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Orgasm Denial Pros and Cons - 6/8/2014 9:56:08 PM

Gauge

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I was playing with my slut over the weekend and we encountered something that was a bit troubling to me. I have had no difficulty getting her to orgasm, and she has convulsed and screamed, carried on and basically has had her mind-blown while climaxing. I have also told her that she was not allowed to cum until I gave her permission to do so and it appeared that she was experiencing very intense orgasms.

This weekend however, I denied her orgasms as a small form of punishment and finally allowed her to cum, but I had a lot of difficulty getting her to cum and she did not have as spectacular an orgasm as we have experienced previously. Afterward, in talking with her, she told me that when I delay her orgasm it is still good, but not mind-blowing core orgasms like she has if I do not interfere. I was admittedly a little confused and dismayed. I will also admit that I felt a little inadequate, but only because I felt as if I had failed her. I have told her how I felt and we also talked about that as well and I told her that I would try to learn more about it.

What I am wondering is how orgasm denial works for others. I would like to know if others have experienced the same lackluster result and what you did to correct it. Is this a common problem? If you are so inclined, please explain how you use orgasm denial in your play sessions and if the results vary because of it.

Thank you in advance for your response.

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RE: Orgasm Denial Pros and Cons - 6/8/2014 10:35:09 PM

FieryOpal

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~FR~ Interesting predicament. We women are all wired a bit differently, no one-size-fits-all, and your orgasm denial practices evidently interfere with her being able to get into an orgasm-inducing modality for her. For me personally, coming from a divergent angle from your dynamic, I tend to be overly sensitive so I enforce my own edging. (Otherwise, I'd get spent too soon.) Orgasm delay makes my orgasms more intense, but I am the one essentially in charge or have oversight in this area.

Can't make the same correlation between a female and male sub, given such dissimilarities in anatomy and physiology, so it wouldn't be helpful for me to go into how orgasm control, teasing & denial, and edging work with male subs.

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RE: Orgasm Denial Pros and Cons - 6/8/2014 10:58:32 PM

Gauge

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

~FR~ Interesting predicament. We women are all wired a bit differently, no one-size-fits-all, and your orgasm denial practices evidently interfere with her being able to get into an orgasm-inducing modality for her.

That is just it though, this is really the first time that we have had significant trouble. Other times I have done it and she has responded well. My confusion as a result is... well... troubling to me.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

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RE: Orgasm Denial Pros and Cons - 6/8/2014 11:28:52 PM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

That is just it though, this is really the first time that we have had significant trouble. Other times I have done it and she has responded well. My confusion as a result is... well... troubling to me.

It could be where she is in her monthly cycle. A couple days before, during, and up to a week after menstruation, she should be much more sensitive and/or orgasm prone, with greater intensity factoring in.

My other thought is, Has your relationship been progressing to closer intimacy, or are there stressors going on in your lives at present which could be triggering off a stress response in her? You are sensing some change afoot, this possibly not being just an isolated incident, from the concern you're expressing. It's good that you want to keep on top of, and abreast of, your partner's responsiveness.

[Edited for grammar]

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 6/8/2014 11:31:40 PM >

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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RE: Orgasm Denial Pros and Cons - 6/9/2014 12:09:13 AM

Gauge

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

It could be where she is in her monthly cycle. A couple days before, during, and up to a week after menstruation, she should be much more sensitive and/or orgasm prone, with greater intensity factoring in.

My other thought is, Has your relationship been progressing to closer intimacy, or are there stressors going on in your lives at present which could be triggering off a stress response in her? You are sensing some change afoot, this possibly not being just an isolated incident, from the concern you're expressing. It's good that you want to keep on top of, and abreast of, your partner's responsiveness.

[Edited for grammar]

We play as consistently as we can, and we have done so for the last 8 months or so nearly every week (it is only practical that we see one another for play once or at most twice a week, she has family obligations and a job which is demanding of her time otherwise). No matter where it seems to be regarding her monthly cycle, it has seemingly had no bearing and the results have been positive.

We have no more, or less stress than we have had since we have entered into a relationship. As far as intimacy, I don't think we could go much further with that or we would live inside of each other. Our relationship is very strong and mutually satisfying.

She had a few hurdles regarding attaining orgasm when we first met. These hurdles were from a previous relationship and she had difficulty giving in to an orgasm. After much discussion and some very hard work with a therapist she has been seeing, she was able to let go and allow herself to be taken to climax. Seven solid months have passed and there has not been a single problem. I highly doubt that there is anything coming back from earlier on with her difficulty because we have basically smashed all of those barriers. Please understand, I am not saying that it is impossible, I just doubt like hell that she wouldn't have told me if she was feeling like she did when we first met. We communicate very well and are able to be very open and honest with each other and after I told her that I was concerned, she would have said something.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

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RE: Orgasm Denial Pros and Cons - 6/9/2014 12:13:48 AM

angelikaJ

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Orgasms for women can be tricky things.

