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RE: Breaking it off with a Dom - 7/25/2014 8:14:32 AM

kinksterparty

Posts: 89
Joined: 4/4/2011
Status: offline

He doesn't respect you, and you owe him nothing at this point.

I know "submission is a gift" is a cliche, but this is a perfect example of it. You gave him a wonderful gift, and he threw it in the back of the closet. Well, screw him (figuratively), now he's not getting to play with it anymore. You're taking it back.

I'm with DarkSteven on this, "DIAF" followed by a complete communications blackout is the way to go.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 21

RE: Breaking it off with a Dom - 7/25/2014 8:29:25 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeartAndSoul31

I have a 4 years relationship with a Dom who is moving several states away to finish his studies.
I care greatly for him but I really don't want to continue a long distance thing. We never saw each other much and due to our situation there have been difficulties seeing each other regularly over the years but have stayed connected through the internet and texting.
I have never been over pleased with our arrangement, a lot of physical things were missing to make the relationship feel whole to me from the beginning but the attraction I had for him held things together. With him leaving I really don't feel the relationship will last. He insists it will. I spoiled him most of the relationships with gifts and honestly I think it's that he wants to hold on too. Sexually I was the giver and received very little if any reciprocation.
I don't want to end things on a bad note but he seems not to be able to understand long distance will definitely not satisfy me. Cyber I g does nothing for me.
Any suggestions? I just really am at a loss to make it clear to him, moving on for me is better. His response is " it ends when I say it ends"
Thanks in advance for much needed advice or story sharing.

The real situation is different. After all, he is leaving several states away for a good reason. You have had a sexual relationship but somehow he had the sex and you did not at the same time, and you somehow put up with that for four whole years, what a saint you are! Then, apparently he cares about you and so leaves open the door to maintain the relationship long distance, normally done for you rather than him. So, instead of saying yes or no and/or simply breaking contact with him after he leaves, you come on here and bad mouth the guy and get some drama and miss-placed sympathy. You know, you've been with him for four years so show a bit of loyalty and a caring for his feelings at least until he rides over the horizon. Damn, I'm glad I did not spend four years with you.

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to HeartAndSoul31)

Post #: 22

RE: Breaking it off with a Dom - 7/25/2014 9:06:16 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeartAndSoul31

Any suggestions? I just really am at a loss to make it clear to him, moving on for me is better. His response is " it ends when I say it ends"
Thanks in advance for much needed advice or story sharing.

I have loads of suggestions and one "absolute".

First; the absolute: At the risk of sounding like a "one-twue-way" type, the part that I highlighted is NOT D/s or BDSM. It is abuse. It is "kidnapping" it is "false (emotional) imprisonment". Just based upon that alone, I usually try to avoid relationship advice but in this case: grind the asshole under your wheels.

Now, forgetting his cranial-rectal insertion ...

Being submissive doesn't mean that you have top abdicate all your hopes and dreams; it means that sometimes those things need to take a backseat to his. No more. No less.

It's why it takes so long for people to really find the people they're supposed to be with because there's a lot of grey area but there's a lot of black-and-white, also.

EVERY PERSON has one or two things that they absolutely will NOT tolerate in a relationship. Some have more than one or two. That's their prerogative. The point is: you have every right to not "settle". I don't care if he's moving away or not. There are obviously issues in this relationship. If you've talked to him about them and nothing's changed then he isn't worth the effort.

As a side note: If you haven't talked to him about it; shame on you.

Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to HeartAndSoul31)

Post #: 23

RE: Breaking it off with a Dom - 7/25/2014 9:44:50 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

FR

Most people are pretending once he leaves several states away that it matters what he thinks or that you care what he thinks, when you obviously don't. His purported statement "it ends when I say it ends", probably said once during an emotional moment, is just that, a normal emotional statement and I will not pretend that you took that seriously, not enough to comment and more or make some bad judgment of him based on this.

Nor am I going to pretend you are somehow prevented from doing what you want by all this. I will however still say you should be loyal at least until he leaves, you have been with him for four years so apparently either you are a fool or you enjoyed the relationship.

I do know this, I'm not a fool so cut the drama and tell him you have gone on CM and made him look bad and therefore you are not worth being concerned about from his perspective. He will move on.

< Message edited by Arturas -- 7/25/2014 9:46:36 AM >

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 24

RE: Breaking it off with a Dom - 7/25/2014 10:35:20 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

Why wait until he leaves? Since she's decided the relationship is over, whatever the reason may be, why not just be up front with him and let him plan accordingly?

