Cuckolding question/advice

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SubGuy4Life -> Cuckolding question/advice (6/10/2014 3:48:57 PM)
Hello all, This is my first post and although I have been on the collarme website for awhile I am now trying to become a more active member, I am however a novice and apologize if I offend anyone. I have developed a deep craving/need to be a cuckold, but not the fake cuckold crap that comes up in a quick google search. I am seeking a Goddess to love and be loved by. Are they real Women out there that enjoy/want to be a cuckoldress, or is cuckold something that fake subs have twisted and warped so much that a Mistress hears cuckold and runs for the hills? I am not a cross dresser, sissy, nor do I consider myself gay in the slightest fashion. I have always toughly enjoyed sex and I think the combination of that and wanting to a submissive drives my desire to be a cuckold. For example it could be said that sex is the thing I want most, giving control of that to a Mistress is submission. Then to add on to the fact that she takes what I want most and teases me about having sex with other people is ultimate submission. I am not saying I never want sex (quite the contrary) but I think there would be a huge power exchange there. Which I think is what drives women to be dominate. Am I crazy/ making any sense? How do I get past the stereotypical crap that is associated to find a Mistress that is looking for similar things and not the fake money grabbing people on here? Is my idea even real or has it been also warped by the fake crap, ie maybe I am looking for something that isn't real. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, or at least to know there are like minded people like me. Thank you all for your time!

AAkasha -> RE: Cuckolding question/advice (6/10/2014 4:48:14 PM)
What do you do when she leaves you for the guy she is fucking? Intimacy is a slippery slope. These are real considerations. I like the idea of cuckolding in theory, but I am sexually conservative in that I don't like penetration sex or oral sex with random guys. I can orgasm really, really easily though from nipple stimulation among other things, so I can get off sexually with men without having them get access to me in sexually dangerous (as in disease) ways. So the idea has crossed my mind. But moreso, I really get hot with the idea of going out to clubs and whatnot and making out with random guys while my primary is just my driver or gets my drinks - having other men try to pick me up, etc. But leaving it at that. There's less risk. No further encounters. When you start to get into full blown sexuality, there comes a risk of intimacy, and you can't protect against that. And what about jealousy? I guess for a cuckold that's part of the rush. I think I understand the cuckold mindset pretty well, but it seems like one of those that are much better fantasy than reality. You also have to find a woman who likes sleeping around without the risk of emotional connection, and I think that's rare. And again, once you find her, what do you do when she dumps you for the guy that offers her more? Akasha

DarkSteven -> RE: Cuckolding question/advice (6/10/2014 5:07:36 PM)
Welcome to the forums! That said... You say that it is the ultimate submission. Nope. It only is if the Mistress wants it powerfully. It's YOUR fantasy, not hers. You're projecting your desire onto her.

ladynlord -> RE: Cuckolding question/advice (6/10/2014 5:27:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SubGuy4Life Then to add on to the fact that she takes what I want most and teases me about having sex with other people is ultimate submission. And have you considered where you will be while she is having sex with other people? Waiting in the car? Waiting in the lobby of the hotel? At home doing housework? What do you do when a second or third meeting with a partner turns into an all weekend stay? Or do you expect her to find a partner to have sex with that ALSO lets you watch? Are there many guys who would perform while you are watching across the room? How are you going to address the fact that YOU WILL have bouts of jealousy? How will the two of you address those moments? What do you expect to happen when one of her sexual partners decides he is going to "steal" her from you? LOTS TO THINK ABOUT! But the best of luck to you!

SpyUnderCover -> RE: Cuckolding question/advice (6/10/2014 6:39:44 PM)
Dominant women who enjoy cuckolding do exist, but the cuckolding may not happen exactly as you imagine it. For example, it may happen less often, or more often; it may just be a matter-of-fact encounter and not involve teasing you at all. As for myself, I enjoy having the freedom to have more than one lover. But I generally shy away from using the term "cuckold" because it has a connotation of being degrading or deliberately cruel. I'm not interested in deliberately provoking anyone's jealousy. It's the freedom that is important to me. As far as where to find women who are open to the concept, I'd suggest checking out the polyamory forum. When you look at women's profiles, look to see if cuckolding or polyamory are checked or mentioned at all. Welcome to the forums, and good luck! Spy

