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Sexual Interests - 8/21/2014 12:03:21 AM   
ThatMaxguy


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/20/2014
Status: offline 		Is anyone into the masochistic side of BDSM. If so what do you find attractive, kinks, fetishes etc.
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RE: Sexual Interests - 8/21/2014 12:07:55 AM   
ThePrincessKali


Posts: 424
Joined: 9/19/2012
Status: offline 		Nope. No one here. Sorry.

(in reply to ThatMaxguy)
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RE: Sexual Interests - 8/21/2014 12:32:33 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatMaxguy

Is anyone into the masochistic side of BDSM. If so what do you find attractive, kinks, fetishes etc.

ThePrincessKali and I are in the minority of Dommes who are not into sado-masochism, it would appear.

Even those Dommes I know who consider themselves sadists (only a few personally) do not want pain sluts because they tend to be "All About ME," meaning they are masochistic bottoms but not actually submissive.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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RE: Sexual Interests - 8/21/2014 5:20:14 AM   
InHisHeart


Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatMaxguy

Is anyone into the masochistic side of BDSM. If so what do you find attractive, kinks, fetishes etc.


I'm a sub/maso but I don't play casually so until I'm in a relationship with a Dom, I suppress my submissive and masochist desires. Within a relationship, I'm his submissive at all times first. Within the bdsm part of our relationship, what Master and I find attractive, our kinks, what turns us on are varied and continuously grow. There are some things he enjoys that aren't really turn-ons for me but seeing the pleasure in his eyes is what makes it good and enjoyable for me. He loves pushing me past my limits to see how far he can safely take me which I love and hate at the same time, if that makes any sense.


_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.


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RE: Sexual Interests - 8/21/2014 5:48:49 AM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline 		Yes, the great majority of submissives are masochists - that is, they enjoy pain on some level, such as spanking, nipple clamps, etc. It's very rare to find a submissive who gets no pleasure at all from taking pain. After all, D/s without pain wouldn't be a kink, it'd simply be a rather bossy, one sided relationship, which are very common in the vanilla world anyway. Most Doms require some sort of masochism or willingness to take pain from their submissives. I've never met a Dom that didn't want to inflict any pain, although some Dommes are more into a service fetish, where they use submission as a kind of free / selfless labour in order to fulfill things like domestic tasks or home improvement. Unfortunately, many of them are often disappointed when submissives have desires and expectations of their own, so it's all about compatibility.

Whilst masochism is very common in BDSM there are not that many posts about it on this website, you may prefer to look around for groups more tailored to specific interests.


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RE: Sexual Interests - 8/21/2014 6:03:55 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: InHisHeart

until I'm in a relationship with a Dom, I suppress my submissive and masochist desires.
....
He loves pushing me past my limits to see how far he can safely take me which I love and hate at the same time, if that makes any sense.

Interesting perspective. If it makes (operative) sense to the both of you, then that's great that you have attained that level of trust.

Max, you're an 18-year-old Dom, I see. I thought you were a sub asking whether there are Dominants who are interested in masochistic subs. Are you trying to garner responses from femsubs to serve your own personal agenda? If so, it isn't appropriate to post for that purpose in this forum. If not, then carry on.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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RE: Sexual Interests - 8/21/2014 7:15:03 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		fr

I don't like pain per se, but I do get off on the notion of suffering for someone, so I guess that's a variety of masochism.

Beyond that, I don't think your question is focused enough to give a good answer - it doesn't lead into discussion and if you just want to see people list kinks, a lot of people have that in their profiles. One might mistakenly think you were just looking for wank fodder.

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Upon the hours and times of your desire?

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RE: Sexual Interests - 8/21/2014 7:47:37 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: InHisHeart

I'm a sub/maso but I don't play casually so until I'm in a relationship with a Dom, I suppress my submissive and masochist desires. Within a relationship, I'm his submissive at all times first. Within the bdsm part of our relationship, what Master and I find attractive, our kinks, what turns us on are varied and continuously grow. There are some things he enjoys that aren't really turn-ons for me but seeing the pleasure in his eyes is what makes it good and enjoyable for me. He loves pushing me past my limits to see how far he can safely take me which I love and hate at the same time, if that makes any sense.


