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RE: Best & worst things to see in a Dom/me's profile? - 8/1/2014 11:08:33 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		"Add me".





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RE: Best & worst things to see in a Dom/me's profile? - 8/2/2014 2:50:37 AM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alt0605

I have posted that I am married, I have a good sex life with my wife and she has been submissive for many years. I have never engaged in D/S sex with anyone else outside of my marriage (I did with previous girlfriends).We have both had affairs in the past but we prefer not to discuss it. She knows that I will look for someone to enjoy the Dom aspect of my character, but again doesn't want it ramming down her throat. Does the fact I am married and looking for extramarital sex completely put everyone off?


Look at it from the other person's view. She'll never get a full relationship with you, she'll always just be 'extramarital sex', she'll have to defer to your wife's preferences in terms of time she spends with you. She'll never see you Christmas or on your birthday, she won't be able to visit your home to spend time with you, or buy you gifts to take home, she'll never be able to go on holiday with you, she'll end up feeling a lot like your dirty little secret. If you weren't married, would you want that? Got to be honest and say, it would be a 100% deal breaker for me, but I guess you might find a woman in a similar position who is looking for the same thing.

(in reply to Alt0605)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Best & worst things to see in a Dom/me's profile? - 8/2/2014 2:53:38 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		As a D-type I don't give much credence to other D-types (or s-types) when I see

The "128 Slave Rules"
"3 holes for hard use" (what's that got to do with leather?)
Castle Realm references
... or any proclamations of knowing the "one true way" based on "experience" because of how many years they have been in the lifestyle or some other leather education credential.


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I give good thread.

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RE: Best & worst things to see in a Dom/me's profile? - 8/2/2014 5:06:04 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		Resident Sadist just reminded me with the Castle Realm reference - I always roll my eyes at anyone who goes on about how D/s or BDSM relationships are SOOOO much deeper and more meaningful than vanilla relationships, or have more trust/passion/connection/pixie dust. Nope, sorry. It might feel better to you, because it suits your taste, but it's no better than vanilla and you're not special because of it.

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Upon the hours and times of your desire?

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RE: Best & worst things to see in a Dom/me's profile? - 8/2/2014 8:15:40 AM   
RockaRolla


Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

Resident Sadist just reminded me with the Castle Realm reference - I always roll my eyes at anyone who goes on about how D/s or BDSM relationships are SOOOO much deeper and more meaningful than vanilla relationships, or have more trust/passion/connection/pixie dust. Nope, sorry. It might feel better to you, because it suits your taste, but it's no better than vanilla and you're not special because of it.
Agreed. Same goes for the (often newly) polyamorous couples, who drone on about how much more enlightened they are because of compersion and communication as if they're magical things that monogamous couples don't have.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Best & worst things to see in a Dom/me's profile? - 8/2/2014 3:38:25 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alt0605

I have posted that I am married, I have a good sex life with my wife and she has been submissive for many years. I have never engaged in D/S sex with anyone else outside of my marriage (I did with previous girlfriends).We have both had affairs in the past but we prefer not to discuss it. She knows that I will look for someone to enjoy the Dom aspect of my character, but again doesn't want it ramming down her throat. Does the fact I am married and looking for extramarital sex completely put everyone off?


It completely puts me off, I'd never consider that type of situation for my own life. Can't speak for others...

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RE: Best & worst things to see in a Dom/me's profile? - 8/2/2014 3:56:29 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kinksterparty

As a submissive / slave, what would you consider the worst & best things to read in a profile of a Dom/me or a switch?




I would not consider anyone who had:

Anything in the profile that's overly sexual or if the entire profile is centered on sex.
Someone who is obviously lying about their age according to their pics.
A Dominant that has everything written in the profile about himself.
Negative postings about others.
Anything that smells of entitlement like "I've been here for a week and can't find a woman!". "Everyone here is a fake!"
Married/in a relationship or asking for poly.
Dick pictures.
Anyone who mentions "Holes". Ex: "I want a 3 holed slave!" or "All holes must be open for use and banged repeatedly."
Anyone with unrealistic expectations like thinking a sub would be naked 24/7, always dressed slutty, or sleeping all night with a mouthful of cock.
Pictures with messy backgrounds.
Anyone looking for a free maid.
Anyone listing experience that started before they were legal.
Bad spelling and grammar.
Porn pictures. Any male with pictures of a female.

Positive additions:
Vanilla activities.
Anything at all about himself that showed a well rounded person with family, interests, work, etc.
Smiling pictures.
Positive text.
Interesting journal entries.
Sense of humor.
Good spelling and grammar.
Knowledge of what he's looking for and not being afraid to let me know instead of playing chameleon and saying he likes whatever I like.


