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IRL meetings - 8/25/2014 5:54:16 AM   
goodsubinCO


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/9/2014
Status: offline 		*waves* Hello E/everyone. I have had two meetings with two different Doms from this site. The first one was an utter disaster, he ignored my HARD LIMITS leaving me in pain, sick, and bruised for weeks afterwards.

The second Dom, was the exact opposite. He is everything I had hoped for and more. Brings a smile to my face whenever I think of our time together. And when we are not chatting all I can think of when we can be together again. Unfortunately I am not sure if it will work out due to finances, as I live on a very limited income, I can't be a sub to someone who can't be responsible enough to pay his own bills and never has money when we are together. I just am not feeling very secure, or safe, knowing that when push comes to shove I am expected to pay for almost everything that we do. As I am disabled, it's not like I can get another job to pay for things like Gas, hotels, and food. Unfortunately during our last visit, he was again with me with little to no money and had to have money wired to him for a bus ticket. Meanwhile I paid for all the gas in my car, and meals. I was raised to always be prepared, so finding a man who plans nothing leaves me feeling not secure or stable. Don't know if this is normal, but when he gets mad, he reverts to name calling. And expects me to read his mind or own a crystal ball. He thinks that everything I like is stupid, and where I live is shitty. We had a miscommunication and last time he demanded that I take him to the bus station before he had been here even three days. So I obeyed and dropped him off at the closest bus station over 30+ miles away, so imagine my surprise when at 0300 my doorbell is rung, waking me up from a sound sleep. And even more shocked to find said Dom on my doorstep. He had walked over 30 miles to get back to me in over 100+ degree heat without any water and wearing shoes not meant for walking. He was very dehydrated and I spent the next week and a half playing nurse maid to him, Once I got him rehydrated he became bed bound due to incredible pain. He could barely walk, and I am sure that was really hard on him as he is very active, and physically in good shape. I asked him repeatedly to allow me to take him to the local ER to be seen, he refused calling my local hospital basically a bunch of quacks. So our parting that final day was bittersweet because he was still in pain. I hope he can gain control in his life financially so that we can have a future. Now he is back in the mountains again for the second weekend in a row, without any way for us to contact eachother.

Sincerely,

Sheryl aka goodsubinCO
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: IRL meetings - 8/25/2014 6:03:33 AM   
goodsubinCO


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/9/2014
Status: offline 		I am just curious what one is supposed to do when the Dom you are with ignore your HARD LIMITS? Other than refusing to ever meet them again? The first Dom I met did just that. And now he wonders why I have no desire to go and meet him for a play date. I have told him that I have a new Dom and am interested in only being friends with him. My LIMITS were not that hard to follow.. No Crops, No marks, and no cumming in my mouth.. He totally ignored all three of them.

He told me that he had been a sub before, and all I can say is the Domme he was a sub to must have been a very sadistic woman. It was like he was ignoring my HARD LIMITS just to prove to me who was in charge. After that all I can say is I will NEVER submit to him ever again.

Alot of the 65 minutes that we spent together it was as if he was making up reasons to punish me knowing full well that what he was asking me to do was beyond my control. Talk about a mind fuck... Why not just say, I am going to spank you because I want to? I could have understood that much better. Unfortunately now when the new Dom says I need to be spanked, I ask "in a good way or bad way, and what did I do wrong?" Guess that is why we are taking things slowly because he is having to prove to me that he is trustworthy.

Sheryl aka goodsubinCO

(in reply to goodsubinCO)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: IRL meetings - 8/25/2014 6:13:01 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodsubinCO


The second Dom, was the exact opposite. He is everything I had hoped for and more. Brings a smile to my face whenever I think of our time together. And when we are not chatting all I can think of when we can be together again.



