It seems so hard for both of us to find what we want

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

It seems so hard for both of us to find what we want

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> It seems so hard for both of us to find what we want

Page: [1]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

It seems so hard for both of us to find what we want - 6/4/2014 4:47:54 PM

Pandola

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/4/2014
Status: offline

I've met up with three potential Mistresses, all from Craigslist, so what I have concluded, to date, might be more of a Craigslist thing than a collarplaces thing, but I just found out about this site from one of those mistresses.

We met, and all goes well, and one even handed me a contract to sign (which I didn't sign because of what I'm about to say below), but, it seemed that all they wanted (all three) was my money.

Now, there's nothing wrong with money, nor doing services for money - but that's not what I'm looking for (and they knew that, or so I had thought). But yet, it still turned out to be all about money. Sigh.

I guess it's hard for women to find men because for men, it's all about the sex; and yet, it's hard for men to find women, because, for women, it's all about the money.

Of course, a RELATIONSHIP would be different - but - it's so hard to find (for both men, and for women)!

< / rant >

Post #: 1

RE: It seems so hard for both of us to find what we want - 6/4/2014 5:30:51 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Looking at your profile, it's not surprising.

You don't talk about wanting a relationship, about what you enjoy in the real world and hope to find someone else who also enjoys old movies or hiking or whatever.

You only talk about your fetishes. Wanting to give oral sex, wanting puppy play.

It's understandable that you're suffering from sub frenzy, but that's never appealing except for someone wanting to use you as you've seen.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Pandola)

Post #: 2

RE: It seems so hard for both of us to find what we want - 6/4/2014 5:56:08 PM

BecomingV

Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pandola
I guess it's hard for women to find men because for men, it's all about the sex; and yet, it's hard for men to find women, because, for women, it's all about the money.

Of course, a RELATIONSHIP would be different - but - it's so hard to find (for both men, and for women)!

First, DesFIP hit the nail on the head.

Those beliefs: for men, it's all about sex; for women, it's all about money. Ew!

If you truly believe that, then why are you trying to attract a woman when you are unemployed and not independently wealthy? And, why are you surprised at meeting with 3 women who want your money?

Hate just doesn't attract love, IMHO.

(in reply to Pandola)

Post #: 3

RE: It seems so hard for both of us to find what we want - 6/4/2014 5:58:12 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

In all honesty, the fact that you're between jobs disqualifies you for consideration as relationship material. You are effectively saying you can't afford to date a woman. How would she know she's not only being used for sex (and/or BDSM play) but in what ways she can uplift and benefit your lifestyle, that you're not going to mooch off of her? Get real, dude.

You want a D/s dynamic based on what YOU want. There's nothing to indicate you're even serious about conducting a *real* relationship, other than "training," basically puppy-dog obedience training. Which is not free out in the real world unless you've already established a rapport with your neighbor or have a good friend to help you out.

Make yourself useful. What non-sexual skills do you have? What can you barter by way of vanilla-type services. You want something for nothing, so what makes you any better than those women who are after monetary gain? FYI, oral slaves are a dime a dozen. Vanilla men might think this is some HUGE asset or carrot to dangle--it isn't. You don't automatically qualify as a submissive to gain access between a Domme's legs. It doesn't work that way, fella.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Pandola)

Post #: 4

RE: It seems so hard for both of us to find what we want - 6/4/2014 7:09:27 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pandola
I guess it's hard for women to find men because for men, it's all about the sex; and yet, it's hard for men to find women, because, for women, it's all about the money.

Don't sound like Elliot Rodger's manifesto, please. I'm a guy for whom it's much easier to find sex than intimacy. Honestly, I think that's true for most people, both male and female. It's just that men are more likely to misinterpret sex as intimacy, because they had fewer high school experiences of "the boy who didn't call the next day." Women know the two aren't the same, because they've had their faces rubbed in it.

Be that as it may, serious question. Why would you want sex without intimacy? I really do mean you should take this question seriously. Perhaps your answer is as simple as, "It's fun," in which case go for it. But if fun is all you're after, why not pay for it? If you live in a major city in the 21st century, there are plenty of traditionally attractive escorts, and single women of all types on Plenty of Fish whom you could take to Olive Garden and then to bed.

What does a woman get out of seeing you naked? It doesn't have to be money. I don't think your unemployment is a relationship-stopper, the way FieryOpal seems to believe. It just means that you have to offer a woman something besides money (which you don't have much of). If what you want to offer her is, "The chance to play with my body in any way you choose," then cool, is your body hard as a rock? Lots of women would tie up Terry Crews for free. You see what I mean? If your body is your currency, make sure it's attractive.

And hey, if you don't have money, and don't have a 10 out of 10 bod, you could always attract ladies with your personality. Though that's a last resort, only to be used in rare circumstances.

