A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means (I think) (Full Version)

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Galacia -> A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means (I think) (7/20/2014 3:43:28 PM)

OK. So I finally figured out what femdom really means (or, um, at least I think I did).

Based on my comprehensive search of the scientific literature (ok, ok, all I did was watch porn videos on the web), femdom apparently means (in no particular order yet):
  • A lot of sniffing and licking of feet
  • Way more kicking of the balls than kissing and fondling them
  • Wearing of a black face mask, and getting slapped (or kicked) in the face, repeatedly
  • Having smoke blown in your face, and your mouth used as an ashtray
  • Speaking of tongues, there's precious little booby and pussy licking (surprisingly)
  • The tongue is mostly used for feet (and butts) < == yes, both kinds of butts
  • Did I mention a lot of sniffing and licking of women's feet?
  • Whipping of buttocks and a lot of kicking and squeezing of sensitive balls
  • Not much face sitting - must be more work than blowing smoke in someone's face
  • There's something about high heels being pushed into balls and walking on people's back that I don't understand
  • Some ureter penetration (sounds) and a lot of strapon butt fucking
  • Licking of shoes, and cum dribbles, and creampie cleanup, and, in general, licking of any spilled fluid
  • Training on all fours, with collars and leashes
  • Girls in tag teams, doing, well, I'm not sure what - but they laugh a lot - and hit the guy a few times - and then giggle anew
  • Spit. What's with all this spit? They spit to lube the dildo, ok, but there's a lot of spitting into mouths
  • Kneeing men in the balls is second only to kicking them in teams of girls
  • There are some service-related tasks, like doing the dishes, but not enough really to call it out as a genre
  • There are a few nipple twists and ruined orgasmic CFNM handjobs, but not really enough to call it out
  • Every once in a while, you see a guy obediently sitting there getting repeatedly kicked in the face
  • Most of the time, it's just the femdom sitting on a couch with the submissive kneeling or otherwise acting as a foot stool
  • There are a few cuckold scenes, mostly where the guys cleans up after another guy has done his business
  • It's amazing how HUGE some of those dildoes are though! Whew!
  • There is some small-penis humiliation but most of the guys have tiny penises to start with (no long john silvers here)
  • There are a few female-to-female femdom activities, but they don't seem to be any different, so I don't call them out
  • There were a few fucking machines, but, you just know they're all staged since men build this stuff mostly
  • I'd say more than half the women look bored in these films, and many look at the camera - so horror upon horror - they're staged
  • There is a lot less cross-dressing sissy-boy barbie doll stuff than I would have thought big girls would wish to do
  • There is some pony play, and barking pet stuff, but not a whole lot of animal training overall
  • There is a lot of licking the bottom of dirty shoes, and, surprisingly, a ton of six-inch heels being polished with the male tongue
  • There are some hanging of heavy weights, locked in stocks, and other contraptional stuff, most of which you know men designed
  • There's a hellova lot more scatting and pissing than there is kissing, which is one of the more surprising observations
  • In fact, there's almost no kissing whatsoever. No cuddling. No soft caresses (that don't end up in orgasm denial anyway)
  • The number of blowjobs is so low as to be statistically insignificant (the men are often told to jack themselves off)
  • The main words spoken by the men is "Yes Mistress" or "Thank you Mistress", and, well, not much else by way of scripting
  • It's hard to summarize the blather by the women ... mostly it's "lick my feet, bitch" type stuff
  • There's a lot of smelling of people's used shoes ... which is second only to the licking of feet for some odd reason
  • There's some electro play, but not a whole lot of it (mostly wrapped around a cock and balls)
  • There are many cock cages and leashes around cocks and balls and a few wooden spoon spankings of cocks
  • There's certainly not a whole lot of (any?) kissing, cuddling, and, in general, teddy-bear loving going on.
  • And, last, but not least, apparently there's a lot of sniffing and licking of smelly toes and feet going on in femdom land!

    Overall, the women look disinterested, for the most part, unimaginative, less concerned with their own orgasm than one would think, and vastly focused on what happens to their little tiny feet!