Awesome!

quote:



Unfortunately I am not sure if it will work out due to finances, as I live on a very limited income, I can't be a sub to someone who can't be responsible enough to pay his own bills and never has money when we are together. I just am not feeling very secure, or safe, knowing that when push comes to shove I am expected to pay for almost everything that we do. As I am disabled, it's not like I can get another job to pay for things like Gas, hotels, and food. Unfortunately during our last visit, he was again with me with little to no money and had to have money wired to him for a bus ticket. Meanwhile I paid for all the gas in my car, and meals. I was raised to always be prepared, so finding a man who plans nothing leaves me feeling not secure or stable. Don't know if this is normal, but when he gets mad, he reverts to name calling. And expects me to read his mind or own a crystal ball. He thinks that everything I like is stupid, and where I live is shitty. We had a miscommunication and last time he demanded that I take him to the bus station before he had been here even three days. So I obeyed and dropped him off at the closest bus station over 30+ miles away, so imagine my surprise when at 0300 my doorbell is rung, waking me up from a sound sleep. And even more shocked to find said Dom on my doorstep. He had walked over 30 miles to get back to me in over 100+ degree heat without any water and wearing shoes not meant for walking. He was very dehydrated and I spent the next week and a half playing nurse maid to him, Once I got him rehydrated he became bed bound due to incredible pain. He could barely walk, and I am sure that was really hard on him as he is very active, and physically in good shape. I asked him repeatedly to allow me to take him to the local ER to be seen, he refused calling my local hospital basically a bunch of quacks. So our parting that final day was bittersweet because he was still in pain. I hope he can gain control in his life financially so that we can have a future. Now he is back in the mountains again for the second weekend in a row, without any way for us to contact eachother.

Sincerely,

Sheryl aka goodsubinCO


WTF?


So, which is it, everything you hoped for or a blood sucking parasite attached to your nipple?

Exiled

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to goodsubinCO)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: IRL meetings - 8/25/2014 10:55:33 AM   
goodsubinCO


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/9/2014
Status: offline 		The first visit he had lost his Visa Card on the way to my place, so that made sense.. This second visit he made on the spur of the moment and assumed that his bank would allow his friend to cash his check... So yes, in both ways. Let's just say I am now a bit worried about our future. I just know that on my income alone I can't keep doing this. Before I started in the lifestyle, all of my vanilla bf's paid for everything. So imagine my surprise to discover that men in the lifestyle do not treat me the same way. Maybe it's because most of the men I have met here have been very liberal, and believe that a woman should pay her share and more? Yet, from what I have discovered they are unable to find like minded females in the lifestyle. Just how many feminists would be willing to take orders from ANY male? Or address him as Sir? It's just a bit of humor that I have discovered.

Sheryl aka goodsubinCO

< Message edited by goodsubinCO -- 8/25/2014 11:02:33 AM >

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: IRL meetings - 8/25/2014 4:56:03 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		You struck out twice. Keep batting, and try to see the flags earlier.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to goodsubinCO)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: IRL meetings - 8/26/2014 3:21:18 AM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodsubinCO

*waves* Hello E/everyone. I have had two meetings with two different Doms from this site. The first one was an utter disaster, he ignored my HARD LIMITS leaving me in pain, sick, and bruised for weeks afterwards.

The second Dom, was the exact opposite. He is everything I had hoped for and more. Brings a smile to my face whenever I think of our time together. And when we are not chatting all I can think of when we can be together again. Unfortunately I am not sure if it will work out due to finances, as I live on a very limited income, I can't be a sub to someone who can't be responsible enough to pay his own bills and never has money when we are together. I just am not feeling very secure, or safe, knowing that when push comes to shove I am expected to pay for almost everything that we do. As I am disabled, it's not like I can get another job to pay for things like Gas, hotels, and food. Unfortunately during our last visit, he was again with me with little to no money and had to have money wired to him for a bus ticket. Meanwhile I paid for all the gas in my car, and meals. I was raised to always be prepared, so finding a man who plans nothing leaves me feeling not secure or stable. Don't know if this is normal, but when he gets mad, he reverts to name calling. And expects me to read his mind or own a crystal ball. He thinks that everything I like is stupid, and where I live is shitty. We had a miscommunication and last time he demanded that I take him to the bus station before he had been here even three days. So I obeyed and dropped him off at the closest bus station over 30+ miles away, so imagine my surprise when at 0300 my doorbell is rung, waking me up from a sound sleep. And even more shocked to find said Dom on my doorstep. He had walked over 30 miles to get back to me in over 100+ degree heat without any water and wearing shoes not meant for walking. He was very dehydrated and I spent the next week and a half playing nurse maid to him, Once I got him rehydrated he became bed bound due to incredible pain. He could barely walk, and I am sure that was really hard on him as he is very active, and physically in good shape. I asked him repeatedly to allow me to take him to the local ER to be seen, he refused calling my local hospital basically a bunch of quacks. So our parting that final day was bittersweet because he was still in pain. I hope he can gain control in his life financially so that we can have a future. Now he is back in the mountains again for the second weekend in a row, without any way for us to contact eachother.

