LTRsubNW -> RE: Lets write a story (7/12/2006 8:01:19 AM)
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...and then, as if on command, a spear plunged through the living room window. A striking noise, shattering the painful silence. It had a note attached. "Read it" she implored. Carefully I moved like a cat against the wall through the front hall, around the entry duvet where I place my keys, with more care than I've ever given to reading the sports section, tiptoeing over the expanded metal coffee table as if I had sprung wings, I could see it. There it was. It was right over there. A little left of exactly "right over there" but fairly close to what I'd think would be easily described as pretty close to almost in the middle of the right side of approximately just about (within a few inches anyway) of "right over there". The light from the street shone on it as if it were...oh...you know, kind of like a message attached to a spear that had been flung through our window only moments ago. Was I actually hearing angels singing? It said "Mary, I can't go out with you tonight, I miss you so much but my car has 3 radials and one bias ply and I just feel embarrassed. I'm sorry, this night was going to be special. I promise I love you, truly, deeply, with all the passion of every lover that's ever existed before". I looked over to my wife and said "Who the FUCK is Mary???????" She looked askance, trembling in anticipation and then uttered "How the fuck am I supposed to know, and why the hell is the JennAirre man here at damn near 4 in the morning? ('damn he looks fine' she was thinking as she stroked his cock)" And then suddenly I remembered, we had a guest. What an idiot I am. Why hadn't I offered him some tea? I looked over, aware of all my surroundings, and was about make amends, when suddenly another spear came through the window, yet another note. It landed directly in my left palm. Fortunately I'm right handed. Damn that fucker hurt. "Mary, you cum guzzling gutter slut, I can see that other man inside with you, we are SOOOOOO done. Don't even try to apologize. I can't believe I ever wanted you. Goodbye whore". "WTF????" I thought. Then another spear "Mary, I'm sorry...really I am...I'm not kidding...Ooops...big mistake on my part...I'm feeling pretty dumb now...yepper, I'm a dumb shit, sorry about that...hey, this whole spear thing isn't pissing you off or anything is it?" It was at that moment I got up the courage to lean out of what remained of the corner of my front window and yelled..."HEY you dumb son of a bitch!!!! There's no Mary living here!!! Quit it with the spears already, okay???" Another spear. This one landed in my shoulder. (Where's the hell does someone get this damn many spears?). The note said "Isn't this 11475 279th Avenue NE...the Wilkersons house?" "Uhm....Nooooooooooo you shithead, they're one block over on 280th!" I yelled. A voice near my prize winning rose bushes squeeked..."Oh....sorry man...my bad...hey, you really should get that window fixed...later dudes". But the calm that came over me as resolution finally reared its head would only last a moment. I was about to discover something that could only be described as.....
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