SubGuy4Life -> RE: Cuckolding question/advice (6/10/2014 6:40:45 PM)
Very cogent points all of you, and things I have thought about. I wish I could say I have answers, but I don't. As far as her leaving me, the only response I have is hopefully she wouldn't out of love. I think I should be more clear and say that I am not wanting someone that is out with another man every night, unless she choose let it to be that way. I think a lot of the turn on would just be knowing that at any point she could do as she pleased. Or like you said Akasha she could go out to the bar and make out while I am forced to watch, or stay home and wonder what is happening. Again just knowing she has the power to give to others what I want most. Or I think it would be good if she made me please her with my tongue while she thought of the man she made out with at the bar. To your point ladynlord I suppose I would be wherever she allowed/ commanded me to be. By no means do I claim to be an expert, but I am hoping to find someone that loves me and is willing to grow and learn with me as we explore this and everything else life has to offer. DarkSteven maybe I am projecting a little but, but the point of this post is to find like minded people. Hopefully I can find a Mistress that agrees this is the ultimate submission!

SweetlySadistic1 -> RE: Cuckolding question/advice (6/10/2014 7:31:48 PM)
I agree w/ DS that it's not the ultimate submission unless she wants it in a powerful way. It's not really submission at all if it's you that wants it in a powerful way, rather it's a fulfillment of your fantasy & not hers. Cuckolding isn't always what some guys think it is. Strictly speaking, she has the freedom to have other lovers if she so wishes. You would not necessarily get to watch or even listen. You might be at home while she is out w/ her lover. For that matter, you might just think she's out with a lover when she's really part of a gals' night out, getting her nails done or doing something else. You won't know for sure whether she even really has a lover. It's about her sexual freedom and her freedom to do as she chooses, not that she has to have lovers. The idea is you think she might and there's nothing you can do about it if she does. Also, the cuckold doesn't get to choose the lovers, she does. That is if she even really has any. For all you know, the would-be lover that you think is BBC might be a short white guy. lol Also, it doesn't necessarily mean you'll be in chastity either. Chastity is a separate kink which sometimes coexists w/ cuckolding but it doesn't have to. Some use it to keep the man from sowing his wild oats while she presumably is sowing hers. I'm all for women controlling our own sexuality but, if I were a cuckoldress, it would be on my terms and not for the man's fantasy fulfillment. SweetlySadistic1

FieryOpal -> RE: Cuckolding question/advice (6/10/2014 10:47:24 PM)
Welcome to the forum. What you are fantasizing about is light years away from where you are now as a newbie and this full-blown relationship dynamic you imagine having with your Mistress. One does not simply jump right into a cuckolding lifestyle. There is also more than one type of cuckolding depending on any number of factors, which is beyond the purview of your query. First of all, you are interjecting yourself into a standing that you will hardly have as a newbie male sub. You are placing yourself in the position of primary partner. It is the primary partner who gets cuckolded. A female cuckold is a cuckquean. Often the cuckolded male partner or cuckquean consensually enter into this dynamic because one or both primaries are bisexual and want a third. There is cuckolding which is participatory, as in a three-way. There is voyeuristic cuckolding, which is more like a threesome. The kind of cuckolding you describe is where the cuckolded partner is in absentia. This kind involves Mental Torment along with Tease&Denial. It may or may not include Chastity practices or incorporate Orgasm Control. If you are NOT the primary partner of the Cuckoldress, then you are not being cuckolded. The Mistress who has multiple subs, for example, which is more common than not (although one or more may be a non-sexual service sub), is NOT cuckolding her subs unless one sub partner happens to be her primary partner. There are married or already-partnered Dommes who have a sub or subs. If she is also a Cuckoldress, then it is her husband who is being cuckolded, not her subs. No different than with vanilla intimate relationships, you have to earn the position of main squeeze. It takes time for two people to bond. Ordinarily, you don't just luck into this, and it's difficult enough for a submissive male to find a Mistress as it is, given the disproportionate ratio of sub:Domme. Looking at the essentials, then, you want a Mistress who is polyamorous. Not-for-hire single lifestyle Dommes who are straight tend to be monogamous. Wildcard if she is poly and/or bisexual. You are willing to share your Mistress. Not a problem, although chances are you will have no input in this matter anyway. It isn't your choice to make how many subs a Domme wants to own. Your jealous passion will end up getting activated in most cases; however, no Domme wants to deal with a jealous sub who wants a greater degree of emotional intimacy or commitment than she is willing to give. You don't get instant intimacy with (virtually) any woman, whether vanilla or kinky. There is no fast track to this process, because it IS a process. Dating is a process. Building trust is a process. Cultivating a D/s relationship is a process.