Sincerely,

Sheryl aka goodsubinCO


It seems as though you are invested in this second man saying he brings a smile to your face and you want to see him again, so why play the victim by bringing up his (many) faults and examples of his bizarre critical thinking process? Either you're with the man or not, you certainly don't have to be. What does it say about you that you're willing to be with someone that takes your money, disparages you, calls you names, and pushes his physical limits to the point of lunacy? Why would you even put yourself in the care of, and be vulnerable in kinky play to a man who displays such poor reasoning?

I don't think him having a stable financial outlook would give you the future you are looking for. Like DS alluded to, I don't think these negative qualities about the guy were a complete mystery, there were probably signs you overlooked.

(in reply to goodsubinCO)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: IRL meetings - 8/26/2014 3:25:47 AM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodsubinCO

I am just curious what one is supposed to do when the Dom you are with ignore your HARD LIMITS? Other than refusing to ever meet them again? The first Dom I met did just that. And now he wonders why I have no desire to go and meet him for a play date. I have told him that I have a new Dom and am interested in only being friends with him. My LIMITS were not that hard to follow.. No Crops, No marks, and no cumming in my mouth.. He totally ignored all three of them.

He told me that he had been a sub before, and all I can say is the Domme he was a sub to must have been a very sadistic woman. It was like he was ignoring my HARD LIMITS just to prove to me who was in charge. After that all I can say is I will NEVER submit to him ever again.

Alot of the 65 minutes that we spent together it was as if he was making up reasons to punish me knowing full well that what he was asking me to do was beyond my control. Talk about a mind fuck... Why not just say, I am going to spank you because I want to? I could have understood that much better. Unfortunately now when the new Dom says I need to be spanked, I ask "in a good way or bad way, and what did I do wrong?" Guess that is why we are taking things slowly because he is having to prove to me that he is trustworthy.

Sheryl aka goodsubinCO


To avoid being with people that ignore hard limits you spend a lot of time with them to begin with seeing if they are trustworthy in word and action. You can also make a police report if you feel he has done something destructive to you in the sense of the law or has done something illegal. Other than that stop talking to the guy and surely stop saying you'll be friends with him. Why would you be friends with someone that has supposedly caused you so much anguish?

(in reply to goodsubinCO)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: IRL meetings - 8/26/2014 3:33:48 AM   
subrosaDom


Posts: 724
Joined: 2/16/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodsubinCO

*waves* Hello E/everyone. I have had two meetings with two different Doms from this site. The first one was an utter disaster, he ignored my HARD LIMITS leaving me in pain, sick, and bruised for weeks afterwards.

The second Dom, was the exact opposite. He is everything I had hoped for and more. Brings a smile to my face whenever I think of our time together. And when we are not chatting all I can think of when we can be together again. Unfortunately I am not sure if it will work out due to finances, as I live on a very limited income, I can't be a sub to someone who can't be responsible enough to pay his own bills and never has money when we are together. I just am not feeling very secure, or safe, knowing that when push comes to shove I am expected to pay for almost everything that we do. As I am disabled, it's not like I can get another job to pay for things like Gas, hotels, and food. Unfortunately during our last visit, he was again with me with little to no money and had to have money wired to him for a bus ticket. Meanwhile I paid for all the gas in my car, and meals. I was raised to always be prepared, so finding a man who plans nothing leaves me feeling not secure or stable. Don't know if this is normal, but when he gets mad, he reverts to name calling. And expects me to read his mind or own a crystal ball. He thinks that everything I like is stupid, and where I live is shitty. We had a miscommunication and last time he demanded that I take him to the bus station before he had been here even three days. So I obeyed and dropped him off at the closest bus station over 30+ miles away, so imagine my surprise when at 0300 my doorbell is rung, waking me up from a sound sleep. And even more shocked to find said Dom on my doorstep. He had walked over 30 miles to get back to me in over 100+ degree heat without any water and wearing shoes not meant for walking. He was very dehydrated and I spent the next week and a half playing nurse maid to him, Once I got him rehydrated he became bed bound due to incredible pain. He could barely walk, and I am sure that was really hard on him as he is very active, and physically in good shape. I asked him repeatedly to allow me to take him to the local ER to be seen, he refused calling my local hospital basically a bunch of quacks. So our parting that final day was bittersweet because he was still in pain. I hope he can gain control in his life financially so that we can have a future. Now he is back in the mountains again for the second weekend in a row, without any way for us to contact eachother.

