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Best & worst things to see in a sub/slave's profile? - 8/15/2014 9:06:21 AM

EmberRose93

Posts: 14
Joined: 5/28/2014
Status: offline

There was an interesting thread about what subs and slaves loved and hated to see in a D-types profile. I'd like to see the reverse, what attracts Doms and Masters and what sends up red flags in a profile or journal?

< Message edited by EmberRose93 -- 8/15/2014 9:07:09 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Best & worst things to see in a sub/slave's profile? - 8/15/2014 9:20:42 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

So much from which to choose ...

Attractions -

1) An openness to polyamory or, at least to the fact that I am polyamorous.

2) Sort of piggy-backed on 1: I am in a relationship that I am sure will last the rest of my life. Any lady interested in me has to be willing to be part of a loving, caring relationship that consists of more than two people.

3) An inherent sense of right and wrong and values that fall pretty much in line with my own.

4) An attempt at a profile that tells me who she is and what she's about.

5) Great eyes

6) Nice ass

Repulsions -

1) "I'm not a doormat"

2) "Submission is a gift"

3) "You have to earn my submission/respect"

4) Short, non-informative profiles.

5) Profiles that demand photos but provide none.

6) Profiles that start with: "Let's get this straight from the start" (or some version of that).

7) Profiles that insult. It's one thing if you're not into something but leave the judgments on the bench, where they belong.

Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to EmberRose93)

Post #: 2

RE: Best & worst things to see in a sub/slave's profile? - 8/16/2014 5:06:33 AM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

Hmmmm.... I rarely see an "awful" sub profile. Probably because most are copy/pasted or because they have some idea of the "right things to say".
However these are my worst "encounters" with a sub.
1: Introduction letter with activities with some prodomme in her dungeon in attached pics or on profile.
2: Insistence that they would fulfill my every wish. (Does that include dental cleanings and mammograms by any chance?)
3: That their experience in attending fetish parties or having their vcard taken in the realm of BDSM gives them blind confidence to be fully prepared for a D/s RELATIONSHIP.
4: When I try to message with them, they insist upon kneeling before me virtually "naked". I don't recall asking them to disrobe, oh right, because I didn't.
5: Rampant dishonesty. (It literally never stops and I think there's some resentment on both sides of the D/s dynamic that emerges as well as "time being paid for" to ensure it's not wasted, which leads to widespread commercialization of the lifestyle.
6: Say what you mean and mean what you say. When you start off by being dishonest, the dishonesty will continue. Within this lifestyle dishonesty among submissives is extremely, extremely common. Ds are faulted far too often for what may be a sub not being forthright with their intentions and everyone's time is wasted as a result.
7: Demands that a D include this or that in their introductory letter. Making all sorts of very outlined demands on the D. Then you're NOT a sub, you're a masochistic control freak.
8: Vanilla dating is extremely easier in comparison.
9: Distance (for me). Some of my submissive favorites reside outside of the US.

What I listed really is why this lifestyle sounds nice in theory but in actuality may turn off some very worthwhile individuals due to a sub's predisposed ideals for a D rather than simply submitting and expecting nothing in return but leadership. Sorry, but generally I enjoy reading most s types' profile. It all sounds wonderful until you get to know them.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 3

RE: Best & worst things to see in a sub/slave's profile? - 8/17/2014 2:08:37 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

GM, you outline some very good points which there is no need for me to repeat. OP, I don't read femsub profiles and rarely bother to view other profiles, and I'll tell you why. Most male s-types have already disqualified themselves for my preliminary consideration in advance, by:

1. Having a user name which is so atrociously offensive or diametrically opposed to what I'm seeking, that there's no point to continue (such as a Hard Limit of mine). If confronted, the user will tell you a bold-faced lie that this means nothing to him, further insulting your intelligence.

2. Main profile pic is an instant turn-off for the same reasons mentioned above. If not a Hard Limit deal breaker or revolting Soft Limit of mine, I respect my future sub enough to not want everyone on this site to have seen what his (caged or uncaged) cock, balls, butt or gaping ass look like.
(We get it--this is a kink site, so males should make themselves stand out from the herd of HNGs-Horny Net Geeks by acting like a gentleman and having well-rounded interests, not by coming across as a creepy perv.)

