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BecomingV -> RE: Dommes and money (8/11/2014 10:18:39 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CalentraDomme
Am I the only Domme that feels men asking for things in exchange for money is insulting!!!!!! I know why they do it, but I am not to be bought! Makes Me a little angry that there are so many out there that can be bought, gives us lifestyle Dommes a bad rap.
When I was a newbie Domme, I did feel insulted. However, now I attribute my reaction to two things:
1) Still being mostly vanilla-minded, I perceived the offer of money to be akin to those who say that marriage is acceptable prostitution or that dinner and a show entitles a guy to something. I just figured the disrespect for women infiltrated the BDSM mindset.
2) I was uneducated about the different kinds of Doms and Dommes. Some put their sticky fingers in the submissives pockets or purses, while others, do not. Granted, the language used to depict the financial interest in a submissive's wallet differs... reflecting sexist views from vanilla life... for example, "He's taking charge" versus "she's charging." LOL Yeah, keep saying that and maybe it will be true (not). The Dominant either profits off of the submissive, or doesn't.
So, now that I know there are D/s couplings between people who add finances to the mix, I see no reason to be insulted if someone mistakes me for being one of those types. Like any other kink, I just clarify my own interests and proceed from there. You know, just respect and/or tolerate those who relate differently. I no longer see any cause for insult.
To put it bluntly, your OP, if read between the lines is expressing outrage because you are being treated like a whore, and you aren't a whore. Right? And, you do not respect other women who choose to participate in financial kink? I think that outrage, disgust and disrespect are kind of lousy feelings to have, especially if they can be avoided. Since the kink isn't going away... that means the way towards avoiding feeling insulted is as simple as some education on the financial kink, some acceptance of those who differ and taking responsibility for clarifying your own preferences, without the drama.
I really did have to do a LOT of reading and then a lot of communicating with others in the community to wrap my head around financial kink. I think that brought me to a place of uncommon perspective here. It's my assertion that handing over control of finances to a Dom/Domme, whether that be handing over a paycheck, or giving gifts or services which have monetary value, is no different according to the sexes of the people involved.
A Domme or Dom may choose to lead a relationship by instructing the submissive to handle their own earnings, savings and investments as a material display of being their best selves. Taking charge and leading do NOT equate with financial control. That's a personality issue and then it's a relationship issue.
Another way to say that is some submissives have written here that they doubt their Dom/Dommes capacity for dominance because they are asked what restaurant or movie to go to. They equate "taking charge" with being led. My POV, as a Dominant, is that if I choose to spend a night doing what my submissive is interested in, and I ask them to tell me, and they don't... then they aren't submitting to my pleasure. But, someone matches me, while others match those with a different view or expectation.
I see those who seek fin Dommes or Dominants who take control of a submissive's money... in the same way I view others in our lifestyle. It's not my kink, but it's their kink. To each their own.
I still have pet peeves, though. Like, my local BDSM clubs ALL have pictures of nude women with the notable absence of pictures of nude men. The injustice!
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