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RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/19/2014 11:23:32 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
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From: Maryland
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Rose, you have C-mail.

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RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/20/2014 12:19:27 AM

FightingChains

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

I guess one of things im worried about is im not truly into BDSM and thus i have no business being in this online community.

Ok, what in the hell makes someone "truly into BDSM"? There is a whole shitload Im not into and don't have an interest in. And that doesn't make me any less than when it comes to BDSM. My guy and I live our BDSM for US because that's ultimately all that matters in the equation. It's been said time and time again, but I'll say it one more time for emphasis. There is NO such thing as "one twue way" when it comes to this. Only your way

You belong wherever the heck you want to belong, OP. And don't let anyone or anything tell you different.

Haha, yeah I never thought I was into BDSM either. So much of kink just makes me go "WTF? This is not me!"

Be who you are, do what you want, with someone else who wants to do it (unless you're into self play, then go for your life alone!). Just don't kill or permanently injure people and keep it sane and it's all good.

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RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/20/2014 12:31:20 PM

Vgsjohn

Posts: 13
Joined: 1/26/2013
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Some Hard Limits i had when i first came into the lifestyle are gone, while something i have set as hard limits that i use to enjoy. Other limits i have depending on the Dominant. I.E. i will not do "x" with Y/you, yet will do with H/her.

limits are, in my experience, ever changing.

try everything twice

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RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/21/2014 3:14:48 PM

CobaltRose

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Also some of my hard limits are simply because of my dislike of pain, unless it eventually gets replaced by pleasure (eg, anal sex). To me, pain= bad. Basically i dont like pain for the sake of pain. I wont get pleasure from being whipped, and i have had hot grease fall on my hand it wasnt pleasant, so im guessing thats how wax would feel. Maybe im generalizing.

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RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/21/2014 4:35:05 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

Also some of my hard limits are simply because of my dislike of pain, unless it eventually gets replaced by pleasure (eg, anal sex). To me, pain= bad. Basically i dont like pain for the sake of pain. I wont get pleasure from being whipped, and i have had hot grease fall on my hand it wasnt pleasant, so im guessing thats how wax would feel. Maybe im generalizing.

Well, you're not a masochist, which is perfectly understandable. Don't get with a sadistic Dominant or sado-masochistic Switch. This will bring you both much closer to sharing the same Hard Limits.

You have never had candle wax drip on you? You don't keep any candles around for emergency in case of an electrical power outage? Test it out for yourself. Get a plain white candle made of paraffin. Don't use a colored decorative candle or scented Glade votives. Those have other ingredients in them. It doesn't burn like hot grease or butter, and has a completely different sensation.

Also, with a non-sadistic Dominant, hair-pulling is not to yank or pull you across the floor by your hair. I think that you will find once you do have anal sex that you will like having your hair tugged on. Lots of vanillas enjoy tugging on hair or holding onto a head of hair while receiving oral. (Your first profile pic/avatar showed you with full, long hair, and you're young, so I doubt you have to worry about losing any of it.) You may, however, want to specify verbally that you don't want your pubic hair pulled upon.

The thing about Hard Limits is this. They should be timeless and not up for negotiation. A deal breaker is a deal breaker. If you want to get taken seriously, be intransigent. Whatever has the remotest possibility of changing in the future depending on what your partner enjoys, you should establish in advance as a Soft Limit instead and list under "Hates."

It's good that you've put thought into this ahead of time. Even with a cyber and/or long-distance relationship, you have a sensitive nature; and once you get attached to somebody, you don't know with absolute certainty that you won't feel compelled to meet in person at some point.

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RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/21/2014 6:39:39 PM

CobaltRose

Posts: 246
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

Also some of my hard limits are simply because of my dislike of pain, unless it eventually gets replaced by pleasure (eg, anal sex). To me, pain= bad. Basically i dont like pain for the sake of pain. I wont get pleasure from being whipped, and i have had hot grease fall on my hand it wasnt pleasant, so im guessing thats how wax would feel. Maybe im generalizing.

Well, you're not a masochist, which is perfectly understandable. Don't get with a sadistic Dominant or sado-masochistic Switch. This will bring you both much closer to sharing the same Hard Limits.

You have never had candle wax drip on you? You don't keep any candles around for emergency in case of an electrical power outage? Test it out for yourself. Get a plain white candle made of paraffin. Don't use a colored decorative candle or scented Glade votives. Those have other ingredients in them. It doesn't burn like hot grease or butter, and has a completely different sensation.

Also, with a non-sadistic Dominant, hair-pulling is not to yank or pull you across the floor by your hair. I think that you will find once you do have anal sex that you will like having your hair tugged on. Lots of vanillas enjoy tugging on hair or holding onto a head of hair while receiving oral. (Your first profile pic/avatar showed you with full, long hair, and you're young, so I doubt you have to worry about losing any of it.) You may, however, want to specify verbally that you don't want your pubic hair pulled upon.

The thing about Hard Limits is this. They should be timeless and not up for negotiation. A deal breaker is a deal breaker. If you want to get taken seriously, be intransigent. Whatever has the remotest possibility of changing in the future depending on what your partner enjoys, you should establish in advance as a Soft Limit instead and list under "Hates."

It's good that you've put thought into this ahead of time. Even with a cyber and/or long-distance relationship, you have a sensitive nature; and once you get attached to somebody, you don't know with absolute certainty that you won't feel compelled to meet in person at some point.

