RE: Master abandoned me

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FieryOpal -> RE: Master abandoned me (9/11/2014 5:49:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant You may have hooked a catfish. It sure does sound like it, although the real-time encounter...er, meeting, shouts of "piece on the side." Just saying... ETA: (That's why barring very, very special circumstances, it isn't advisable for a woman to throw herself at a man she barely knows beyond all reasonable doubts. [&o] )

TheRealDuchess -> RE: Master abandoned me (9/11/2014 7:08:33 AM)
Yeah I get that Fiery, I really do. Sometimes we take chances in life - this one didn't pan out.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Master abandoned me (9/11/2014 7:26:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheRealDuchess Yeah I get that Fiery, I really do. Sometimes we take chances in life - this one didn't pan out. Your profile gives enough to make you intriguing, but what do you mean by "Alpha submissive"?

TheRealDuchess -> RE: Master abandoned me (9/11/2014 9:53:08 AM)
I guess there's not many man that I can submit too I suppose. I need a firm hand. I need someone to assert themselves. I need to be able to respect them. I did respect this Master. And then it all unravelled in the blink of an eye. People (vanillas!) never tire of telling me this that I have a dominant personality and that some find me intimidating. I am very straight talking. I work now and I have previously worked in a heavily male dominated environments (think manufacturing, welders, assemblers, heavy engineering) where you just cant be a shrinking violet. You need to be tough. My submission is not a means to and end in itself. Or rather, I imagine (And I could be completely talking out of my hat here!) that with some the need to serve is a hard-wired part of their personality. I'm very ambitious, driven and competitive IRL, I greatly greatly enjoy submitting and I get a thrill like no other but I find it a tricky thing to get my mind into. And because I've come to the party so late AND have actively struggled against it for over 10 years, I have a lot of ingrained habits which are proving to be difficult to shake. Difficult but not impossible. And no, I'm not a Dom myself and I am no switch. I get no sexual thrill from the few times that I have been Dominant in bed. I'm not a sadist either. But I do need a experienced Dom to guide me. So if I'm intellectually aroused as it were, that there is something about them that pulls me to them very strongly, then that is where the submission would happen for me. Luckily, there has been an experienced Dom around me for a while now, acting as a good friend and a shoulder to cry on. (And there have been tears). It has been very useful and helpful learning from him. Oh and nice to be intriguing ;-) But in what sense? Edited to add: I appreciate the wise advice here. I have made mistakes and I am considering everything that is being said.

TheRealDuchess -> RE: Master abandoned me (9/11/2014 10:30:44 AM)
Oh and what's a catfish in this context ET?

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Master abandoned me (9/11/2014 10:39:04 AM)
A catfish promises the moon, can't deliver cheese. Sadly, we get inundated with people on this site, and I'm sure many others, with people that will do and say anything to get what they want. It's a very cruel practice on a site that people are really looking for a relationship. Some tend to be very expressive about what they are looking for, wants, needs, limits, etc... And it's easy to sift through that and tailor correspondence that is very promising to the victim of such manipulation. I suspect, you were the victim of a catfish. Jus sayin

