love with, and then embarking on that relationship with your whole heart, until the intimacy and trust allows you to explore your desires with each other.

Of course, you can improve your odds of being compatible in your kinks by meeting people in the right context, like clubs or munches... but there is really no short cut to love and intimacy, and both parties have to do all their own heavy lifting.

< Message edited by Bhruic -- 5/4/2014 8:13:12 AM >

_____________________________

pronounced "VROOick"

(in reply to omlaazim)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Where do I find THAT SPECIAL SUB - 5/4/2014 10:17:34 AM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic
there is really no short cut to love and intimacy, and both parties have to do all their own heavy lifting.

Likes x 154016565201

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to Bhruic)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Where do I find THAT SPECIAL SUB - 5/13/2014 2:23:17 AM

Lohea

Posts: 23
Joined: 5/5/2014
Status: offline

The biggest kink websites are alt.com, fetlife.com and collarme.com.

There isn't much else out there in terms of kink social networking sites. We need to work with what we're provided, even if the website design hasn't been updated in TEN YEARS. [-glares at the Collarme coders-]

If you aren't finding what you're searching for on these sites, it's possible you need to refine your search and refine how you're seen by the submissives you're after.

You need to work hard to get what you're looking for in this lifestyle. We all do. There are so many variables, hard limits can be a deal breaker for a lot of promising looking relationships where as vanilla relationships have far fewer instant deal breakers like that.

Another suggestion is your local kink community. It's possible that you're better presented in person than online. If there's a local community, try it out.

(in reply to poise)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: Where do I find THAT SPECIAL SUB - 6/7/2014 5:40:04 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: omlaazim

Im a on going learning Dom
i ve been exploring life style for 12 years but Ive only had Fwb and Im looking for someone I can connect with, then we can grow deeper more intimate and connected like we ave never felt before. Are the genuine sites where I can explore and try and find that one special Sub that connects with me as I will with her. just let me know that
Ray

Yes. The Collarspace side is where we find our ying to our yang. It is ideal for social contact with someone you can connect with and can grow with. I met star there in five or six years ago and we connected and grew together. I'm thinking I'm not the only one. But don't hang on collarchat too long, it is fun but still a distraction to that goal.

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to omlaazim)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: Where do I find THAT SPECIAL SUB - 6/7/2014 11:32:48 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

The question is, how committed are you? The fact that you haven't returned in a month, even though you have visited the site yesterday, indicates that either you do not take suggestions well, or you just don't care to spend the effort to improve your profile.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Lohea)

Profile

Post #: 14