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Simple and Complex - 7/9/2006 7:38:27 PM   
ctdomhere


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		The question is simple.  Am I less of a dominate male because I live at home?  The reasons are complex.  I am a divorced father of a twelve year old boy.  I moved into my parent’s house because financially it makes sense.  Two thirds of my paycheck goes to alimony and child support giving me one third to live on.  I made a concise choice to support my son and give him all I can emotionally and monetarily.  I do my own laundry, cook for myself and son.  I help take care of my mother, since she is on oxygen.  She does have another caregiver who helps her five days a week.  When I moved into my parent’s house they were snowbirds spending half the year in Florida and the other half in Connecticut.  This past season was the first year they didn't do it since 1976.  The reason being they were in a major car accident last September.  My mom will go back to Florida this year, my father passed away at the beginning of June. 

When I get up every morning and look in the mirror I do so with a clear mind and soul knowing that the sacrifices I made are for my son.  I then go to work so I can provide for my son and keep him in the lifestyle I intended for him to live since he was born.  So I ask you, does this make me less of a man, dominate or am I a momma’s boy. 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Simple and Complex - 7/9/2006 7:45:49 PM   
cuddleheart50


Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I applaud you!!!!  You just proved what a real Dominant is all about!

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.


(in reply to ctdomhere)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Simple and Complex - 7/9/2006 7:46:52 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		LOL, we heard from the other side out there in CT last week.

I am totally on your side, pal.

Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to ctdomhere)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Simple and Complex - 7/9/2006 7:47:29 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Honestly?  I don't think you need a group of people on a message forum to tell you you're a man.  I think if you read your post, you'll see that answer yourself.

(in reply to ctdomhere)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Simple and Complex - 7/9/2006 7:48:49 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Well, in my view, doing what needs to be done is what being Dominant is all about. But, I can also understand how many would be put off by the lack of privacy.



_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ctdomhere)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Simple and Complex - 7/9/2006 7:56:01 PM   
BelleAnne44


Posts: 18
Joined: 6/15/2006
Status: offline 		It just goes to show that real life isn't made up of sound bites or one liners.  I read all the descriptions you gave of yourself and your situation and thought it sounds like jokes a comdedian would use to cut someone down...but isn't that sad?  Everything you listed is honorable. 

Your situation doesn't make you less dominant...it sounds like you've got your life under very good control, in fact.  That would be like thinking that a man in a wheelchair couldn't be dominant.  It's either within you or not.

My husband was in a similar situation financially for the same reasons, and I supported our family while he contributed to it and fully supported his children from his first marriage for a good number of years.  I respected him for it, and would have disrespected him had it handled it differently.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Simple and Complex - 7/9/2006 7:59:28 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		You are not doing anything wrong by taking care of your family. It certainly doesn't make you any less of a Dom. Don't let ignorant people misunderstand you. You are doing the right thing.

(in reply to BelleAnne44)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Simple and Complex - 7/9/2006 8:08:36 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		I also applaud you and hope that you didn't post this to get validation on who or what you are. You make your choices in life to what works for you. If someone doesn't get that then that is their problem. I say you are right on target for doing what works for your life.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Simple and Complex - 7/9/2006 8:16:37 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		You are taking care of the most important person in your life, your child. You are doing it in a sane, rational way. I say bravo! There is nothing wrong with what you are doing and alot of people live with their parents these days. With the economy the way that it is, I'm sure we are going to see alot more people moving back in with their parents.

Don't look down on yourself your doing a wonderful thing and your child will look back on this and realise what a great Father he has.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to Littlepita)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Simple and Complex - 7/9/2006 8:29:28 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Making sacrifices on the behalf of those we love, especially our young ones, has no bearing on how one identifies himself.  I do understand however, why you might feel that it would.  Rest assured, you are no less a dominant man because of your living situation.  You are, in fact, a very fine example of not only a dominant, but a man.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Simple and Complex - 7/9/2006 8:34:04 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		You, to me are a Dominate.  You are taking responsibility for your son, but you are helping with your mother.  You are not living off of anyone, or expecting your mother to pick up after and take care of you in any way.  You are surviving in the best way you can and putting others needs above your own.
 
You are what most of us think of when we think of a Dom.  You take care of what is yours and who is yours no matter the sacrifices otherwise you must make.
 
There is no reason should feel like you ought to belong to the "real Doms club".  It's one thing to sit on the other side of this screen and tell others how to be what they are.. it's a whole other when you are being a Man (or woman) in the real world and doing whatever it takes to get by.
 
I applaud you and wish you luck.  I am sure most of us would rather have a "proven" Dom like yourself to belong to, than belonging to one we didn't know would walk thru fire to take care of us (emotionally & physically) when it counted.
 
Respectfully, Andrea

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to ctdomhere)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Simple and Complex - 7/9/2006 8:52:08 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		It makes you a committed human being, and that makes for a good dominant

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to ctdomhere)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Simple and Complex - 7/9/2006 9:49:32 PM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with everyone who posted on this thread, and really hope you didn't start this, just to get validation.

You proved yourself a man, and that's the most important thing. You're a man before you're a dominant.

You're no less a dominant in my eyes just because you live at home, and take care of the people you love the most. I'm envious of the girl who will later become your submissive. If you take care of your son and mother that way, i can only imagine how you would take care of your submissive.