TheRealDuchess -> RE: Master abandoned me (9/11/2014 10:46:13 AM)
Yeah I originally contacted him, just to chat. It got very heavy very quickly. I actually remember thinking at the time, I need to be careful here! But what I thought and what I did turned out to be diametrically opposed! What worries me though is that its easy to say, "I wont let this happen again" but every man is different. Perhaps it will be a whole new world of pain next time. I may not be able to foresee a way to navigate the situation safely and with minimum of pain. Unless I can work out why it happened this time of course. Because ultimately the answer must lie within me.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Master abandoned me (9/11/2014 10:46:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheRealDuchess I guess there's not many man that I can submit too I suppose. I need a firm hand. I need someone to assert themselves. I need to be able to respect them. I did respect this Master. And then it all unravelled in the blink of an eye. People (vanillas!) never tire of telling me this that I have a dominant personality and that some find me intimidating. I am very straight talking. I work now and I have previously worked in a heavily male dominated environments (think manufacturing, welders, assemblers, heavy engineering) where you just cant be a shrinking violet. You need to be tough. My submission is not a means to and end in itself. Or rather, I imagine (And I could be completely talking out of my hat here!) that with some the need to serve is a hard-wired part of their personality. I'm very ambitious, driven and competitive IRL, I greatly greatly enjoy submitting and I get a thrill like no other but I find it a tricky thing to get my mind into. And because I've come to the party so late AND have actively struggled against it for over 10 years, I have a lot of ingrained habits which are proving to be difficult to shake. Difficult but not impossible. And no, I'm not a Dom myself and I am no switch. I get no sexual thrill from the few times that I have been Dominant in bed. I'm not a sadist either. But I do need a experienced Dom to guide me. So if I'm intellectually aroused as it were, that there is something about them that pulls me to them very strongly, then that is where the submission would happen for me. Luckily, there has been an experienced Dom around me for a while now, acting as a good friend and a shoulder to cry on. (And there have been tears). It has been very useful and helpful learning from him. Oh and nice to be intriguing ;-) But in what sense? Edited to add: I appreciate the wise advice here. I have made mistakes and I am considering everything that is being said. The Alpha part implies you need to be first girl over the rest of the harem... Perhaps the wrong word, but what you are conveying to me is that you're a very strong woman that is also submissive and that you need a D that is in excess of your own strength, else you will own his ass and be done with it. That is absolutely respectable and acceptable. Knowing yourself is the key to happiness. Intriguing: you've covered a spectrum of interests without immense verbiage that beats your point to death. The way you've indicated your interests creates many opportunities for conversation... Endless ice breakers if you will. You clicked many clicky likes and dislikes, that gives the reader a sense of you, and where your limits lie... Stick to your limits and if they ever come into question in correspondence, move on, cuz their ultimate goal would be to break those limits. Jus sayin

Gauge -> RE: Master abandoned me (9/11/2014 10:58:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheRealDuchess Yeah I originally contacted him, just to chat. It got very heavy very quickly. I actually remember thinking at the time, I need to be careful here! But what I thought and what I did turned out to be diametrically opposed! What worries me though is that its easy to say, "I wont let this happen again" but every man is different. Perhaps it will be a whole new world of pain next time. I may not be able to foresee a way to navigate the situation safely and with minimum of pain. Unless I can work out why it happened this time of course. Because ultimately the answer must lie within me. Your problem is very easy to solve. Patience. Go slow, go far. Fools rush in and all of that. Rather than escalate to a rolling boil in 3.2 seconds, allow yourself to simmer quietly on the back burner for an afternoon or two months for that matter. What is the rush? That is the question you ultimately need to answer.

TheRealDuchess -> RE: Master abandoned me (9/11/2014 10:59:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant The Alpha part implies you need to be first girl over the rest of the harem... Perhaps the wrong word, but what you are conveying to me is that you're a very strong woman that is also submissive and that you need a D that is in excess of your own strength, else you will own his ass and be done with it. That is absolutely respectable and acceptable. Knowing yourself is the key to happiness. Yeah that is true. I don't want to be second best to anyone and he needs to be stronger than me. I have been in that 'ass owning' dynamic before and once I have it, does it make me happy? Like fuck it does. Good point re: limits. Except all Dom's do but up against them. I will keep that in mind :-)

