quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Valid point AAkasha, except how many women are there desperate for any guy to bend over so they can use a strap on dildo on him?

When we suggest he thinks of something besides what he wants done to him, then the concrete things to suggest are what he can offer in return. Because it's hard to explain to him how to be someone who other people want to have kinky sex with.

What you say is true in its' own way but at the risk is creating a stir, I find Aakasha's point valid: when a male sub comes on here and asks " how can I find a femdom interested in making me service her orally"?, he may be a wanker...but he may also be a legitimate submissive male whose sexuality is aroused by performing this service. When so many femdoms answer him with "what do you have to offer? your profile is all about your kink and nothing about the dom's needs and how you can fulfill those", the guy must feel like shit.
I browse profiles. Many femsubs are quite specific about what they like on the kink side of D/s along with stating what they must have from their dominant on the non-sexual, non-kink side of things. Yet, when one of these femsubs come to the board and asks why she can't attract a dominant, rarely do I hear the Doms say " your profile is all about you...what you want and need and nothing about what you bring other than kink".

Btw, there aren't many not-for-hire Dommes who are into strap-on play--some are, but many aren't. I personally can take it or leave it. If there are "Dommes" advertising on Craigslist, it's because sex workers know there is money to be had in charging for this kind of sexual service.

What I wanted to address here is not so much the validity or sincerity of a male sub's intentions, but of the messed-up approach some of these guys take in trying to attract a Domme.

Nothing wrong with disclosing your kinks & fetishes--on the Interests List, as well as sprinkling in some of your vanilla interests. (BRIEF reference to anything important not contained on the list)
Because we women know that the men who come onto this site are horny. And you men assume that the women you find here and on other kink sites are also horny.
We know this already. Maybe that's all that some men need or want to know for the most part: Are we horny-compatible?

Women know we won't have much difficulty extracting that information, and hopefully it will be reliable and not just what the man thinks a woman wants to hear.
I think the fundamental difference in approaches is that F/m and M/f dynamics are NOT the same. There are many similarities, but whether we want to admit it or not, there is a gender divide which often has to get bridged.
I don't have the definitive answers to this. What I do know is that I need to gather a helluva lot more non-BDSM info about a man before I can even begin to consider him as partnership/relationship material. If I were only interested in finding a suitable play partner, it probably wouldn't matter as much.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

I don't have the definitive answers either. One of the things that attracted me to this thread was the title...almost as if lifestyle D/s has no sexual and/or kink component to it. Sadly, I see that in a lot of relationships...my last marriage...and while some last (I've seen it), few are happy.
My point in expanding on Aakasha's point is that , if one were to take a look at quite a few threads, the idea that a new submissive male should be able to find sexuality as a part of a F/m dynamic would be shot down. My other point is that it is not that hard for a female submissive.
Now, before that last point gets answered with "of course not...male dominants' horniness makes them only too eager to help a femsub with her kink/sex questions", that is not what I am referring to...I am referring to my observations that almost any question asked by a femsub...kink/sex or not...gets answered with a lesser degree of snark.
Is that truly a reflection of the differences between M/f and F/m relationships? Or is that a reflection of male dominants knowing that being an ass gets them nothing except maybe a disillusioned female submissive who sees no difference between a Dominant male and a vanilla asshat?