FightingChains -> RE: Cuckolding question/advice (6/10/2014 10:54:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetlySadistic1 I'm all for women controlling our own sexuality but, if I were a cuckoldress, it would be on my terms and not for the man's fantasy fulfillment. I've noticed a lot of dom/mes say this, and I wonder why fulfilling a sub's fantasy is such a bad thing. I mean, there's a difference between being a fetish delivery system and being considerate of your sub's desires. Sooner or later, if a sub isn't getting his/her desires met, I'm gonna bet he or she will leave eventually. They still have needs too.

FieryOpal -> RE: Cuckolding question/advice (6/11/2014 12:13:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FightingChains I've noticed a lot of dom/mes say this, and I wonder why fulfilling a sub's fantasy is such a bad thing. I mean, there's a difference between being a fetish delivery system and being considerate of your sub's desires. Sooner or later, if a sub isn't getting his/her desires met, I'm gonna bet he or she will leave eventually. They still have needs too. Since SweetlySadistic may not be available to answer for herself right away, I'll put in my two-cents' worth in the interim. This OP thread is a perfect example of an unrealistic fantasy expectation that many newbie subs have. Others are so outlandish (being kept bound and/or locked in a cage down in the basement, being taken out into the woods, stripped naked and tied to a tree while getting whipped and then left there overnight, etc., etc.) that they need to remain in the fantasy realm or are porn-fueled, not reality-based. I know that this is not what you meant FC, and that you're thinking more along the lines of desires that emerge later (assuming current ones had been thoroughly discussed beforehand, along with limits and gray areas). If the Dominant and the submissive are aligned and have matching compatibility, then both their needs will get met. Then it becomes simply a matter of when and how often, along with other variables. If one party pulls a bait & switch, then that's a separate issue and would need to get dealt with accordingly. If you are questioning the authority dynamic, then I can't help you there. In a D/s dynamic, authority rests with the Dominant. To do otherwise would require a change in how each partner views his/her dominance and submission in relation to one another. (I'm not saying that this is a bad or undesirable thing in itself, but it would fundamentally alter their relationship entirely and wouldn't fit within the parameters of the question you are posing.) [Edited for clarity]

FightingChains -> RE: Cuckolding question/advice (6/11/2014 12:39:45 AM)
Of course I'm not questioning authority. If your sub has things they like and you don't like, are you required to do them? No. You're the dominant. But being the dominant, you also have to wise up: you're two people, and if you just use the sub as YOUR fetish delivery system and completely ignore their wants, they're going to hate you, get depressed, and either commit suicide, or leave. If you actually give a damn about your sub you might want to make them happy, and fulfil a fantasy of theirs. That isn't a sub topping from the bottom. It's you choosing to be a nice dominant. There is an extremely unbalanced perspective on this site that any sub that wants something is topping from the bottom, and using a woman as a 'fetish delivery system'. And equally unbalanced is the view that any desire the sub has is irrelevant. D/s is about authority and power, not one person getting to have fun and one person being miserable for life. Too many dominants think Dominance is about not caring about what your sub wants. Just because you decide to do something your sub likes doesn't mean they're topping from the bottom.

