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Sticky Labels - 9/24/2014 12:32:45 AM   
Xnawtyx


Posts: 20
Joined: 3/18/2013
Status: offline 		I'm curious as to what other people think about labelling someone?

'Youre not a real sub'...'you're not a Dom'


Really?
Is there a bdsm manual somewhere which defines exactly how someone who is on either side should act?
Cause I've been under the misguided illusion that everyone is unique and individual, in and out of bdsm....

Urgh labels 'shudders'

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Sticky Labels - 9/24/2014 12:43:11 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'm easy. I'm a straight Dom cismale. But I know plenty of others who careen all over the scales of switchiness and bi-ness. I know a few women that are attracted to individuals, and will adjust their orientations to match those individuals.

I use labels when I think they apply.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Xnawtyx)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Sticky Labels - 9/24/2014 12:43:51 AM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline 		I think I really don't give a shit what random people think.

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to Xnawtyx)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Sticky Labels - 9/24/2014 12:49:14 AM   
Xnawtyx


Posts: 20
Joined: 3/18/2013
Status: offline 		Where did I say I gave a shit?

I find it amusing and wondered if everyone else does too :-)

(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Sticky Labels - 9/24/2014 12:54:17 AM   
PandoraFoxxx


Posts: 182
Joined: 1/3/2011
From: San Mateo, CA
Status: offline 		Labels are funny things. You can say "ugh labels" but we all label people. We all judge people. We label and judge ourselves, and hold others to our standards. I think those who say "you're not a real ____" are somehow trying to validate their own label of themselves. Whether or not they're right is irrelevant, because perception is reality for the beholder.

When in doubt, stef's got the right idea. Just don't give a rat's ass

(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Sticky Labels - 9/24/2014 12:55:21 AM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Xnawtyx

Where did I say I gave a shit?

Where did I say you did?

You asked "I'm curious as to what other people think about labelling someone? " and I answered.

Easy peasy.

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to Xnawtyx)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Sticky Labels - 9/24/2014 12:55:46 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Xnawtyx

'Youre not a real sub'...'you're not a Dom'


If this has happened to you, then it could mean that a Dom is trying to get you to prove something because he doesn't think you know any better than to question his supposed authority, or that you both are not compatible with one another, and he has no right to expect instant submission from you or any other submissive. In many cases, you're dealing with an inexperienced Dominant.

Nobody has said that I'm not a Dominant. One surly messager left me a nastygram once that I shouldn't be lecturing about BDSM in my profile. It is my profile, and I'll damn well say what I please in it, which is to outline what I expect in a D/s relationship dynamic, not about BDSM per se. I think it boils down to whether a sub feels someone is Dominant enough for her/him individually.

In either event, some people want high protocol, others medium or low protocol. There are harder and softer styles of Domination, so there has to be a good fit between both partners.

ETA: Don't let it bother you too much.

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 9/24/2014 1:09:06 AM >

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Xnawtyx)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Sticky Labels - 9/24/2014 12:57:07 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Xnawtyx

Where did I say I gave a shit?

I find it amusing and wondered if everyone else does too :-)


Depends.

Sometimes it's an attempt to manipulate. "If you were a real sub, you'd..."

Sometimes it's an attempt to figure out whattheheck. I find that it's much easier to understand a person if I can slap an applicable label on them. Unforutnately, there are so many that are unlabelable that I can't do it and stay confused.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Xnawtyx)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Sticky Labels - 9/24/2014 12:57:11 AM   
Xnawtyx


Posts: 20
Joined: 3/18/2013
Status: offline 		@stef...fair enough I read it wrong :-)

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Sticky Labels - 9/24/2014 9:22:25 AM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		I have difficulty labeling myself. I totally wish labels were easier. Instead- I think everything falls on a spectrum.

I'm a straight leaning bisexual, who is mostly submissive- but do occasionally feel domish over other women. I like both monogamy and poly (fuckery and amory). I've just decided that I should do what makes me happy and stop giving a flying fuck over anything else.

(in reply to Xnawtyx)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Sticky Labels - 9/24/2014 9:24:16 AM   
smileforme50


Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven


quote:

ORIGINAL: Xnawtyx

Where did I say I gave a shit?

I find it amusing and wondered if everyone else does too :-)


Depends.