(in reply to kinksterparty)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Best & worst things to see in a Dom/me's profile? - 8/2/2014 4:48:18 PM   
joybaby


Posts: 82
Joined: 10/21/2004
Status: offline 		Others have already stated this, but a profile that's strictly about sex is a turn off. Also, dick pics. If it's not attached to someone i'm attracted to, i neither want nor need to see it.

I know of a "dom" who used to state, in his profile, that "as far as what I won't do, i won't kill you or put you in the hospital". Someone must have told him how bad that was, though, because he references the old profile in his new one and now says simply, "i can do anywhere from light spankings to taking away your will to live".

I actually talked to him a bit before he wrote that former profile, but stopped when he went crazy because i didn't answer his IMs, literally, within seconds. I watched him go from begging to threatening me to begging again to telling me i'd never find anyone like him before I finally answered and told him i didn't want anything to do with him. I was happy to have dodged that bullet when i read what he later wrote.

The other type of profile that is an automatic turnoff is anything to do with "taboo"-especially if he includes pictures of dogs. This could include profile names with the word "knot" in them, unless i'm positive they're talking about ropes and not a dog's penis. Of course, some aren't even that discreet and will just ask if you're into K9.

(in reply to Killerangel)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Best & worst things to see in a Dom/me's profile? - 8/2/2014 7:35:51 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alt0605

I have posted that I am married, I have a good sex life with my wife and she has been submissive for many years. I have never engaged in D/S sex with anyone else outside of my marriage (I did with previous girlfriends).We have both had affairs in the past but we prefer not to discuss it. She knows that I will look for someone to enjoy the Dom aspect of my character, but again doesn't want it ramming down her throat. Does the fact I am married and looking for extramarital sex completely put everyone off?



Since others have taken a stab at this here, I guess the blue meanies won't cut my groove if I do it, too:

I can tell you from my side of the described situation, it puts me off. Let me explain:

I have had ladies in my life (MANY years ago) that gave me the old: "You do what you do. I don't want to know about it." I was never comfortable with it. I felt like I was still "cheating". Of course, I know I wasn't, technically but it was a nagging feeling that eventually ended the relationship.

It's tough enough (I think) to find ladies that are willing to engage with us in relationships where everything is out in the open and all parties are informed. I think it adds a layer of difficulty (and some impracticality) if you basically have to engage in an "open secret".

I have had some married/involved ladies approach me (That's right, people; as ugly as I am ladies do still take interest, on occasion) and their tales have run the gamut. The ones that tell me that they have "an agreement" with their partner, I tell them: "That's fine. Let's, all three of us, sit down for a coffee or some regional beverage and discuss how things are going to go".

Obviously, if the lady's agreement with her partner is DADT, that's not going to happen. of course that also means that nothing is going to happen with me.

I'm sure there are folks that aren't encumbered by these constraints but I think they are few and far between.

Good luck to you.







Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

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Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

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(in reply to Alt0605)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Best & worst things to see in a Dom/me's profile? - 8/2/2014 10:44:07 PM   
BecomingV


Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline 		Alt605 -

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alt0605

I have posted that I am married, I have a good sex life with my wife and she has been submissive for many years. I have never engaged in D/S sex with anyone else outside of my marriage (I did with previous girlfriends).We have both had affairs in the past but we prefer not to discuss it.


THAT ^^^ would require further explanation to be clear. As is, it sounds dubious... when maybe it's not.

Kudos for transparency about being married. Does that put everyone off? You tell us.

I'm not into married people or people who are in committed relationships, although I did explore poly. I love the open-hearted-ness of poly, the responsibility and the lengths with which they go to communicate clearly and consider the effects of their choices and actions, upon others.

OP - Best things in a profile...

1) a unique and sincere "voice"

2) humor

3) signs of self-awareness, even if that means saying, "I don't know, yet."

4) some evidence of having done their homework on BDSM: dynamics, terminology, risks, rewards

Worst things in a profile...

1) preaching, ranting, know-it-all tripe

2) conceit, arrogance, bigotry, sexism, superficiality

3) assertions that THEY will train and mold you

4) warnings - all the reasons why THEY are Protectors and all of the other Dominants are predators (give me a break!)

ETA - In my most recent revision of my own profile, I got ridiculously long and detailed on distinctions in BDSM because:

1) It clearly depicts the complexities of me and how I use my labels

2) It saves time when a reader doesn't know terminology, so they may think they are a Dominant or a submissive, when in fact, they are a Top or a bottom. Many are unaware that Dominance does not equate with sadism and submission does not equate with masochism. Or, they may think that the one description of a switch they heard about is the only kind of switch, there is.

