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Emotional Stability - 5/11/2014 12:52:26 AM   
Bucephalus


Posts: 93
Status: offline 		Just a thought, relating to how I personally feel, though I realize it can be quite controversial...

I feel more emotionally stable and moreover emotionally fulfilled when I am in a D/s relationship with someone, and to keep this short and to the point without getting into all sorts of psychologies on why this might be the case...do any of you feel the same way as well?
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RE: Emotional Stability - 5/11/2014 5:34:35 AM   
lilcracker


Posts: 243
Joined: 4/14/2012
Status: offline 		Nope...I am more emotionally stable when I am in a relationship with a person who is compatible with me. He does have a dominant personality...however other D/s relationship, I was on the edge all the time.

(in reply to Bucephalus)
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RE: Emotional Stability - 5/11/2014 6:34:46 AM   
InHisHeart


Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline 		A relationship adds to my life, my happiness but feeling emotionally stable and fulfilled with my life isn't dependent on a relationship. I've always chosen to be in a D/s relationship because that's what I want, it's how I'm wired but feeling fulfilled within a relationship only happens if we're a good match for each other and compatible.

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I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.


(in reply to Bucephalus)
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RE: Emotional Stability - 5/11/2014 6:39:34 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		I think it's dangerous relying on someone for your emotional stability, because, one needs to be able to function with or without that person.
That saying yes, there is a sense of security and comfort when you have someone for support that could calm down whatever anxiety one might have if without a partner.

(in reply to InHisHeart)
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RE: Emotional Stability - 5/11/2014 8:41:38 AM   
Nakhla


Posts: 104
Joined: 10/24/2012
Status: offline
Yes and no - I think the word I'd go for would be more centered rather than more stable. I'm an emotional person and prone to mood swings in general, so being in a relationship didn't change that, but it gave me a focus in a number of areas of my life.

I think it's quite common to feel something's missing without a compatible partner in one's life.

_____________________________

Submediant In Search Of Dominant Resolution... Formerly WestBaySlave on these forums.

(in reply to Bucephalus)
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RE: Emotional Stability - 5/11/2014 9:21:39 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline 		Yeah. I think the stumbling block here is that "emotional instability" gets thrown around a lot and has come to be almost synonymous with certain mental illness.

Richard Simmons is not "emotionally stable". Jeffrey Dahmer was something else, entirely.

That said, when I finally accepted my place in this lifestyle, it was like a weight had been lifted; but only in the sense that I stopped allowing people to pigeonhole me.

I became more secure saying to the one-twue-way-ers: "Well, that works for you but it will never work for me."

I'm, essentially, the same person whether in or out of a relationship. I believe being ourselves is the only way to look for a relationship or we portray a different person than whom we are and doom whatever relationship we do find to eventual failure.

I want to ask the OP: Are you asking this as a comparison to a non-D/s relationship or as whether one is in a relationship or not?

If you're talking about comparisons between D/s and non-D/s, Oh, Lordy! I could write you a book!







Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to Nakhla)
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RE: Emotional Stability - 5/11/2014 11:01:29 AM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline 		I am the opposite - more emotionally stable when I'm not in a relationship. That probably doesn't speak well of the types of relationships I've had. Possibly I'm just better in a solo capacity.

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Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to Bucephalus)
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RE: Emotional Stability - 5/11/2014 12:30:32 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		It holds for me. I spend more time focused inward, on the relationship, and less time prowling for women.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Emotional Stability - 5/11/2014 1:13:32 PM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

It holds for me. I spend more time focused inward, on the relationship, and less time prowling for women.

Just "less" time?

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Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: Emotional Stability - 5/11/2014 1:14:05 PM   
Bucephalus


Posts: 93
Status: offline 		Hmm, thinking about it after reading your post, I am inclined to agree that perhaps the phrasing I am looking for is not emotional stability/instability. I don't necessarily need a relationship to be happy per-se, but I do find myself much more at ease when I am in one. But I was referring mostly to D/s vs Vanilla styled relationship comparisons, yes, I do apologize for my lack of clarity. It was a bit late for me when I typed out my musings.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)
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RE: Emotional Stability - 5/11/2014 1:46:56 PM   
FelineRanger


Posts: 658
Joined: 9/4/2012
Status: offline 		We'll forgive you this time. Next time?

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Bill

(in reply to Bucephalus)
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RE: Emotional Stability - 5/11/2014 6:38:18 PM   
Bucephalus


Posts: 93
Status: offline 		haha, I do appreciate that!

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RE: Emotional Stability - 5/11/2014 7:20:36 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm more stable in this relationship. Because he's someone who is always there as my support system when needed.

However, if you're happier in a compatible power relationship versus a compatible power equal relationship, I'd put that down to you being wired for a power relationship and therefore having just that much more compatibility than otherwise.

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Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Bucephalus)
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RE: Emotional Stability - 5/11/2014 8:52:42 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bucephalus

Hmm, thinking about it after reading your post, I am inclined to agree that perhaps the phrasing I am looking for is not emotional stability/instability. I don't necessarily need a relationship to be happy per-se, but I do find myself much more at ease when I am in one. But I was referring mostly to D/s vs Vanilla styled relationship comparisons, yes, I do apologize for my lack of clarity. It was a bit late for me when I typed out my musings.



Well, then ... that's a horse of another color!

You mentioned that your wording may have been a bit rushed so, I am just going to free-associate.

I am so unsure about 'nilla relationships that I haven't really had one since ... well ... I haven't started one that way since 1985 (I got married in 86 and stayed married until 1995).