This is really beautiful and I'm the same way pretty much but with the role reversal as a D, and expecting the same kind of responses you give your D from my s. Domming is intensely intimate and I pour a lot of myself into it so unless the sub is special to me in some way, I won't indulge. I decided to give one of the subs I met recently another shot because, I like him SO much in the vanilla context despite the fact that he has been extremely spoiled, his fetishes catered to and naught more and his previous prodommes were pleasers. I know why, he's essentially "a catch" probably for any gal, but I don't swoon.
Now that we're sort of venturing into unknown territory he said to me "I'm in trouble" from earlier stating "I don't find you intimidating yet because you haven't been very dominant with me" (of course I would never dom simply because you want me to.
I was honest with him, I told him as a sub he is a brat, he would have to erase all he knows about the lifestyle because I'm not going to be like any other experience before.
I like him though, I think he might be worth the effort for now. And if anything he has to understand the true nature of D/s rather than always playing in the safe zone. He asked me "do you like xyz" type subs because of my recent requests. I said, "No, they would do this eagerly, for you, this is a real challenge."

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 8/21/2014 7:58:42 AM >

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RE: Sexual Interests - 8/21/2014 11:39:58 AM   
ThatMaxguy


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/20/2014
Status: offline 		No, not looking for wank material, I was just wondering why people are turned on by pain. It's an interesting topic and I was just curious

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
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RE: Sexual Interests - 8/21/2014 3:41:00 PM   
InHisHeart


Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatMaxguy

No, not looking for wank material, I was just wondering why people are turned on by pain. It's an interesting topic and I was just curious


For me it's a combination of the physical, emotional and the intimacy involved. The physical is embracing the pain, it makes all my senses come alive, to feel the pain turn to pleasure. Pain to pleasure for me is both physical pleasure and emotional pleasure. The anticipation of not knowing what he's going to use or do next is a big turn-on. The emotional for me is allowing myself to be completely vulnerable to him, be at his mercy, the extreme level of trust I have in him, the look of pleasure, satisfaction and approval in his eyes to my reaction and the strong emotional bond/love we share at all times.


_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.


(in reply to ThatMaxguy)
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RE: Sexual Interests - 8/21/2014 6:19:12 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

Not a hardcore masochist by any stretch. But there is just something about enduring some pain at the hands of my guy. It's that fine line between the pain keeping me in the reality and my own mind launching me into my endorphin-laced sub space head rush. This is the best I can some up with to explain such an abstract concept in my mind.

(in reply to InHisHeart)
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RE: Sexual Interests - 8/26/2014 11:53:52 PM   
BecomingV


Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline 		Please post the reference for this conclusion. I think it's incorrect, and advise readers to do their own research when posters make such claims without proof that is nothing more than their own, strongly felt, opinion.

quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

Yes, the great majority of submissives are masochists - that is, they enjoy pain on some level, such as spanking, nipple clamps, etc. It's very rare to find a submissive who gets no pleasure at all from taking pain.



(in reply to orgasmdenial12)
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RE: Sexual Interests - 8/27/2014 12:50:42 AM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline 		Submission is based on masochism (as BDSM is based on s&m); there's a massive history of it in literature, sexual research, sexual culture and on BDSM websites. People forget (or perhaps never knew) that Masoch, the writer whose named coined the term masochism, wrote about having a slave contract with his Mistress and following her rules. Most academics treat D/s and BDSM as synonymous with s&m, and refer to them as sm or s&m. Even in research which refers to Doms and subs, the behaviour being measured is s&m play. I don't personally know of a single piece of reliable research that measures only D/s without any s&m content. Masochism has always referenced an element of what we now call submission ever since the term was coined by Richard von Krafft-Ebing and I have included one of his quotes below.

I think, considering the huge overlap between submission and masochism, that it would be incumbent on you to prove that the majority of submissives were not masochists. I would take almost any kind of evidence - a website for D/s that did not reference pain in any way, research that showed submissives did not fantasise about or engage in s&m play, a body of erotic literature based on submission with no s&m, research showing what percentage of the population were solely Doms and subs with no s&m interests or behaviour, etc.