Sincerely,

Sheryl aka goodsubinCO


The first man is a sadistic sociopath. The second may be a paranoid schizophrenic and at best is, along with you, codependent and by himself, passive aggressive. No, I am not being sarcastic. Look at yourself in the mirror and decide what you need and what you want. Neither of these men is it. Not even close. Further, 30 miles of walking in 100 degree heat without water would cause death to almost anyone due to hyperthermia. Maybe he walked 2 miles like that. At best. He got a ride the rest of the way. You're not doing any reality testing. You need to start before you get a "Dom" who is worse than these two combined.

_____________________________

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.

- Nietzsche

(in reply to goodsubinCO)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: IRL meetings - 8/26/2014 4:05:41 AM   
InHisHeart


Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline 		The first guy, why are you interested in being friends with someone who doesn't respect you?

The second guy, what is it about him that is everything you hoped for and more, what is it about him that brings a smile to your face? I didn't read one positive thing about this guy. Name calling, saying everything you like is stupid, leaves when there's a misunderstanding, has excuses for not having money and using your money. He lost his visa card the first time, he thought the bank would let his friend cash his check the second time......how convenient for him!

There's no way for him to communicate with you when he's back in the mountains or could it be he has no way to communicate with you when he's with another woman, a wife, a girlfriend or another woman he's using. Many red flags with this guy.



_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.


(in reply to goodsubinCO)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: IRL meetings - 8/26/2014 4:49:24 AM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		I think everyone else has said it.

The first asswipe, who ignored your limits, should be kicked to the gutter. Period.
You shouldn't even attempt to have communications with him or be friends.
Quite frankly, he isn't worth it.

The second asswipe, who seems to be everything you wanted, except for.... well, just about everything!
This one is just as bad but in a different way.

Neither are suitable.

As DS said; you struck out twice. Just keep batting until the right one comes along.
This isn't a race. Take your time. There is no need to accept second-best.

Good luck.


_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”
George Orwell, 1903-1950


(in reply to goodsubinCO)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: IRL meetings - 8/26/2014 7:02:48 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: InHisHeart

The first guy, why are you interested in being friends with someone who doesn't respect you?

The second guy, what is it about him that is everything you hoped for and more, what is it about him that brings a smile to your face? I didn't read one positive thing about this guy. Name calling, saying everything you like is stupid, leaves when there's a misunderstanding, has excuses for not having money and using your money. He lost his visa card the first time, he thought the bank would let his friend cash his check the second time......how convenient for him!

There's no way for him to communicate with you when he's back in the mountains or could it be he has no way to communicate with you when he's with another woman, a wife, a girlfriend or another woman he's using. Many red flags with this guy.




This exactly. OP you seem like a really sweet person, and unfortunately when you are, you leave yourself vulnerable to being an easy target for people less than deserving of you.
I know whether vanilla world or bdsm, dating can be a challenge, putting yourself out there, investing time and energy, and it's usually a hit or miss and if you have standards (which you should set higher, being the seemingly great person you are), it's usually a miss. It's disappointing and daunting and I'd say there has been a deep decline in the dating pool since the recession. I had my first apt wen I was 22, now for guys even in their 30's it's acceptable to have roommates like they're cohabitating in a frat house. Foundationally the men who you can potentially marry or have a family with are few and far between even more than ever before.
But setting all that aside, they are still out there, and I'm pretty sure with your amicable nature (you're way too nice), your willingness to compromise and your objective, very submissive and naturally giving spirit, you deserve a D who will appreciate you for all that you are. I agree with everyone here and we're all rooting for you to get away with these guys and find someone who can actually contribute to your life and make it better, not make it more complicated. You would think if a Dom would want to control others, he would first have control of himself and his life. Don't sell yourself short is what we're all trying to say, and don't get initial attraction ad infatuation blind side you to practicality.