Good luck.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Pandola)

Post #: 5

RE: It seems so hard for both of us to find what we want - 6/4/2014 7:45:22 PM

Pandola

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/4/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
And hey, if you don't have money, and don't have a 10 out of 10 bod, you could always attract ladies with your personality. Though that's a last resort, only to be used in rare circumstances.

:)

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 6

RE: It seems so hard for both of us to find what we want - 6/4/2014 8:11:20 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
<snip>
I don't think your unemployment is a relationship-stopper, the way FieryOpal seems to believe. It just means that you have to offer a woman something besides money (which you don't have much of). If what you want to offer her is, "The chance to play with my body in any way you choose," then cool, is your body hard as a rock? Lots of women would tie up Terry Crews for free. You see what I mean? If your body is your currency, make sure it's attractive.

And hey, if you don't have money, and don't have a 10 out of 10 bod, you could always attract ladies with your personality. Though that's a last resort, only to be used in rare circumstances.

You're a guy, RedMagic, average woman as provider is probably not super high on your list of priorities. Plus I'll bet even if you were on unemployment benefits, you'd manage to swing some (inexpensive) cool way to show a lady a good time (besides just in the sack!). Most dudes aren't as resourceful or imaginative.

Hey, I'm not one to leave a person bereft of hope. OP has the practical service angle to consider (has to have gas in his car to get around, though, as well as a running car). I think we can pretty much surmise he does NOT have a smoking hot hard body or he wouldn't be here to get advice, suggestions, and opinions. Those are what you want, isn't it Pandola? At 48, you're not getting any younger.

For those who need a clue, here's a great thread of DarkSteven's on "What skills?" for submissive males, especially newbies, that would help you stand out above the crowd on what might spark a Domme's interest: http://www.collarchat.com/m_4419646/tm.htm

ETA: Besides, I don't really believe OP is unemployed. He has the means to be trawling around trying to hook up with women on C-list (for free). I wouldn't be surprised if this weren't a ruse to ward off fin&pro-Dommes on this site and/or NOT be available to ask women out on dates in order to invest time & resources in cultivating a *real* relationship.

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 6/4/2014 8:21:06 PM >

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 7

RE: It seems so hard for both of us to find what we want - 6/4/2014 10:03:24 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

Mr. Oral is baaaaaaack, folks :-/ Different screen name, same outcome...no one's interested.

Dude, whether you post as Ilyrium, Maradium, PutMeAnywhere, Telios, or any of the myriad other socks you've been using, apparently what you offer is not the least bit interesting to lifestyle dommes. You're not getting ahead via your personality, so you're gonna have to pay.

Repeating the same behavior hoping for a different outcome is the definition of insanity. Either up your game or get out your wallet. Nothing new to see here, folks.

(in reply to Pandola)

Post #: 8

RE: It seems so hard for both of us to find what we want - 6/5/2014 12:38:01 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

If I had something that fully half of the population found to be of value and I could make money with it, I would.

Unfortunately, most ladies don't find the "Three Inch Wonder Worm" to be all that valuable. I'll die, impoverished.

Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

Post #: 9

RE: It seems so hard for both of us to find what we want - 6/7/2014 5:04:27 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pandola

I've met up with three potential Mistresses, all from Craigslist, so what I have concluded, to date, might be more of a Craigslist thing than a collarplaces thing, but I just found out about this site from one of those mistresses.

We met, and all goes well, and one even handed me a contract to sign (which I didn't sign because of what I'm about to say below), but, it seemed that all they wanted (all three) was my money.

Now, there's nothing wrong with money, nor doing services for money - but that's not what I'm looking for (and they knew that, or so I had thought). But yet, it still turned out to be all about money. Sigh.

I guess it's hard for women to find men because for men, it's all about the sex; and yet, it's hard for men to find women, because, for women, it's all about the money.

Of course, a RELATIONSHIP would be different - but - it's so hard to find (for both men, and for women)!

< / rant >

I've not run into anyone for whom it was all about money unless we are speaking about blood relatives. So, be your best and look for the best and this will change.

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to Pandola)

Post #: 10

RE: It seems so hard for both of us to find what we want - 6/7/2014 3:57:57 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

Hello,

It appears I am replying to Fiery Opal, yet directing my comment to the OP .. while actually quoting Red.

Guess I am thinking, go figure.

Red's comments:

"Be that as it may, serious question. Why would you want sex without intimacy? I really do mean you should take this question seriously. Perhaps your answer is as simple as, "It's fun," in which case go for it. But if fun is all you're after, why not pay for it? If you live in a major city in the 21st century, there are plenty of traditionally attractive escorts, and single women of all types on Plenty of Fish whom you could take to Olive Garden and then to bed."

That said, you, the OP, your profile indicates you are 48 years old!

Have you not grown up yet?