    However, I do admit, that's just a survey of femdom porn videos.
    What about real life (of which I know nothing)?

    Is this list of what I've seen is in any way representative of real femdom life (or is it just porn marketing fantasy)?
    Did I miss anything?
    Or is this list femdom BDSM business as usual?




    • masmiss -> RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means (I think) (7/20/2014 3:52:58 PM)

    I've said it before and I'll say it again for your benefit:

    Real-life femdom is nothing like femdom porn. NOTHING.

    Go out to a munch or event. Meet live women who will talk to you (not necessarily about kink), laugh at your jokes and get to know you as a person. You know, just like "regular" folks.




    caelestis -> RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means (I think) (7/20/2014 3:57:37 PM)

    Is this for real? I really want to believe this is satire.



    FieryOpal -> RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means (I think) (7/20/2014 4:04:36 PM)


    quote:

    ORIGINAL: caelestis

    Is this for real? I really want to believe this is satire.

    Sadly, this would be more of a bad joke than satire.
    Aargh [sm=ofcourse.gif] [sm=banghead.gif] [sm=Groaner.gif][sm=gaah.gif]

    First step would be detoxification from porn contamination.

    Then get a life. [8|]



    ivone57 -> RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means (I think) (7/20/2014 5:23:33 PM)

    omg .. all this from watching porn.... smart cookie... that's a lot of useless information



    pattyduke1 -> RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means (I think) (7/20/2014 5:44:13 PM)

    very interesting.



    DesFIP -> RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means (I think) (7/20/2014 6:20:58 PM)

    You've seen vanilla porn. How much relationship is there between that are normal male/female relationships? You ever see people doing housework together or amicably discussing what movie to go see?

    There's exactly that much relationship between domme/male sub relationships.

    In other words, porn doesn't describe anything correctly.



    SeekingTrinity -> RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means (I think) (7/20/2014 6:21:23 PM)

    ~FRing it~

    You said you got your "research" from overdosing on porn. That right there told me everything I needed to know. The porn industry has figured out the formula of what makes guys (the target audience of porn in general) crack open their wallets and purchase the stuff. Porn is nothing like real life. It's not even in the same zip code.

    And it's a rude awakening for some when they realize that the fantasyland of their mind that was fertilized on porn doesn't match the reality of what femdom is.



    Galacia -> RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means (I think) (7/21/2014 12:14:15 AM)


    quote:

    ORIGINAL: masmiss
    Real-life femdom is nothing like femdom porn. NOTHING.


    While I wrote my OP tongue in cheek, the point was that there's something oddly different about Femdom, in the D/s sense.

    As you know, there are easily a hundred thousand free hour-long videos on almost every subject available at the standard porn web sites, all categorized quite nicely for the perusing viewer in excruciatingly fastidious detail. Here's just the "A's" in one porn site (myboner.com):
  • Accident
  • African
  • Amateur
  • Anal
  • Anime
  • Arab
  • Armpit
  • Asian
  • Ass
  • Ass Licking
  • Ass To Mouth
  • Audition
  • Aunt

    My favorite letter is "S" (e.g., slave, submissive, slap, small tits, spanking, swallow, etc., but the point is that porn is "categorized" and the categories have different, shall we say, genres in them.

    What's striking, to me, which was my main point amidst the humor, was how singularly undefinable femdom seems to be, compared to, say "spanking".

    Here's a link, for example, to the aforementioned "spanking" category.
    Now, I've done some spanking, and, well, I'd say, for the most part, those free videos are pretty accurate.

    As another example, witness the "bdsm" category here.
    Again, having partaken in D/s activities, I'd say, overall, those links pretty much show it like it is.

    Yet, my point is, I ask, why is Femdom so badly misrepresented?
    Just one look at the Wikipedia for that entry would show the point.

    Can nobody explain what people do when engaging in Femdom activities?
    If the answer is that it can't be shown, then why can all the other categories (look up scat some day, for example) show it like it is?



