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Requests For Money! - 5/18/2014 4:07:28 AM

mouse850

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/28/2013
Status: offline

Hello Ladies, (and fellow subs for that matter)

I recently responded to the profile of a Lady on here, (Lets assume for now that She was actually a real, genuine Lady) that replied quite quickly that She wanted to meet, but due to Her having been messed about a number of times, She wanted a "one off tribute" and my phone number.

I had no problems giving her my phone number but said, explaining that although I understood her motif, I was very reluctant to send a financial tribute, adding that after talking to me, I was sure she would be fairly confident that I would not let her down. In following correspondences, I made a couple of suggestions, including having me arrive at the arranged meeting point well in advance and sending a proof photo which I would have been very happy to do and having a good telephone conversation so we were both pretty sure that we would be a good fit. However she persisted with the insistence of a tribute in advance so eventually, I refused point blank.

I feel, and please do correct me if I'm wrong here, that if this kind of action makes it all the more difficult for Dommes to find genuine subs like me, but am very interested to hear what others think of it.

Regards,

m

Post #: 1

RE: Requests For Money! - 5/18/2014 5:21:56 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

It might make it difficult to find subs like you, but it might make it much easier to find the type of sub she wants, which evidently is a sub who will give her money.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to mouse850)

Post #: 2

RE: Requests For Money! - 5/18/2014 5:41:42 AM

masmiss

Posts: 494
Joined: 2/16/2009
From: New Jersey
Status: offline

I'm guessing she really didn't care whether you were genuine or not, she just wanted your money.
Keep looking. It's not easy but you'll find your Domme.

_____________________________

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

-William Ernest Henley

(in reply to mouse850)

Post #: 3

RE: Requests For Money! - 5/18/2014 5:42:56 AM

MzArianaPA

Posts: 39
Joined: 11/24/2013
Status: offline

When you open up an email on here, there's a big red message across the top of the page. Might want to check that.

Based on my own experience over the years (and that of other dommes that I am friends with and know in person), yes....if you start talking to a male sub online who is not involved in the local BDSM community at all and who has relatively little experience, the chances of him actually showing up at an arranged first meet are minimal - even with him asking to meet, even after exchanging phone numbers and talking on the phone. I have never once been stood up by a vanilla guy on a vanilla date that I met on a vanilla site - but with sub men, I would say there's probably a 60% or so no-call, no-show rate. So much for being the considerate partner who is concerned about a Domme's wants and needs and wanting to serve her.

I'm saying this so you understand a bit about where she's coming from. But that said - no, I don't think it's appropriate for her to expect tribute to meet and I don't think it's appropriate for you to pay it.

What you CAN do - be consistent. Do what you say you're going to do. Keep in contact regularly - don't disappear for a week at a time and then expect to pick up where you left off. Go to a much or three locally to give yourself some credibility as someone who can actually be real. Be the guy who buys her dinner and brings her flowers or a book or CD you thought she'd enjoy based on your conversations. Be the guy who gets to know her as a person, not just the means to an end for your kinks. Treat her like a human first and foremost. Don't let yourself get caught up in subfrenzy and forget that you have to court her.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 4

RE: Requests For Money! - 5/18/2014 5:49:25 AM

SuiGenerix

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/7/2013
Status: offline

AthenaSurrenders is, as usual, spot-on, and I don't doubt that in this case you did have a Domme fishing for coin.

That said, unreliability is a despairing trend with submissives one meets and vets online - a series of correspondence and phone/Skype visits that all signal genuine serious intent, emotional stability, and honesty on the sub's part, but then- *poof*. They don't show up for the in-person meet. That's annoyance enough if it's a local meetup, but I know Dominants who've traveled part way to meet a submissive from a neighboring state, only to be ghosted.

Thus, while an up-front tribute is something I myself would never employ, I can at least see the theoretical utility of some Dominants using it as a kind of financial incentive, as it were, to increase the likelihood that a submissive won't bail on the meeting. It's a sad day when concepts like escrow and reservation deposits make their way into interpersonal and sensual terrain, but there we are.