If my partner knew he was done with our relationship, I'd want that information right away so I could make informed decisions about what to do next. I wouldn't appreciate someone who no longer wanted me sticking around out of 'loyalty'.

It doesn't really matter how long they've been together. She's not happy in the relationship and expects things to get worse.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Arturas)

Post #: 25

RE: Breaking it off with a Dom - 7/25/2014 11:40:27 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

Why wait until he leaves? Since she's decided the relationship is over, whatever the reason may be, why not just be up front with him and let him plan accordingly?

If my partner knew he was done with our relationship, I'd want that information right away so I could make informed decisions about what to do next. I wouldn't appreciate someone who no longer wanted me sticking around out of 'loyalty'.

It doesn't really matter how long they've been together. She's not happy in the relationship and expects things to get worse.

I don't know why you would wait until he leaves. I do know she should not come here and bad mouth him if for no other reason than she enjoyed him for four years and should be loyal enough not to bad mouth him just for drama. Don't just pretend I said she needed to wait around or hide her feelings TO HIM out of loyalty. I said to not publically crap on him out of loyalty.

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 26

RE: Breaking it off with a Dom - 7/25/2014 11:45:14 AM

RockaRolla

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

I don't see how being with someone for X amount of time prevents one from asking what to do when a real problem arises, or even venting if she feels the need.

I also don't understand the attitude that "bashing someone on collarme" (which isn't even what OP is doing) is the absolute worst thing one can do. We're random sometimes-faceless nobodies on the internet. Do we know OP's partner? Do we have any drive to find out? Do we have desires to get back at said partner for committing heinous crimes against the OP? I can't speak for other posters but I know the answer is a flat NO in my case. Let the OP seek the help she needs, whether it be deciding what her next step is or simply process her feelings about what's going on.

You seem to be under the impression that the previous four years were amazing for her. My interpretation was different. Hell, she even stated (and you quoted) that she wasn't perfectly happy with the arrangement. It is entirely possible that she wasn't feeling euphoria for all that time and stuck with him for her own reasons. Many of us have been there.

< Message edited by RockaRolla -- 7/25/2014 11:50:14 AM >

(in reply to Arturas)

Post #: 27

RE: Breaking it off with a Dom - 7/25/2014 8:32:46 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

She didn't have a great time for four years. She got taken advantage of for four years.

She owes him nothing. He on the other hand, apparently owes her a lot of money.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to RockaRolla)

Post #: 28

RE: Breaking it off with a Dom - 7/25/2014 8:54:20 PM

goodsubinCO

Posts: 45
Joined: 4/9/2014
Status: offline

Have learned if you just ignore him, he will lose interest and go away on his own without you having to do much about it.. ignore his every attempt to regain contact with you. I know it's going to be hard, but it does work. And last I checked you had not given up all your rights.. So if you want out, he should respect your desires. When he doesn't then if you must consider treating him like any vanilla stalker.. get a tro.. take self defense classes.. and protect yourself.

Sincerely,

Sheryl

(in reply to stef)

Post #: 29

RE: Breaking it off with a Dom - 7/25/2014 9:46:43 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

I don't know why you would wait until he leaves. I do know she should not come here and bad mouth him if for no other reason than she enjoyed him for four years and should be loyal enough not to bad mouth him just for drama. Don't just pretend I said she needed to wait around or hide her feelings TO HIM out of loyalty. I said to not publically crap on him out of loyalty.

Loyalty because he is a dominant? Oh please.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Arturas)

Post #: 30

RE: Breaking it off with a Dom - 7/26/2014 12:53:07 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

Loyalty because he is a dominant? Oh please.

Oh please. I never said that.

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 31

RE: Breaking it off with a Dom - 7/26/2014 12:56:17 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

I don't see how being with someone for X amount of time prevents one from asking what to do when a real problem arises, or even venting if she feels the need.

Me neither. For real problems. Venting on the internet is not a good thing. Surely there are better outlets. How about ice cream?

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to RockaRolla)

Post #: 32

RE: Breaking it off with a Dom - 7/26/2014 12:58:31 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

She got taken advantage of for four years.

Four years? Really? Maybe she should have written earlier and we could have staged an intervention or something.

