Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, when reversing roles?

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Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, when... - 9/18/2014 10:23:17 AM

Tumbler

Posts: 45
Joined: 9/15/2014
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In vanilla life, clearly, the dominant culture is for the men to approach the women (despite protestations to the contrary).

Yet, I'm not sure how it works when in D/s mode. Probably the same (like everything else), but, I feel compelled to ask:

Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, and have the male submissive await the Female Domme's invitation, when in D/s mode?

Post #: 1

RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/18/2014 10:28:51 AM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

Anyone that is seriously and or sincerely seeking a relationship better be prepared to make the first move. Santa isn't going to deliver the relationship with a bow on it, you have to work your ass off equal to the desire.

Jus sayin

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to Tumbler)

Post #: 2

RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/18/2014 10:40:49 AM

InHisHeart

Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline

I'm a female sub, when I've had an interest in someone, I made my interest known. This would hold true for me whether it was vanilla or D/s. I don't believe in wasting my time waiting. Do the approaching and see how it goes.

_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.

(in reply to Tumbler)

Post #: 3

RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/18/2014 12:25:47 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

I tend to not wait around for what I want to be offered to me. I hate waiting. If I want something, I sack up and go for it. BDSM, vanilla...doesn't matter to me.

(in reply to InHisHeart)

Post #: 4

RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/18/2014 2:51:48 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Don't hold your breath. Most dominant women are not interested in swooping down and capturing the male sub of their fantasies. Mostly, they want to be courted. Think knight to a queen. The queen didn't get off her throne and look for a knight to give her favor to. He did things she found favorable and thus gave him her scarf for his banner.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

Post #: 5

RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/18/2014 2:52:43 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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Any male sub waiting for the Domme to make the first move, will be waiting a while.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

Post #: 6

RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/19/2014 1:37:06 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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I agree with Dark Steve...no matter the role... if you're male, it behooves you to make the first move.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 7

RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/19/2014 1:41:00 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

~ FR ~

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

I agree with Dark Steve...no matter the role... if you're male, it behooves you to make the first move.

(for you CD)

(for DS)

(for DF)

(for ET)

P.S. If we wanted a female OP, we'd turn to female submissives. Just saying.

P.P.S.

(honorable mention for sr1)

[Add-ons per not having read through thread]

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 9/19/2014 2:00:40 PM >

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 8

RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/19/2014 1:51:24 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Maybe I am doing it all wrong, but I have always believed in being pursued. If I am caught by someone I want to catch me, then I make sure to show my appreciation. :)

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 9

RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/19/2014 2:04:57 PM

RockaRolla

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

As much as I would like to pursue, the simple truth is that I'm a coward. I've been working to overcome this, with mixed results.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 10

RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/19/2014 2:25:10 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

I guess I am the lone wolf here on this one.

I'm a femdom. Part of the pleasure I've always gotten is the pursuit of a man. I love seduction. I love coercion. I love flirting. I love courting a man, making my interest known, then dictating the steps.

I've never been on the receiving end of a nervous first kiss - I am always the aggressor when it comes to intimacy.

Since I am picky and selective about men and their personalities and chemistry, I would always be the one to swoop down and seduce a guy. Met at a party through friends, or at a dance club, in a college course -- etc. All vanilla guys but I could sense some potential sub in there....or at alternative dance clubs, I would ask the orientation if I felt someone might be kinky.

All the boyfriends I had I pursued.

Now....in the kink world, especially online, yes, guys have to make themselves known or stand out or make the first move, this is true. But I have gone through profiles before when looking for someone/something and pursued a man. Rarely.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to Tumbler)

Post #: 11

RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/19/2014 2:31:21 PM

DerangedUnit

Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline

i tend to be pretty oblivious and just assume im talking to myself most of the time. ive never sought out a relationship they always just kinda fall into my lap, or i trip into their trunk. i'm not going to beat around the bush, catching me takes a whoooolle lot of chasing. i make sure the only ones that get me really want me and are bloody fearless in their attempts in his words he "chased me like the holy grail" and thats a big step in proving they will be able to handle me down the road.

(in reply to RockaRolla)

Post #: 12

RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/19/2014 3:25:42 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Don't hold your breath. Most dominant women are not interested in swooping down and capturing the male sub of their fantasies. Mostly, they want to be courted. Think knight to a queen. The queen didn't get off her throne and look for a knight to give her favor to. He did things she found favorable and thus gave him her scarf for his banner.

Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Tumbler)

Post #: 13

RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/19/2014 3:53:12 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

This is a fast reply.

If you believe that a BDSM relationship is cultivated differently than a vanilla one, your reality check has bounced.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 14

RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/19/2014 4:09:26 PM

InHisHeart

Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline

~FR

If the general consensus is the male sub or male in general should do the approaching, didn't you (females) ever wonder if maybe you passed someone by who might have been a great match for you?