It could be that by giving her the directive not to cum, that it triggered something in her brain that made it difficult later on.
It wouldn't necessarily been anything she was aware of.

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RE: Orgasm Denial Pros and Cons - 6/9/2014 12:29:51 AM

Gauge

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Orgasms for women can be tricky things.

It could be that by giving her the directive not to cum, that it triggered something in her brain that made it difficult later on.
It wouldn't necessarily been anything she was aware of.

OK, I can accept that. This was nothing new that I had done with her though. I once restrained her, placed the appropriate toys in the usual spots, told her not to cum until I told her to, and sat there and watched her struggle for nearly 30 minutes. When I finally told her to cum, she was like a fucking bucking bronco, and screamed like a banshee... I was a little nervous that the neighbors might call the cops. My point being that we have done this before. Maybe this is an isolated incident and I am making a big deal over it, but when she explained to me that it wasn't the same as when I just let her cum when she has to, I got really confused because of the history of success.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 7

RE: Orgasm Denial Pros and Cons - 6/9/2014 2:37:08 AM

areallivehuman

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Perhaps it was the use of orgasm denial as a form of punishment that messed with her head. It doesn't sound like this was the norm.

(in reply to Gauge)

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RE: Orgasm Denial Pros and Cons - 6/9/2014 8:37:00 AM

Gauge

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quote:

ORIGINAL: areallivehuman

Perhaps it was the use of orgasm denial as a form of punishment that messed with her head. It doesn't sound like this was the norm.

Maybe this is the case. However, she indicated that if I interfere at all, it is less than if I don't. I will have to clarify with her in order to answer if there was a difference because of the "punishment."

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to areallivehuman)

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RE: Orgasm Denial Pros and Cons - 6/9/2014 8:56:55 AM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Orgasms for women can be tricky things.

It could be that by giving her the directive not to cum, that it triggered something in her brain that made it difficult later on.
It wouldn't necessarily been anything she was aware of.

OK, I can accept that. This was nothing new that I had done with her though. I once restrained her, placed the appropriate toys in the usual spots, told her not to cum until I told her to, and sat there and watched her struggle for nearly 30 minutes. When I finally told her to cum, she was like a fucking bucking bronco, and screamed like a banshee... I was a little nervous that the neighbors might call the cops. My point being that we have done this before. Maybe this is an isolated incident and I am making a big deal over it, but when she explained to me that it wasn't the same as when I just let her cum when she has to, I got really confused because of the history of success.

It doesn't matter that you did nothing new.
This time something went sideways in her head... or maybe it was simply that this time it was more difficult for her to orgasm, and it being after a punishment was coincidental.
Not that it has ever happened to you, but just like men sometimes have issues with arousal or orgasm out of the blue, it can happen to women as well.

My advice, if you are open to it, is don't worry it to death.
If it becomes a pattern then confusion and concern are appropriate, but nothing makes orgasms more difficult than the feeling that one is supposed to have one or else it will disappoint her partner.
It may have just been a fluke.

However, if she can offer insight as to why she thinks it wasn't, I would listen to that.

_____________________________

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(as deemed by He who owns me)

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RE: Orgasm Denial Pros and Cons - 6/9/2014 9:04:46 AM

quizzicalkitten

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For Me when I bottomed, denying me at all or edging destroyed my ability to cum for that person for some time no matter what they did. Do it to many times and I ceased to cum at all, and ended up in a state that required medical attention due to debilitating pain.

My advice is to listen to your girl she knows her body pretty well.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

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RE: Orgasm Denial Pros and Cons - 6/9/2014 9:29:51 AM

LittleGirlHeart

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I have an extremely hard time orgasming to begin with. Mess with it when it's about to happen, and chances are it wont happen at all, and i will naturally be very upset.

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RE: Orgasm Denial Pros and Cons - 6/9/2014 10:06:58 AM

DesFIP

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Is this the first time you've used orgasms as punishment? Because if it's not, then I can see her feeling as though she shouldn't ever cum. Since you've put it in her head that they're not permitted and that you'll be angry/upset if she does.

It's like using spankings for fun and for punishment. Eventually the negative associations overtake the positive ones and you hate and fear what you used to love.

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RE: Orgasm Denial Pros and Cons - 6/10/2014 8:05:59 PM

Gauge

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Just to update the thread:

I spoke with my slut about what happened. She has not had difficulty when I told her not to cum, she said that it had intensified her orgasms and that it was good. However, she told me that because I framed this as a punishment, she had felt as though she had let me down and was therefore upset and distracted. This explains the problem.

I explained the difference between "funishment" and punishment and that while playing if I use something to "punish" her, it is not something that she needs to feel as though she has let me down. I explained to her that if I felt that there was an infraction truly worthy of punishment that we would discuss it and it would not be a part of our time enjoying each other.

