AthenaSurrenders
Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LongDistDom
@AthenaSurrenders
I do typically start with a somewhat bland "Hello, how do you do tonight?" Though I do try and include something pertaining to the person(s) I am trying to contact.
As for the response rate, I assumed as much, but I did want to make sure I wasn't doing something particularly offputting, or perhaps even find the slim chance that there was a higher reply rate, though that may be naive of me.
And to my age- Something else I figured was affecting it. And honestly, I can't blame them, experience is indeed a good thing. So, what I do try to do is find those who do have experience and ask for advice. I am rather awkward though, when the time comes, I can't seem to think of what to ask... Bit of a fault I have, not knowing what to say, or saying it at the inopportune times.
I honestly agree with you about my prior actions and relationship- One can act differently in real life than over the net, and even if I try and think I'm one of those who isn't like that, not even I know how I would act in an actual dom sub relation if local and face to face. Thanks for the hope, I want to be ripe for the picking, so to speak, when the time comes~!
I thank you for your kind words, and assure you you didn't sound grim, simply stating the facts of my current status, no? I truly do appreciate it, it's always nice to receive a good confidence boost!
Nitpicky English person here: 'How do you do?' isn't really a question, it's just a greeting. The appropriate response to it is another 'How do you do?' So if your message just says 'Hello, how do you do?' you've really just said 'hello, hi'. Not enough to start a conversation. First messages are really important. If you start the conversation, the burden is on you to create something to talk about. For example, if I was interested in you, I might say, 'Hi, I saw on your profile that you have a black belt. Which martial art do you practice? I used to do karate but missed the change to take my black belt grading when I moved away to university - always regret that.' Or I might ask what you like to cook, or what draws you into being an EMT and how long your training will take - something concrete that a) makes it look like I care and b) gives you something to reply with.
When it comes to getting advice, a good idea is to hang around forums like this and hopefully meet some people in the flesh at munches, and just watch them. You'll quickly figure out who has a style matching yours, who seems sensible and who seems to just be showing off all the time. Once you learn who is worth listening to, you can ask if they'd mind you bouncing ideas off them from time to time. Face to face is best of course, because you will hopefully see some evidence that they know what they are talking about, as opposed to it just being convincing bullshit, but I wouldn't rule out people in forums.
Online relationships have a place, and I have no doubt it taught you some of your tastes in kink and gave you an idea of some of the challenges. It's just that online is somewhat insulated from real world issues. Learning to deal with each other's irritating habits, negotiating the bills and housework, making enough time for each other when life happens - these are all things you don't need to worry about. So I'm not saying online is bad, just that it only gives you experience in a certain section of relationship issues, not the whole picture. For the record, I met my husband online when I was your age, so I'm not dead against it. I just know what it is to be naive about the realities of an actual in-person D/s interaction.
_____________________________
Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?
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