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RE: constant money requests - 6/16/2014 11:31:40 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

Thanks for the links I'm still reading through them, but I can't help but note that the very first link isn't someone who finds paying to be sexually rewarding but someone looking for a long term relationship who's been convinced that he'll have to pay in order to get his actual needs met. In his words:

"I envisage any financial side would be simply compensation for the time and effort a Dominatrix would expend in running the arrangement."

It's exactly the sort of thing that gives people the impression that findom is a sort of unsavory arrangement/exploitation as opposed to some sort of legitimate kink.

Sure thing. Oh, don't even get me started on that married cheating dude who elsewhere has made some pretty disparaging remarks about his wife. This cross-dressing bottom frequents pro-Dommes so he knows he has to pay, but I wanted to give you a glimpse into the blackmail angle, the temerity of such reckless thrill-seeking behavior which is often concomitant with fin-slaves. His contempt for women oozes out his pores in this thread, btw: "Dominant women and mental illness" (11/3/13) http://www.collarchat.com/m_4578870/tm.htm

There is a peculiar pathology in the mindset of these financial subs that may not be readily comprehensible. This may appear to be an "unsavory arrangement/exploitation" to the rest of us on the surface, but so do a good number of other fetishes and kinks of a more extreme nature, many of which I happen to find revolting and/or potentially damaging and/or fraught with perils.

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
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Post #: 61

RE: constant money requests - 6/16/2014 1:00:45 PM

Zonie63

Posts: 2826
Joined: 4/25/2011
From: The Old Pueblo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: FortWayneSub
You may not believe it but it is a real fetish for some people. Not one of mine mind you but there are subs out there that really get off on findom.

There are?

My thing is that I've never met one of these subs. With all the time I've spent interacting with other kinksters I've never met a submissive with this fetish.

Anybody have a thread where someone describes the rewards of being findommed?

There was a WONDERFUL thread called "is fin Domme a legit form if D/s". Some of my subs actually commented there. If you find it and get past the bullshit, it's actually a pretty interesting thread.

I remember that thread. I don't remember why it was locked though.

Some good points were made in that thread, although I've observed that threads dealing with this topic have tended to go the same way most of the time. I don't think that people with opposing views on this subject will ever see eye to eye. I don't even think it's a matter of mere disagreement. There is a genuine disconnect here between divergent points of view which fail to connect or truly see the world the same way. One side sees something and says it's "red," while the other says it's "blue." I've seen more coherent disagreements in the Politics and Religion section.

I even think the dispute over whether financial domination constitutes a fetish is a bit of a red herring anyway. It's too broad, since financial domination can mean anything from the dominant partner controlling the finances in a long-term relationship all the way to the "fin ducks," which is something more akin to phone sex or cyber sex (not that there's anything wrong with that). But I've found that it's best if people from both sides of the argument clarify what, exactly, they mean by "financial domination" - otherwise it just leads to more arguments and confusion.

I think what floors me about all this is that the site tells people very clearly "Do not send money to anyone you don't know" (or something to that effect). I think this is just common sense for anyone doing anything anywhere, online or offline. On the other hand, profiles which imply disregard for that advice would be suspicious, in my view.

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Post #: 62

RE: constant money requests - 6/17/2014 10:32:32 AM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
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I completely agree with the broad spectrum statement.

The "do not send money" warning... Meh, I'm on the fence about it. Were I ever to be a fin sub, I would never send money to a person I didn't trust. However, there are just some things that are a gamble. I will always verify myself to show newer fin subs that I am a female, I do exists, etc.
I think not getting references, verification, and ignoring red flags is how they often get burned with sending money.

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Post #: 63

RE: constant money requests - 6/17/2014 10:51:22 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressKel

So, it's ok if I advertise professional Domme services here in the forums (on the appropriate board, of course), but it isn't alright to require that someone who you are fairly certain is a fraud purchase an item from a wishlist to prove they are serious? Or someone who would normally pay a couple hundred bucks for a Pro Domme, to purchase a gift for you if they enjoy your services? Really? What about those people who have ufantasies that you normally wouldn't do? You don't think it's ok to suggest a couple of gifts that would make you as happy as you are going to make them?

I mean, come on. Some of the shit people here want would cost them shit-tonnes if they went to a professional...That is called a market.

I have found one slave here that now lives with us (belonging to the Master of the house), one that is moving here in July, and one of my session subs had a profile here--though I did not meet him here, but on fetlife---I think.

Anyhow, I have had several people waste more of my time than I'd care to waste. I have eliminated that problem by using a amazon wishlist...they purchase an item from a list made especially for them (usually contains one or two items that can be purchased as a gift for those who wish to send one), then they either send it to my residence, or their own--depends on the situation. Once I verify their purchase, I don't mind talking to them so much because I can have evidence that they are not just trolling my time.

I do realize that many people have nothing better to do than to sit on a computer all day--and I'm all for that, if it's your thing--however, I could be making money or answering a message from someone who IS sincere, so if I think you're trolling me, I'm going to demand a tribute.