I was sure that I was done, "sowing my wild oats" and that I was supposed to "change" to be a better husband ... I was 21. I was unprepared.

When I ended my marriage, I took a full year to ... come down ... explore myself, take stock of who I had been, who I was, at that point and who I wanted to be. While I still hadn't been truly introduced to the lifestyle, I knew that non-D/s relationships were never going to work for me, again.

I knew that in the 'nilla world, any guy that tried to have an "equal partnership" relationship, as far as how the world defined them, was going to be in for a few serious eye-opening moments.

I started realizing that dominant was who I was; that I could never be happy, compromising on certain things and that I needed to be the arbiter of which issues I was willing to dismiss and which were going to be "no go"s.

I had come across "information" (if we can call it that) about people in the BDSM lifestyle. I met people that espoused the lifestyle and I thought: "Gawd! I could never hang out with those people!". In my defense, your honor; many of the guys that I met were nothing short of misogynists that had found a way to "pass" in polite society.

Finally, I met a lady that identified me as a "Daddy" (ask me that story, some time. It's a doozy!). I was mortified, at first but when it was explained and I did some looking around on my own, I found that while I still am not much into BDSM, D/s is exactly where I belong.

The very fact that it is "decided" before a relationship gets too far advanced that I will be the one to whom deference is shown makes the rest of the day-to-day bullshit so much easier to deal with.

Again, though; it's not about "stability". For me, it's about consistency and a form of sure footedness which gives a confidence to me concerning where to tread when stewarding a relationship.



Peace,



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to Bucephalus)
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RE: Emotional Stability - 5/11/2014 8:55:29 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		More emotionally fulfilled when in a healthy relationship, no question about it, as well as psychologically fulfilled with an integrated D/s dynamic. As for emotional stability, I believe my mood and response levels stay about the same, other than the usual rush of excitement one gets with a new partner. Then I'm functioning at a higher octave level than I was before. I don't have mood swings, but I'm certainly not as happy without a partner with whom to share my life.

I've never been one of those people who craves companionship at any cost. I'd rather be alone than with someone unsuitable.

ETA: It just isn't worth the trouble and unnecessary drama or melodramatic nonsense. I don't get bored with my life regardless.

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 5/11/2014 8:57:32 PM >

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Bucephalus)
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RE: Emotional Stability - 5/11/2014 9:07:29 PM   
Bucephalus


Posts: 93
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


I've never been one of those people who craves companionship at any cost. I'd rather be alone than with someone unsuitable.



This, quite honestly, while it hasn't always been my mindset (many pressures from my family, that I will not get into), but it has become it over the years. I never thought it fair for either party to be involved in one sided relationships, or just outright incompatible in all generalities.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
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RE: Emotional Stability - 5/12/2014 12:16:44 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Hmm, I don't think I'm any more or less emotionally stable when in or out of a relationship. I'm more fulfilled when I'm in a relationship that meets my needs and wants, of course, but I wouldn't use the term "stable" when talking about the different way I might feel when out of a relationship vs in one.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Bucephalus)
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RE: Emotional Stability - 5/12/2014 1:24:37 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		I haven't had a vanilla relationship since my teens. However, that is because the levels of trust and personal freedom of lifestyle relationships are more rewarding. I am seeking personal satisfaction with a partner outside the norm, not seeking conformity with church, family and society. I can be myself . . . and that is stability.

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-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to Bucephalus)
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RE: Emotional Stability - 5/13/2014 5:40:28 AM   
EnticingYourMind


Posts: 19
Joined: 2/27/2013
Status: offline 		If you NEED to have a sub or a slave in your life to make you feel whole then you really have to ask yourself is it the control factor you are dependent on more the aspect than is the compatibility of a like minded individual sharing this illusion of power people tend to get caught up in.

Its almost as if your like a woman just needing to be in a relationship and she validates herself on that alone not on being in a healthy one.
And yes I intentionally meant to make a female analogy to your predicament because it seems rather feminine to me that you would say that.

A strong person doesnt need a relationship, they want one. And when youre talking about this lifestyle, a truly strong personality doesnt need to dominate over anyone, they are more than capable of going it alone.

Im hearing the same things over and over again on these boards...
"why why why" and its not coming from the subs, its coming from the supposed doms.

I can understand why subs and slaves would have trouble choosing a proper Dom. It takes trust...time to sort through the riff-raff.
But to have all these self anointed "doms" whining about not being able to find a sub, why arent subs responding, why cant I find a partner, seems very 'submissive minded' to me.

Man up if youre going to expect anyone to take you seriously. Walk the walk if youre going to talk the talk.
Prove you deserve to be submitted to.

OYE!


(in reply to Bucephalus)
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RE: Emotional Stability - 5/13/2014 6:05:09 AM   
BecomingV


Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline 		EYM, me thinks you doth protest too much. Is the human nature of men unsettling? Why would that be?

I'm fairly sure that posters here had no idea that you were the ONE to turn to for all things TWUE.

What your post just made glaringly clear is that you haven't the first clue as to what Doms are all about.

If you care to learn, go over to FET and look up "Old Guard" and "the Pillars of Dominance." Just a hint, the foundation of Dominance is HUMILITY. That means, you get to question, learn, and admit a need to gather information.

Asking questions IS ballsy, courageous and shows dedication. Those with supercilious egos are too insecure to ask things out loud. Those whom are so insecure that they depend upon "image" haven't a chance of experiencing dominance.

Yeah, that post you wrote... very revealing. Lots of luck with the rigidity.

(in reply to EnticingYourMind)
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