_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to InHisHeart)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: IRL meetings - 8/26/2014 11:01:43 AM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodsubinCO
I just know that on my income alone I can't keep doing this. Before I started in the lifestyle, all of my vanilla bf's paid for everything. So imagine my surprise to discover that men in the lifestyle do not treat me the same way. Maybe it's because most of the men I have met here have been very liberal, and believe that a woman should pay her share and more? Yet, from what I have discovered they are unable to find like minded females in the lifestyle. Just how many feminists would be willing to take orders from ANY male? Or address him as Sir? It's just a bit of humor that I have discovered.

Sheryl aka goodsubinCO


I don't think this has anything to do with one's political leanings.

Personally, I can pay my own way, but would have issues being with someone who *expected* it. However, with that being said, I do understand the concept of "going Dutch"....and this goes WAY beyond that. To be expected to pay your own way, *and more*? Especially in the formative stages of a relationship, I can't even imagine the chutzpah of someone who would even think that this would be an acceptable way of doing things.

Sheryl, in my not-so-humble opinion, you are giving people WAY too much of the benefit of the doubt. Users are users. And, making excuses for their behavior will not help your situation in any way.

As GoddessManko said, you come across as being a very, very nice lady. Which, in itself is a great thing. You just need to get to the point where you can see that in yourself. (I know, not easy.) But, I assure you that once you get to that stage, you will be able to see these users far sooner and move on.

Wish you the best of luck.

(in reply to goodsubinCO)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: IRL meetings - 8/26/2014 11:51:44 AM   
subrosaDom


Posts: 724
Joined: 2/16/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug


quote:

ORIGINAL: goodsubinCO
I just know that on my income alone I can't keep doing this. Before I started in the lifestyle, all of my vanilla bf's paid for everything. So imagine my surprise to discover that men in the lifestyle do not treat me the same way. Maybe it's because most of the men I have met here have been very liberal, and believe that a woman should pay her share and more? Yet, from what I have discovered they are unable to find like minded females in the lifestyle. Just how many feminists would be willing to take orders from ANY male? Or address him as Sir? It's just a bit of humor that I have discovered.

Sheryl aka goodsubinCO


I don't think this has anything to do with one's political leanings.

Personally, I can pay my own way, but would have issues being with someone who *expected* it. However, with that being said, I do understand the concept of "going Dutch"....and this goes WAY beyond that. To be expected to pay your own way, *and more*? Especially in the formative stages of a relationship, I can't even imagine the chutzpah of someone who would even think that this would be an acceptable way of doing things.

Sheryl, in my not-so-humble opinion, you are giving people WAY too much of the benefit of the doubt. Users are users. And, making excuses for their behavior will not help your situation in any way.

As GoddessManko said, you come across as being a very, very nice lady. Which, in itself is a great thing. You just need to get to the point where you can see that in yourself. (I know, not easy.) But, I assure you that once you get to that stage, you will be able to see these users far sooner and move on.

Wish you the best of luck.



I don't think it's political either. And I am in the conservative-libertarian minority here (just read my other postings!). Political leanings here are not the issue. Others are right. You need to be more street-smart. You need to guard against codependency and find a Dom who stands on his own two feet, whether he is to the left of Obama or to the right of Ted Cruz. You need someone who is human but who has his shit together. Don't settle for less.


_____________________________

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.

- Nietzsche

(in reply to littleladybug)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: IRL meetings - 8/28/2014 7:09:48 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		So why did you play with the first guy so quickly? And why are you over the top about a guy who demands you pay for everything and who loses his temper and calls you names?

Because I find people reveal their true selves if you simply talk to them. But you appear to be going out of your way not to see any signs that you aren't compatible.

Desperate is never a good idea.

I suggest you take time off from meeting people and start attending ACOA meetings. If you just want to play, join your local community, and play in public after making friends with people.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to subrosaDom)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: IRL meetings - 8/28/2014 9:05:09 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodsubinCO

*waves* Hello E/everyone. I have had two meetings with two different Doms from this site. The first one was an utter disaster, he ignored my HARD LIMITS leaving me in pain, sick, and bruised for weeks afterwards.