For those who get pissy about it...well, when I read comments from those people, I just wonder what they are trying to cover up for themselves...because I personally think that payments, charges, labels, blah, blah, blah, are between the person choosing to pay, and the person asking for the paymentw

So you feel it's ok in your quest for a RELATIONSHIP to have a potential partner compensate for your time? If you are so certain they are a fraud, walk away. Yes being a pro is different. It's. A business and a professional's time is worth money. Have you ever considered that your position is no different than the guy who expects a blow job after he listens to a woman talk all through the dinner he paid for?

So you wonder what I'm trying to hide by openly stating not you or anyone else is so so great that getting to know them should have monetary worth? Absolutely nothing.

If you were in a bar would you expect the guy to pay for your drinks if he wanted to talk to you?

We have legitimate findommes here like K. We have an overrun of finducks. And we have women who feel the standard rules of relationship development don't apply to them. If a male dominant asked for a tribute from a female sub to prove she was serious, these same people would laugh their asses off. Sorry but claiming to be a mistress doesn't excuse an inflated ego.

(in reply to MistressKel)

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Post #: 64

RE: constant money requests - 6/17/2014 3:07:06 PM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
Sure thing. Oh, don't even get me started on that married cheating dude who elsewhere has made some pretty disparaging remarks about his wife.

Damn, the more I read of that guy the more he looks like a sock....at least I hope he's a sock :S

quote:

ORIGINAL: AliceInUndieLand
I want casual sex with fat girls with low self-esteem who are desperate for attention.. any attention.. - Does exploiting the "insecurities" of "unfortunates" make me "Dominant" ..?

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Post #: 65

RE: constant money requests - 6/17/2014 6:33:53 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kurtuksubb

Been on this site for many years now , in that time I made a few friends but was alot of requests for tributes phone top ups etc , had a year or so away and thought I'd have a nose back within a few minutes my inbox was beeping away with messages but all the norm few mails back and forth then comes the "so do you wish to tribute" mail .I understand that there is alot of time wasting people on here but paying won't sort them from genuine people , is there any other sites that are less costly than this I'd love to serve again in person or online I just can't afford all these expensive emails ha ha

Shave your pits bud.

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Post #: 66

RE: constant money requests - 6/17/2014 7:33:23 PM

RockaRolla

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

Stop giving attention to every domme who crosses your browser window and find one you like. Once you do, serve away. It's not a difficult concept.

Sure, you don't get some real live woman to jerk off to, but you always have porn in the meantime.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

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Post #: 67

RE: constant money requests - 7/22/2014 1:41:53 AM

MistressKel

Posts: 44
Joined: 2/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressKel

So, it's ok if I advertise professional Domme services here in the forums (on the appropriate board, of course), but it isn't alright to require that someone who you are fairly certain is a fraud purchase an item from a wishlist to prove they are serious? Or someone who would normally pay a couple hundred bucks for a Pro Domme, to purchase a gift for you if they enjoy your services? Really? What about those people who have ufantasies that you normally wouldn't do? You don't think it's ok to suggest a couple of gifts that would make you as happy as you are going to make them?

I mean, come on. Some of the shit people here want would cost them shit-tonnes if they went to a professional...That is called a market.

I have found one slave here that now lives with us (belonging to the Master of the house), one that is moving here in July, and one of my session subs had a profile here--though I did not meet him here, but on fetlife---I think.

Anyhow, I have had several people waste more of my time than I'd care to waste. I have eliminated that problem by using a amazon wishlist...they purchase an item from a list made especially for them (usually contains one or two items that can be purchased as a gift for those who wish to send one), then they either send it to my residence, or their own--depends on the situation. Once I verify their purchase, I don't mind talking to them so much because I can have evidence that they are not just trolling my time.

I do realize that many people have nothing better to do than to sit on a computer all day--and I'm all for that, if it's your thing--however, I could be making money or answering a message from someone who IS sincere, so if I think you're trolling me, I'm going to demand a tribute.

For those who get pissy about it...well, when I read comments from those people, I just wonder what they are trying to cover up for themselves...because I personally think that payments, charges, labels, blah, blah, blah, are between the person choosing to pay, and the person asking for the paymentw

So you feel it's ok in your quest for a RELATIONSHIP to have a potential partner compensate for your time? If you are so certain they are a fraud, walk away. Yes being a pro is different. It's. A business and a professional's time is worth money. Have you ever considered that your position is no different than the guy who expects a blow job after he listens to a woman talk all through the dinner he paid for?

So you wonder what I'm trying to hide by openly stating not you or anyone else is so so great that getting to know them should have monetary worth? Absolutely nothing.

If you were in a bar would you expect the guy to pay for your drinks if he wanted to talk to you?

We have legitimate findommes here like K. We have an overrun of finducks. And we have women who feel the standard rules of relationship development don't apply to them. If a male dominant asked for a tribute from a female sub to prove she was serious, these same people would laugh their asses off. Sorry but claiming to be a mistress doesn't excuse an inflated ego.

No, but I have indeed considered the similarities to my position as one who gets paid $45.00 an hour to help people with their mental health issues---any similarity there? I think it's more correlating than your blowjob metaphor...

