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Worldtravelerxo -> RE: When did monogamy become such a dirty word? (5/29/2014 2:21:58 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BecomingV
Sometimes, I can be blunt. I do it when I think it's the most effective method of communication. Usually, when someone has a blind spot. So, as you read, it may bug you, but hang in there... I mean you well.
As a whole, the post reads as annoyance that people are saying things counter to your views. So? That will never stop. And, none of us are entitled to the support, or agreement, of others.
First, flip the attitude, from righteous indignation to increased tolerance on your part, taking a positive view of poly enthusiasts and accept the way that they are right now. People who love something are encouraging you to try it, too. They think it will increase your pleasure. Okay, they're wrong, but can you at least acknowledge that you are being included, encouraged and educated?
It's like repeating, "you have to try my favorite flavor" to a person who is allergic to it. You seem to be seeing this through a negative lens, as if it's all about you. It's not. They talk to everyone that way...all around the BDSM world. They've heard new people saying, "No" to things at first, but later, that changed. Some people show up inhibited. The cheer-leading section creates an environment for freedom and that does make your world better. What they are doing IS encouragement. Give people some time to see that you are holding steady to your course. If it were all about you, then your words might make them stop, but it's not about you.
Quick tip for a future response to, "You need to try Poly" - Really, what made you say that to me? OR Why was that important for you to ask me? Don't answer the question... use one of those. It puts the ball back in their court and in this way, you gain more information... such as... I thought it might make you happy. Not so annoying when you delve beneath the surface.
This works... if you want acceptance, give it first. Your comparison of yourself as a good girl versus poly women... there's danger of nosebleeds way up there. You most definitely do judge them, and as inferior to you. That will attract lots of friends. Not. Some education on the kinks and lifestyles of others may help with an increase in open-mindedness. Lots of problems come from ignorance, and that's fixable.
Have you gone to FetLife to find 1950's groups, or monogamy groups, in your local area? If there are none... create one and see what happens. Find a female, 1950's submissive who is experienced and open to sharing. If she's far from you, all the better. There may be times when you want to say something that would offend people, and then there are consequences. Someone outside the group can offer a different perspective. It's an option.
Finally, and this is why I posted to begin with... you wrote,
"...but I'd rather not have to settle in order to settle down."
That ^^^ has never, and will never, happen to me. I know this because it's not one of my options. You, too, can choose to remove the possibility, or you can continue to see it as your potential future.
Now, we all have blind spots, things we judge and things we need to learn more about. Nothing, that I've highlighted is unique to you, but if you look, there's a common thread. I wrote about the parts that you do have some control over - mainly, attitude. It's okay to be who you are, right now.
Oh, the guy who changed his preference. Yeah, that happens and when posters write here about it, the response is two-fold. One group, wants to skewer the lying bastard. The other group considers misunderstanding, discovery of a new kink or interest that creates profound changes in the person and the possibility that the OP (in general) is complicit in contributing to the drama. While certainly upsetting, the guy did talk to you about it... some of them just go cheat. It's something.
Your goal is long-term monogamy in a 1950's style, D/s relationship. Over time, sexuality changes, health changes... it all changes. Parenthood, natural disasters, economic downturns, war... can make people unrecognizable from who they were "before." What happens if your "He" becomes paralyzed, from the neck down? Are you ready to work full-time, come home and take care of the kids and then take care of him? There are reasons why women are now expected to be providers if they are going to have kids. The 1950's can be a fun fantasy, but it's as high risk as any edge play to enter into it before having lots of savings, work skills and insurance, IMO.
That ^^^ is being supportive. I've seen way too many displaced submissives who thought it was romantic to abdicate financial responsibility and control... and it was. It was all about the romance and had nothing to do with reality, which they learned the hard way. So, a friendly "heads up" about balance.
I wish you all the best.
ETA - spelling error
I did a few deep breaths and poured a glass of Pinot noir before responding.... There was nothing "friendly" about your response. It was hostile and bitter. This submissive has multiple degrees, is quite capable and does well. I believe in love and devotion to my partner despite hardships or disasters. That was how I was raised. Accusing me of things when you have no idea who I am or what I'm about is just sad and not constructive.
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