FieryOpal -> RE: Cuckolding question/advice (6/11/2014 1:50:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FightingChains Of course I'm not questioning authority. If your sub has things they like and you don't like, are you required to do them? No. You're the dominant. But being the dominant, you also have to wise up: you're two people, and if you just use the sub as YOUR fetish delivery system and completely ignore their wants, they're going to hate you, get depressed, and either commit suicide, or leave. If you actually give a damn about your sub you might want to make them happy, and fulfil a fantasy of theirs. That isn't a sub topping from the bottom. It's you choosing to be a nice dominant. There is an extremely unbalanced perspective on this site that any sub that wants something is topping from the bottom, and using a woman as a 'fetish delivery system'. And equally unbalanced is the view that any desire the sub has is irrelevant. D/s is about authority and power, not one person getting to have fun and one person being miserable for life. Too many dominants think Dominance is about not caring about what your sub wants. Just because you decide to do something your sub likes doesn't mean they're topping from the bottom. I hear what you're saying, and there are selfish Dominants with or without unhappy slaves, no question about it. There are also selfish submissives. You will find this with vanillas, many people are just plain selfish and out for themselves. BDSM play aside, focusing on committed relationships, there are many Dominants who are sensitive to meeting their sub's all-around needs, who feel a protective responsibility to look after their sub's happiness and well-being. I know Dominants who have non-sexual service subs who have developed strong bonds of friendship, the kind of friendship where you would take the shirt off your back for a loyal friend. I will say this. I have a begging dynamic which affords my sub the ability to "get what he wants," within limits. Neither one of us would view this as his Topping from the bottom or with me being a pushover (although others' opinions may vary, but what do I care?). On the other hand, I learned the other day that a sub I've been exchanging messages with for the past couple of weeks likes to cross-dress. Nothing against cross-dressers, and I have a sissyCD friend, but I don't want one for my partner. What if this hadn't come up until AFTER I had collared him, because we are compatible on many other levels. Would it be a deal breaker? Maybe not, depending on the scope of his fetish. But I sure wouldn't embark on entering into a D/s relationship with him, knowing what I know. Why? Because somewhere there is a Domme who WILL appreciate him far better than I will since I would just be "tolerating" his predilection. It wouldn't be fair to either of us.

AmoraMora -> RE: Cuckolding question/advice (6/11/2014 2:12:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FightingChains quote: ORIGINAL: SweetlySadistic1 I'm all for women controlling our own sexuality but, if I were a cuckoldress, it would be on my terms and not for the man's fantasy fulfillment. I've noticed a lot of dom/mes say this, and I wonder why fulfilling a sub's fantasy is such a bad thing. I mean, there's a difference between being a fetish delivery system and being considerate of your sub's desires. Sooner or later, if a sub isn't getting his/her desires met, I'm gonna bet he or she will leave eventually. They still have needs too. FieryOpal's advice was sage. Those who identify as monogamous would be very unlikely to entertain such a fantasy. OP - the 'ultimate submission' being something that turns you on and you want to happen. Hmm. If nothing else fazed him, but a man disliked wearing women's clothing with a vengeance, then wore them out in public just for me - that to me would be his ultimate submission. Why do you view being a cuckold as the ultimate submission, when you clearly want it so badly? FightingChains, you mention, needs, fantasies and desires - how do you distinguish between the three? Is having one's partner have sex with somebody else really a need, like air, water, food, warmth, or just a desire? Should all desires be fulfilled? When ladies write that they are not there to fulfill a sub's fantasies, is that not about knowing what they like, and what their parameters are both personally, and within the context of the dynamic they want? I imagine that it is also a deterrence to men who write to them listing what their dominant 'must' do. None of them is going to intentionally choose a partner with whom they are incompatible in terms of desires and likes. I agree that both, or all parts of the dynamic should gain some satisfaction, or they will be unhappy. Fulfilling a sub's fantasy of making him wear a maid's outfit and do my cleaning, or making him eat naked whilst I am fully dressed are easy to do, if I so choose. When that fantasy includes what I do with my body, who with, and how, is when it becomes entirely different. For me personally, that is going into the realms of intimacy, to be shared with somebody that I have feelings for. It is not 'things' that we would be toying with - not whips, furniture or clothes, breakable and easily replaceable. I have imagined incredible scenes in my head, brief flashes and sometimes vividly detailed fantasies that I know would be to my detriment if I pursued them, so I simply abstain; if a sub's fantasy is in that realm, I will not be the one to help fulfill it.

DarkSteven -> RE: Cuckolding question/advice (6/11/2014 2:18:07 AM)
FC, if OP had stated "I've tried a lot of stuff, and I've found that cuckolding is a part of who I am," that'd be one thing. But he said, "I've never done this and let me explain why Dommes should do this to their subs." Also, cuckolding requires a Domme to select other lovers, pushing a form of poly onto them. It's not an easy fetish to accommodate.