Best wishes in your search.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 5

RE: Requests For Money! - 5/18/2014 6:30:17 AM

evesgrden

Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SuiGenerix

AthenaSurrenders is, as usual, spot-on, and I don't doubt that in this case you did have a Domme fishing for coin.

That said, unreliability is a despairing trend with submissives one meets and vets online - a series of correspondence and phone/Skype visits that all signal genuine serious intent, emotional stability, and honesty on the sub's part, but then- *poof*. They don't show up for the in-person meet. That's annoyance enough if it's a local meetup, but I know Dominants who've traveled part way to meet a submissive from a neighboring state, only to be ghosted.

Thus, while an up-front tribute is something I myself would never employ, I can at least see the theoretical utility of some Dominants using it as a kind of financial incentive, as it were, to increase the likelihood that a submissive won't bail on the meeting. It's a sad day when concepts like escrow and reservation deposits make their way into interpersonal and sensual terrain, but there we are.

Best wishes in your search.

Sure there's utility in it... if you're in business and time is money. When you buy someone a gift, it should come from the heart.

If the relationship is contingent upon it, it's compensation for services rendered.

_____________________________

What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to SuiGenerix)

Post #: 6

RE: Requests For Money! - 5/18/2014 6:39:08 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

I charge for each e-mail. If they want an answer from me, they need to send me $1 (American). If I could charge just for reading some of the senseless crap I receive, I would.

Michael

P.S.;

You owe me $1 for this post

Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to evesgrden)

Post #: 7

RE: Requests For Money! - 5/18/2014 6:46:15 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

That's what's web cams are for to prove someone is real.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 8

RE: Requests For Money! - 5/18/2014 6:51:29 AM

MzArianaPA

Posts: 39
Joined: 11/24/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

That's what's web cams are for to prove someone is real.

Not so much.

It might show you if the person is the person in the picture they've sent, yes.

It doesn't prove that person will show up for a meet over coffee.

I won't go on a webcam anymore - too many times I fired it up to just have a face to face chat with someone I thought might be interesting and as a step towards meeting - and there's the idiot naked with his cock in his hand thinking he's getting virtual sex. No more.

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 9

RE: Requests For Money! - 5/18/2014 6:57:57 AM

mouse850

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/28/2013
Status: offline

Some really interesting points made here and thank you for the re-assurances that she was indeed most likely just out for money.

I am of course aware that we male subs do have a very bad reputation for being, shall we say, "flaky" but I was very surprised to see it mentioned that the percentage is as high as 60% though. That is astonishingly high! While I in no way condone that, it does lower the very high sub/Domme ratio somewhat in the favor of more genuine subs though.

Being consistent is great advice - Without wanting to get in to making this thread about me personally, I do think that I "did things right" on that score - even to the point of advising the Lady in question in advance that I would be out of the country for a couple of days, so if she wanted to talk then not to try me on the number I had given her, but that I could make alternate arrangements if it was necessary.

Being part of the local community is also not bad advice, aside from the obvious benefits to your reputation, it may indeed be good fun, however don't think that it is a route to finding the Lady of your dreams. Speaking from my own experiences, I was very involved in the scene for quite some time back in the mid/late 90's and was very much loved within the scene - It didn't necessarily however make finding a partner any easier though... Certainly back then, it was quite couples based and actually on many occasions it made me feel even more isolated and alone. I found that single Ladies, and Dommes in particular, find it quite difficult to attend events on their own and so the ratio of male subs to Dommes was actually even more acute than online where there is a degree of comfort and safety inherent.

As SuiGenerix says, "It's a sad day when concepts like escrow and reservation deposits make their way into interpersonal and sensual terrain." I feel it is indeed, but then evidently there does seem to be a great deal of blame to be apportioned to us male subs for this situation. But then, I'm sure that there are ways in which Ladies can indeed filter out the wheat from the chaff without leaving the door wide open to exploitation. My suggestion was to have me arrive at the meeting point well in advance. I wonder, does anyone have any other suggestions that Ladies could employ to combat this situation?

