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RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 6:05:27 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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I don't think I have self-esteem issues, but do have a capacity to be highly self-critical - which isn't quite the same thing, and can have advantages or disadvantages.

One advantage is that I can sometimes notice and correct a "mistake" before it's grown, behavior-wise, into something requiring much more work to correct. I don't resent this, and think it's a blessing (albeit, sometimes in disguise).

One disadvantage is that the "tape recording in my head" that tells me I need to improve sometimes seems like it never takes a vacation. There are always, always, things anyone can do "better" - and there are only 24 hours in a day (which reminds me...I have some chores I need to do...see what I mean?)

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/11/2006 6:16:04 PM >

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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Post #: 41

RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 6:16:52 PM

shyfem

Posts: 101
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

To the OP, thank you for a beautiful post

I think most people at one time or another have struggled with self-esteem issues. For me they started in school, kids are cruel. I was by no means a thin child but far from heavy. In high school I wore a size 10, but by "high school standards" it may have well been a size 20. Then I fell into a relationship with a man who did nothing to help my self-esteem and seemed to enjoy knocking it down further.

I have learned a lot since those days. I cannot measure my self worth in how other people see me, but in how I see myself. I am a good person with a warm heart, many friends and throughout the years my share of men who thought I was cute/pretty/beautiful.

I have a favorite quote when I think about how I used to let people make me feel. I hope I don't slaughter it

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" ~ Elenor Rosevelt

~shy
-------------------------------------------------
May all who tread here find what they seek!

(in reply to enigmabrat)

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Post #: 42

RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 6:48:52 PM

Driver1961

Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

He enters, dips His lid,

One's self esteem is borne out of how we SEE ourselves. (self efficacy)

How we SEE ourselves is largely dependent upon our personal expectaction of how we see others aound us. If we are in a group of blissful illiterates and similar ourselves- then we MAY have excellent self esteem. Leave that group and enter a group of Academics and we find ourselves impotent. unable to communicate let alone understand and so question how others view us thus lowering (albeit temporarily hopefully) our view of self worth (efficacy). We then learn to communicate in 'academia land' and quickly realize that we are 'accepted' by our new academic group and find that many had actually accepted us within the academic group but our personal expectations of 'belonging' excluded us.

The beauty is that we are able to live at anytime amoungst OUR group of illiterates unless we consider ourselves as superior to others based upon knowledge.

It is this 'learning the language, communication' that many of us question here (rightly so) however we should be careful of how our questioning others posts may appear as ridicule or exclusion to those beginning their journeys into Lifestyle.

Warm regards to all.
Driver1961. Sir to His loving Wildchild

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Post #: 43

RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 7:28:50 PM

eruditegirl1

Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I don't think I have self-esteem issues, but do have a capacity to be highly self-critical - which isn't quite the same thing, and can have advantages or disadvantages.

One advantage is that I can sometimes notice and correct a "mistake" before it's grown, behavior-wise, into something requiring much more work to correct. I don't resent this, and think it's a blessing (albeit, sometimes in disguise).

One disadvantage is that the "tape recording in my head" that tells me I need to improve sometimes seems like it never takes a vacation. There are always, always, things anyone can do "better" - and there are only 24 hours in a day (which reminds me...I have some chores I need to do...see what I mean?)

- Susan

OMG....I have the samething....that damn little voice that reminds me of chores...how I could have approached the situation different...how I cold have gotten an A had I studied more...etc...etc...I even did another post about the voice dealing with BDSM...the contradiction in my head....good/bad girl thing....if you ever learn how to at least turn the volume down...please let me know....lol

(in reply to SusanofO)

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Post #: 44

RE: Time to improve our value - 7/11/2006 7:36:30 PM

eruditegirl1

Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shyfem

To the OP, thank you for a beautiful post

I think most people at one time or another have struggled with self-esteem issues. For me they started in school, kids are cruel. I was by no means a thin child but far from heavy. In high school I wore a size 10, but by "high school standards" it may have well been a size 20. Then I fell into a relationship with a man who did nothing to help my self-esteem and seemed to enjoy knocking it down further.

I have learned a lot since those days. I cannot measure my self worth in how other people see me, but in how I see myself. I am a good person with a warm heart, many friends and throughout the years my share of men who thought I was cute/pretty/beautiful.

I have a favorite quote when I think about how I used to let people make me feel. I hope I don't slaughter it

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" ~ Elenor Rosevelt

~shy
-------------------------------------------------
May all who tread here find what they seek!

I love the quote....I think Elenor was a woman who was very under acknowlegde...
I was curious as to how you learned...what helped you to improve your self esteem throughout the years...one significant event or a multitude of events...

(in reply to shyfem)

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Post #: 45