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What should i do - 7/11/2006 4:40:55 AM   
lostsoul92468


Posts: 32
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline



Right now i don't know what i am but i do feel lost. The one who is currently training me is keeping secrets which i figure is  his  to do, but they are the type that can destroy me. i know he is looking for other subs and slaves. But he is also talking to vanilla women and lying to them not telling them who he truely is and about me. i am afraid that he will find his so called perfect woman to go with his business life and discard me. I am educated, well spoken, and give him everything ( a clean home, wonderful meals - i am a gourmet cook, unbelievable sex - i don't say no to anything, and many other things) so i am hurting and trapped because i have nothing and had nothing when he found me. I don't know if i should wait and see or what. i have asked him about it and his answer are i just talk to them it's nothing. i know this isn't true because His best friend is getting married and one of the brides maids talks to Him on a regular basis and he tells her he thinks shes sexy and he wants to be her man and have his kids and so on.
I am 38, can't have kids and we agreed that if he found another slave who would give him kids that was fine but i don't want to be thrown aside for a vanilla woman. His friends know about me and think i am just a friend that live with HIm just not that i am a slave and W/we have a BDSM relationship.

The things that we agreed on and that i need are not getting meet. In the beginning i got regular spankings and we sessioned now nothing. I guess i have no choice but to stay and if he throws me away then i am again lost.


Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What should i do - 7/11/2006 4:52:42 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		He is hurting you and not in a good way. I would leave or ask to be released (he probably already knows the reasons). I am so sorry you are in this situation - you have my sympathy. I know it really sounds emotionally very painful. It will probably be less than easy, but try to screw your courage to a sticking place long enough to - just leave.

I ran away from home once, a long, long time ago, and lived in a homeless shelter for 3 weeks (long, not very intersting story) - so even if you have no money or anything, you can leave - you really can. I had exactly 25 cents and an overnight bag when I left, and I found room-mates at the slhelter (they turned out to be less than stelllar room-mates, in terms of paying bills, etc., but by that time I had saved some money and had options). You can do this! There is someone out there - I just know it - who will treat you better than this (nowhere to go but up, right)? That's my two cents. I wish you all the best and will say a prayer for you. God bless.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/11/2006 4:57:44 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to lostsoul92468)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What should i do - 7/11/2006 4:57:18 AM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		It sounds to Me that you are no more screwed if you leave or if you stay.  What it also sounds like is that you are codependent and perhaps (I am not sure on this one) a little desperate.

Whatever the case might be, you are obviously not in a healthy situation.  I would not bother asking him for anything.  Who gives a damn what he thinks if he is a loser.  Just run.  You have absolutely nothing to lose.  You are screwed if you are in the situation, you are screwed if you are not.  Get out of it so you have a fighting chance of finding something else, something better.

I sincerely hope that you find it within yourself to do the right thing.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What should i do - 7/11/2006 5:12:00 AM   
JessieMe


Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lostsoul92468

I am educated, well spoken, and give him everything ( a clean home, wonderful meals - i am a gourmet cook, unbelievable sex - i don't say no to anything, and many other things) so i am hurting and trapped because i have nothing and had nothing when he found me.

Ok..First you want to beat yourself down as a worthless piece of nothing.. then in the next breath you state you are well educated, well spoken, a gourmet cook, and a people pleaser.. Ok.. can someone say "Lets open our own catering company or work for a hotel in food service or USE our skills to make a life for myself"? It sounds as if you actually have alot to offer.. Does HE tell you that you have nothing and are worth nothing? In our lifestyle that is not such a bad thing as long as he is REPLACING it with something else to fill you with... and from this post it doesnt sound as if he is.

The things that we agreed on and that i need are not getting meet. In the beginning i got regular spankings and we sessioned now nothing. I guess i have no choice but to stay and if he throws me away then i am again lost.

If you truly feel you have no choices.. then you dont. Perhaps its time to start researching options so that you no longer feel that way.. Even people in healthy M/s relationships know they have choices.. not many but they do have at least one. and that is to stay or go. If you want to wait till he throws you out.. then you become nothing but a self fulfilled prophecy.





_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

(in reply to lostsoul92468)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What should i do - 7/11/2006 5:14:57 AM   
subedana


Posts: 100
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline 		I learned with my X husband one very powerful lesson.
I would rather be alone than in a relationship where I was unhappy. Once that truth hit me it was easier for me to move on. If things that were agreed on are not being met then I would ask for my release and move on from there.
You have my simpathy hon, hope things get better for you.

