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How should first contact be made ? - 7/11/2006 9:49:44 AM

wildnhard

Posts: 6
Joined: 7/7/2006
Status: offline

Hello seeking ones. Pets, and Curious ones.
What is the best way for a perpectie Dom to approach you.
Should he approach as Dom or should he break the ice first and be cool and laid back
I have not used this site much and am experimenting here.
Any advice is appreciated and respected.

Post #: 1

RE: How should first contact be made ? - 7/11/2006 10:10:21 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I think different submissives/slaves have different opinions about how they like to be approached, but I can tell you some very general things we do not like...

1) we do not like dick pics
2) we do not like form letter emails, canned emails, long winded emails
3) we do not like to be ordered around with things like "get on your knees bitch and email me back rigth away or I will know you are not really a submissive"
4)we do not like to be asked for naked pictures or if we have a webcam you can see

Other than that, as far as first contact most of the submissives I have read on here like what I like.. which is a sincere, mid-length email that tells us what you found interesting about us from our profile, why you think you would like to get to know us better based on our profile, and a little something about yourself, especially common interests you think we may share with you... and not the sexual ones... unless that is what the sub's profile seems to focus on.

After that I think it is really an individual thing about how fast or slow a person wants to move to any next level.. you will have to email them a few times to find out most likely... Good luck!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to wildnhard)

Post #: 2

RE: How should first contact be made ? - 7/11/2006 10:14:28 AM

justheather

Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wildnhard

Hello seeking ones. Pets, and Curious ones.
What is the best way for a perpectie Dom to approach you.
Should he approach as Dom or should he break the ice first and be cool and laid back
I have not used this site much and am experimenting here.
Any advice is appreciated and respected.

Hi and welcome.
Usually the people who post on the boards, aka "this side", tend to get to know one another through contact on the boards...reading one another's posts and getting a feel for who someone is as a person. Eventually, like-minded people end up conversing "on the other side" or by other means and viola...
Id have to advise against putting on a certain sort of persona in order to approach subs here (they tend to be pretty clever) but rather just be yourself and let the interaction take shape as it occurs...as a living moment as opposed to an attempted pick-up.
If you are really motivated, there are plenty of archived threads where people complain about how they DON'T want to be approached.
Good luck.
heather

ps one bit of advice would be to slow down on the typing and proof read - I have no idea what "perpectie" means (neither does Google) but Im thinking you meant "prospective".

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to wildnhard)

Post #: 3

RE: How should first contact be made ? - 7/11/2006 10:15:20 AM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wildnhard

Hello seeking ones. Pets, and Curious ones.
What is the best way for a perpectie Dom to approach you.
Should he approach as Dom or should he break the ice first and be cool and laid back
I have not used this site much and am experimenting here.
Any advice is appreciated and respected.

Along with what Julia said that most do not like, I would hazard a guess that the best way to approach another is no different than you would in any kind of situation. Approach them as a person, get to know them, find out if you have similiar interests, and go from there.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to wildnhard)

Post #: 4

RE: How should first contact be made ? - 7/11/2006 10:24:37 AM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

I personally liked to be approached as a person first. I have feelings and interests and do not like the same things that Julia listed. Don't call me names unless our relationship has evolved where that is appropriate which for me is not until i know You more than just hello. If You wish to be respected treat me with respect and i will take the time to listen and who knows perhaps eventually allow choose to obey. Those are ways i wish to be approaced. Each sub/slave is different in some manner however from what i have read in the forums and having chatted with several sub/slave rt friends i think most of us need the respect in order for a relationship to form that will allow bdsm practice.

(in reply to Tikkiee)

Post #: 5

RE: How should first contact be made ? - 7/11/2006 11:10:27 AM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

I pretty much concur with all of the above.

It's best to probably not have the first words of the conversation be "How are you c u n t?" or something to that effect. This will probably make the sub/slave hit the block/ignore button in record time.. with an exasperated smirk.