FightingChains -> RE: Cuckolding question/advice (6/11/2014 3:45:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AmoraMora quote: ORIGINAL: FightingChains I've noticed a lot of dom/mes say this, and I wonder why fulfilling a sub's fantasy is such a bad thing. I mean, there's a difference between being a fetish delivery system and being considerate of your sub's desires. Sooner or later, if a sub isn't getting his/her desires met, I'm gonna bet he or she will leave eventually. They still have needs too. FieryOpal's advice was sage. Those who identify as monogamous would be very unlikely to entertain such a fantasy. OP - the 'ultimate submission' being something that turns you on and you want to happen. Hmm. If nothing else fazed him, but a man disliked wearing women's clothing with a vengeance, then wore them out in public just for me - that to me would be his ultimate submission. Why do you view being a cuckold as the ultimate submission, when you clearly want it so badly? FightingChains, you mention, needs, fantasies and desires - how do you distinguish between the three? Is having one's partner have sex with somebody else really a need, like air, water, food, warmth, or just a desire? Should all desires be fulfilled? When ladies write that they are not there to fulfill a sub's fantasies, is that not about knowing what they like, and what their parameters are both personally, and within the context of the dynamic they want? I imagine that it is also a deterrence to men who write to them listing what their dominant 'must' do. None of them is going to intentionally choose a partner with whom they are incompatible in terms of desires and likes. I agree that both, or all parts of the dynamic should gain some satisfaction, or they will be unhappy. Fulfilling a sub's fantasy of making him wear a maid's outfit and do my cleaning, or making him eat naked whilst I am fully dressed are easy to do, if I so choose. When that fantasy includes what I do with my body, who with, and how, is when it becomes entirely different. For me personally, that is going into the realms of intimacy, to be shared with somebody that I have feelings for. It is not 'things' that we would be toying with - not whips, furniture or clothes, breakable and easily replaceable. I have imagined incredible scenes in my head, brief flashes and sometimes vividly detailed fantasies that I know would be to my detriment if I pursued them, so I simply abstain; if a sub's fantasy is in that realm, I will not be the one to help fulfill it. Let's be quite clear: I'm not recommending any dominant do things that are beyond their own personal limits. I agree entirely with FieryOpal. And as someone who is monogamous, cuckolding? No way in hell. My dominant nature is part of my intimacy with my guy, not taking away from it with another person. So I agree, hard limit for me, and I completely respect that. I was only meaning to point out that dominants here have an extremely strong propensity to overcompensate for selfish subs who really just want fantasies fulfilled, and overlook subs who have desires that they want fulfilled. They overcompensate to the point where a sub's desires mean nothing. It's hypocritical to suggest subs are seeking 'fetish delivery' and so demand it themselves. Desires, needs, fantasies? Fantasies are something that makes you aroused and perhaps you would like to explore. I know I've had many fantasies I'll never for the life of me explore. Desires are something you want. Needs? You need something that will make life worth living and you find difficult if-not impossible to live without. Fantasy: Scene with someone beating you and dominating you with a flogger. Desire: To be flogged by your dominant. Need: to feel you are overall enjoying your time with your dominant and they are fulfilling you as a person. DarkSteven, I think he may have worded it badly. Probably under the impression he could find someone who'd go "bingo, I agree"! "This is the ultimate form of submission" is different from "this is the ultimate form of submission for me" and I think he might have seemed a bit preachy despite not meaning to be. But hey, I give people the benefit of the doubt. You have a fair point indeed.

testingmssbliss -> RE: Cuckolding question/advice (6/11/2014 4:09:11 AM)
Yeah I used to get tons of messages from men who are into being cuckholds. Hard limit for me. That is a category of porn. Duh. I mean I don't see how this is submissive at all, from my perspective it would put me in a position of having to procure men constantly. Because the "sub" in question needs (?) this. News of the day: most women (dominant or not) ARE NOT hard wired for promiscuity. The proposition for this type of relationship is as follows: "hi, I like you, where do we fit the third wheel?". That is not something I enjoy at all. Because this whole idea is about having a third wheel ("bull") which is time-consuming, potentially dangerous (for a relationship) and intimacy-killing. To me that is the case of men using women to pursue a quasi-bisexual thing/craving they have. This isn't about women's desires. It's about men's. There is a difference between say, a fetish/kink like foot fetish which I am ok with, even though I don't find it particularly exciting, or a "kink" that requires another actual person to have casual sex with me in front of my partner. That puts me in the vulnerable position and inverts the equation in that I now have to put myself at risk in order to fulfill a sub's craving. The answer is HELL NO. Fiery Opal's points are brilliant. It's exactly right, lifestyle dommes who are looking for actual relationships (where cash is not part of the picture) tend to be monogamous raises hand. So good luck finding someone who is into that, the way porn depicts this. Most likely you will be among many if the domme is poly, or, you will be someone's paying client.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Cuckolding question/advice (6/11/2014 2:53:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven Welcome to the forums! That said... You say that it is the ultimate submission. Nope. It only is if the Mistress wants it powerfully. It's YOUR fantasy, not hers. You're projecting your desire onto her. I didn't see that at all. I saw a sincere attempt to ask if there were women out there who want this sort of thing. Hopeful, certainly. His fantasy, absolutely (hopefully hers as well). There are women out there (I know several) who truly want a man like this, and can't find them (for any number of reasons, some of which I could go into here, but I wont). To suggest otherwise is to suggest that what he's looking for doesn't exist. It does. Not in abundance and, the odds are against him but....they exist. Youth is an advantage for a guy in this scenario.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Cuckolding question/advice (6/11/2014 2:58:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven FC, if OP had stated "I've tried a lot of stuff, and I've found that cuckolding is a part of who I am," that'd be one thing. But he said, "I've never done this and let me explain why Dommes should do this to their subs." Also, cuckolding requires a Domme to select other lovers, pushing a form of poly onto them. It's not an easy fetish to accommodate. That is true.