(in reply to SirKenin)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What should i do - 7/11/2006 5:32:10 AM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		And people wonder why I rail against "training", "collars of protection" and other wonderful tools for fucking with and abusing submissives?

Do yourself a favor, buy and READ a few books and you will not only know more than this idiot who is using you but will likely know more than your next few partners. 
  • The Bottoming Book - if it was required reading we would see about 2/3 less heartbreak and questions on this board.
  • Screw the Roses - while it is a fluffy book and pretty light reading, it does give a nice survey of the more common techniques
  • The Topping Book - again, it would prevent and cure much heartbreak out there and drive a stake through the internet crap that so pervades WIIWD.
  • Consensual Sadomasochism - A much more serious tome, one that people of advanced skill levels will still find much of interest and covers many interesting mental issues that again would prevent much heartbreak and emotional trauma we see here

Best thing about these books is you own THEM and you don't have to suck their cocks or play up to their petty need for control in order to benefit from them.  That alone is worth the price of admission.  In fact, the whole lot other than "Screw the Roses" could be had for less than $50.

(in reply to subedana)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What should i do - 7/11/2006 5:32:12 AM   
lostsoul92468


Posts: 32
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline



He tells me he loves me and appreciates me for all that i do but at the same time doing these things.

Thanks Jessie for the advice.

I will pray pull it together and get my ass straight.



(in reply to subedana)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What should i do - 7/11/2006 5:40:20 AM   
lostsoul92468


Posts: 32
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline



Crappy,

i am 20 yrs in and know much but as a Born submissive and Trained Slave it is not easy. You can talk but put yourself in this place for a week.

He is my First African Amercian Dom. Before now i wouldn't have one because i felt this would happen. Now he has proved me right. Not to say Doms of other races are saints but from what i have seen others go through with them it is par for the course.
I have read "a different kind of loving", a book call " Submissive situation" self published in San Francisco by a Slave i know there as well a "Screw the rose" and "give the the thorns" .

It just hurts when you give 4 yrs love them and they do this to you.



(in reply to lostsoul92468)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What should i do - 7/11/2006 5:51:57 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lostsoul92468

i have nothing and had nothing when he found me. I don't know if i should wait and see or what.


This sentence really stood out.........
I would suggest if you feel like you had been rescued when you entered this relationship that is reason enough for you to reach out on your own and do something for you.  It's tough, but we all can do it if we only try.

Hugs
Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to lostsoul92468)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What should i do - 7/11/2006 6:53:05 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

i have nothing and had nothing when he found me.


soul,
What a troubling post. No sentence was more concerning than the one quoted. These feeling of self deprecation attracts predators and abusers.

A Dom knows and appreciates the value of a submissive. A Master wants a slave that values herself. It's not about physical possessions or cash on hand. A slave is the most valuable possession owned by a Master. It takes strength to be a Master but it also takes strength to be a slave.

I know it's 4 years down the road and I know we are just hearing your side but regardless of those factors you need to understand and appreciate your value. It's a process that should occur before a relationship begins. It's difficult to address at this point. Based upon your post you have a LOT to offer a Master. YOU need to know that and any Dom/Master needs to appreciate it.

We can only wish you well. We hope you have the strength to move on from this and either resolve it with you Master or learn and grow from it if you have to move on. You need to know that you can't resolve this on your own. Your Master needs to know your feelings and you and he need to reestablish your common goals.

Good Luck!

(in reply to lostsoul92468)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What should i do - 7/11/2006 6:59:48 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		It sounds like you are in an emotionally abusive circumstance, get a job outside the home and save your money to escape his abuse. Regain your power and take it back. If he becomes physically abusive in anyway leave immediately or call the police. You have a right to be safe and if he is looking to be sexually involved with others without negotiating this with you or telling you he is putting your healthy into jeopardy and no one has this right. I have been in a similar circumstance, and it isn't a vanilla thing or a BDSM thing.. it is a relationship thing..some men are just assholes

Good luck

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/11/2006 7:00:43 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to lostsoul92468)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What should i do - 7/11/2006 7:00:58 AM   
MasterRobert1


Posts: 225
Joined: 7/18/2005
Status: offline 		You have YOU! And, whether you realize it or not, you are the most valuable thing there is. Don't forget that. You need to find a Dom/Master who recognizes that.

