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BecomingV -> RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? (5/22/2014 11:31:43 AM)
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Is this willful ignorance or did you really miss the point?
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ORIGINAL: Telios
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ORIGINAL: MizzSpitfire
What a "service submissive" ISN'T: A guy who says he will do "anything sexual" you want him to.
When are these men going to stop equating service with sex?
Interesting observation.
I must say that, for me, while "sex" isn't the reward, per se, I wouldn't even think of being a service submissive to a man.
So, sexuality "is" involved.
Somehow.
No one said sexuality is not involved. What you were told is that it's not a barter system - chores for sex. Some arrangements are about the experience of being controlled as a maid or as a car mechanic or whatever that couple agrees to do. It's about direction and being directed, about giving and receiving and about deference to the will and wishes of another.
Some guys want to feminize in a controlled and accepting environment, not in a group, just one Dom/me.
Some guys feel relief through domestic service. One service sub I know is a married, hetero, father and professional. He likes being a sissy maid. As a Domme, I offered him a safe place to change his clothes, gave him instructions and tasks, supervised and offered verbal feedback. I got to feel good about providing some respect and acceptance to this man. I got my bathroom cleaned.
The only thing that was sexual about this was our mutual agreement that I was superior because I am female, for that scene. (I don't believe in supremacy based on genitalia.) He was very verbal about Goddess worship, but if you look at his life... eh, not so much in practice.
So, my feelings about service subs reflect positive experiences. BTW, he brought his own g-string and maid outfit and feather duster. I provided the kitchen, food and cleaning supplies.
There's no centralized authority in the BDSM community to find a definitive answer to your question. However, reading these threads, and those on other sites; meeting others in person, locally or while on vacation away from home, is a good way to find a consensus of meanings. I choose to think of service submission as a non-sexual arrangement.
A submissive, is already available for domestic service, so that's more about a sexual relationship. Others will tell you different points of view, and that doesn't make them wrong.
Anyone in the BDSM world really needs to have the kind of mentality that accepts that opposing viewpoints may both be valid. Choose your own labels and then describe them in detail, to others. Then, the most important step... LISTEN.
ETA - I was not told in advance that the married service submissive was a married man. That was revealed just before he left and he was not invited back because of that deception. Shame. Otherwise, he was great. But, that's like saying the perfume would have been great if not for the shit is was sprinkled on.
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