AAkasha -> RE: Cuckolding question/advice (6/11/2014 8:54:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven FC, if OP had stated "I've tried a lot of stuff, and I've found that cuckolding is a part of who I am," that'd be one thing. But he said, "I've never done this and let me explain why Dommes should do this to their subs." Also, cuckolding requires a Domme to select other lovers, pushing a form of poly onto them. It's not an easy fetish to accommodate. Yes, it's a hard fetish to accommodate. Are subs unrealistic? Do they do themselves a disservice by not "dialing it down" and being more realistic in what they seek? (A flirtatious partner instead, who enjoys a little token jealousy now and then, for example.) One of my hottest fantasies is taking a hockey player and putting him in a make believe air tight penalty box, then subjecting him to relentless teasing and denial in the form of stripping and masturbating while he uses all his devices to earn freedom. So do I post ads looking for this? This is CLEARLY the "ultimate" submission from a sub. Now, I just need to find a HOCKEY PLAYER (for real. Pro preferred. Ok, I will settle for a minor leaguer or a college athlete if he has awards). Oh, and a rented ice rink. Or a fake penalty box, built out of plexiglass. I mean, surely if I place ads long enough I will get my fantasy, right? Or, I can just roleplay it, with a non hockey player, in a glass shower, and you know what, it's damn good. Akasha

GoddessManko -> RE: Cuckolding question/advice (6/11/2014 9:50:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FightingChains I've noticed a lot of dom/mes say this, and I wonder why fulfilling a sub's fantasy is such a bad thing. I mean, there's a difference between being a fetish delivery system and being considerate of your sub's desires. Sooner or later, if a sub isn't getting his/her desires met, I'm gonna bet he or she will leave eventually. They still have needs too. The same way most lifestyle Ds can deduce a sub's nature and desires not only from conversation, but even moreso if they own their own personal collection of toys or can define the relationship in vague terms is pretty much the same way they can figure out what makes their sub "tick" even without play. If she chooses to indulge or not, so be it. A sub should be ready for "tests" a D may throw his/her way and they should not try to play this "do it my way on my terms" game. I'm much like Aakasha. I shudder at the thought of a man's phallus inside me unless I'm emotionally attached in some way and even then there's no guarantees. I have played out the club scenarios she has mentioned however, even rather recently. If there is going to be any form of "submission" there has to be the powerplay/ power exchange involved or I'd define it as kink play and define the "sub" as a kinkster. I have had subs OFFER me many things that I may have indulged in if they just kept it zipped and allowed me to get to know them as a person and I have to have a sense that they care moreso about my needs than theirs, otherwise where is the meaning to their words and vows and where does their loyalty lie? Seems more like they are interested in getting their itch scratched. I do not understand cuckolding but to each his own. Being topped to me is quite submissive, and then for a sub to insist that you be topped by another man is something beyond my understanding. If it is suggested, that's one thing, but a requirement is something different entirely. I don't think it's a D's job to indulge a sub's whim, no. Then there is a major role reversal there. Just because I like a kink does not mean I'm here to fulfill it for any sub who indulges or enjoys the same. It just makes no sense really. You might say you like feet, but maybe I prefer putting you through CBT, I like to FEEL like I'm the one in control and not being coerced, this is a huge deal to me. Edited to add: (Personal perspective)

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