(in reply to lostsoul92468)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What should i do - 7/11/2006 7:18:13 AM   
irishbynature


Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lostsoul92468
Right now i don't know what i am but i do feel lost. The one who is currently training me is keeping secrets which i figure is  his  to do, but they are the type that can destroy me. i know he is looking for other subs and slaves. But he is also talking to vanilla women and lying to them not telling them who he truely is and about me. i am afraid that he will find his so called perfect woman to go with his business life and discard me. I am educated, well spoken, and give him everything ( a clean home, wonderful meals - i am a gourmet cook, unbelievable sex - i don't say no to anything, and many other things) so i am hurting and trapped because i have nothing and had nothing when he found me. I don't know if i should wait and see or what. i have asked him about it and his answer are i just talk to them it's nothing. i know this isn't true because His best friend is getting married and one of the brides maids talks to Him on a regular basis and he tells her he thinks shes sexy and he wants to be her man and have his kids and so on.
I am 38, can't have kids and we agreed that if he found another slave who would give him kids that was fine but i don't want to be thrown aside for a vanilla woman. His friends know about me and think i am just a friend that live with HIm just not that i am a slave and W/we have a BDSM relationship.


Hi lost---you certainly need a (((hug))). Thing is, you said you had nothing when he found you. Not true. You had yourself who is educated and an excellent cook to boot--plus, you have a giving heart based on your post. So, you still have yourself...he cannot take that away from you.

I know it's hard to make decisions when you are hurting (been there). First, could you try to find a job first, one that would sustain you and your child? This way, you claim some of you control back over your financial life and independence. Then, build up that emotional steam and simply move out/get away from him.

Sometimes smaller steps like that help build you up and keep you centered until you are ready for a larger step.

I wish you luck.
Warmly,
Irishbynature


_____________________________


What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller


(in reply to lostsoul92468)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What should i do - 7/11/2006 7:26:28 AM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline 		This is a situation that goes beyond lifestyle orientation.  You are coming from a place of feeling worthless and allowing yourself to enter into relationships that ensure that feeling.  It's a comfort level for you.  If you can state what is wrong and what is occurring in the relationship, then I believe you have the ability to change the situation.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to irishbynature)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What should i do - 7/11/2006 7:33:49 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Look, love.....you are thirty eight, you have made it thus far...it is comfortable to sit where you are in alot of respects, but if the deal is not the deal........

Let's look at you when you are 42........same or different?  better or worse?  45?  50?  It seems to be 'Come to Jesus' time.

It is impossible that you were nothing and had nothing and so on. 

Yes, you might have a weakness or a situation or two that is less than optimal.

I believe you list slave on your profile...

You know the routine, then....accept and acquiesce, or go...........

Think strongly about looking a litte further down the alphabet.........you will have your share of  Wankers as well as Masters who would find a great deal of pleasure in owning you.......

Buck up now, kiddo!!!!  Get out there and show the sons-a-bitches you got ASS!!!

Sincerely,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to lostsoul92468)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What should i do - 7/11/2006 7:37:48 AM   
eruditegirl1


Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline 		A wonderful Dom sent me 3 of the 4 books....I am almost done with the bottoming book....Although I don't have 20 years in as you do....I believe we should never stop learning...I highly recommend the bottoming book...it has helped to understand so many aspects of not just D/s ...but also me and to validate the feelings I have.... As for the situation you are in....wow...there are so many negatives you talk about....life is so short when broken down...why would you want to surround yourself with so much hurt and pain within that time span....you are 38....you have so much ahead of you....fly...be free...enjoy life..... No matter what relationship I am in...be it vanilla or BDSM....I always ask myself this simple question...How do I feel when I am with him ?....so how does he make you feel....and is it  how YOU want to feel...... 

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What should i do - 7/11/2006 7:40:20 AM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eruditegirl1
No matter what relationship I am in...be it vanilla or BDSM....I always ask myself this simple question...How do I feel when I am with him ?....so how does he make you feel....and is it  how YOU want to feel...... 