TheRealDuchess -> RE: Master abandoned me (9/11/2014 11:01:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gauge Your problem is very easy to solve. Patience. Go slow, go far. Fools rush in and all of that. Rather than escalate to a rolling boil in 3.2 seconds, allow yourself to simmer quietly on the back burner for an afternoon or two months for that matter. What is the rush? That is the question you ultimately need to answer. Perhaps.. although I agree going slow would help. However, time wont necessarily weed out those that aren't serious. They could be playing a long game.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Master abandoned me (9/11/2014 11:05:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheRealDuchess Yeah I originally contacted him, just to chat. It got very heavy very quickly. I actually remember thinking at the time, I need to be careful here! But what I thought and what I did turned out to be diametrically opposed! What worries me though is that its easy to say, "I wont let this happen again" but every man is different. Perhaps it will be a whole new world of pain next time. I may not be able to foresee a way to navigate the situation safely and with minimum of pain. Unless I can work out why it happened this time of course. Because ultimately the answer must lie within me. Well, I'm relationship orientated and don't pussy foot around with what I'm looking for, so I'm sure I can and do come off as "fast", but I'm A dangerous predator hiding behind an adorable blue face. I'm all about subduing my prey and keeping her, rather than tossing her aside once I've had my wicked way. Submission is not a gift, it's plunder, and I'm a greedy bastard that shall polish and caress each doubloon like I were Smeagle and she's muh ring. The number of game players out weigh the number of people that are earnestly searching. I move fast, because life is moving by quickly and I don't want to miss a minute of it. If I make a connection, I'm hot after exploring that connection in the hopes that it is going to bear the fruit of the LTR I'm looking for. I have an ocean of faults, am quite an asshole (my way or highway), but my redeeming quality is I'm very honest and upfront about it. I'm very clear in my profile about my wants and needs, and any girl that sees me as what she is looking for knows she's bringing a friend, so she should really like her. I'm not going to gain someone's confidence and then whittle away at their limits, or ingratiate them so much to me that she compromises her values to please me. Her firm footing is fucking sexy as hell to me. If she chooses to pursue a potential relationship with me, she knows exactly what she's getting into, and can have the utmost confidence that if our connection is that feeling I'm after (indescribable, but you know it when it hits you) then I'll own her ass forever. Jus sayin

Gauge -> RE: Master abandoned me (9/11/2014 11:09:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheRealDuchess Perhaps.. although I agree going slow would help. However, time wont necessarily weed out those that aren't serious. They could be playing a long game. Most game players... let me say again... most game players are not good enough liars to remain fully and wholly consistent over a long period of time. Chinks in the armor show up eventually and if you have a decent enough memory, you will see them. Most game players are not patient, they want to get what they want and are not likely to wait a long period of time for it to happen. Patience is not an infallible filter, it is simply another filter. My slut came to me the other day and told me that she reviewed our early email communication and was astounded at how consistent I have been with her from the very first day we talked. This is nearly one year now we have known each other and it is still true today. I would suggest that you examine why you feel the need to rush in the first place.

TheRealDuchess -> RE: Master abandoned me (9/11/2014 11:27:58 AM)
Those are good points Gauge. I have a rough idea as to why it happened, inexperience coupled with a need to connect coupled with someone who I admired. Dangerous combination. At a dangerous time where I was vulnerable.

Gauge -> RE: Master abandoned me (9/11/2014 11:45:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheRealDuchess Those are good points Gauge. I have a rough idea as to why it happened, inexperience coupled with a need to connect coupled with someone who I admired. Dangerous combination. At a dangerous time where I was vulnerable. A painful lesson indeed. I have always counseled people that our mistakes do not define who we are, how we handle them and what we learn from them does.

TheRealDuchess -> RE: Master abandoned me (9/11/2014 11:50:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant I'm all about subduing my prey and keeping her, rather than tossing her aside once I've had my wicked way. Submission is not a gift, it's plunder, and I'm a greedy bastard that shall polish and caress each doubloon like I were Smeagle and she's muh ring. Jus sayin Love love love this!

maidheather -> RE: Master abandoned me (9/11/2014 12:30:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheRealDuchess quote: ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant I'm all about subduing my prey and keeping her, rather than tossing her aside once I've had my wicked way. Submission is not a gift, it's plunder, and I'm a greedy bastard that shall polish and caress each doubloon like I were Smeagle and she's muh ring. Jus sayin Love love love this! That -is- pretty hawt

crazyml -> RE: Master abandoned me (9/19/2014 12:20:12 PM)
You stripped off on cam? <thud>

Mikhaelis -> RE: Master abandoned me (3/4/2015 2:49:02 AM)
"Met a man on-line who was a Dom (Had split up with his wife a year ago and was already divorced). Got chatting and messaging. We clicked. For some unknown reason I quickly accepted him (after abut a day) as my Dom. " If you can't see where the entire problem lies in your own words, then, well....

CelticPrince -> RE: Master abandoned me (3/10/2015 8:43:17 PM)
Hurt, On the plus side you did not expend much time in this ill conceived effort so count yourself fortunate, The principal benefit to on line is to feel the other person out through the passage of time; learn each others kinks and no's along with ability. CP

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