(in reply to MzArianaPA)

Post #: 10

RE: Requests For Money! - 5/18/2014 6:58:57 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzArianaPA

I won't go on a webcam anymore - too many times I fired it up to just have a face to face chat with someone I thought might be interesting and as a step towards meeting - and there's the idiot naked with his cock in his hand thinking he's getting virtual sex. No more.

I apologized for that!

Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to MzArianaPA)

Post #: 11

RE: Requests For Money! - 5/18/2014 7:45:10 AM

igor2003

Posts: 1718
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzArianaPA

When you open up an email on here, there's a big red message across the top of the page. Might want to check that.

Based on my own experience over the years (and that of other dommes that I am friends with and know in person), yes....if you start talking to a male sub online who is not involved in the local BDSM community at all and who has relatively little experience, the chances of him actually showing up at an arranged first meet are minimal - even with him asking to meet, even after exchanging phone numbers and talking on the phone. I have never once been stood up by a vanilla guy on a vanilla date that I met on a vanilla site My own personal experience with women from vanilla sites is that it is not unusual at all for THEM to be a no show. - but with sub men, I would say there's probably a 60% or so no-call, no-show rate. And I would say that with "dommes" that want a tribute just to meet, the no show rate is going to be much higher than 60%. They get the money and there is absolutely no guarantee that they are going to show up. So much for being the considerate partner who is concerned about a Domme's wants and needs and wanting to serve her. That "considerate partner" thing you mention has to work BOTH ways. As far as I'm concerned, a sub that doesn't show up is bad, but a "domme" that requires a tribute and then doesn't show up is much worse.

I'm saying this so you understand a bit about where she's coming from. But that said - no, I don't think it's appropriate for her to expect tribute to meet and I don't think it's appropriate for you to pay it.

What you CAN do - be consistent. Do what you say you're going to do. Keep in contact regularly - don't disappear for a week at a time and then expect to pick up where you left off. Go to a much or three locally to give yourself some credibility as someone who can actually be real. Be the guy who buys her dinner and brings her flowers or a book or CD you thought she'd enjoy based on your conversations. Be the guy who gets to know her as a person, not just the means to an end for your kinks. Treat her like a human first and foremost. Don't let yourself get caught up in subfrenzy and forget that you have to court her.

_____________________________

If the women don't find you handsome they should at least find you handy. - Red Green

At my age erections are like cops...there's never one around when you need it!

Never miss a good chance to shut up. - Will Rogers

(in reply to MzArianaPA)

Post #: 12

RE: Requests For Money! - 5/18/2014 12:16:02 PM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

I agree. Just because you pay a domme, how do you know they will turn up and not just a fake. Their giving fin dommes a bad name as fake,no wait, my mistake, they already are.

< Message edited by imtempting -- 5/18/2014 12:18:48 PM >

(in reply to igor2003)

Post #: 13

RE: Requests For Money! - 5/18/2014 1:10:21 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzArianaPA

When you open up an email on here, there's a big red message across the top of the page. Might want to check that.

Based on my own experience over the years (and that of other dommes that I am friends with and know in person), yes....if you start talking to a male sub online who is not involved in the local BDSM community at all and who has relatively little experience, the chances of him actually showing up at an arranged first meet are minimal - even with him asking to meet, even after exchanging phone numbers and talking on the phone. I have never once been stood up by a vanilla guy on a vanilla date that I met on a vanilla site - but with sub men, I would say there's probably a 60% or so no-call, no-show rate. So much for being the considerate partner who is concerned about a Domme's wants and needs and wanting to serve her.

I'm saying this so you understand a bit about where she's coming from. But that said - no, I don't think it's appropriate for her to expect tribute to meet and I don't think it's appropriate for you to pay it.