Good advice for any relationship.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to eruditegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What should i do - 7/11/2006 7:40:29 AM   
Tamerofwild1s


Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lostsoul92468





Right now i don't know what i am but i do feel lost. The one who is currently training me is keeping secrets which i figure is  his  to do, but they are the type that can destroy me. i know he is looking for other subs and slaves. But he is also talking to vanilla women and lying to them not telling them who he truely is and about me. i am afraid that he will find his so called perfect woman to go with his business life and discard me. I am educated, well spoken, and give him everything ( a clean home, wonderful meals - i am a gourmet cook, unbelievable sex - i don't say no to anything, and many other things) so i am hurting and trapped because i have nothing and had nothing when he found me. I don't know if i should wait and see or what. i have asked him about it and his answer are i just talk to them it's nothing. i know this isn't true because His best friend is getting married and one of the brides maids talks to Him on a regular basis and he tells her he thinks shes sexy and he wants to be her man and have his kids and so on.
I am 38, can't have kids and we agreed that if he found another slave who would give him kids that was fine but i don't want to be thrown aside for a vanilla woman. His friends know about me and think i am just a friend that live with HIm just not that i am a slave and W/we have a BDSM relationship.

The things that we agreed on and that i need are not getting meet. In the beginning i got regular spankings and we sessioned now nothing. I guess i have no choice but to stay and if he throws me away then i am again lost.





ok I don't know the whole dynamic of the situation but I am going out on a limb here .... to me personally this lifestyle is more mental than phsyical .. that being said . your mental health is more important then the phsyical touch .... and if your mental health is not being taken care of then what are you really bound by. I would rather be alone and content in my mental health then be with someone and find that my sanity was being damaged by this "gentleman" who seems to be playing the WHOLE field of women out there. I know there are 3 sides to every story ... his, yours, and the truth and with only one part to the story I have to say this is what I would do if in your shoes ..... get the hell on with your life get your mental sanity back . you say your educated and a gourmet cook and a people pleaser ..... well .... an educated person would say this isn't smart and leave .... a gourmet cook would say ... I need to feed my own passion and desires .... and a people pleaser .... well they would say I need to please someone who acts like they want to be pleased by me ...... please remember these are just my honest opinions

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to lostsoul92468)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What should i do - 7/11/2006 7:42:49 AM   
spoilt26981


Posts: 91
Joined: 11/5/2005
From: London UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lostsoul92468
so i am hurting and trapped because i have nothing and had nothing when he found me.
quote:



i can understand you are hurting and may feel traped, but if you honest can not trust him an longer then you need find some where else to stay, where it be a freind or family members place or even a homeless shelter. I know it can be hard but believe me ( as i have done it) if you feel you are being destroyed then you hould leave, you claim you had nothing when he found you then why should having nothing when you leave be a problem, i left home at almost 17 with nothing but the clothes on my back and i worked myself up to what i have now.



[qoute]I am 38, can't have kids and we agreed that if he found another slave who would give him kids that was fine but i don't want to be thrown aside for a vanilla woman.
quote:

 

i dont agree that he should lie to you about the fact he is looking but unfortunately if it is a vanilla women he chooses then it will be a vanilla women he choose, its no-one choice but his.

[qoute] His friends know about me and think i am just a friend that live with HIm just not that i am a slave and W/we have a BDSM relationship.[qoute]

i know many people that are not open to the world about what the ins and outs of their reletionship are. myself included i mean i could not tell my grandparents that i am a slave to be Master and that i am bi i mean it would finish the reletionship i have with them, maybe you should ask him his reasons for not wanting his friends to know

quote:

 I guess i have no choice but to stay and if he throws me away
quote:


 
You guess? have you not looked into you choices? if you are feeling you have no other choices then that is how it will stay untill he either throws you out or you change it. I learnt some valable lessons this weekend thanks to my Master i had a problem with my home life and truely believed i could not change it, untill he got me thinking and there is nearly all ways another choice yo can make, you do not have to put up with beening leid to, threated badly( abuse i mean)

quote:

then i am again lost.
quote:



i always believed i was lost unless i had some one wityh me untill i was alone and had to stand up on my own two feet.
 
i hope you do sort out something good luck. helen






(in reply to lostsoul92468)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What should i do - 7/11/2006 9:34:29 AM   
Sab


Posts: 325
Joined: 5/2/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline 		Agreed, Tamer! 

_____________________________

God blessed it and it brought me to her.

(in reply to Tamerofwild1s)
Profile   Post #: 20
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