That is terrible. Sorry your experience was like that.

quote:

The second Dom, was the exact opposite. He is everything I had hoped for and more. Brings a smile to my face whenever I think of our time together. And when we are not chatting all I can think of when we can be together again.


Very cool!

quote:

Unfortunately I am not sure if it will work out due to finances, as I live on a very limited income, I can't be a sub to someone who can't be responsible enough to pay his own bills and never has money when we are together. I just am not feeling very secure, or safe, knowing that when push comes to shove I am expected to pay for almost everything that we do. As I am disabled, it's not like I can get another job to pay for things like Gas, hotels, and food. Unfortunately during our last visit, he was again with me with little to no money and had to have money wired to him for a bus ticket. Meanwhile I paid for all the gas in my car, and meals. I was raised to always be prepared, so finding a man who plans nothing leaves me feeling not secure or stable. Don't know if this is normal, but when he gets mad, he reverts to name calling. And expects me to read his mind or own a crystal ball. He thinks that everything I like is stupid, and where I live is shitty. We had a miscommunication and last time he demanded that I take him to the bus station before he had been here even three days. So I obeyed and dropped him off at the closest bus station over 30+ miles away, so imagine my surprise when at 0300 my doorbell is rung, waking me up from a sound sleep. And even more shocked to find said Dom on my doorstep. He had walked over 30 miles to get back to me in over 100+ degree heat without any water and wearing shoes not meant for walking. He was very dehydrated and I spent the next week and a half playing nurse maid to him, Once I got him rehydrated he became bed bound due to incredible pain. He could barely walk, and I am sure that was really hard on him as he is very active, and physically in good shape. I asked him repeatedly to allow me to take him to the local ER to be seen, he refused calling my local hospital basically a bunch of quacks. So our parting that final day was bittersweet because he was still in pain. I hope he can gain control in his life financially so that we can have a future. Now he is back in the mountains again for the second weekend in a row, without any way for us to contact eachother.


This is the same guy that rocks your world? Do you not see that you are either being used or that he doesn't have his shit together enough to take control of his own life, let alone yours?

quote:

I am just curious what one is supposed to do when the Dom you are with ignore your HARD LIMITS? Other than refusing to ever meet them again?


Other than refusing to meet them again? Tell them to go fuck themselves with a rototiller?

quote:

The first Dom I met did just that. And now he wonders why I have no desire to go and meet him for a play date. I have told him that I have a new Dom and am interested in only being friends with him.


You want to be friends with someone who violated your trust? Really?

quote:

Unfortunately now when the new Dom says I need to be spanked, I ask "in a good way or bad way, and what did I do wrong?" Guess that is why we are taking things slowly because he is having to prove to me that he is trustworthy.


The new dom being the guy who doesn't have his shit together?


Like people have already said, you sound like a nice person, but you need to stop being so nice to assholes. If a guy doesn't have his shit together then you have no business being submissive to him and having a reasonable expectation of being treated well. If you have to ask if a spanking is good or bad, that in and of itself is a problem. I never punish my slut without an explanation first and discussion afterward; If I give her a good spanking, she knows that it is a good spanking without having to ask me. My explanation and the discussion eliminate confusion. Whether or not your confusion is within you or coming from your dominant, it is still confusion and it is not healthy in a relationship, let alone a BDSM relationship.

quote:

finding a man who plans nothing leaves me feeling not secure or stable


This sentence says it all. What you have now is not what you are looking for. Why are you hoping something like this is going to change. If he is acting like a shithead early in your relationship, you are just setting yourself up to stub your toe... hard... on a pointy rock... with no shoes on... in the cold. If you cannot see the warning signs, then you should seek some help in learning to recognize them.

Do you want a dominant, or do you need a dominant? Think carefully before you answer that because want and need are two different things. Someone who needs a relationship will sometimes compromise on things that they are looking for and will often either ignore bad behavior or excuse it, expecting it to change or get better. Someone who wants a relationship will not be so eager to overlook problems or compromise on what it is they want. If you don't understand that part of things, I am sure someone who can describe it better than I can will chime in. The basic point is that if you are looking too hard for someone, you may take whatever you can get and end up getting hurt in the process.

quote:

finding a man who plans nothing leaves me feeling not secure or stable


Then find one that does make you feel secure and stable.