Sometimes it's an attempt to manipulate. "If you were a real sub, you'd..."

Sometimes it's an attempt to figure out whattheheck. I find that it's much easier to understand a person if I can slap an applicable label on them. Unforutnately, there are so many that are unlabelable that I can't do it and stay confused.


I'm in the same camp as DS. I don't use hard and fast labels on people, but I think it's kconvenient to give myself a label to help people understand me. I call myself a sub.... But I might decide someday that I'm a slave. I don't really get myself worked up over the difference between a sub and a slave, and if I call myself a slave but someone else says "no you're not....you're a sub", I won't argue with them. If that's what they think, it's no big deal for me. But I DO think that labels are good so that at least you have SOME idea of where another person is coming from. I don't care if people call me a sub, slave or bottom.....as long as they know what side of the slashing consider myself to be on and they don't mistake me for a Dominant.

ETA.... I like what swiftyw said about it being a "spectrum" and how that affects using labels


< Message edited by smileforme50 -- 9/24/2014 9:27:50 AM >

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Sticky Labels - 9/24/2014 9:38:45 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline 		OP, it's something we all tend to do, we judge. Judgements are a necessary part of life and so, we like to make up our minds about something, usually in a detached way (meaning no self analyzing applied) and then we can sort of have it "make sense" so we can move on, it's a form of closure. Sometimes we're right, sometimes wrong. Either way,most people have a hard time looking at themselves even though a lot of their problems can be solved this way. Instead they would like to imagine that there is no room for improvement within themselves and that other people who have an issue are the problem. I've done it, you've done it, we all have. I'm not going to sit here and pretend otherwise, but the important thing is recognizing when you have fucked up and learning from it. It enables personal growth.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to smileforme50)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Sticky Labels - 9/24/2014 10:04:30 AM   
RockaRolla


Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		I see nothing wrong with labeling by itself. And honestly, being able to sort people into boxes that describe them and their interests makes certain parts of my brain happy. It's how I'm wired.

The problem comes with judging based on that label, or forcing a label/expectations on a certain person. "If you were a real sub, you'd..." is an example of this and, like DS said, a way to manipulate someone into doing what you want.

(in reply to Xnawtyx)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Sticky Labels - 9/24/2014 11:17:14 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		I too don't have a problem with labels, for the most part.

e.g. I'm a straight male dominant. I wish to be involved with a submissive female. For me, that means a female submissive who was born a female...not a male who feels he should have been born a female and lives as one or who has had surgery to become one and feels no need to mention that. And no, that doesn't make me a hater, I'm just straight.

I'm a sadistic dominant of varying degrees. I'm not extreme nor am I light and fluffy. While the degrees can be figured out in conversation, shouldn't a non-masochistic female know that I am sadistic , right up front?


(in reply to RockaRolla)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Sticky Labels - 9/24/2014 11:23:31 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

I too don't have a problem with labels, for the most part.

e.g. I'm a straight male dominant. I wish to be involved with a submissive female. For me, that means a female submissive who was born a female...not a male who feels he should have been born a female and lives as one or who has had surgery to become one and feels no need to mention that. And no, that doesn't make me a hater, I'm just straight.

I'm a sadistic dominant of varying degrees. I'm not extreme nor am I light and fluffy. While the degrees can be figured out in conversation, shouldn't a non-masochistic female know that I am sadistic , right up front?




That's a "Binglesnarck" according to the great BDSM handbook... wait, that's assuming your favorite color is blue.

I'm a "Futterwack", which explains the ice cream cone. That doesn't make you're less cool... (i'm totally trying to say that with a strait face)... just means you're different.

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Sticky Labels - 9/24/2014 12:04:42 PM   
SpyUnderCover


Posts: 208
Joined: 6/21/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

I see nothing wrong with labeling by itself. And honestly, being able to sort people into boxes that describe them and their interests makes certain parts of my brain happy. It's how I'm wired.

The problem comes with judging based on that label, or forcing a label/expectations on a certain person. "If you were a real sub, you'd..." is an example of this and, like DS said, a way to manipulate someone into doing what you want.

I think labeling can be helpful at times. I may make my own judgements but I try--try--to keep them to myself and not impose them on the general population.