The simple truth is that submission without any kind of masochism is very rare, as is D/s without any kind of s&m. I personally have never met such person in 13 years on the scene and I have only seen about 2 or 3 online. Considering that I participate in some the biggest BDSM groups in the world (as most of us do) this is a very tiny number. Even amongst submissives who don't personally enjoy the feeling of pain, they are often aroused by taking it because of the power exchange in their relationship or because of their feelings towards their partner, which is well within the modern medical definition of masochism which includes "being humiliated, beaten, bound, or otherwise made to suffer."

If you have evidence otherwise, please feel free to post it :-)

Various references that may be interesting:

Venus in Furs - Leopold von Sacher-Masoch
A Defence of Masochism - Anita Philips
Safe, Sane and Consensual Langdridge and Barker

Definition of Masochism (Psychopathia Sexualis) "“Masochism is the opposite of sadism. While the latter is the desire to cause pain and use force, the former is the wish to suffer pain and be subjected to force.” (p. 86. Krafft-Ebing)"


quote:

ORIGINAL: BecomingV

Please post the reference for this conclusion. I think it's incorrect, and advise readers to do their own research when posters make such claims without proof that is nothing more than their own, strongly felt, opinion.

quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

Yes, the great majority of submissives are masochists - that is, they enjoy pain on some level, such as spanking, nipple clamps, etc. It's very rare to find a submissive who gets no pleasure at all from taking pain.





(in reply to BecomingV)
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RE: Sexual Interests - 8/27/2014 1:22:41 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

Yes, the great majority of submissives are masochists - that is, they enjoy pain on some level, such as spanking, nipple clamps, etc. It's very rare to find a submissive who gets no pleasure at all from taking pain.



This certainly hasn't been my experience. Of course, I'm not a sadist so I tend to not get entangled with masochists.

Certainly, I've had occasion to know my fair share (and a couple of other peoples' fair share) of submissive ladies; very few have been masochists.

I would be more likely to agree with a statement that reads something along the lines of:

"The great majority of submissives have some level of low self-esteem - that is; they aren't confident enough to make all of their own decisions and prefer to abdicate such control to their partner."

Now, before people take issue with this, I said I would be more likely to agree.

I don't think you can pigeon hole people the way so many try to do. Being submissive does NOT make one a masochist and vice-versa.

It's almost as incongruous as assuming that dominants must be sadists. Personally, I find that idea offensive. Certainly dominants may be sadists but one doesn't cause the other.







Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 8/27/2014 1:23:03 AM >

_____________________________

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Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

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RE: Sexual Interests - 8/27/2014 2:02:53 AM   
subrosaDom


Posts: 724
Joined: 2/16/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr


quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

Yes, the great majority of submissives are masochists - that is, they enjoy pain on some level, such as spanking, nipple clamps, etc. It's very rare to find a submissive who gets no pleasure at all from taking pain.



This certainly hasn't been my experience. Of course, I'm not a sadist so I tend to not get entangled with masochists.

Certainly, I've had occasion to know my fair share (and a couple of other peoples' fair share) of submissive ladies; very few have been masochists.

I would be more likely to agree with a statement that reads something along the lines of:

"The great majority of submissives have some level of low self-esteem - that is; they aren't confident enough to make all of their own decisions and prefer to abdicate such control to their partner."

Now, before people take issue with this, I said I would be more likely to agree.

I don't think you can pigeon hole people the way so many try to do. Being submissive does NOT make one a masochist and vice-versa.

It's almost as incongruous as assuming that dominants must be sadists. Personally, I find that idea offensive. Certainly dominants may be sadists but one doesn't cause the other.







Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?


There are really 4 questions here:

- Are all masochists submissives?

No. A masochist could command a submissive to inflict pain upon the M. This may be less common, but there's no reason it couldn't be true. Deriving pleasure from pain does not mean you must be submissive.

- Are all submissives masochists?'

No. Being submissive doesn't mean you get off on receiving pain. One can wish to submit but have pain or forms of it as a hard limit. One might submit through bondage. One might submit to orgasm control. One might submit mentally only. I would suggest more masochists are submissive than submissives masochistic.

- Are all sadists dominant?

Not all.I would guess most. A sadist needs a masochist. A sadistic submissive could be commanded by a masochistic dominant to inflict pain on the dominant. This is probably rare, but it's certainly possible.

- Are all dominants sadists?

No. Being dominant doesn't mean you get off on inflicting pain. I would suggest more sadists are dominant than dominants sadistic.


_____________________________

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.