What you CAN do - be consistent. Do what you say you're going to do. Keep in contact regularly - don't disappear for a week at a time and then expect to pick up where you left off. Go to a much or three locally to give yourself some credibility as someone who can actually be real. Be the guy who buys her dinner and brings her flowers or a book or CD you thought she'd enjoy based on your conversations. Be the guy who gets to know her as a person, not just the means to an end for your kinks. Treat her like a human first and foremost. Don't let yourself get caught up in subfrenzy and forget that you have to court her.

I couldn't agree with you more. I also have never been stood up on a vanilla date. The only reason it probably hasn't happened yet with a prospective sub is because I so rarely agree to meet with anybody. Out of most of the ones I have, I didn't feel any sexual chemistry or in-person attraction, or else he couldn't make the grade past the inspection.

A funny anecdote about a Domme who had webcam-verified a sub who flew in to meet her. When she met him at the airport, it turns out he was a DWARF. He'd always been seated and/or obscured behind his desk and conveniently *forgot* to mention this pertinent fact to her ahead of time.

Any sub who drops the ball, shows lack of sustained attentiveness once it becomes evident he's not going to get insta-Dommed and has to actually work at cultivating an interpersonal relationship, puts himself out of the running. I, too, get those sub contenders dropping off the grid for 1-2 weeks, who message later without skipping a beat. Pff-ft. There was once a switch whom I caught in so many lies, he waited more than a month to recontact me. Then he tried to message me under TWO new profiles (one Dom, one sub) before I shot him down and found it necessary to block him.

Mouse850, you made a splendid suggestion with "having me arrive at the arranged meeting point well in advance and sending a proof photo," which I'm going to start implementing effective immediately.
Good job! If that didn't impress this Domme, then don't waste any more time with her. She's already moved on to easier marks.

ETA: I do find it interesting to note that every single male sub responding on this thread has his profile hidden. What's up with that? Right there, any sub contacting me would automatically get disqualified for consideration of acknowledgment or response, personally. Now who's playing games?

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 5/18/2014 1:28:55 PM >

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to MzArianaPA)

Post #: 14

RE: Requests For Money! - 5/18/2014 1:27:39 PM

OriginalRebel

Posts: 93
Joined: 4/18/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

A funny anecdote about a Domme who had webcam-verified a sub who flew in to meet her. When she met him at the airport, it turns out he was a DWARF. He'd always been seated and/or obscured behind his desk and conveniently *forgot* to mention this pertinent fact to her ahead of time.

Yep, that was me, though I told you all that under a different name.

Three months of chatting on webcam, phone and in writing to this cute Italian submissive guy. He wasn't actually a dwarf, he was a midget so he was completely in proportion.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 15

RE: Requests For Money! - 5/18/2014 1:29:28 PM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

I can in theory the picture idea working but in practice I think it has risks. The domme could just be playing or they could call it a test wasting the subs time and money.

I think it has to do with the method of the arranged meet. If someone expects to be called miss or something like that in public then that will scare people off but if they say just call me by my name and don't even mention the lifestyle and dress casual then id expect more subs to be there but again, you have your player subs too.

So in closing, I think you just got to play the odds of online and hope people will be there.

At hiding profiles, not every one is looking.

< Message edited by imtempting -- 5/18/2014 1:30:33 PM >

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 16

RE: Requests For Money! - 5/18/2014 3:24:29 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginalRebel

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

A funny anecdote about a Domme who had webcam-verified a sub who flew in to meet her. When she met him at the airport, it turns out he was a DWARF. He'd always been seated and/or obscured behind his desk and conveniently *forgot* to mention this pertinent fact to her ahead of time.

Yep, that was me, though I told you all that under a different name.

Three months of chatting on webcam, phone and in writing to this cute Italian submissive guy. He wasn't actually a dwarf, he was a midget so he was completely in proportion.