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 33

RE: Breaking it off with a Dom - 7/26/2014 1:12:26 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

You seem to be under the impression that the previous four years were amazing for her. My interpretation was different. Hell, she even stated (and you quoted) that she wasn't perfectly happy with the arrangement. It is entirely possible that she wasn't feeling euphoria for all that time and stuck with him for her own reasons

I don't "seem" to have ever said the last four years were "amazing" for her. If you don't agree with my post that's okay but don't pretend I said something I did not. Notice I quoted you here. It's a good practice. It's entirely possible because I disagree with your position on her drama here that you are now forced to spin my most amazingly accurate position with 'things I did not say.

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to RockaRolla)

Post #: 34

RE: Breaking it off with a Dom - 7/26/2014 1:18:45 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

quote:

You seem to be under the impression that the previous four years were amazing for her. My interpretation was different. Hell, she even stated (and you quoted) that she wasn't perfectly happy with the arrangement. It is entirely possible that she wasn't feeling euphoria for all that time and stuck with him for her own reasons

I don't "seem" to have ever said the last four years were "amazing" for her. If you don't agree with my post that's okay but don't pretend I said something I did not. Notice I quoted you here. It's a good practice. It's entirely possible because I disagree with your position on her drama here that you are now forced to spin my most amazingly accurate position with 'things I did not say.

For you, let's even rephrase my earlier post to match your feeling she stayed with him "for her own reasons" and see if that works better to your position.

I do know she should not come here and bad mouth him if for no other reason than she enjoyed him for four years and should be loyal enough not to bad mouth him just for drama

is now...I do know she should not come here and bad mouth him if for no other reason than she used him for her own reasons and should be loyal enough not to bad mouth him just for drama

Hmmm...even with your words she very much sucks. Big time. So you have sympathy for her...well...

< Message edited by Arturas -- 7/26/2014 1:25:01 AM >

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to Arturas)

Post #: 35

RE: Breaking it off with a Dom - 7/26/2014 2:55:29 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

I don't know why you would wait until he leaves. I do know she should not come here and bad mouth him if for no other reason than she enjoyed him for four years and should be loyal enough not to bad mouth him just for drama. Don't just pretend I said she needed to wait around or hide her feelings TO HIM out of loyalty. I said to not publically crap on him out of loyalty.

Loyalty because he is a dominant? Oh please.

I sort-of agree with Arturas here, except that loyalty isn't the reason.

1. If a sub is in an active relationship with a Dom (not really the case here), then bad mouthing him publicly (here, offline, or anywhere) will bias her own mind against him and make the relationship harder to make work.
2. If she's committed to the relationship, she should not speak ill of him. If she's not committed, she should leave. One or the other. (I had one sub who told two other local Doms that I had punished her incorrectly and should instead have found out why she did something that was a serious offense. I simply took that as a relationship-ending action, and we went our separate ways shortly thereafter.)
3. As is frequently stated to male subs, any posting made, can be seen and used as a determination of a sub's suitability. (NOTE - that's a general statement. In OP's case, she's mostly being factual and asking for general input, so it really doesn't apply to her.)

Like I alluded to, I don't think the OP posted to bad-mouth him as much as to lay out her case as objectively as she could and solicit others' insights.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 36

RE: Breaking it off with a Dom - 7/26/2014 6:19:54 AM

HeartAndSoul31

Posts: 148
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeartAndSoul31

I have a 4 years relationship with a Dom who is moving several states away to finish his studies.
I care greatly for him but I really don't want to continue a long distance thing. We never saw each other much and due to our situation there have been difficulties seeing each other regularly over the years but have stayed connected through the internet and texting.
I have never been over pleased with our arrangement, a lot of physical things were missing to make the relationship feel whole to me from the beginning but the attraction I had for him held things together. With him leaving I really don't feel the relationship will last. He insists it will. I spoiled him most of the relationships with gifts and honestly I think it's that he wants to hold on too. Sexually I was the giver and received very little if any reciprocation.
I don't want to end things on a bad note but he seems not to be able to understand long distance will definitely not satisfy me. Cyber I g does nothing for me.
Any suggestions? I just really am at a loss to make it clear to him, moving on for me is better. His response is " it ends when I say it ends"
Thanks in advance for much needed advice or story sharing.