    • DesFIP -> RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means (I think) (7/21/2014 7:52:20 AM)

    The reason why it isn't accurately characterized is that it's written by guys, not by dommes.
    Tons of femdom porn focuses on small penis humiliation, but that's something guys get off on, not dommes. Also sissification.

    The problem with the porn is that it is focused on stuff guys want to pay for.Which is not what women want to do.Women want to see their partner serving for real, not just because they get to pose in a French maid's outfit while ineffectually waving a duster in the air.
    Many dommes are sadists, some are rope tops, some get off on wax play or needle play.

    But guys aren't interested in paying money to see a woman pouring artistic lines of colored wax on a guy so that isn't shown.
    If you want to know what dommes like, go lurk for a month in the Ask a Mistress forum and read.



    DarkSteven -> RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means (I think) (7/21/2014 8:52:29 AM)


    quote:

    ORIGINAL: Galacia

    What's striking, to me, which was my main point amidst the humor, was how singularly undefinable femdom seems to be, compared to, say "spanking".

    Here's a link, for example, to the aforementioned "spanking" category.
    Now, I've done some spanking, and, well, I'd say, for the most part, those free videos are pretty accurate.

    As another example, witness the "bdsm" category here.
    Again, having partaken in D/s activities, I'd say, overall, those links pretty much show it like it is.

    Yet, my point is, I ask, why is Femdom so badly misrepresented?
    Just one look at the Wikipedia for that entry would show the point.

    Can nobody explain what people do when engaging in Femdom activities?
    If the answer is that it can't be shown, then why can all the other categories (look up scat some day, for example) show it like it is?



    Actually, I've commented sometimes on how unrealistic almost all spanking vids are. They all are based on a punishment premise, and begin with a reason that the spankee has been bad and must be punished. But the physical spanking itself is pretty accurate.

    That said, spanking is a physical activity. Femdom is a relationship. Even if the physical activities are correct, the context is not.

    A hijack - why SHOULD porn be accurate? I have seen vanilla movies like Little Shop of Horrors, Frankenstein, Peter Pan, Spy Kids, The Princess Bride, Eating Raoul, The Naked Gun, etc., that nobody would expect real life to be similar to. Why should porn be realistic when other movies aren't?



    Killerangel -> RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means (I think) (7/21/2014 4:56:20 PM)


    quote:

    ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

    Actually, I've commented sometimes on how unrealistic almost all spanking vids are. They all are based on a punishment premise, and begin with a reason that the spankee has been bad and must be punished. But the physical spanking itself is pretty accurate.

    That said, spanking is a physical activity. Femdom is a relationship. Even if the physical activities are correct, the context is not.

    A hijack - why SHOULD porn be accurate? I have seen vanilla movies like Little Shop of Horrors, Frankenstein, Peter Pan, Spy Kids, The Princess Bride, Eating Raoul, The Naked Gun, etc., that nobody would expect real life to be similar to. Why should porn be realistic when other movies aren't?



    Outside of a person here or there, hordes of people don't base life on Peter Pan or Eating Raoul. They seem to understand a mainstream movie is fictional, that there really aren't flying fairies, talking plants, or monsters animated by lightning.

    Not the same for porn, scores of men don't seem to make the intuitive leap of understanding that women are different than they are, and that they are not necessarily motivated by making a stranger's sexual fantasy come true.

    Regular unrealistic porn seems to feed the male fantasy engine and push it into overload; its almost as if men become validated by typical male driven porn. Their thinking becomes even more centered on thinking that it's all about what gets their penis hard. It creates frustration in both sexes, the guys complain the site is full of fakes, and the women bellyache that all men want is to get laid.



    DesFIP -> RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means (I think) (7/21/2014 5:40:09 PM)

    People realize that Princess Bride isn't real. Unfortunately a lot of guys do seem to think that porn is a realistic portrayal of how to relate to women.



    Galacia -> RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means (I think) (7/21/2014 6:01:37 PM)

    quote:

    ORIGINAL: DesFIP
    The problem with the porn is that it is focused on stuff guys want to pay for.