3. Introductory contact message is either a form letter (therefore non-personalized) or has omitted the key words specified in my profile. This tells me one of two things.
(a) Either the s-type didn't bother to take the time or make the effort to read my profile before contacting me, and more than likely just trawls around hoping to look at and wank off to provocative pics; and/or
(b) He did look over my profile but didn't read it all the way through, or else he cannot follow a simple instruction, neither of which bodes well for making a favorable first impression.

4. The basic stats in green lettering already tell me this person is not within my age range, not totally straight, way too short/way too tall or grossly un-HWP (and therefore in questionable health), and/or GUD-Geographically UnDesirable.

Once I do go ahead and take a look at a profile, no mention of seeking a committed LTR, all talk of fetishes & kinky BDSM play, no indication of what the sub is like as a person, will turn me off.
Any mention of wanting to Skype/cam, IMchat or be a cyber sub/slave is an automatic turn-off. This person wants to hide behind an on-line persona and isn't actually looking for IRT interactions.
Also, lack of information or willingness to enter into a D/s relationship dynamic will send a red flag that this man might be married with the intent to cyber-cheat, or else is otherwise attached to someone else (probably a vanilla SO/gf).

What I do like to see is a casually clothed picture (shirtless is acceptable) which reveals the sub's facial features, whether behind sunglasses or partially obscured. Amateurish but not sloppy or taken in a bathroom mirror, just so it doesn't look photoshopped or stolen off the Internet somewhere.
-- Nicely written couple of paragraphs about what the s-type is seeking in an F/m or FLR-Female Led Relationship, and what he has to offer of himself.
-- An Interests List which isn't overly lengthy but which gives me a good idea of what he's into, so that we DON'T have to start off our message exchanging by focusing on sexual matters, and can get to know one another as individuals at first. IMO, at least 25% but not more than 1/3rd of these Interests should be vanilla-neutral.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to GoddessManko)

Post #: 4

RE: Best & worst things to see in a sub/slave's profile? - 8/17/2014 11:01:25 PM

Bondalee1

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/15/2013
Status: offline

Why are most of your don'ts only surface issues that don't even require reading an entire profile? Serious people look at stats and get to the less shallow items in a profile. Forgive me but shallow is so out nowadays.

< Message edited by Bondalee1 -- 8/17/2014 11:02:00 PM >

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 5

RE: Best & worst things to see in a sub/slave's profile? - 8/18/2014 4:10:36 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bondalee1

Why are most of your don'ts only surface issues that don't even require reading an entire profile? Serious people look at stats and get to the less shallow items in a profile. Forgive me but shallow is so out nowadays.

First off, I don't mind explaining to you that Dommes on this site get inundated with so many messages that my higher priority is to acknowledge the messages I receive with a response, not waste time perving profiles of subs who are well outside my parameters.

For instance, since I have friends I correspond with overseas, I don't want their messages routed to my Bulk Folder, yet I have no interest in a sub outside of the U.S.
For the same reason above, my Age Range (+/-2 years) is not set up strictly for Bulk routing either. (Also certain categories of orientations, etc.)

The bottom line is this. I absolutely must do more excluding and paring down than I have time to be hunting and searching on this site.
Further, I have indicated in my profile that any forum regular I recognize is welcome to leave me a message. I don't necessarily need to view their profile, except out of curiosity.

It is shallow of YOU to presume what it is I scan in stats or to judge what constitutes a Hard Limit for me.
(Unlike most Dommes, from what I understand, I do not automatically exclude straight male switches from possible consideration.)
Others can be as flexible as they wish, but I know for an incontrovertible fact that these are automatic (pre-)deal breakers for me:
-- Bisexuality

-- Located in Foreign Country
-- Young enough to be my son--No Can Do

-- More than approx. 3 years older than indicated in my Age Range, which is already a couple years higher than what I would prefer.
Most users here do not manually update their ages yearly, so I always assume an older age than what is listed. When I do look at a profile, I note the Join Date and mentally add on years from there, tentatively.
-- Not much taller than I am. Not a turn-on.
-- Nearly a foot taller than I am. Potential problem with lining up our bodies (+ awkward to put over my knee to spank).
-- HWP indicates skinny as a rail--Not a turn-on, might have too much nervous energy for me to want to deal with.
-- HWP indicates very much out of shape--May have health issues that affect sexual performance & virility, may not be able to keep up with me.
-- I don't do LD or relocation scenarios, but I do try to keep an open mind on GUDs just in case, until or unless some other eliminating factor(s) come up.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Bondalee1)

Post #: 6

RE: Best & worst things to see in a sub/slave's profile? - 8/18/2014 4:48:53 AM

CloakedProtector

Posts: 70
Joined: 1/5/2007
Status: offline

OP, red flags and attraction if of course a personal appreciation. So in the list below there may be things that are not at all experienced as red flags for others or at not at all attractive to them.
So this is IMO.