I've always been of the mindset that life is way too short to wait around for life to happen, if I see someone I have an interest in, I let it be known. If the interest isn't mutual, I move on. This has nothing to do with me being female or a sub. It's the way I view life and the way I believe I would view life whether I was male, female, sub, Dom/me or either sex in the vanilla life. I'm not one to pass up opportunities that might have the outcome I'm looking for.

_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.

(in reply to Tumbler)

Post #: 15

RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/19/2014 4:15:33 PM

thompsonx

Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Don't hold your breath. Most dominant women are not interested in swooping down and capturing the male sub of their fantasies. Mostly, they want to be courted.

I want tickets to the o show.

Think knight to a queen. The queen didn't get off her throne and look for a knight to give her favor to. He did things she found favorable and thus gave him her scarf for his banner.

Ivanhoe is not history. Queens did not shack up with knights.
Kings make eunichs out of knights who think they can.

< Message edited by thompsonx -- 9/19/2014 4:18:44 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 16

RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/19/2014 4:23:13 PM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

I feel similar to InHisHeart.

I've actually been too chicken shit to approach some folks and been like "oh he's wayyy outta my league" and then found out like a few months or years that they had similar feelings and been like "Well shit..." so now I just go after 'em. Rejection sucks- but so does missed opportunity.

Who gives a lick about how you meet someone really? I am one of those obnoxious people who thinks that sure, men approach women more, but nothing says thats how it "has" to happen, or should.

(in reply to thompsonx)

Post #: 17

RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/19/2014 4:54:30 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: InHisHeart

~FR
If the general consensus is the male sub or male in general should do the approaching, didn't you (females) ever wonder if maybe you passed someone by who might have been a great match for you?

...if I see someone I have an interest in, I let it be known.
<snip>

There are ways to make one's interest known.

I think both genders appreciate it more when they each make an effort to encourage the other.
Everyone has her/his own style of seduction or boldness, flirtatiousness, assertiveness, depending on one's personality and how it meshes with the one you desire who will desire you with at least the same degree of intensity.

No point to cry over spilt milk over missed opportunities. Somebody who's truly special (your right match) won't fade into oblivion. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be, and forcing the issue will never garner a positive result, IMHO.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to InHisHeart)

Post #: 18

RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/19/2014 6:23:20 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

As much as I would like to pursue, the simple truth is that I'm a coward. I've been working to overcome this, with mixed results.

Well, at least you're honest. It *does* take guts to pursue. I always admire those, of either sex, who do.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to RockaRolla)

Post #: 19

RE: Culturally, do you feel the need to reverse roles, ... - 9/19/2014 6:36:45 PM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

It truly depends. With my edgy girl I'm considering, she was totally and completely the aggressor in pursuit and I simply allowed it, I even let her kiss me in public and I'm not crazy about PDA. My vanilla personality differs entirely from my Dominant personality. The following night my dominant nature almost surfaced as we danced (she's the best dancer I have ever met) as I pinned both my palms against the wall on either side of her and then I realized where we were and sort of snapped out of it and whispered in her ear "you're gonna get me in trouble".
Last time we skyped though, I had on a pink hoodie, pink headbands, my giant baby pink teddy in my lap and I giggled, smiled and blushed shyly as she tried to "tease me" with sexy and flirtatious looks. She had to give me 5 mins to get dressed because I was trying on my new white lace corset. I ALLOW her to be the aggressor but who knows what'll happen once we're alone. *smirk*
I actually just back from a date with the cuckie I met virtually from here and enjoyed his conversation. We had a great time and we joked about some sub experiences I have had and how sweet my voice, face and overall disposition is. He was tickled by it as much as I am which was a good response for me. Meeting him initially I could tell he is the kind of guy who would never ever ever EVER in a million years have the guts to approach me had we met in a different format. We stopped over at a store where I had to pick up a tiny item and this huge black guy was staring me down while he walked a few paces behind me, pretty sure he noticed and probably got a kick out of it. But we broke down those walls with really hilarious back and forth dialogue and he just honestly is great company. If he was nervous, and apparently he was because once we parted ways he was WAY more flirtatious in commentary, he didn't show it. I feel truly at ease with him, I hold nothing back verbally.
I often get a lot of unwanted attention from men so time outs are appreciated, and also, the thought of active pursuit seems more like a chore. I really love my quiet time alone when I'm not so bombarded. Do I sort of use my sexuality as a weapon as one of my friends put it(Didn't think of it that way before.)? Likely. One of my greatest joys in this life has always been tease and denial though in my mind, I was simply "being myself" and faulting them for expecting more. This was mostly with vanilla boys, we'd usually have an amazing date, I would likely be dressed provocatively in a minidress, flawless makeup and fuck me heels and leave them going home with a boner and sad face. This led to long and drawn out instances of celibacy and kegels, lol.
I have grown out of that phase offline anyway and dress casually first date and usually my sweet and nice disposition (even goofy and silly), unintimidating. Friend zone is usually first step to getting to know me.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 20

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