    I can't imagine anyone paying for porn (nowadays), since it's all available for free, in hour long segments of your choosing, categorized, literally, in hundreds of categories and fully searchable. For example, just look at the categories at this site:
    http://www.perpetualtube.com/en/

    But, even though more porn than you could watch in a dozen lifetimes is totally free, I do understand that you're saying that specific fetish porn is made by men for men (for the most part), whereas the "real" femdom fetish is, essentially, by women for women.
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
    spanking is a physical activity. Femdom is a relationship. Even if the physical activities are correct, the context is not.

    That makes sense that showing relationships and feelings in movies is difficult.
    For example, in this particular very well known femdom porn video, you'll notice only a couple of moments where the woman gleefully expresses her desire to dominate the man's cock and balls, while the rest of the 16-minute movie is boring in contrast to those two-second moments. In this particular video, you'll see, at timepoint 8:15, the femdom gal truly seems to enjoy asking the guy if she could do more to his cock, while he seems to enjoy the attention. Both seem to enjoy themselves, especially as she slaps his balls at timepoint 10:05.

    Point is, she seems to really seriously and truthfully ENJOY what she's doing to him, but only in certain moments of the porn video.
    (femdom is, after all, about enjoyment).
    On the other hand, if you look at a totally different femdom genre, that of interracial submission here, you'll note the women don't really seem to be into the porn. They're just bad actors, no matter how hard the guy tries to please them.

    So, I guess maybe the reason femdom porn isn't anywhere near as representative as other porn seems to be might be that it is both written by men, and populated by bad female actors.


    quote:

    ORIGINAL: Killerangel
    They seem to understand a mainstream movie is fictional, that there really aren't flying fairies, talking plants, or monsters animated by lightning.

    I've heard that, but I think it's a naive statement, if taken for all porn films.

    Would you say all war movies are fictional?
    Would you then say that, I, having never been in war, can't get a taste of what war is like by watching, say, "Saving Private Ryan"?
    Of course not.

    Some movies are realistic. Some aren't.
    The 1940's era "Battle of Midway" was a pretty accurate move, don't you think?
    Even though it's just a movie, and not real life, don't you think we can learn something about how those people felt simply from watching the movie?

    quote:

    ORIGINAL: Killerangel
    Not the same for porn, scores of men don't seem to make the intuitive leap of understanding that women are different than they are, and that they are not necessarily motivated by making a stranger's sexual fantasy come true.


    I don't see why porn would be any different (other than it's almost all low budget) than mainstream movies.
    There is a customer who wants to know something. Who wants a feeling. An emotion. They made "Jaws" for a reason, and, yes, it's not realistic. Yet, they made "Apocalypse Now" for a reason, and maybe, just maybe, it does give you a taste for what it was like.

    A lot, of course, depends on the movie's goals.
    Take this classic femdom porn for example, which I personally find appealing.

    Now, what I want to learn from that is whether there are women out there who actually feel and act the way that woman does?
    I don't really know the answer (and I know you'll all say to go out there and do it, but, just as I can't go out on an aircraft carrier to experience a battle, it's not so easy to ask a dozen women to form a relationship so that I can, after a few years time, figure out what it is that they want).

    Porn has it's place in educational ways. And, from what I know of kink, porn is pretty accurate. But, from what I know Dommes say, Femdom porn is particularly inaccurate, apparently. That's the dilemma.

    quote:

    ORIGINAL: Killerangel
    Regular unrealistic porn seems to feed the male fantasy engine and push it into overload

    I think the male fantasy engine existed well before porn was invented. :)



    Galacia -> RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means (I think) (7/21/2014 6:39:11 PM)


    quote:

    ORIGINAL: DesFIP
    People realize that Princess Bride isn't real. Unfortunately a lot of guys do seem to think that porn is a realistic portrayal of how to relate to women.


    I can't speak for any other men, but, I'm a war buff, and, well, not having been in a war myself, all I can do is read the biographies of Bradley and Churchill and Norman Schwarzkopf to get a book-style taste of what it's like.