A certain young man has a profile on here that states how much he wishes he could meet a good domme, that he "really wants to submit." I met this gentleman in person and chatted over coffee. It turned out he would never be available during football games or any night when his buddies were having a party. When I asked him if he had any questions for me, he only asked, "Do you have a dungeon?"

I'll admit that I said to myself, "That's not a real submissive." According to my definition, he's more of a bottom than a sub. So yes, I guess I put a label on him. But that's just for my own internal navigation. I'd never say, "If you were a real sub, you'd..." If it makes him happy to call himself a sub, far be it for me to stop him. But he'd never be my sub, that's for sure.

Spy

(in reply to RockaRolla)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Sticky Labels - 9/24/2014 1:37:18 PM   
Redhusky


Posts: 83
Joined: 7/2/2014
Status: offline 		Labels can be useful sometimes, but that dosent describes a person.
Just because of a person laber himself sub,dom,slave,pet,master,misters might not be the one your looking for. In your opinion it might be that the person dosent deserve that laber , but for some , that person does.

Lets say an example of a person who labed himself as a dom. Because he dosent chain the sub to the bed or who know where and whips the sub ass , they dont see him as a dom. Because he dosent grab the sub collar and then push the sub to the kneel in fron of peoples, giving bj, they dont see him as a dom.
For sub... if you dont kneel in the mall naked then your not a sub. if you dont drink my piss, then your not my sub (had this happened to me, just because i didnt drink his piss fast enough, it was my first time drinking piss) and so on


(in reply to SpyUnderCover)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Sticky Labels - 9/24/2014 2:25:23 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

I too don't have a problem with labels, for the most part.

e.g. I'm a straight male dominant. I wish to be involved with a submissive female. For me, that means a female submissive who was born a female...not a male who feels he should have been born a female and lives as one or who has had surgery to become one and feels no need to mention that. And no, that doesn't make me a hater, I'm just straight.

I'm a sadistic dominant of varying degrees. I'm not extreme nor am I light and fluffy. While the degrees can be figured out in conversation, shouldn't a non-masochistic female know that I am sadistic , right up front?




That's a "Binglesnarck" according to the great BDSM handbook... wait, that's assuming your favorite color is blue.

I'm a "Futterwack", which explains the ice cream cone. That doesn't make you're less cool... (i'm totally trying to say that with a strait face)... just means you're different.
But...what if my favorite color is purple? Is that Pinglesnarck?

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Sticky Labels - 9/24/2014 2:28:04 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

I too don't have a problem with labels, for the most part.

e.g. I'm a straight male dominant. I wish to be involved with a submissive female. For me, that means a female submissive who was born a female...not a male who feels he should have been born a female and lives as one or who has had surgery to become one and feels no need to mention that. And no, that doesn't make me a hater, I'm just straight.

I'm a sadistic dominant of varying degrees. I'm not extreme nor am I light and fluffy. While the degrees can be figured out in conversation, shouldn't a non-masochistic female know that I am sadistic , right up front?




That's a "Binglesnarck" according to the great BDSM handbook... wait, that's assuming your favorite color is blue.

I'm a "Futterwack", which explains the ice cream cone. That doesn't make you're less cool... (i'm totally trying to say that with a strait face)... just means you're different.
But...what if my favorite color is purple? Is that Pinglesnarck?



I see you have your copy of the "Great BDSM Handbook" on hand, you were jus messin with me, weren't ya?


_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Sticky Labels - 9/24/2014 2:39:49 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

I too don't have a problem with labels, for the most part.

e.g. I'm a straight male dominant. I wish to be involved with a submissive female. For me, that means a female submissive who was born a female...not a male who feels he should have been born a female and lives as one or who has had surgery to become one and feels no need to mention that. And no, that doesn't make me a hater, I'm just straight.

I'm a sadistic dominant of varying degrees. I'm not extreme nor am I light and fluffy. While the degrees can be figured out in conversation, shouldn't a non-masochistic female know that I am sadistic , right up front?




That's a "Binglesnarck" according to the great BDSM handbook... wait, that's assuming your favorite color is blue.

I'm a "Futterwack", which explains the ice cream cone. That doesn't make you're less cool... (i'm totally trying to say that with a strait face)... just means you're different.
But...what if my favorite color is purple? Is that Pinglesnarck?



I see you have your copy of the "Great BDSM Handbook" on hand, you were jus messin with me, weren't ya?



(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 20
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