So, I also like it when other people's profiles offer clarity and individuality, rather than simple, generic labels. I don't care if people post their pictures online, or not. Since I'm never going to "fall in love" with words on a computer screen, it either doesn't matter what they look like, or eventually, it will matter enough and we will meet in R/L.





< Message edited by BecomingV -- 8/2/2014 11:02:11 PM >

(in reply to Alt0605)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Best & worst things to see in a Dom/me's profile? - 8/3/2014 6:56:42 PM   
pussycatpussycat


Posts: 20
Joined: 1/15/2013
Status: offline 		I really hate it when men say that because they are in control and dominant in normal everyday things, they think its a piece of cake to be a Dom in the bdsm sense

(in reply to kinksterparty)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Best & worst things to see in a Dom/me's profile? - 8/5/2014 2:37:15 PM   
CloakedProtector


Posts: 70
Joined: 1/5/2007
Status: offline 		Op, the absolute killer are indications that the Dominant wants some "exclusive" contact before the submissive submitted.
Dom(me)s that want to isolate potential subs from other lifestyle people, other DOm(me)s in particular, in order for a possible novice submissive not to be able to compare.

A sub is free until he/she submits and all attempts to short-circuit that freedom of search smell IMO.

What happens when the sub submitted is another thing, although I find that isolating your subs from the community may be a sign of weakness that she/he would find out your not actually up to the part.
But again, that is IMO and there are certainly reasons within the lifestyle for some isolation at times.

(in reply to pussycatpussycat)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Best & worst things to see in a Dom/me's profile? - 8/5/2014 2:41:13 PM   
kinksterparty


Posts: 89
Joined: 4/4/2011
Status: offline 		Wow. Just wow. Didn't expect THIS much feedback when I started the thread.

This is amazing. Thank Y/you all for Y/your responses.

/me starts writing a thesis paper (no, not really)

(in reply to CloakedProtector)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Best & worst things to see in a Dom/me's profile? - 8/5/2014 2:49:52 PM   
kinksterparty


Posts: 89
Joined: 4/4/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pussycatpussycat
I really hate it when men say that because they are in control and dominant in normal everyday things, they think its a piece of cake to be a Dom in the bdsm sense


Oh god yes. This. 100 times this.

So many people (both Dom/me/s and subs) don't realize just how much effort and responsibility it takes to be a Dom/me in the true sense.

Thankfully, quite a few are curious and willing to learn.

I had a very encouraging conversation with a potential sub last night. Here's an excerpt:

{Sub Girl}: Why do people get turned on by bondage?
{Kinksterparty}: Because it's liberating to have someone take control, and to stop being responsible for yourself.
{Kinksterparty}: "If I can't move, if I can't make decisions, I can do no wrong."
{Kinksterparty}: It's your time to be an angel, your vacation from responsibility.
{Sub Girl}: Does it turn you on that subs (like me) want that?
{Kinksterparty}: Oh yes.
{Sub Girl}: Why? Don't you want a vacation from responsibility?
{Kinksterparty}: On some level, yes, of course. Who wouldn't?
{Kinksterparty}: But, what's more appealing to me, is the attraction of being on the other side.
{Kinksterparty}: You're tied up = you have no responsibility.
{Kinksterparty}: I'm tying you up = I'm the one carrying all the responsibility.
{Kinksterparty}: It's a challenge, it's making myself step up my own game. I have to think for myself AND for you.
{Kinksterparty}: It's proving that I can handle it, that I'm strong enough, confident enough, smart enough, to set up and run the scene, and create exactly the impression in your mind that will take you away to that special place of endorphins and hormones.
{Kinksterparty}: It's the challenge and excitement of being in my mind as the Dom, and trying to be in your mind as the sub, at the same time.
{Kinksterparty}: It's brain in overdrive... and it's amazing.
{Kinksterparty}: Also, chicks look hot in bondage. Yeah.



I definitely don't see Dominance as something that's easy to do or that "comes naturally". The attitude / alignment, maybe. But actually getting into it and doing it well, that takes effort (as, well, does anything you want to excel at).

(in reply to pussycatpussycat)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Best & worst things to see in a Dom/me's profile? - 8/5/2014 7:31:20 PM   
smileforme50


Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alt0605

I have posted that I am married, I have a good sex life with my wife and she has been submissive for many years. I have never engaged in D/S sex with anyone else outside of my marriage (I did with previous girlfriends).We have both had affairs in the past but we prefer not to discuss it. She knows that I will look for someone to enjoy the Dom aspect of my character, but again doesn't want it ramming down her throat. Does the fact I am married and looking for extramarital sex completely put everyone off?