I used to think it had to be the Dom role from the beginning..but now I am more into someone getting to know me as a person, my interests and such to see what we have in common out of the "play room".

Just show them the same respect that you would like in return. If you do that, things will eventually fall into place for you.

Welcome and good luck.

Respectfully, Andrea

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

Post #: 6

RE: How should first contact be made ? - 7/11/2006 11:13:27 AM

subedana

Posts: 100
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline

I like to be spoken to like a lady first. After all I still am one. I may be a slave and submissive but I am not your slave.
Kneel Bitch is a sure fire way to be blocked and deleted.
Other than that it's all good.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 7

RE: How should first contact be made ? - 7/11/2006 1:16:16 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I have to agree with the others just be yourself we will know you are a Dom when we look at your profile. Don't just tell us all about yourself refer to something in our profile that caught your interest so we know you actually read it. Just like vanilla get to know a sub/slave as a person first then get into the D/s stuff. That is what happened with my Master and myself.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to subedana)

Post #: 8

RE: How should first contact be made ? - 7/11/2006 1:34:56 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

It's best to probably not have the first words of the conversation be "How are you c u n t?" or something to that effect.

Sounds like you got the same email I did.

One of my pet peeves. Don't send me an email telling me what you're going to do to me, or detailing your sexual prowess. I know WHAT you think you are, but I'm more interested in WHO you are. We can have everything in common sexually, but the fact of the matter is that I may not like you as a person.

Same goes the other way. Make an attempt to know who I am as a person, because it shapes what I am in my relationships.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 7/11/2006 1:36:35 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 9

RE: How should first contact be made ? - 7/11/2006 4:23:33 PM

shyfem

Posts: 101
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

I concur, I do not want to be approached with demands or anything like the things listed above. To me this is not dominant behavior but more simply, rude.

If I am treated like a person with feelings from the get go, I am more likely to develop the respect that it takes to be in a D/s relationship.

I like the way that subedana put it, you can replace slave with sub (vice versa) as it fits for your needs, but I think many of us feel this way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subedana
I may be a slave and submissive but I am not your slave.

~shy
---------------------------------------------
May all who tread here find what they seek!

(in reply to subedana)

Post #: 10

RE: How should first contact be made ? - 7/11/2006 4:31:05 PM

kendrakendra

Posts: 10
Joined: 6/10/2006
Status: offline

I agree with what has been said --- Please say more than hello in the first e-mail, but remember I am a person. As I have heard it explained -- pretend you are at a party & want to meet someone and you can't really go wrong.

(in reply to wildnhard)

Post #: 11

RE: How should first contact be made ? - 7/11/2006 5:08:14 PM

yumyi

Posts: 30
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

I prefer to be approached in person.

The best way someone can get to know me... if they only see my profile online... is to ask about local events. (But do your research a bit first.... I hate getting "so what do I wear to a munch?" emails...)
Once I tell someone where I'll be at a local event (munch, party, flea market, workshop, whatever...) - then come and meet me at one. Dont haunt me. Come over, introduce yourself, smile, and then read my body language. If I'm working the event or busy - then just slip off.. talk to other people, and come talk to me later. If I'm clearly free and looking to talk... be polite, but show me that you're interested in getting to know me better. Dont bring up "so what are you?" or "I'm a top, looking for a bottom" or "so, are you collared?".. just talk to me. All of the details of our relationship preferences and orientations can come up in time. It's not a race.

Approaching me online.... I'm going to be 10x harder on you than I would be in person... just because of the amount of jerks online (as you've figured out from the above replies....) Therefore - approaching me in person is a LOT more condusive that we'll actually get to spend some time getting to know one another.