- Nietzsche

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
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RE: Sexual Interests - 8/27/2014 2:16:13 AM   
BecomingV


Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subrosaDom


quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr


quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

Yes, the great majority of submissives are masochists - that is, they enjoy pain on some level, such as spanking, nipple clamps, etc. It's very rare to find a submissive who gets no pleasure at all from taking pain.



This certainly hasn't been my experience. Of course, I'm not a sadist so I tend to not get entangled with masochists.

Certainly, I've had occasion to know my fair share (and a couple of other peoples' fair share) of submissive ladies; very few have been masochists.

I would be more likely to agree with a statement that reads something along the lines of:

"The great majority of submissives have some level of low self-esteem - that is; they aren't confident enough to make all of their own decisions and prefer to abdicate such control to their partner."

Now, before people take issue with this, I said I would be more likely to agree.

I don't think you can pigeon hole people the way so many try to do. Being submissive does NOT make one a masochist and vice-versa.

It's almost as incongruous as assuming that dominants must be sadists. Personally, I find that idea offensive. Certainly dominants may be sadists but one doesn't cause the other.







Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?


There are really 4 questions here:

- Are all masochists submissives?

No. A masochist could command a submissive to inflict pain upon the M. This may be less common, but there's no reason it couldn't be true. Deriving pleasure from pain does not mean you must be submissive.

- Are all submissives masochists?'

No. Being submissive doesn't mean you get off on receiving pain. One can wish to submit but have pain or forms of it as a hard limit. One might submit through bondage. One might submit to orgasm control. One might submit mentally only. I would suggest more masochists are submissive than submissives masochistic.

- Are all sadists dominant?

Not all.I would guess most. A sadist needs a masochist. A sadistic submissive could be commanded by a masochistic dominant to inflict pain on the dominant. This is probably rare, but it's certainly possible.

- Are all dominants sadists?

No. Being dominant doesn't mean you get off on inflicting pain. I would suggest more sadists are dominant than dominants sadistic.



Agreed! And, those are the distinctions that orgasmdenial's post neglects to comprehend.

OP - like I said, when you run across a "THIS IS THE WAY" post, do your own research or at least, ask them to share theirs.

orgasmdenial - holder of "the simple truth," reading a few books may inform your opinion, but it's not anything more than your opinion. Your opinion is welcomed and there is no need to present it as anything more than that. :)

(in reply to subrosaDom)
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RE: Sexual Interests - 8/27/2014 2:53:07 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
<snip>
Being submissive does NOT make one a masochist and vice-versa.

It's almost as incongruous as assuming that dominants must be sadists. Personally, I find that idea offensive. Certainly dominants may be sadists but one doesn't cause the other.

Given that I can count myself among the minority of Dominants who are NOT sadistic, and knowing as I do many submissive males (both platonically/non-sexually and subs I've owned) who are NOT masochistic, the one does not beget the other.

But, the fact of the matter is that those of us who have no desire to engage in S&M are having an extremely hard time finding complementary partners who are NOT sado-masochistic. We are keeping the faith that these unfortuitous circumstances change for the better soon.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Sexual Interests - 8/27/2014 10:37:13 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		When it comes down to it, it really is a very complex situation.

I know that for me, when I first started, I had to get past the whole harm vs hurt thing. Once I realized that the submissives I was dealing with not only enjoyed the pain but WANTED it...it turned them on...made them wet, it got easier. In those first years, I went from spanking to flogging to my own toy (Serpents Bite). I eventually got into slapping though I had limits of my own there. In all this, I found that there was a sadistic element to my personality. However...

Being the curious soul that I am, I pay attention to myself as well as others. While I found a rush and an increasing sexual excitement from inflecting pain that was different than that found in vanilla encounters. A lot of my sexual arousal came from the pain inflection and from a sexual response TO THE PAIN by my partner, a lot of the arousal was due to the power exchange. Though I'd read about this...a lot...what surprised me a few years ago was the discovery...realization?...that I could be aroused and feel a deep satisfaction and pride when the submission was out of deference and respect and a desire to please. This came about when I realized that I'd been lucky enough to have had a brief (one year) but deep involvement with someone who often submitted to things that did little to nothing for her OTHER THAN the satisfaction she got from submitting to them for ME. Was I selfish? You bet. But oddly enough...And I am pretty sure she knew it would...her unselfish submission once again touched that less selfish part of my dominance. And a realization that, while I am sadistic, I'll never be as sadistic as some want and wayyyyy more sadistic than a NON-submissive, non-masochistic type can handle.

