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Relocating to another country - 8/15/2014 4:30:55 AM   
Tkman117


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Hey everyone, I have a special submissive I've been hitting it off very well with over Skype but she lives in the US and I live in Canada. So I was wondering what experience some subs or slaves have with relocating abroad and how difficult it was to accomplish? I understand it's not an easy process, but having first hand accounts would help understand what it would be like if I decided to move forward with this girl.

Any advice and help would be appreciated!

< Message edited by Tkman117 -- 8/15/2014 4:31:30 AM >
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RE: Relocating to another country - 8/15/2014 4:47:18 AM   
MissShey


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Well I've relocated from Iowa to Spain, and a close friend has relocated from England to OK and yes: it's tough but well worth it in both cases.

However, in your case, the first question that springs to my mind is how often have the two of you met face-to-face?

(in reply to Tkman117)
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RE: Relocating to another country - 8/15/2014 6:37:14 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


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In our relationship, he (the dom) relocated to me. USA to UK in our case.

Challenges we faced... well, immigration, for one. In our case it was relatively easy to get him a visa but it did take some work and planning.

His visa didn't allow him to work at all until after we married and reapplied (about six months) which obviously creates more challenges. It was quite isolating for him to be stuck at home in a place where he had no friends yet, and there was a lot of pressure on me to support us both. His work experience didn't count for much when he was searching for work because no one was interested in chasing up international references and a lot of UK employers didn't know what US qualifications were worth. With him being newly arrived in the country it would've cost us a lot to go back to school as he would've been on international fees.

I had to demonstrate I had a home and financial means to support him. So we didn't get to pick out our first home together and again there was pressure on me at a young age to make some big financial commitments. We had to move right in together (no luxury of a slow, 'normal' relationship build up) which obviously took a leap of faith and could've gone horribly wrong. We had to marry within that six month period or he had to leave. So I married very young to a guy I didn't know that long. It turned out great, but let's not pretend that it wasn't a big risk.

I was really young - as you are - and so I didn't have much experience with an adult relationship, so this was all huge. The age between about 18 and 24 is one of massive growth and change. I grew up a lot, despite being quite 'mature' for my age. Not many relationships started at 20 last the distance, which means the one who moves takes on a lot of personal risk if things go wrong.

For him, isolation was a big thing. Everything is subtly different. Your buddies aren't there, even your favourite brand of snack isn't in the store. It's lonely and so you come to depend on the other partner even more, which can be a make-or-break thing, depending on how solid your relationship is and how much personal space and socialising you both need.

Yeh I know, none of that is about D/s, but to be honest, 95% of the relationship challenges D/s couples face are exactly the same as everyone else.

Things I would consider:
- How much time have you spent together? Do you know each other's annoying quirks? Politics? Family dynamics? They make a huge difference.
- How financially stable are you? You are likely to need some money for the visa process but beyond that, you don't want to add extra stress to a tough situation.
- Where will you live? Do you have your own space?
- Who has the most stable career, best prospects etc? Who has the best odds of getting work in the other country?
- What will be the immigration restrictions? Will they prevent her working or getting health care? How will you work that out?
- What's the back up plan if you crash and burn?
- How will you offset homesickness and loneliness? Are you willing and able to put in the work to make sure she builds up a social network?
- How good are your relationship skills? Can you talk about issues without sulking, being spiteful, lashing out, being passive aggressive etc? Can you make this other person your priority? In other words, are you ready to move in with someone? This is higher stakes than just giving her a key to your place.
- Do you want the same things, in general as well as in D/s? Have you worked out how your D/s will look and are you willing to work on it and change it if (when) things don't work as you imagined.

Relocating to another country basically means that you are making a huge commitment much faster than you normally would, under more difficult circumstances, and with more to lose. Skyping is not enough to tell you that someone is worth that gamble. It can work out and be fab - We're coming up on 8 years married and 2 kids and we're really happy - but it isn't the same as traditional dating and it is hard in the early days.