Oh.. and dont IM me.... I hate getting random IM's... I'm always busy when I'm online, and folks just dont seem to realize that I dont sit around waiting for random strangers to message me.. LOL

(in reply to kendrakendra)

Post #: 12

RE: How should first contact be made ? - 7/11/2006 6:18:09 PM

jonathan

Posts: 196
Joined: 8/5/2004
Status: offline

Yet another thread that the boys appear to have no interest in. Shame. When i saw the subject in my notification e-mail, it looked interesting, as i have some experience, good and bad, with this. Yes, despite all the complaining you may have seen, Dominant Women do approach submissive men. All of the ones who contacted me first eventually proved to be incompatible, for much the same reasons as those juliaoceania lists. Neither Dommes nor subs worth their salt, IMHO, are totally focused on the sexual. If they are, they already have something else or are missing out on the best parts.

General advice reiterated, for anyone contacting anybody, read and study the profile and interests and respond in a manner that is complimentary, and complementary, to both. And be brutally honest. my recent experience shows that this can work, it just may take a while. Maybe a long while.

_____________________________

jonathan
http://www.slaveregister.com/000-515-587

"But in purple, i am stunning!"
"Before You slip into unconsciousness, i'd like to have another kiss, another flashing chance at bliss, another kiss, another kiss"

(in reply to wildnhard)

Post #: 13

RE: How should first contact be made ? - 7/11/2006 9:09:38 PM

leakylee

Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline

I completely agree with what everyone else has said. The only thing that I will add, and this was a new one for me today. Was that I dont need pictorial references explaining said wishes and or desires. Oh, that was just wrong. Not something that you want to open up at 6:30 in the morning.. hehe...

_____________________________

I am so not right, that I left..

(in reply to wildnhard)

Post #: 14

RE: How should first contact be made ? - 7/11/2006 9:12:27 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Just be yourself. If that doesn't work, the relationship isn't going to work anyway.

(in reply to wildnhard)

Post #: 15

RE: How should first contact be made ? - 7/11/2006 10:03:47 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Well, I know this is ask a sub, but as a Domme who has ben doing this for a while, I know I get a lot more interest when I am polite and friendly during first contact. Until you get to know a sub, expecting them to react well to name calling, commands and things like that sets you up for failure. Think of it this way... how would you want to be addressed if they were contacting you for the first time. With the possible exception of a term of endearment, like little one or sweetie... make it somethig youd want to recieve. Has worked for me, at least.

DV

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 16

RE: How should first contact be made ? - 7/11/2006 11:37:52 PM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

In 49 years you haven't learned how to "play well with others"?

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to wildnhard)

Post #: 17

RE: How should first contact be made ? - 7/11/2006 11:53:07 PM

tangldupinblue

Posts: 230
Joined: 3/20/2006
Status: offline

just rememebr that because you own a computer that doesnt make you an instant master, time, trust and manners go a long way.

blue

_____________________________

Those who deserve punshiment, take it calmly.

(in reply to babysburnin)

Post #: 18

RE: How should first contact be made ? - 7/12/2006 3:58:19 AM

mymasterssub69

Posts: 566
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

a friendly note or message is nice introducing yourself but don't start listing your demands and/or expectations right away ...get to know your potential sub/slave

_____________________________

there is something infinitely magical
about a Daddy Dom
...something only a little girl
can understand.

collared on 16th Jan 2007 by bigsambaman, my Daddy

(in reply to wildnhard)

Post #: 19

RE: How should first contact be made ? - 7/25/2006 6:44:19 AM

wildnhard

Posts: 6
Joined: 7/7/2006
Status: offline

Thanks for the comments ladies
To be polite and curious about what the submissives desire in an Alpha male or Dominant male is in my opinon a show of weakness
and should not be taken as such.
I am not the kind of Dom that would play " Get on your knees" well at least until I know them better LOL

When I am with the company of any woman , and I choose to allow them to service me lol, I slowly but surely take them there.

I am guilty of sending the quick messages here.
I should take more time and email,
I appreciate the input

_____________________________

A Man has Got to know his limitations and then strive to overcome them. (Clint Eastwood Gauntlet 1970's)
last part is mine

(in reply to mymasterssub69)

Post #: 20

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