It puts me off....plus I have to wonder....if your wife is submissive and you already have a good sex life....why are you looking?

< Message edited by smileforme50 -- 8/5/2014 7:48:08 PM >

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“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Best & worst things to see in a Dom/me's profile? - 8/5/2014 8:15:31 PM   
subrosaDom


Posts: 724
Joined: 2/16/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetAmber32


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Yeah, especially if he claims that his wife knows and is on board with him boinking on the side.

I like the ones who claim fifteen or twenty years in the lifestyle and don't understand basics, like the difference between lifestyle and kinky sex.


And it's not always what's on the profile, but what is said during conversations. I had to explain to a "Dom" the other night what pet play was. He thought it had to do with real pets.


Oh, God! I've been doing it wrong all these years. What if they're not pets, but, say ... feral?

Speaking of which, any mention of "real dolcett" in a sub or a Dom's profile is an indication that the mental ward or the coroner's office isn't far behind.

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The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Best & worst things to see in a Dom/me's profile? - 8/5/2014 9:48:13 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Yeah, especially if he claims that his wife knows and is on board with him boinking on the side.

I like the ones who claim fifteen or twenty years in the lifestyle and don't understand basics, like the difference between lifestyle and kinky sex.
You...you...you mean there's a difference?!? Well...dayyyum!!!

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Best & worst things to see in a Dom/me's profile? - 8/5/2014 10:17:26 PM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CloakedProtector

Op, the absolute killer are indications that the Dominant wants some "exclusive" contact before the submissive submitted.
Dom(me)s that want to isolate potential subs from other lifestyle people, other DOm(me)s in particular, in order for a possible novice submissive not to be able to compare.

A sub is free until he/she submits and all attempts to short-circuit that freedom of search smell IMO.

What happens when the sub submitted is another thing, although I find that isolating your subs from the community may be a sign of weakness that she/he would find out your not actually up to the part.
But again, that is IMO and there are certainly reasons within the lifestyle for some isolation at times.


If I am talking to a sub for a while, we laugh, we chat about things with family, friends and I take a liking, yes, I like for communication to be exclusive. However I have had bewildering experiences of communicating with a sub and two days later he is already committed to some random D after swearing to "suffer" for my sake. Like seriously, don't people have at least first meetings before making decisions anymore? LOL. And of course they are always right back on the site seeking less than a month after burning who knows how many bridges. Honestly as kinky as I am (and I am VERY kinky), I really like subs who can be at least normal until we decide to green light on pursuing anything. VERY hard to find that balance.
As far as D's go, I have little issue with it except if they sound borderline psychopathic or criminal, then I might say something less than polite, LOL. I also dislike when "D's" offer to submit to me, it's so obviously disingenuous and dishonest if they don't identify themselves in some way as a switch.
Oh, I had to edit to add I did have the chance encounter with a D from CS that I really benefited from, though we haven't spoken in a while. It wasn't so much his profile that was remarkable as much as his journals where he had stated so much about himself, his belief system, standards that he set for HIMSELF (NOT his sub), his personal goals and expectations and his focus on self improvement. It really was the first time I felt like I wanted to be more like someone in a while, I liked it. That rarely happens. He would be an amazing D for any s, have to say that.

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 8/5/2014 10:36:06 PM >

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(in reply to CloakedProtector)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Best & worst things to see in a Dom/me's profile? - 8/12/2014 7:35:33 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kinksterparty

As a submissive / slave, what would you consider the worst & best things to read in a profile of a Dom/me or a switch?



Worst things???

Fin Domme; as well as other Superfluous shallow references to money.

Best things ....

Personality traits and personality that I can relate too ...


Pretty simple, No?



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Heck I had one in 2010 .. now in 2013 another! Yes you can say, i am just a gifted slow learner!

(in reply to kinksterparty)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Best & worst things to see in a Dom/me's profile? - 8/13/2014 1:26:26 AM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BecomingV
4) warnings - all the reasons why THEY are Protectors and all of the other Dominants are predators (give me a break!)


Gah! Yeah, that. There's nothing more suspicious than someone telling you to trust them, but only them. Nothing makes me more convinced that someone is a predator - they're clearly searching for and playing on the fears of the nervous and easily fooled little newbies.

(in reply to BecomingV)
Profile   Post #: 40
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