_____________________________

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Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Tkman117)
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RE: Relocating to another country - 8/15/2014 7:57:29 AM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
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From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
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~FRing it~

I've honestly heard more bad stories than good when it comes to relocations of this type. Hell, I relocated from the a Pacific Northwest to Texas once to be with someone and ended up relocating home 2 years later after things went really wrong. Thankfully I didn't have to deal with all of the added hoops you'd have to jump through as far as immigration goes. This is a HUGE leap and honestly one Id not make based solely on "hitting it off on Skype." Id honestly make some trips to visit her, maybe her make trips to visit you, and then deciding after seeing how all that went before Id consider emigrating to another country. Just my honest opinion

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
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RE: Relocating to another country - 8/15/2014 9:50:38 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tkman117

Hey everyone, I have a special submissive I've been hitting it off very well with over Skype but she lives in the US and I live in Canada. So I was wondering what experience some subs or slaves have with relocating abroad and how difficult it was to accomplish? I understand it's not an easy process, but having first hand accounts would help understand what it would be like if I decided to move forward with this girl.

Any advice and help would be appreciated!


Meet face to face, spend significant time together before you make a colossal blunder. You really don't know someone until you spend every day with them and even then, they can be different than they normally are. Anyone can behave and not indulge bad habits for a week, but two weeks, a month, not so much. Not to sound silly, but what happens if you move there and she smells like a wet dog all the time? What happens if she chews her food like a cow? What do you do if her favorite pastime is to insert sparklers in her nipples, smear lime Jello over herself, put a dead toad in her hair and run around the neighborhood singing Inna Godda Divida? You get the point I am sure.

If things go well after that, I suggest you do your homework about legal immigration and all the steps involved.

You have gotten a great deal of very good advice. My only other comment would be to take things slowly, and think with your head more than any other body part.

Good luck to you.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Tkman117)
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RE: Relocating to another country - 8/15/2014 11:53:49 AM   
FieryOpal


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From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

... what happens if you move there and she smells like a wet dog all the time?
...put a dead toad in her hair and run around the neighborhood singing Inna Godda Divida?


OMFG here we go, shades of Iron Butterfly, all 17+minutes worth... (In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida FULL SONG NO BREAKS) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzmmUZ9D9Uk

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 8/15/2014 11:57:17 AM >


_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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RE: Relocating to another country - 8/15/2014 1:30:37 PM   
thompsonx


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ORIGINAL: Tkman117

Hey everyone, I have a special submissive I've been hitting it off very well with over Skype but she lives in the US and I live in Canada. So I was wondering what experience some subs or slaves have with relocating abroad and how difficult it was to accomplish? I understand it's not an easy process, but having first hand accounts would help understand what it would be like if I decided to move forward with this girl.

Depending on where the two of you live you could be within walking distance. But even if you are in st. johns, new foundland and she is in san diego, ca. it is not exactly "going abroad" The boarder crossing is simple...visit each other and see what happens.

(in reply to Tkman117)
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RE: Relocating to another country - 8/15/2014 2:12:23 PM   
littleladybug


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Joined: 5/30/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx


The boarder crossing is simple...visit each other and see what happens.



Gah...one might think that the US/Canada border is simple. Can tell you, from 8 plus years of crossing, that it can be a complete pain in the butt.

Met my Dom...he was in Vancouver, and I was in Los Angeles. Had *some* issues the first time I flew to meet him (4 hours at YVR later....). About a year and a half later, I moved up closer to the border...within reasonable driving distance. Have had my car x-rayed going through the border (that was the US side), have been harassed by the Canadian side....(seriously, you can TOTALLY tell when it's going to be "extended")....and actually was stopped at the border the day after he died for about an hour. For some reason, the officials thought that I was going to *stay* there, when i hadn't over the past 8 years.

I have nothing on my record, and this happens. I've been through the border well over 200 times, and it's a small percentage when there are issues. But, there are. Or, there can be.

To the OP-- there are ways to make it work, if you want it to. Go to see her. Have her come up to you. SPEND TIME TOGETHER. The websites are a treasure trove of information on this. But, make sure, as much as you can, that you WANT this.