Ok, first of all, if someone contacts me on here and asks me to do x. y. and z...which I do not get into--which may even be in my dislikes or tolerates or hates category...if I do not enjoy those things, but I am willing to do them in exchange for a payment...where the hell is that a problem? So long as no laws are being broken, where is there a moral issue in this exchange??? You assume that this has something to do with looking for a relationship...not really sure where those people who I DO NOT SEEK fit in to my own search-- they are more inconvenient than anything.

Also, why the hell would I walk away if someone is willing to compensate my time in exchange for me to do something that is inconvenient to me. Funny that you're willing to insult people here in the forums based upon your own ideal that you should not have to wade through hundreds of findom's to find your own relationships--but I could SWEAR that I've seen you post on here that you don't use the other side of the site for anything but shits and giggles a few years back...so I'm not really sure what your real issue here is.

I do what I want, and you can claim that it's ego, and hate however you wish, your hatred and opinions really aren't much to me unless you are willing to pay me to listen. Seriously, I think that all of you who are trying to tell other people what is or is not acceptable in this lifestyle are foolish and detrimental to the lifestyle because you set limitations based on your own shortsighted opinions...not sure how reliable those are because I don't know you...and that is where your opinion means little to nothing to me...because I don't KNOW that it has value...soooo...I guess I'm just saying that you have no idea of what you are speaking when you discuss this subject with me, because most of what you said is not even relevant to me in the slightest. Not because of my ego, but because it sounds silly as shit to ME...doesn't mean it's poor opinion, or even incorrect, it just does not apply to my situation so the words are wasted.

For example, I do not deal with males (normally--and never seek them out), so most of your comments were pointless to me---which is why when a STRAIGHT MALE responds to my profile which CLEARLY states that I am not interested in straight males, and then if I am willing to do what he wants in exchange for money, and he is willing to pay me that amount which is acceptable to both of us--I really don't care what other's opinions are of our transaction.

I do art, music, pet and "BDSM" therapy...is there a problem being compensated for ANY of those things if the paying person is satisfied with what they receive? No idea when I will make it back to this topic to reply, but never even knew I had a response, so I replied now. =)

< Message edited by MistressKel -- 7/22/2014 1:49:05 AM >

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Post #: 68

RE: constant money requests - 7/22/2014 6:29:44 PM

dreamysubmale

Posts: 204
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline

FR

I wonder if anyone has done a survey to see if there is a common link in the profiles of those who constantly nag, belittle and insult findoms, tributedoms and pro-doms.

It’s not my kink but I’ve never got bothered by any of the so called “fakes”. If it is your kink then there are many legitimate findomes and pro domes in here, many contribute to these boards. Occasionally I’ll get the odd email from a 19 or 21 year old dominant who claims to have “11 year” domme experience under her belt which for obvious reasons I ignore.

I’ve met many good people in this site, both locally and from overseas and made good friendships. Not to mention the tone of witty, funny, informative and educational material one gets from the many posters in here.

OP, i think if one stops surfing (perving) at profiles cluttered with porn pics of young sirens and has a reasonably ok written profile, without a “do me laundry list” then one has a better chance of meeting people who are what they say they are and considerably lessen the chances getting bombarded with requests for money from the so called fin-ducks who see every man as a "worm or piggy". Of course you need to get behind the computer and socialize in your local BDSM community.

Ps: if my post has typos or bad grammar, i’s because English isn’t my first language.

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Post #: 69

RE: constant money requests - 7/23/2014 4:11:11 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kurtuksubb

Been on this site for many years now , in that time I made a few friends but was alot of requests for tributes phone top ups etc , had a year or so away and thought I'd have a nose back within a few minutes my inbox was beeping away with messages but all the norm few mails back and forth then comes the "so do you wish to tribute" mail .I understand that there is alot of time wasting people on here but paying won't sort them from genuine people , is there any other sites that are less costly than this I'd love to serve again in person or online I just can't afford all these expensive emails ha ha

I have the same dilemma.

Many women want to tribute to me...I say "NO!"

(I am not to be bought).

I understand their fear, their desire to be indebted but....as stated above...I am not to be bought.

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Post #: 70

RE: constant money requests - 7/23/2014 4:39:55 PM

MauiDreams

Posts: 9
Joined: 6/9/2014
Status: offline

There's lots of Finsubs on the other side, I just had one view my profile. I won't link to it, but a quote from his profile says "I generally have a masochistic propensity for verbal abuse, money slavery and being abused." And even though I have nothing about tribute or wanting money or gifts in my profile (actually I state the exact opposite) I still get occasional messages from subs offering tribute. I'm guessing most of them are what AAkasha described and they just want to exchange a few messages and will disappear before parting with any money, but it doesn't bother me any since that's not what I'm looking for. And I've always had a firm belief that if men really had such a problem with having to pay for a woman's attention, they'd go find out what women (or a specific woman) actually want and give them that rather than just taking the easy way out and reaching for their wallets. Y'all have made your bed by expecting women to cater to the needs of men for millenia with the only compensation being some form of financial security, so now it's time for you to lay in it. Whining about how we won't cater to your sexual and emotional needs when you refuse to cater to ours simply won't fly.

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