    I can also watch movies such as Blackhawk Down to have a feeling of what it was like to be in Mogadishu. At the very least, I learn about the uniforms, and how the soldiers talked and acted, and, certainly the weapons are like noticing the fetish toys in the femdom movies, to get an idea of what specific femdom fetish equipment is used (e.g., black masks, horse whips, dildo gags, etc.)

    Or, are you saying that all femdom movies are unrealistic?

    That would mean, for example, watching Restrepo, won't give me any idea of what it was like to be in the Korengal Valley.

    I just don't believe your premise.
    I've heard it. All from women. All of whom are Femdoms.

    But, I still don't believe you can't learn anything from a movie.
    The question here, is why do real Mistresses (almost?) universally believe otherwise?



    DesFIP -> RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means (I think) (7/21/2014 7:06:03 PM)

    quote:

    ORIGINAL: Galacia

    But, even though more porn than you could watch in a dozen lifetimes is totally free, I do understand that you're saying that specific fetish porn is made by men for men (for the most part), whereas the "real" femdom fetish is, essentially, by women for women.



    If people weren't buying porn, kink.com wouldn't be a thriving business.

    Now this is your mistake. Real fetishists are almost universally male. If you absolutely need something to be aroused, that's a fetish and as far as I know, only men have them.

    Women, vanilla or kinky, submissive or dominant are not likely to need one particular activity. And that's why you don't find dommes insisting on caning every single partner they may ever have. They are more likely to want a result, and not a specific activity. Which doesn't mean that they don't have favorites and things they dislike. But you can't have a domme porn focusing on the domme's fetish as they are not going to have any.



    Lucylastic -> RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means (I think) (7/21/2014 7:22:59 PM)

    sure you can learn a new tie or a style of manipulation or a toy / change up, as in how to tie cocks up in several ways, or how to restrain in different settings, ways to use clamps you might not have heard of, but (and Ive watched a lot of femdom porn) I find them hugely boring, I listened and watched one at double speed...the soundtrack was abysmal, she called him a worm 43 times, in twenty minutes. so I watch with the sound off. but unrealistic to dommes, totally its all male driven.... how many times do you NOT have a money shot?

    Ive been with my pet for 16 years, its a LDR and we only get to see each other 4 times a year
    Porn watching *Femdom* style was fun for us purely for "new angles" toys, settings, etc, but man did it get boring doing the "roles" and nothing like our play when we got together, in fact because its so removed from reality it often was embarrassing to go thru with it, we might use a toy, or a position, there wasnt the passion...... lots of laughs and faux pas so we we would often abandon the plot I can and just do our own thang...much more pleasurable and orgasmic...depending on his allowances:) So much of my femdom is mental and not visual, while I enjoy role playing and flogging and rope, its his mind that im playing with. that never shows well in any movie. I like to torture for hours, not minutes, I like to remind him of things throughout the day, not spend ten minutes telling him how small his dick is then letting him cum... meh
    I have a lot of femdom movies... I actually prefer pictures of a scene, or a five to ten minute clip of something I might not have thought about before, my mind goes its own way. I dont get turned on by the aesthetics, because reality is I want his mind, not his looks...
    Im a do-er not a watcher I guess, altho yes I can enjoy being a voyeur watching a real scene with a top and bottom, male or female.
    Nilla porn bores me , femdom porn bores me for longer than ten minutes. the reality just isnt there, and I agree with Des, that it gives a lot of men an unrealistic idea of how to interact with real women and Im not just talking about femdommes.
    But thats just my two cents... YMMV




    FieryOpal -> RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means (I think) (7/21/2014 9:29:12 PM)


    quote:

    ORIGINAL: Galacia
    <snip>
    But, I still don't believe you can't learn anything from a movie.
    The question here, is why do real Mistresses (almost?) universally believe otherwise?

    I'm going to give you my take on this smokescreen potpourri of porn you and so many other males are transfixed by,
    but first to reiterate from this post:

    quote:

    ORIGINAL: DesFIP

    Now this is your mistake. Real fetishists are almost universally male. If you absolutely need something to be aroused, that's a fetish and as far as I know, only men have them.