RED FLAGS:
- don't contact me if you cannot relocate me.
- my ex ... death/moved/etc and stuck in South Africe ... need new Master
- Interest list: ZERO BDSM activities (all shopping, art galeries, fine dinner, etc)
- BDSM à la carte (sub says - that is what I want - wants Dom(me) that will deliver that and nothing else)
- No area/location (could be 2000 km away in a large country)
- Picture other then the person themselves (mostly taken of BDSM sites) without mentioning that it isn't them.
- I am looking for a sis for me and my Master (95% a man behind profile)
- Profiles written by someone else: This is my slave cow and I am looking for someone to milk her!

In essence many profiles, certainly pro-subs, will try NOT to say what they are into and in what area they are because they want to reach the largest possible potential of people and they'll adapt on the fly to what those people like. They'll make them say FIRST what they like and if impossible they will come up with generic things.

The scams on the other hand want to filter out ASAP all those that will not fall for their game and aim for desperate or more naive people that may be willing to send them money for plane ticket etc through Western Union etc.
The bot-collectors will ask you to mail to a given e-mail, sometimes even asking to type a specific word so they can process the mail automatically and spam you later.

Teenagers, male/females behind other gender, players, etc come up with the more eccentric or often non-coherent stuff or things like "You must be prepared to take my 19yo daughter who is sub too".

The law enforcement profiles have more stuff like: "I have 2 children, 5 and 7, ..." or other stuff of which you must be out of our mind to write them in a BDSM profile on a public site.

There sure are others but the above are certainly a POSSIBLE (not 100% science) problem.

ATTRACTION:
- more then a one liner profile, indicating what type of BDSM play/lifestyle you are looking for.
- a recent picture (even if a little masked/angled) in order to maintain some level of privacy. Actually stick your neck out a little at least if you want to enter this type of community. If your boss finds out then he was there too!
- honesty about being new or your experiences (new is not a problem, experienced is not a problem, lies are a problem).
- willingness to Skype (and not hide) if some first interest shows.
- consistency between profile and what is said/written later

----> the lower the limits the more open the play field the more attractive the profile.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 7

RE: Best & worst things to see in a sub/slave's profile? - 8/27/2014 9:02:38 PM

MasterK09

Posts: 8
Joined: 8/26/2014
Status: offline

I hated it when they tried getting me to join a site that I would have to pay to use. I mean what is wrong with just chatting here or on yahoo.

(in reply to CloakedProtector)

Post #: 8

RE: Best & worst things to see in a sub/slave's profile? - 8/30/2014 12:18:15 PM

CountDrackula

Posts: 36
Joined: 8/19/2014
Status: offline

are these real people or not...the devil is always in the detail and those who sit in judgment
personally I find 99% of profiles on here a disgrace and also fetlife

what do I look for in a profile, i hear you ask, other than cake

I look for the soul no matter how flawed

(in reply to MasterK09)

Post #: 9

RE: Best & worst things to see in a sub/slave's profile? - 8/30/2014 1:59:51 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CountDrackula

are these real people or not...the devil is always in the detail and those who sit in judgment
personally I find 99% of profiles on here a disgrace and also fetlife

what do I look for in a profile, i hear you ask, other than cake

I look for the soul no matter how flawed

Eat a cracker or something. Low blood sugar and posting on forums does not work well with you.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to CountDrackula)

Post #: 10

RE: Best & worst things to see in a sub/slave's profile? - 9/2/2014 10:33:58 AM

CountDrackula

Posts: 36
Joined: 8/19/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

You are free to offer a rebuttal, and then ask me to go and consume sugar in cake form.