The real situation is different. After all, he is leaving several states away for a good reason. You have had a sexual relationship but somehow he had the sex and you did not at the same time, and you somehow put up with that for four whole years, what a saint you are! Then, apparently he cares about you and so leaves open the door to maintain the relationship long distance, normally done for you rather than him. So, instead of saying yes or no and/or simply breaking contact with him after he leaves, you come on here and bad mouth the guy and get some drama and miss-placed sympathy. You know, you've been with him for four years so show a bit of loyalty and a caring for his feelings at least until he rides over the horizon. Damn, I'm glad I did not spend four years with you.

Wtf? I didn't come on here to bad mouth, get sympathy and cause drama. I wanted to anonymously connect with others and get some advice. It's a rough time. No one knows him here. It's not like I'm bad mouthing him to his friends to ruin his reputation.
Isn't this what message boards are for? Advice?
Thanks to everyone for your input. I think you though are taking this a little to personal and the one causing drama.
Asking for advice, really needing help with a difficult situation is not disloyal to anyone, except to ones self.

(in reply to Arturas)

Post #: 37

RE: Breaking it off with a Dom - 7/26/2014 9:35:20 AM

HeartAndSoul31

Posts: 148
Status: offline

He disappeared on his own terms without notice.
This was an unnecessary thread but one I don't regret.
He was always strong dominant and solid, and that I can respect.
I wish him all the luck in the world in his new chapter in life.
... And the light went out just like a switch.

< Message edited by HeartAndSoul31 -- 7/26/2014 9:36:01 AM >

(in reply to HeartAndSoul31)

Post #: 38

RE: Breaking it off with a Dom - 7/26/2014 10:39:08 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeartAndSoul31

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeartAndSoul31

I have a 4 years relationship with a Dom who is moving several states away to finish his studies.
I care greatly for him but I really don't want to continue a long distance thing. We never saw each other much and due to our situation there have been difficulties seeing each other regularly over the years but have stayed connected through the internet and texting.
I have never been over pleased with our arrangement, a lot of physical things were missing to make the relationship feel whole to me from the beginning but the attraction I had for him held things together. With him leaving I really don't feel the relationship will last. He insists it will. I spoiled him most of the relationships with gifts and honestly I think it's that he wants to hold on too. Sexually I was the giver and received very little if any reciprocation.
I don't want to end things on a bad note but he seems not to be able to understand long distance will definitely not satisfy me. Cyber I g does nothing for me.
Any suggestions? I just really am at a loss to make it clear to him, moving on for me is better. His response is " it ends when I say it ends"
Thanks in advance for much needed advice or story sharing.

The real situation is different. After all, he is leaving several states away for a good reason. You have had a sexual relationship but somehow he had the sex and you did not at the same time, and you somehow put up with that for four whole years, what a saint you are! Then, apparently he cares about you and so leaves open the door to maintain the relationship long distance, normally done for you rather than him. So, instead of saying yes or no and/or simply breaking contact with him after he leaves, you come on here and bad mouth the guy and get some drama and miss-placed sympathy. You know, you've been with him for four years so show a bit of loyalty and a caring for his feelings at least until he rides over the horizon. Damn, I'm glad I did not spend four years with you.

Wtf? I didn't come on here to bad mouth, get sympathy and cause drama. I wanted to anonymously connect with others and get some advice. It's a rough time. No one knows him here. It's not like I'm bad mouthing him to his friends to ruin his reputation.
Isn't this what message boards are for? Advice?
Thanks to everyone for your input. I think you though are taking this a little to personal and the one causing drama.
Asking for advice, really needing help with a difficult situation is not disloyal to anyone, except to ones self.

Nice speech. So, you came on here to genuinely get advice from people you don't know, who don't know him or you and because you bad mouth him to people who don't know him it's okay, apparently. I assume he knows you and is free to log onto here and be hurt by your disloyal posting. Have you considered that he did indeed do that and dropped out of your sight because of it? Don't throw this crap around and expect to smell like a rose afterward.

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to HeartAndSoul31)

Post #: 39

RE: Breaking it off with a Dom - 7/26/2014 10:53:53 AM

Blonderfluff

Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeartAndSoul31

He disappeared on his own terms without notice.
This was an unnecessary thread but one I don't regret.
He was always strong dominant and solid, and that I can respect.
I wish him all the luck in the world in his new chapter in life.
... And the light went out just like a switch.

And next time around, you can say you know better, so you will choose better. Life lessons, no matter how tough, are here to teach us as much about what we DON'T want, as they are to teach us what we need.

As for Arturas??? Meh. Ignore him. We all do. He's harmless....

_____________________________

Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.

I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to HeartAndSoul31)

Post #: 40

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