That happened to me years ago before the net was fully up and running for common folk. I wasn't seeking a sub or partner, but was looking for crew for my (significantly sized) sailboat. I figured there was no reason to exchange pictures, which was an ordeal by snail mail in those days. The guy showed up with an armful of flowers and toys for the cats, saying he knew how to 'please a woman'. I asked what 'pleasing women' had to do with pulling up an anchor weighing more than he did, and wished him well on his way.

(in reply to OriginalRebel)

Post #: 17

RE: Requests For Money! - 5/18/2014 10:52:04 PM

Lohea

Posts: 23
Joined: 5/5/2014
Status: offline

I think once anyone realizes they can make money doing something they love, they travel that path. It would need to take somebody exceptional not to expect anything from them. Although I speak from a view in which it is difficult for me to get close to anybody.

BDSM is a bit of a difficult thing... because emotions become involved. It isn't the same as making money painting... or creating items. You're making money by giving pleasure to someone. Pleasure you also apparently get from the scene... so it seems unfair. Why should the submissive need to pay for such pleasure?

They pay because they probably won't find something like her, ever again. Nobody that treats them the way they want to be treated just because they enjoy it. Just because they have the money to enjoy such a rare fruit.

Submissives tend to give. Give their submission, give their trust... give their money. If that rings true to you, then this dynamic shouldn't be alien to you.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

Post #: 18

RE: Requests For Money! - 5/19/2014 12:26:34 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lohea

I think once anyone realizes they can make money doing something they love, they travel that path. It would need to take somebody exceptional not to expect anything from them. Although I speak from a view in which it is difficult for me to get close to anybody.

BDSM is a bit of a difficult thing... because emotions become involved. It isn't the same as making money painting... or creating items. You're making money by giving pleasure to someone. Pleasure you also apparently get from the scene... so it seems unfair. Why should the submissive need to pay for such pleasure?

They pay because they probably won't find something like her, ever again. Nobody that treats them the way they want to be treated just because they enjoy it. Just because they have the money to enjoy such a rare fruit.

Submissives tend to give. Give their submission, give their trust... give their money. If that rings true to you, then this dynamic shouldn't be alien to you.

This is really beautiful, Lohea. I'd like to expand upon that, though. When it comes to relations between men and women, I'm kind of old-fashioned. Whether vanilla or either side of the kneel and anywhere in between, I believe a man should always treasure and cherish his woman. He should be willing not only to keep her in the style in which she has been accustomed, but to improve upon it and make her life better. We already do so much for our mates and families and for THEIR families, and keep the household running. Whatever we women touch becomes a sanctuary for others. A D/s relationship dynamic is in no way a role reversal. A Dominant woman does not become the man. A submissive woman does not turn into her Master's provider.

Of course, giving of self works both ways in that regard, because a man invariably benefits (at some point, no matter how short-lived) from the comforting presence and influence of having a woman to call his own. And women tend to indulge their men, and to hold them up with moral support and our feminine strength. We tend to be more giving of ourselves. It's harder for men to be as vulnerable and emotionally supportive, and so they tend to compensate by sharing their resources instead. It's a sacred dance by which we bond together. Men who are unwilling to join in the dance don't stand much of a chance of competing or are afraid of competing with other men who are. This is what separates the men from the boys.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Lohea)

Post #: 19

RE: Requests For Money! - 5/19/2014 3:18:45 AM

FightingChains

Posts: 293
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline

Hmmm maybe I'm just too vanilla.

I see requests for money, findomming and to be honest a lot of things in the BDSM and D/s world, and I wonder... how much of this is using another person? Are you really interested in mutually getting needs met, or are you just taking advantage because you're selfish?

In my eyes, if you're doing something to get needs met for both people, and it just happens to include money, then that's plain awesome. But if you're exploiting the situation to get stuff, like nice shoes, clothes, material things, then I beyond detest such actions. I just can't help but ask the question because I see so much of this action around and it simply *feels* exploitive even from the description.

Maybe I'm just too vanilla.

_____________________________

"Get comfortable in your skin; you're going to be in it for a while."

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 20

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