I wish you the best of luck.

< Message edited by Gauge -- 8/28/2014 9:10:21 PM >

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to goodsubinCO)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: IRL meetings - 8/29/2014 4:52:05 AM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodsubinCO
*waves* Hello E/everyone. I have had two meetings with two different Doms from this site. The first one was an utter disaster, he ignored my HARD LIMITS leaving me in pain, sick, and bruised for weeks afterwards.


This man is a psychopath. Block, delete, never speak to him again.

quote:


I can't be a sub to someone who can't be responsible enough to pay his own bills


Me either. Because if he isn't paying his bills, who will? It'd be you.

quote:


during our last visit, he was again with me with little to no money and had to have money wired to him for a bus ticket.


This is a statement without an object, there is only a subject - the receiver of money. The object is *somebody else loaned him money*. You know why somebody else had to do it? Because he was hoping you would do it and you didn't.

quote:


when he gets mad, he reverts to name calling. And expects me to read his mind or own a crystal ball.


Poor communication and / or interpersonal skills. Unable to resolve problems in an assertive manner, so has to resort to passive and aggressive behaviour.

quote:


He thinks that everything I like is stupid, and where I live is shitty.


Judgemental.


quote:


We had a miscommunication...


I would bet any money that this miscommunication was him being aggressive, judgemental and emotional, but that you ended up apologising for it. Did he call you names too? Bullies like to try to hit a sore spot so that once you are emotional and upset they can manipulate you by offering comfort, even though it was them who hurt you in the first place.

quote:


he demanded that I take him to the bus station before he had been here even three days. So I obeyed and dropped him off at the closest bus station over 30+ miles away.


You were not supposed to drop him off at the bus station. You were supposed to beg and plead for him not to go so that he could change his mind and yet appear dominant about it, without losing face. The reality was that he had no money for a bus ticket and this was pure bluff.

quote:


so imagine my surprise when at 0300 my doorbell is rung, waking me up from a sound sleep. And even more shocked to find said Dom on my doorstep. He had walked over 30 miles to get back to me in over 100+ degree heat without any water and wearing shoes not meant for walking.


Because you failed to call his bluff and he couldn't admit he was broke and had no way to get home. He also had no money to pay for transport back to you so he was basically hoisted on his own petard.

quote:


He was very dehydrated and I spent the next week and a half playing nurse maid to him, Once I got him rehydrated he became bed bound due to incredible pain. He could barely walk, and I am sure that was really hard on him as he is very active, and physically in good shape.


Yes, I'm sure he was in great pain, starting with his ego and then working its way down through his pride. He couldn't admit that he wanted to be forgiven for his poor behaviour so instead he played on your good feelings by getting you to feel sorry for him, even though he had brought it all on himself.

quote:


I asked him repeatedly to allow me to take him to the local ER to be seen, he refused calling my local hospital basically a bunch of quacks.


Because he can't afford to go to hospital, obviously. Once again, not your fault, he is merely attempting to cover up his own lack of competent decision-making and / or ability to responsibly care for himself, let alone anyone else.

quote:


So our parting that final day was bittersweet because he was still in pain.


After he gave in and got his friend to send him the money for a bus ticket.

quote:


The first visit he had lost his Visa Card on the way to my place


You know, it sucks when you lose a bank card. However, you can still withdraw cash by going into the bank with some proof of ID. Obviously, he had some excuse why this didn't happen but the real truth is that he didn't lose his Visa, he just didn't have any money.

quote:


This second visit he made on the spur of the moment and assumed that his bank would allow his friend to cash his check...


Why is his 'friend' cashing his cheque? This sounds like yet another excuse for not having any money.

quote:


Maybe it's because most of the men I have met here have been very liberal, and believe that a woman should pay her share and more? Yet, from what I have discovered they are unable to find like minded females in the lifestyle.


Yes, I also believe that I should pay my share. However, he is not 'paying his share' he is freeloading off you and his friends either because he doesn't have a job or doesn't earn very much money. I would guess the latter and it is most likely due to his poor communication / interpersonal skills. I will once again bet money that he has regular arguments with those he works with and / or believes that his boss is out to get him. He can probably list a long line of disagreements he has had with his boss, or things he said to his boss that show how he 'won' the argument.

quote:


Just how many feminists would be willing to take orders from ANY male? Or address him as Sir?