It has already been answered. Oh, alright then. I do not like bad stereotypes and liars - or those who encourage them
I call them sophists..and i will happily state the figure at greater than >90%. That is the modus operandi of people who inhabit all sites…or in short a sophist - is this
1. One skilled in elaborate and devious argumentation.
2. Plausible but fallacious
Circular really are they, curiously most believe the reality they inhabit of the illusory and seek other to buy into their malarkey

Never, ever, mistake that for me saying there are no real genuine honest people on here, or there, single or married.

Logic would dictate, for those of us looking, for cake, relationships, someone decent to talk too, then we would be wasted for choice if name the site was inhabited by real souls even if they had amere 10% sophist about them

I had cake before I posted this one

quote:

ORIGINAL: CountDrackula

are these real people or not...the devil is always in the detail and those who sit in judgment
personally I find 99% of profiles on here a disgrace and also fetlife

what do I look for in a profile, i hear you ask, other than cake

I look for the soul no matter how flawed

Eat a cracker or something. Low blood sugar and posting on forums does not work well with you.

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 11

RE: Best & worst things to see in a sub/slave's profile? - 9/2/2014 11:07:36 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmberRose93

There was an interesting thread about what subs and slaves loved and hated to see in a D-types profile. I'd like to see the reverse, what attracts Doms and Masters and what sends up red flags in a profile or journal?

This is easy. A lovely smile. Honest eyes. Heartfelt positive emotions. A calling to me and only me. The red flags are anything suggesting she is looking for a rescue or that she uses the word "doormat" as a hard limit therefore suggesting she has been hurt before and will drive you crazy with her negative emotions.

< Message edited by Arturas -- 9/2/2014 11:13:37 AM >

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to EmberRose93)

Post #: 12

RE: Best & worst things to see in a sub/slave's profile? - 9/2/2014 11:15:43 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CountDrackula

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

You are free to offer a rebuttal, and then ask me to go and consume sugar in cake form.

It has already been answered. Oh, alright then. I do not like bad stereotypes and liars - or those who encourage them
I call them sophists..and i will happily state the figure at greater than >90%. That is the modus operandi of people who inhabit all sites…or in short a sophist - is this
1. One skilled in elaborate and devious argumentation.
2. Plausible but fallacious
Circular really are they, curiously most believe the reality they inhabit of the illusory and seek other to buy into their malarkey

Never, ever, mistake that for me saying there are no real genuine honest people on here, or there, single or married.

Logic would dictate, for those of us looking, for cake, relationships, someone decent to talk too, then we would be wasted for choice if name the site was inhabited by real souls even if they had amere 10% sophist about them

I had cake before I posted this one

quote:

ORIGINAL: CountDrackula

are these real people or not...the devil is always in the detail and those who sit in judgment
personally I find 99% of profiles on here a disgrace and also fetlife

what do I look for in a profile, i hear you ask, other than cake

I look for the soul no matter how flawed

Eat a cracker or something. Low blood sugar and posting on forums does not work well with you.

So...who pissed the farthest?

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to CountDrackula)

Post #: 13

RE: Best & worst things to see in a sub/slave's profile? - 9/3/2014 12:11:36 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

...I forgot. I have one other pet peeve with a profile, that is the use of profile pictures that are not of the profile owner. Another red flag is a single picture or a picture of a flower or some such.

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to Arturas)

Post #: 14

RE: Best & worst things to see in a sub/slave's profile? - 9/24/2014 7:50:51 AM

MrBeardyFace

Posts: 20
Joined: 10/5/2013
From: Phoenix, AZ
Status: offline

Also, something to be concerned with is when you see someone young saying 'no limits'. Like, do you not understand the meaning of the word 'none'? In the rare moment when someone actually -does- have no limits, it should be after a large amount of trust in your dom has been built up over a period of time. Give me five minutes talking to someone with 'no' limits, and I can assure you, they'll discover that they -do-, in fact, have some limits.

_____________________________

Just because you don't think like me, doesn't mean that I think like you.

Look at me thoughtfully stroke my beard.

