quote:

ORIGINAL: mutwo

Yes i understand that about being open but sometimes things are on another level. Some people may be ok with some levels of kink and others may find it the most abnormal thing known to man. So you can't be just going around saying whats in your head the whole time. No one does that anyway.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

A very good point. I have often wondered, too, whether the potential for injury to the receiver is greater using a strap on than using a real penis since the wearer lacks the physical feedback you get with flesh-on-flesh, and many strap ons are very rigid. It's definitely something I would want to approach with caution when I was starting out.

quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx

A great deal of the advice you have been given here has been to be less than genuine in your approach. All of this subtrafuge is designed to present you in a more positive position. When in fact it is quite obvious to the most casual observer that the perpetrator of these disingenuous behaviours is at base a dishonest person.
Is that really an immage you would seek to convey to a potential life partner?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Domnotlooking

Gotta strongly disagree, Opal Griffen-person.

While I was laid up, I read a couple of hundred sub male blogs. Among the many who practiced "stealth submission" (that thankless foot rub routine), none seemed to find a kinky sex pay day.

The poor guys would do laundry and suck it up, only to watch their vanilla partner's interest fall off. Usually, they'd get cut off from vanilla sex by their perplexed and exhausted wives too.

The problem is that no person on earth is agnostic about fucking a guy in the ass: "This anal pounding of which you speak, I am intrigued but my mind simply draws a complete blank; please tell me more".

Nope, 99.99999% of the world have and immediate and strong reaction to male assfucking by a women. It mostly ranges from negative to get the fuck out of here. Doing it by incremental degrees ("just the tip of the pinky, please") just postpones the miserable day of reckoning.

In my own life, I have mostly been with previously vanilla women. I've had to go through a fair few of them to find compatible kinky partners. Using the slow approach as you suggest has mostly resulted in a few light tie ups ala cosmopolitan magazine (call it 2 out of 10).

Moving beyond that into the mental aspect of D/S, the already paltry numbers fall through the floor. And I'm a dom guy with an outgoing nature and a lot of social capital. The numbers favor me in theory, but in reality, not so much. For a sub guy, cutting to the chase seems inevitable. He's at zero and has no downside to laying it all out. You can only go up from zero.

And stripping out your rationalization:

"Being a considerate lover [when you're just doing it with a hidden agenda] is NOT an act of subterfuge .

By definition, a hidden agenda is a subterfuge.

I agree with you that a male dom who wants to get anally stretched and doesn't mention it early on in is another sad no hoper and LIAR by default. Secrets are bad for relationships. Sexual secrets are among the most destructive.

Truth is usually thankless, but it's the best way to go. At least you have some pride in yourself. All those stealth submission guys sounded like they should be on suicide watch.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Domnotlooking

Sphinx-domme, we don't seem to disagree much here.

My wife was 150% vanilla when we started corresponding (in a sort of self help-ish support internet forum). I was already kink-out there in discussing my miserable marriage. Once we started getting friendlier, she asked me to fill in the blanks. I did so, tastefully but comprehensively. Since she didn't hang up the phone, I took it as a good sign.

I asked her, "Does any of this make you wet?". She said, "Definetly". I said, "Sit back, I'll drive. Let me know when you need me to pull over".

We started from a healthy, non-sexual place of supporting each other and as you suggest with the pegging guy, that allowed the hotness to manifest and happen.

I agree, there's a line between full disclosure and TMI. But mature adults who are into each other can generally negotiate it.