I congratulate you...

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Simple and Complex - 7/9/2006 10:02:45 PM   
Domme4femaleONLY


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/7/2006
Status: offline 		You must be in control of yourself before you can control anyone. From what I just read you are in total control of yourself. I have known many men who have blown their children off once they were divorced. You are great for taking care of your mother.
 
My mother has lived with me for years. She knows all about my lifestyle and how it works. She sees all but the S&M part of it. She is waited on just as I am by my submissive. She is a very easy going person without any hangups so it does not bother her the way I live my life.
 
Keep up the good work. You sound like a very good man, and I assume from your post that you are a good dominant.

_____________________________

For as low as you go...ask to be taken that high...

(in reply to litleone8620)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Simple and Complex - 7/9/2006 10:07:36 PM   
doubleLeo


Posts: 50
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline 		I dont know, can you restrain and flog in the mornings with a cup of joe?
Is this important to you?
it really depends on the lifestyle you had in mind. Right now you have a family oriented lifestyle simply because you owe it to your son, plus, you love him! It may be a value for you that the women you date are child freindly so to speak. Or maybe not, maybe you are more comfortable keeping love and home separate?
I personally live an adult oriented lifestyle, my professional life is family oriented, and personal adult. They dont cross
dL

(in reply to ctdomhere)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Simple and Complex - 7/9/2006 10:26:21 PM   
pattiann


Posts: 48
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline 		Could this question be a result of a comment by some idiot?  Possibly when you were discussing the reason that you wouldn't invite them into your home since you "live with your Mother"?  I can certainly understand why, on the surface, the quoted statement might be misconstrued in casual conversation. 
If I could find a Dom that cares and commits himself to his family the way that you do, I would be assured that he would also be able to commit and care for his submissive.

(in reply to doubleLeo)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Simple and Complex - 7/9/2006 11:04:15 PM   
fullofgrace


Posts: 395
Joined: 3/24/2006
From: fl, usa
Status: offline 		you are taking care of your child and your mother, and that is what is most important - more important than any potential relationship or an asshole who tells you you aren't dominant because of it. let them lose a parent and then say that. i wish i had spent more time with my mom and dad before they died, and i lived with my mom 24/7 up until a few months before. and as for your child...there are so many out there who DON'T care for their children that the fact that you are doing whatever you can TO care for your children is admirable in my eyes.

no, there are many reasons, or rather, excuses for living at home that i don't find honor in, but i think you have all the reason and honor in the world in making the choices you are now. i wish you the best in what you seek in a relationship. remember - you do not have to go by anyone ELSE'S standards.


_____________________________

i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to pattiann)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Simple and Complex - 7/9/2006 11:28:24 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

When I get up every morning and look in the mirror I do so with a clear mind and soul knowing that the sacrifices I made are for my son.


I applaud your efforts and wish more parents took such an interest in the financial welfare of their offspring. A little sacrifice never hurt anyone. It builds character. Hopefully, you are allowing your son to build character as well and not doing all the sacrificing on your own.

Being dominant is, however, an orientation and one has nothing to do with the other. You are not 'more' nor 'less' dominant because of your living situation, nor the reasons for the situation. You are not 'more' nor 'less' dominant because you are providing for your child.

Making sound judgements and choices based on circumstance is simply the adult thing to do, not the dominant thing to do. Helping take care of your mother is the right thing to do.. not the dominant thing to do.

Separate out the fact that you are dominant and ask yourself.. would you still do these things? The answer is, most likely, yes. So, you are not more dominant, but you may be, perhaps, more adult.

Now, all that said, if someone else is affecting you because of their view of your dominance ... then you need to take a look at how you allow someone else to affect you.. because that, in fact, does speak to your dominant capabilities.

Make sense? YMMV

Celeste





_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to ctdomhere)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Simple and Complex - 7/9/2006 11:30:37 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Two years ago I moved into a seperate living quarters in my parent's home. I did so because my mother had a medical crisis and needed 24 hour care. I left my home, my job and basically everything that I called my life to come be with her. She has gotten much better and doesn't need me at the same level she did....but she does still need me to take care of the home, do the cooking, cleaning and yard work. My father is with her still...but he is aging also and can't do all that he once could...and being alone with her considering her medical problems is very scary to him.

I think that I might understand where you are coming from and I would bet it's from others and not what is within yourself. I know that it has made it difficult for me to begin a new relationship because I have commitments here that I can not turn my back on....so I can't fully dedicate myself to another at this point. I am also fairly certain that as a man there is a certain stigma attached to living at home. I feel it too, as I have always been a very independent person and I imagine what it must look like from the outside looking in.

Does it make you less dominant? Not anymore than what I'm doing makes me less submissive. It may indeed put some limitations on interactions...but it certainly doesn't change who you are.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to ctdomhere)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Simple and Complex - 7/10/2006 12:28:15 AM   
eruditegirl1


Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline
wow...so much tragedy in such a short time span????I wish you well....With our economy the way it is...you almost need two incomes to survive....another Dom I know is living with his mother too.... while he returned to College....it seems to be becoming some what of the norm....I applaud you...not sure I could live with my mother again...well and remain sane.....

(in reply to ctdomhere)
Profile   Post #: 20
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