(in reply to Arturas)

Post #: 15

RE: Best & worst things to see in a sub/slave's profile? - 9/24/2014 12:02:36 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I like to see an open attitude. Being curious about a wide range of religions is good. So is liking Liberal Politics and Conservative Politics both.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to MrBeardyFace)

Post #: 16

RE: Best & worst things to see in a sub/slave's profile? - 9/25/2014 7:35:56 AM

MrBeardyFace

Posts: 20
Joined: 10/5/2013
From: Phoenix, AZ
Status: offline

Oh, and when the profile is basically "I'm a devoted slave looking for a master hit me up on yahoo at <yahoo name>"

_____________________________

Just because you don't think like me, doesn't mean that I think like you.

Look at me thoughtfully stroke my beard.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 17

RE: Best & worst things to see in a sub/slave's profile? - 9/25/2014 7:57:52 AM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrBeardyFace

Also, something to be concerned with is when you see someone young saying 'no limits'. Like, do you not understand the meaning of the word 'none'? In the rare moment when someone actually -does- have no limits, it should be after a large amount of trust in your dom has been built up over a period of time. Give me five minutes talking to someone with 'no' limits, and I can assure you, they'll discover that they -do-, in fact, have some limits.

LOL MrBeardy, I so agree honestly. I had this conversation with a sub, I hate when I have to scold them like children. "It's good to have limits and to outline them, get more knowledge of how VAST the kink realm is and then we can set more realistic expectations, like me not asking you to live without food and water for a week."
"It is good to know before someone makes a request of you that it is beyond your ability. Why bother setting them and yourself up for disappointment?"

Tbh though, I do the yahoo thing in email only because they usually don't make it past a couple of conversations and i don't want random strangers even having my disposable google voice #. I definitely NEVER say though "hit me up".

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to MrBeardyFace)

Post #: 18

RE: Best & worst things to see in a sub/slave's profile? - 9/25/2014 8:00:42 AM

MrBeardyFace

Posts: 20
Joined: 10/5/2013
From: Phoenix, AZ
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrBeardyFace

Also, something to be concerned with is when you see someone young saying 'no limits'. Like, do you not understand the meaning of the word 'none'? In the rare moment when someone actually -does- have no limits, it should be after a large amount of trust in your dom has been built up over a period of time. Give me five minutes talking to someone with 'no' limits, and I can assure you, they'll discover that they -do-, in fact, have some limits.

LOL MrBeardy, I so agree honestly. I had this conversation with a sub, I hate when I have to scold them like children. "It's good to have limits and to outline them, get more knowledge of how VAST the kink realm is and then we can set more realistic expectations, like me not asking you to live without food and water for a week."
"It is good to know before someone makes a request of you that it is beyond your ability. Why bother setting them and yourself up for disappointment?"

Tbh though, I do the yahoo thing in email only because they usually don't make it past a couple of conversations and i don't want random strangers even having my disposable google voice #. I definitely NEVER say though "hit me up".

The main reason I don't like the email thing is because it just screams 'phishing' to me. My spam folder is full enough, I don't need to get myself added to more lists.

_____________________________

Just because you don't think like me, doesn't mean that I think like you.

Look at me thoughtfully stroke my beard.

(in reply to GoddessManko)

Post #: 19

RE: Best & worst things to see in a sub/slave's profile? - 9/25/2014 8:10:37 AM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrBeardyFace

The main reason I don't like the email thing is because it just screams 'phishing' to me. My spam folder is full enough, I don't need to get myself added to more lists.

Well I wouldn't disregard the yahoo im thing altogether because as a woman primarily this is why I do it;
1; I have had too many men get unhealthily attached.
2; I get contacted by a lot of weirdos, meaning they could be a cast member for "Superbad" or some ridiculous movie where the characters are all asshats or possibly martians. I get it, our lifestyle is taboo but it's not a green light to expect your insane levels of personal flaws to be accepted since those are taboo too.
3; I like the ability to detach and not have this weirdo too close to home if either of the above are true.
4; On yahoo im you can chat directly and feel a person out relatively well. It's either gonna be a hit or miss, usually a miss if you have standards but it's like texting back and forth, just without giving too much personal info. I have had ridiculously hot guys contact me far too often only for me to be very, very, VERY disappointed in their conversation (ZERO personality) or for them to have some kind of bizarre online reference to the proper way to dom. (I have always been an alpha, smartest in class, heaviest lifter in gym, best volleyball player). Do female subs have to be referred to such websites to get informed on how to sub? Not really, but then the gender issue is a whole other can of worms.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to MrBeardyFace)

Post #: 20

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