    Women, vanilla or kinky, submissive or dominant are not likely to need one particular activity. And that's why you don't find dommes insisting on caning every single partner they may ever have. They are more likely to want a result, and not a specific activity. Which doesn't mean that they don't have favorites and things they dislike. But you can't have a domme porn focusing on the domme's fetish as they are not going to have any.

    Let's assume for one moment that straight males who are fetishists, kinky bottoms, masochists, and even a sprinkling of actual submissives are watching FemDom porn because they want to see aggressively kinky women. In their minds, this is what a Dominant female represents. Cruel indifference to your own hidden, festering desires.
    Why do these men see her as aggressive, sadistic, depraved to a certain extent, all wrapped up in a kinky fetish-gear package?
    Because they are afraid of their own submissive urges. And/or their sexual desires and longings.

    Therefore, they want to see an forcefully aggressive woman take control of them, so that they can be recused of personal responsibility for themselves.
    It was that Sadistic Bitch who *made* you do this or that, shoved her kitty in your face, and/or shoved a dildo up your ass. You were tied up/handcuffed and had no choice. No shame. No guilt. Absolved of responsibility.
    Is it *true* submission when you the male have to be *forced* into doing these things or having them done to you?
    No, because you don't really identify as a submissive for *real*--you see yourself as this Sadistic Bitch's bitch.
    You don't even have to go out of your way to figure out how to please her because this isn't even an option--these Bitches take what they want.

    It's a fantasy, a manmade scripted fantasy where you don't have to any of the actual work to relate to *real* flesh-and-blood women. These are animated fuck-dolls-gone-wild.
    A fast food drive-thru experience where you didn't have to do any of the legwork to shop for groceries (wooing), prepare a meal from fresh ingredients (romance or courting), follow a recipe (dating) do any prep work (mental foreplay/physical foreplay), cooking (making love), garnishing (cuddling), or clean-up (follow-up).

    This is just one angle and not all-inclusive of the entire audience of FemDom aficionados. [:)]



    MauiDreams -> RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means (I think) (7/21/2014 9:59:43 PM)


    quote:

    ORIGINAL: Galacia


    quote:

    ORIGINAL: DesFIP
    People realize that Princess Bride isn't real. Unfortunately a lot of guys do seem to think that porn is a realistic portrayal of how to relate to women.


    I can't speak for any other men, but, I'm a war buff, and, well, not having been in a war myself, all I can do is read the biographies of Bradley and Churchill and Norman Schwarzkopf to get a book-style taste of what it's like.

    I can also watch movies such as Blackhawk Down to have a feeling of what it was like to be in Mogadishu. At the very least, I learn about the uniforms, and how the soldiers talked and acted, and, certainly the weapons are like noticing the fetish toys in the femdom movies, to get an idea of what specific femdom fetish equipment is used (e.g., black masks, horse whips, dildo gags, etc.)

    Or, are you saying that all femdom movies are unrealistic?

    That would mean, for example, watching Restrepo, won't give me any idea of what it was like to be in the Korengal Valley.

    I just don't believe your premise.
    I've heard it. All from women. All of whom are Femdoms.

    But, I still don't believe you can't learn anything from a movie.
    The question here, is why do real Mistresses (almost?) universally believe otherwise?


    Oh for the love of all that is holy. YES, we are saying that all FemDom porn is unrealistic. It is written by men, for men, with the goal of pandering to a man's fantasies and fetishes. It has no relation whatsoever to what a female led relationship will look like in it's entirety. If you honestly don't want to believe that, then that's your own problem. Sure there are dominant women who enjoy some of the kinks that those movies show, but even then if you were to film a play scene between a real life dominant woman and her submissive it would look nothing like what you've watched in porn. NOTHING. And if you think that a hollywood movie like blackhawk down is a close representation of what being in a war zone is like....well, then I understand why you've got such a hard time grasping how you're watching a fantasy come to life on a screen which has no bearing on actual real life events.



    crazyml -> RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means (I think) (7/21/2014 11:22:35 PM)


    quote:

    ORIGINAL: DesFIP

    People realize that Princess Bride isn't real.


    Say it ain't so!



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