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Gauge -> RE: subs and mental illness (7/1/2014 1:34:28 AM)
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I'm 100% sure this has been exhaustively discussed before, but as a behavioural psych student I wanted to bring up a slightly different slant to it.
If it has been discussed exhaustively, why would you think your slant would be any different than the others? Because as a psychology student you have some new and brilliant twist?
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Behaviourists say; situations happen, we either like (or dont like) that situation, and therefore do more (or less) of the thing that brought that situation about.
And this means what exactly? Sorry, a random quote this early just brings out the Doubting Thomas in me.
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I dont want to say everyone who lives like this is crazy, BUT.
Congratulations, you just did say that. I tend to get a bit cautious when someone structures an inflammatory sentence like that to imply they are reluctant to say what they are about to say, and then go on to say it anyway.
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A lot of subs seem to have traumatic childhoods, anxiety disorders, clinical depression etc.
Yep, so do dominants, heads of state, musicians, writers, garbage collectors, dope smugglers, free sample hander-outters at the grocery store, boccie ball salesmen, and behavioral psychology students. Perhaps the more compelling data here is that submissives are people and people tend to have problems. Mental illness is certainly no more prevalent in those within the BDSM community than your average demographic.
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Obviously teh internets is gonna give me incredibly skewed data
Obviously. So, why are you on the Internet asking this to a bunch of random people? I also tend to be very skeptical of people of higher learning that use LOLspeak in normal discussions BUT, I am willing to give you a pass on that. (See how that works?)
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and one of the two "real" BDSM relationships I've witnessed is very wrong on SO many levels.
Please define "real" as you have used it here. Is this real life? Real BDSM relationships as defined by what criteria exactly... citations would definitely be helpful because I think we all have looked for the Twue BDSM Handbook at one time or another. Also, what you have witnessed as wrong may, in fact, be wrong. However, if that is your evaluation based on nothing more than your opinion of what is right and wrong in a BDSM relationship, you may be the one who is wrong.
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Many doms seems to be enabling this mental illness by giving their subs a box to put their thoughts in, "removing" anxiety by removing decisions, having their subs subsume their personality beneath physical/sexual/emotional/financial service etc.
Sorry, but your higher learning taught you something terribly wrong, no one can enable mental illness any more than they can enable cancer. One can exploit mentally ill people, and one can exacerbate trauma and one can use a mental illness against someone else, but enabling it?
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The more message boards I read the more disturbed I become.
Stop reading message boards.
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it seems to me that slaves (as opposed to bottoms, kinksters etc) are avoiding the situations and decisions that make them functional adults (what should I eat? what should I wear? who should I spend my time with? what should I think?), instead, giving those decisions to another to make for them.
So wait, first it is submissives, now it is slaves? Perhaps in some cases you may be correct in your assumption that they are avoiding being "functional adults" but that is a choice they make. This is not to say that there isn't a predatory element that can enter the equation, but for the most part, I would say that a good many of these people are quite content to relinquish control of their average, everyday decisions. It is quite freeing from what I understand. Who these people put their trust in to make those decisions for them is a whole different subject.
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I'm sure these behaviours are reinforcing; you get a nice glow from being told you're a good boy/girl, putting on His favourite dress, and so on. I just genuinely worry about SOME posters, seems like they need serious therapy rather/before a BDSM partner
Yep some often do need therapy, so do dominants, heads of state, musicians, writers, garbage collectors, dope smugglers, free sample hander-outters at the grocery store, boccie ball salesmen, and behavioral psychology students.
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Again, the internet isn't a good place for these questions maybe
It can be but it depends on if you are genuine in your search for knowledge or whether you just want to pee on a hornets nest.
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flame away if you must
So if I take umbrage at your sweeping generalizations, your subjective and largely vague position, and I make an opposite stance than your own, I am flaming you? Good to know.
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what set this off is an extreme example of the crazy I've seen today.
"my master really loves anal, but it hurts me a lot. Ever since I was a teenager its hurt to poop, with lots of blood and i need to take painkillers, and can't please Him that way for several hours. Can you give me advice on how to make it hurt less?"
uh, how about: GO SEE A FREAKING DOCTOR?
This certainly is an extreme example of someone who could be mentally ill. It could also be an example of the many trolls that post stupidity on the boards for some sense of self-gratification because they simply can. Just a bit of a hint for you... don't believe everything you read on the Internet... not everyone is genuine and truthful about who they are.
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I honestly have serious concerns about the mental health of many posters. Many people have mental illness (up to 75% of people have had a major depressive episode at some point).
Having a major depressive episode does not constitute one that suffers from mental illness. The two aren't really in the same ballpark. Mental illness is something that is recurring, or persistent in daily living. I am one of those people. I suffer from Major Depression and Anxiety Disorder, this has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. As someone who is in treatment for my illness, I have encountered a great many people who suffer from grave mental illness. They have a great deal of problems dealing with life in general and the day to day tasks that everyone tends to take for granted. Again, mental illness is no more prominent in the BDSM community than it is in say, people who play video games or people that love to do gardening.
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The internet is going to have a higher proportion of crazy than real life.
Bullshit. The Internet has more free range crazy than real life, but nonetheless, those are people on the other side of that screen.
Just a bit of advice, calling people that suffer with mental illness "crazy" is fucking rude. If you are a behavioral psychology student, you had better check that word at the door, or someone may make you regret saying it. You could potentially say that to someone that is egregiously mentally ill and I can tell you that some people do not have very good control over their emotional responses. This is a sincere warning to you, definitely not a threat in any way. I can guarantee you that I have seen far less trigger a mentally ill person into blinding rage. Please be careful with your words, empathy is something that a book cannot teach you.
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I thought I was careful to emphasise that what I am seeing is obviously a gross distortion, and generalisation of what happens in the real world. I shall emphasise again; I AM SEEING A GROSS DISTORTION OF THE REAL WORLD THROUGH INTERNET MESSAGE BOARDS
Distortion? On the Internet? Wow... we never knew.
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I apologise that my language is dismissive.
This implies remorse for your choice in your words. Your actions tend to tell a different tale. If you are being dismissive, that is fine, but for one who is "seeking information" dismissing people out of hand who are questioning you and your motives/logic basically means that you are just interested in ranting.
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I am genuinely interested in (especially subs) experience of mental illness, and their experience of being in a BDSM relationship.
As I said; I'm seeing a lot of crazy behaviour, obviously the internet skews things, but I genuinely wonder how many subs have serious mental health issues, and how their behaviour "under" a dom has helped/changed/been detrimental to that. Or, what your thoughts on this matter are.
Then instead of ranting and raving, why didn't you simply ask some questions to that end? More than happy to have a rational discussion with someone... but come in here and take a ridiculous stance about something that I suffer from, I am going to get a tad miffed.
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Personally; I am seeing a lot of confused people unable or unwilling to make basic decisions. I acknowledge that this may not be the case for many. I want to know if its true,
A great many people are fearful of making decisions. Some have an irrational fear of making the wrong choice, others are terribly indecisive, and others are just indifferent. So yes, it is true some people are unwilling or unable to make decisions for themselves, but that is a general statement about people from all walks of life.
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or if the internet if full of trolls posting fake impassioned pleas for help/advice etc...
What do you think the answer to that is? Are there some people that are genuinely seeking advice on the boards here? Certainly there are. Do we have our share of trolling fucking nitwits? Absolutely.
Look, if you want to perpetuate a shitstorm, keep going the way you are going. If, however, you really want to get some good information, then you need to sit and listen and ask some intelligent questions. There are some smart people on these boards and we are more than willing to help you find some answers. Just understand that they may not be the answers that you wanted.
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