In my personal situation, there were issues that prevented us from "being together" 24/7. We were working on it, when he had the gall to have a heart attack and die on me. But, it CAN be done. Just take the time to spend time together. If this is really what you want, it CAN be done.

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RE: Relocating to another country - 8/24/2014 2:12:28 PM   
lalbobbilynn


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i would say as others have stated ..... Your best option would be to try & spend r/t together. My Dom(although ex we are still friends) lived in Canada & i in the US. We saw each other weekly. We meet each others extended families, traveled together, he meet my ex-husband blah, blah, yada-yada-yada.
If its meant to work it will; the border wont matter.... unless they pull You over.... and as another stated, that is a major headache.

(in reply to littleladybug)
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RE: Relocating to another country - 9/26/2014 1:50:23 AM   
maid4yourcall


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Joined: 3/16/2005
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unless you get a green card you can only live in the U.S. for 6 months out of 12 ,they are looking to expand that to 8 months but have not as of today,the 6 months is a total of all visits in a 12 month period
nicole

(in reply to lalbobbilynn)
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RE: Relocating to another country - 9/26/2014 2:34:17 AM   
Redhusky


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Joined: 7/2/2014
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before any relocating abroad , try spending time together. Invite your submissive over and so on. If you both are spending more and more time together , face to face, the possibility of a stabile relocating abroad is coming more true.

(in reply to maid4yourcall)
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RE: Relocating to another country - 9/26/2014 5:41:05 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
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quote:

ORIGINAL: maid4yourcall

unless you get a green card you can only live in the U.S. for 6 months out of 12 ,they are looking to expand that to 8 months but have not as of today,the 6 months is a total of all visits in a 12 month period
nicole


Unless you sneak across from the Mexican boarder, then you can stay as long as you want.

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to maid4yourcall)
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RE: Relocating to another country - 9/26/2014 1:14:29 PM   
RedMagic1


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Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tkman117

Hey everyone, I have a special submissive I've been hitting it off very well with over Skype but she lives in the US and I live in Canada. So I was wondering what experience some subs or slaves have with relocating abroad and how difficult it was to accomplish? I understand it's not an easy process, but having first hand accounts would help understand what it would be like if I decided to move forward with this girl.

Any advice and help would be appreciated!

You need to talk to an immigration lawyer. US/Canada depends on age, job type, and other factors that don't matter for most country pairs.

First step: meet in real life. I flew a lady from Canada to the US. Our first date was about a week long, and we attended a professional convention together, and also stayed at a few different bed and breakfasts. It went really well, and gave us a sense of how we fit together while "on the clock" and while on vacation. So you might want to set something like that up.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Relocating to another country - 9/26/2014 2:35:45 PM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

First step: meet in real life. I flew a lady from Canada to the US. Our first date was about a week long, and we attended a professional convention together, and also stayed at a few different bed and breakfasts. It went really well, and gave us a sense of how we fit together while "on the clock" and while on vacation. So you might want to set something like that up.


I so agree here and with others. You should definitely plan on having extended vacations together, this will really be the defining factor in whether or not you guys will be great together. You can find out each other's habits and rituals and how well you flow together in a real life setting.
As an immigrant I would advise not to relocate unless you plan to marry her, start a business or are willing to do exactly as RedMagic1 advised. Immigrating to the US is expensive, a process and it really depends on if you can prove you can contribute to society, if you are educated, and can pass a full criminal background check and it gets pretty intrusive down to outstanding bills and credit history. It can get pretty complicated and tricky but the borders are pretty open to Canadian citizenry.

_____________________________

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http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

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RE: Relocating to another country - 10/6/2014 3:53:10 PM   
Mistressannalee


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Relocating to another country? I can not even get a local sub to meet me at Starbucks

(in reply to GoddessManko)
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RE: Relocating to another country - 10/6/2014 5:57:49 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

... what happens if you move there and she smells like a wet dog all the time?
...put a dead toad in her hair and run around the neighborhood singing Inna Godda Divida?


OMFG here we go, shades of Iron Butterfly, all 17+minutes worth... (In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida FULL SONG NO BREAKS) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzmmUZ9D9Uk


Painful. Truly.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 16
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