Frankly, mature men want intimacy before sex! Mental and emotional connection; then the physical form. Whether vanilla or BD doesn't really matter. The point is these men have evolved from the adolescent, stone age "conquest" stage of life.

Nonetheless, lets assume you yourself know this, but have a repressed desire for D/s in your life, all the while suffering vanilla ladies for years.

Then pay a Pro Domme ... of course if you don't have a job .. that's really hard to do.

Fiery Opals point about getting work first is really critical!

And so you can learn what your competition is ... I am a gentleman ... take Dominant Ladies out to first class dining establishments when they are in my town; or will even travel to meet single ones elsewhere.

Please do learn to live life; not dwell in fantasy!

Life is a growing, evolving experience; and so is BDSM as well as mature Female Dommes!

< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 6/7/2014 4:12:30 PM >

_____________________________

Got my second paddle! Finally! :-)

Heck I had one in 2010 .. now in 2013 another! Yes you can say, i am just a gifted slow learner!

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 11

RE: It seems so hard for both of us to find what we want - 6/7/2014 4:55:25 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

It's hard to find a relationship here?

Really?

I know it can be hard to find people one is compatible with, but that is true in any dating arena.

For me, it took 18 months, for my One to find me.
I wasn't even really looking.

That was over 5 years ago.

Patience helps.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Pandola)

Post #: 12

RE: It seems so hard for both of us to find what we want - 6/7/2014 8:32:02 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

<snip>
Patience helps.

Tell that to the OP's poor little worm. Nobody's interested, and he doesn't want to pay, and whaaa whaaa whaaa...

"New" profiles every week pushing the same agenda...so obvious, so tiresome.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 13

RE: It seems so hard for both of us to find what we want - 6/7/2014 8:42:49 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pandola

I guess it's hard for women to find men because for men, it's all about the sex; and yet, it's hard for men to find women, because, for women, it's all about the money.

Of course, a RELATIONSHIP would be different - but - it's so hard to find (for both men, and for women)!

< / rant >

I find that assumption incorrect and offensive. I have had no trouble finding good men for awesome relationships. They have had no trouble finding me. Money has never been a part of this.

Obviously you're STILL doing something wrong, OP. You might want to look at that, eh? Did you follow our previous advice and get to know folks in your local community? What have you actually DONE besides online/CL? Have you offered to volunteer at local events or introduced yourself at a munch?

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 6/7/2014 8:45:48 PM >

(in reply to Pandola)

Post #: 14

RE: It seems so hard for both of us to find what we want - 6/8/2014 12:21:18 AM

Pyramus

Posts: 397
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline

Seems to me the OP simply has a problem meeting the right kind of girl.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

Post #: 15

RE: It seems so hard for both of us to find what we want - 6/8/2014 12:03:01 PM

Pandola

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/4/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt
Tell that to the OP's poor little worm. Nobody's interested, and he doesn't want to pay, and whaaa whaaa whaaa...

:)

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

Post #: 16

RE: It seems so hard for both of us to find what we want - 6/8/2014 3:01:42 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pandola

I've met up with three potential Mistresses, all from Craigslist, so what I have concluded, to date, might be more of a Craigslist thing than a collarplaces thing, but I just found out about this site from one of those mistresses.

We met, and all goes well, and one even handed me a contract to sign (which I didn't sign because of what I'm about to say below), but, it seemed that all they wanted (all three) was my money.

Now, there's nothing wrong with money, nor doing services for money - but that's not what I'm looking for (and they knew that, or so I had thought). But yet, it still turned out to be all about money. Sigh.

I guess it's hard for women to find men because for men, it's all about the sex; and yet, it's hard for men to find women, because, for women, it's all about the money.

Of course, a RELATIONSHIP would be different - but - it's so hard to find (for both men, and for women)!

< / rant >

"I am NOT experienced, but I want to learn while pleasing you.
Will you teach me?"

(Begs others to charge).

< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 6/8/2014 3:02:05 PM >

(in reply to Pandola)

Post #: 17

RE: It seems so hard for both of us to find what we want - 6/16/2014 4:15:38 PM

Pandola

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/4/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie
(Begs others to charge).

I guess that's my fault then, and that I need to change my profile for the better, based on the advice here.
thanks!

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

Post #: 18

RE: It seems so hard for both of us to find what we want - 6/16/2014 5:08:43 PM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pandola

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt
Tell that to the OP's poor little worm. Nobody's interested, and he doesn't want to pay, and whaaa whaaa whaaa...

:)

Eugh, I think he enjoyed that, gross. There are probably some D types who don't mind a kept boy as an s, growing trend in Hollywood, but RedMagic1 though I agree with you (hello again!), I don't believe creepy internet pervert qualifies as "Mr Personality".

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 6/16/2014 5:09:14 PM >

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to Pandola)

Post #: 19

Page: [1]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> It seems so hard for both of us to find what we want

Page: [1]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109