I wish there was a soft limit option. I am ok with gentle hair pulling, just not hard hair pulling. I know i wont ever be into those other things.

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RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/21/2014 6:46:46 PM

DaddySatyr

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Just one small thing: Wax, when dripped correctly, does NOT burn. It's an art form, to be sure, but it can be done.

Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 5/21/2014 6:49:10 PM >

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RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/21/2014 6:51:05 PM

dcnovice

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FR

You can only be yourself.

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it's never enough to keep up.

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INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

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RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/21/2014 7:45:26 PM

CobaltRose

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

Just one small thing: Wax, when dripped correctly, does NOT burn. It's an art form, to be sure, but it can be done.

Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

Well, i rather not leave things up to chance. I just dont see the point of wax play. It doesnt excite me.

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RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/21/2014 7:50:22 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

Just one small thing: Wax, when dripped correctly, does NOT burn. It's an art form, to be sure, but it can be done.

Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

Well, i rather not leave things up to chance. I just dont see the point of wax play. It doesnt excite me.

The only time I experienced it (on a small scale) I discovered I loved the sensation it gave. It was warm, and not at all hot and the change/contrast in temperatures felt amazing. It was kind of relaxing.

You may find that if you were to try a paraffin bath sometime for your hands or feet, that you may be similarly surprised.

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RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/21/2014 7:53:59 PM

CobaltRose

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

Just one small thing: Wax, when dripped correctly, does NOT burn. It's an art form, to be sure, but it can be done.

Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

Well, i rather not leave things up to chance. I just dont see the point of wax play. It doesnt excite me.

The only time I experienced it (on a small scale) I discovered I loved the sensation it gave. It was warm, and not at all hot and the change/contrast in temperatures felt amazing. It was kind of relaxing.

You may find that if you were to try a paraffin bath sometime for your hands or feet, that you may be similarly surprised.

Well, maybe i will, but it will be done on my time and my choice, by me. Basically, my body, my choice.

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RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/21/2014 8:28:45 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

Just one small thing: Wax, when dripped correctly, does NOT burn. It's an art form, to be sure, but it can be done.

Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

Well, i rather not leave things up to chance. I just dont see the point of wax play. It doesnt excite me.

The only time I experienced it (on a small scale) I discovered I loved the sensation it gave. It was warm, and not at all hot and the change/contrast in temperatures felt amazing. It was kind of relaxing.

You may find that if you were to try a paraffin bath sometime for your hands or feet, that you may be similarly surprised.

Well, maybe i will, but it will be done on my time and my choice, by me. Basically, my body, my choice.

As it should be.

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RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/26/2014 3:56:45 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

Just one small thing: Wax, when dripped correctly, does NOT burn.

Which is why I don't consider generic wax play to be part of S&M. Mine gets combined with ice play, so there's immediate relief and contrast in sensations.

I'm sure there are others who hike it up a few more notches, which is up to them how they prefer to do this, with a greater degree of intensity.

Btw, CobaltRose, my comments on this subject have nothing to do with you personally. If the thought of something doesn't turn you on, and you don't want to try something, that's your own prerogative.

FYI, Soft Limits as its own category is more than likely not listed because many newbies have no idea what they are. Listing Hates requires no explanation.

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RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/26/2014 10:46:50 PM

RemoteUser

Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CobaltRose

Im kinda worried I do. I feel like im not fit to be a BDSM sub

I am capable of doing much more than you.

I choose to do less.

There isn't any doubt in my mind what I am. If others doubted it, it would be based on their perceptions, not my reality.

Stick to who you are, and let the ones worth finding you get there on their own merits, by appreciating yours.

You can't enjoy a gentle walk, if you have to question every step you take. (Try this sometime, go for a walk at sunset or sunrise and try to pay attention to nothing but your feet, then when you get home, think about your walk and what you really experienced about it. Let me know how that goes, will you?)

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RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/27/2014 2:50:37 AM

GoddessManko

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DO NOT compromise on your HARD limits, no way. Please don't put me or any other Domme through the calamity of permanently scarring a sub or turning him off to the lifestyle itself unknowingly. There's no such thing as too many limits, only not enough. Because by the time you give me a list of your hard limits, I'm pretty sure it will leave hundreds of unexplored forms of play in which I am going to explore many of them, perhaps simultaneously. I like my subs having different sensations all at once.
My sub's excitement increases my own. My sub having the need for a safe word or trying to top from the bottom would RUIN my day.

Edited to add: PS: I like the element of surprise. So YES, please list all hard limits. UTMOST IMPORTANCE. :)

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 5/27/2014 2:52:13 AM >

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RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 5/31/2014 3:53:46 AM

DOM68005

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Too may hard limits ?? .... I would say no for this stage of your BDSM development.

That said ... IF you progress to having a Master or Dom of your own to understand and protect you, I would encourage you to attend a play party under their protection so that you may observe the last two activities in a play setting.
I agree those are valid hard limits otherwise. The last play party I attended included a demonstration where you could feel and touch the wax along with educational instruction and cautions. There were no expectations and no demands. Even after that education, you have the right to keep that hard limit if you choose.

Being cautious and going at a pace that you are comfortable is smart. You are THINKING. Good for you.

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RE: Do I Have Too Many Hard Limits? - 6/7/2014 4:58:37 PM

slaveoubliette

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a sub can have hard limits were a slave has few if any.... enjoy submit and learn... discuss with your Dominant and if your limits are acceptable to him or her what is the real concern.

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