Thank you everyone for taking time to respond.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to DesFIP)

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RE: Orgasm Denial Pros and Cons - 6/10/2014 8:26:38 PM

DesFIP

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FYI, in the moment she may not be able to understand that although you claim this is a punishment, it actually isn't. By using the terms associated with punishment, you can still make her feel that you are upset with her. Which will upset her and make it difficult to orgasm. Try framing it as being good instead of bad, if you want this to be a positive experience.

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RE: Orgasm Denial Pros and Cons - 6/10/2014 9:17:20 PM

Gauge

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

FYI, in the moment she may not be able to understand that although you claim this is a punishment, it actually isn't. By using the terms associated with punishment, you can still make her feel that you are upset with her. Which will upset her and make it difficult to orgasm. Try framing it as being good instead of bad, if you want this to be a positive experience.

I have. I gave you the short Readers Digest version. She understands completely.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to DesFIP)

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RE: Orgasm Denial Pros and Cons - 6/11/2014 1:33:40 PM

DesFIP

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Intellectually, I understood also. However, while in a submissive headspace I wasn't thinking logically or analytically. And in an emotional and sensory headspace, I found I couldn't distinguish between him pretending to punish me and him actually doing so.

Just a head's up from my pov. Because wiitwd isn't logical or intellectual or analytical, it's intense and not at all usual. So it makes sense that what you get will be illogical responses.

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RE: Orgasm Denial Pros and Cons - 6/12/2014 12:37:26 PM

orgasmdenial12

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
What I am wondering is how orgasm denial works for others. I would like to know if others have experienced the same lackluster result and what you did to correct it.

No, the complete opposite. The sexual energy is stored up and results in intense arousal and pleasure, if released.

quote:

Is this a common problem? If you are so inclined, please explain how you use orgasm denial in your play sessions and if the results vary because of it.

It tends to affect women who have a low to medium sex drive. Women who particularly enjoy denial tend to be very highly sexed, and the denial only increases that.

It may not be appropriate to deny your partner if she already struggles to maintain her arousal without being denied.

(in reply to Gauge)

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RE: Orgasm Denial Pros and Cons - 6/12/2014 1:05:16 PM

GoddessManko

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

That is just it though, this is really the first time that we have had significant trouble. Other times I have done it and she has responded well. My confusion as a result is... well... troubling to me.

I understand your sentiments totally and I'm sure you know in this lifestyle a lot of the play is just the icing on the cake which is cerebral. Maybe something is troubling for her, maybe some sort of stress she is unable to verbalize to you? Family? Friends? work?
It might not be you, it might all be circumstantial. I have to mentally be in a place where I want to Dom my sub or it's simply not happening for me. I can be just as easily turned off to lifestyle as turned on and that is something that may be more of a "womanly" tendency, I don't know for certain, whether D or s. We tend to be emotional creatures and our feelings at the time usually are what determines our ability to "perform" so to speak. I would say once she's cooled off, a bit less anxious, you present the discussion openly, no judgements just an earnest ear and the most viable questions. Observing her through your play variation may give you an idea what it is, maybe she felt frustration from the orgasm denial, maybe she had other things weighing her thoughts. I'm positive there is something more underlying than your ability to perform as a D, especially if you've driven her mad with desire effortlessly time and time again.
Personally I'm hoping it's just a little hiccup and nothing pointing to a greater issue at hand. Sometimes orgasm denial gives me mind blowing orgasms, sometimes it delays and prolongs it, either way I enjoy the sensations equally. Personally I enjoy it, something about the journey vs destination thing, I enjoy it more than the orgasm itself. Now when I get aroused even my entire face tingles from the adrenaline, it's nice...my lips as well as the tip of my nose especially.

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RE: Orgasm Denial Pros and Cons - 6/12/2014 1:56:35 PM

CreativeDominant

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Seems to me like you've had some really good answers in this thread, coming from those on the same side as y0ur girl.

I've played with orgasm denial with several submissives. I never did it in a punishment way or in a funishment way, it was just part of the dynamic as we got closer and I was given more control over them. For a couple of them, it worked really well...as the last poster noted, there orgasms got mind-blowingly intense, leading to squirting for one. However...and there is always a however in life since everyone is different...for one submissive, it was nothing short of painful. To be brought to a level and then not allowed to go over and have to slow her down and then bring her back up again became more chore-like the more it was done until it began to feel like I was working too hard...as was she...and we were getting nothing from it. When we spoke of it, her answer was that the denial and subsequent damping down of her response...by her and by me...seemed to affect her in a manner that made her body act almost as if when we got here there again, her body was "distrustful" of what was going to happen next. When we returned to her still having to ask permission but with me granting it almost immediately, the great orgasms returned and the pain her body had been experiencing with arousal went away.

(in reply to GoddessManko)

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