Lots of submissives are feminists, I'm one of them. Being feminist means that I am a strong, independent woman who can look after herself; it does NOT mean that I am willing to accept a load of baloney excuses from a passive aggressive freeloader who uses lies and emotional blackmail to attempt to leverage responsibility for himself onto me.

You sound like a hell of a nice woman, sweetheart. But these men are taking advantage of you and your good nature. If someone makes an excuse for something once, then it may be true. When the same situation has, coincidentally, multiple excuses for not occurring then he is lying to you.

Your 'picking' skills are way down low at the moment. It may kill a little bit of empathy and spontaneity but maybe get a more cynical friend to look over your decisions involving men before you commit to anything. It sounds like you are ignoring your gut instinct because you are so hopeful of having met the right one.

Good luck xxx

(in reply to goodsubinCO)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: IRL meetings - 8/29/2014 6:07:42 AM   
HeartAndSoul31


Posts: 148
Status: offline 		The first guy was a complete psychopath. What do you do with a so called Dom like that? You throw his ass in jail. It's the equal at of rape. You didn't agree to having the shit beat out of you! Don't talk to him period.
The second guy is a loser. Get rid of him. What was there to like? Sex? Think about it, other then that he can offer you nothing but grief.
Most of us have been there, wanting a positive connection so badly. It can become desperate to the tune of overlooking just about everything else. Making excuses thinking a connection is better then no connection. For everyday wasted on these type of losers or wackos you are denying yourself the chance to meet someone who will be good to you.
You sound like a very caring loving altruistic sweet person, and those two predators you met target women just like that. They have a totally different thought process, which makes you naive because your a good person who would never think to take advantage of someone in this way.
These are not doms, they are cunning liars, who probably have a bit of charm, or else they could not hood wink in the first place. People who live life honing their skills to take but give very little. If you don't demand to be treated right as a submissive right from the start this is the type you will attract. These people know what to look for and are very persistamt too. No doesn't mean no to them. It means I will wear them down until they say yes.
The second guy, he is up in the mountains? Ha. I bet he is actually all up in someone else's life trying to take but give little. He will string you along until you make up your mind I need a partner not a parasite. You deserve better then that, you need better then that.

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: IRL meetings - 8/29/2014 6:58:42 AM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Drop both, keep looking.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to HeartAndSoul31)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: IRL meetings - 8/29/2014 9:29:01 AM   
RockaRolla


Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodsubinCO

I am just curious what one is supposed to do when the Dom you are with ignore your HARD LIMITS? Other than refusing to ever meet them again? The first Dom I met did just that. And now he wonders why I have no desire to go and meet him for a play date. I have told him that I have a new Dom and am interested in only being friends with him. My LIMITS were not that hard to follow.. No Crops, No marks, and no cumming in my mouth.. He totally ignored all three of them.


He told me that he had been a sub before, and all I can say is the Domme he was a sub to must have been a very sadistic woman. It was like he was ignoring my HARD LIMITS just to prove to me who was in charge. After that all I can say is I will NEVER submit to him ever again.

Alot of the 65 minutes that we spent together it was as if he was making up reasons to punish me knowing full well that what he was asking me to do was beyond my control. Talk about a mind fuck... Why not just say, I am going to spank you because I want to? I could have understood that much better. Unfortunately now when the new Dom says I need to be spanked, I ask "in a good way or bad way, and what did I do wrong?" Guess that is why we are taking things slowly because he is having to prove to me that he is trustworthy.

Sheryl aka goodsubinCO

And you want to be friends with this person, WHY?

Just cut off contact. That's all you can do. What you're doing now only tells this dom that he still has a hold on you, and he will milk that for all it's worth to get what he wants. You don't want to be in that position.

(in reply to goodsubinCO)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: IRL meetings - 8/30/2014 1:02:12 PM   
missbrownjinx


Posts: 29
Joined: 6/11/2014
Status: offline 		I'll make a couple of suggestions.

1. Seek psychological help.

2. Get a literary agent, you might have a future in writing short fiction.


(in reply to RockaRolla)
Profile   Post #: 20
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