Since then, I've met a few submissives of this type (interesting how once you've met one sort of person, suddenly you're meeting others like that).

The point of all this rambling?

As has been pointed out, there are indeed masochistic submissives. Probably more than there are non-masochistic submissives. And there are those masochistic submissives whose masochism isn't touched by the PAIN being inflicted but their submission is. But I am sure that there are those non-masochistic submissives who indulge in pain play NOT for the servicing of their sexual arousal but for the servicing of their submissive nature and their dominant. Are they deluding themselves that they are not at least a little masochistic? Perhaps...or perhaps not. In my own experience, I've yet to meet someone who is submissive and COMPLETELY non-masochistic.


< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 8/27/2014 10:54:16 AM >

(in reply to FieryOpal)
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RE: Sexual Interests - 8/27/2014 11:39:34 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
<snip>
As has been pointed out, there are indeed masochistic submissives. Probably more than there are non-masochistic submissives. And there are those masochistic submissives whose masochism isn't touched by the PAIN being inflicted but their submission is. But I am sure that there are those non-masochistic submissives who indulge in pain play NOT for the servicing of their sexual arousal but for the servicing of their submissive nature and their dominant. Are they deluding themselves that they are not at least a little masochistic? Perhaps...or perhaps not. In my own experience, I've yet to meet someone who is submissive and COMPLETELY non-masochistic.

It's interesting that you should mention this. When I was checking up on Dacryphilia, per a prospective sub who was into begging to the point of tears and sexual humiliation, I read that since this is considered to be humiliation, it is a form of [mental] sado-masochism. (Both inflictor and inflictee are called dacryphiliacs.)

When I spoke with some of the subs I know, I discovered that nearly half of them were into one form of humiliation or another, primarily Mental Torment or mild humiliation, not so much Sexual Torment, or more psychological in nature than overtly physical. One enjoys infrequent punctuations of being lightly slapped in the face while scening, to be kept in line from what I've gathered. It's possible that instead of deriving pleasure from the actual sensation play itself, these act as reinforcement triggers to elicit outward displays of Dominance and submission. Either that or these are indeed expressions of borderline masochistic tendencies, after all.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
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RE: Sexual Interests - 8/27/2014 11:43:06 AM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant


As has been pointed out, there are indeed masochistic submissives. Probably more than there are non-masochistic submissives. And there are those masochistic submissives whose masochism isn't touched by the PAIN being inflicted but their submission is. But I am sure that there are those non-masochistic submissives who indulge in pain play NOT for the servicing of their sexual arousal but for the servicing of their submissive nature and their dominant. Are they deluding themselves that they are not at least a little masochistic? Perhaps...or perhaps not. In my own experience, I've yet to meet someone who is submissive and COMPLETELY non-masochistic.



I used to be a heck of a lot more masochistic than I am now. Actually, thinking back on it, I *cringe* at some of the activities that I partook in "back in the day". For the most part though (both back then and now) my pleasure from the pain came from knowing that I was pleasing him. I consider myself fortunate that I mark easily....especially now, when it completely turns me off to have any welts on my body, or any marks that last more than the evening...

Now, to speak in generalities that come from my small corner of the kink world:

In my experience, both physically and just from speaking with folks...I have seen that there are a lot fewer "sadistic" Doms than I would have initially thought. Perhaps that comes from me really starting to understand that my own submission is emotional and mental, and not as a masochist....I don't know. But, whatever the reason, I have crossed paths with quite a few Doms who I believe would be completely incapable of leaving any sort of mark on my body that would last more than about an hour, if that. I've also crossed paths with quite a few Doms who talk a "sadistic talk", but when push comes to shove, they simply are *not* that type. Is it a matter of trying to fit into some sort of mythical "Dom mold"? Are they not comfortable in their own "Dom skin"? Whatever the reason, I find it absolutely fascinating.

From my own experience, I know that there are Doms and subs that fit in all parts of the spectrum. And, in my not-so-humble opinion, the sooner one realizes where they "fit", the happier and more fulfilling their relationships will be.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
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