Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something the vanilla world can't even fathom?

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Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something the ... - 9/27/2014 11:05:14 AM

daykoper

Posts: 3
Joined: 7/2/2014
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Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something the vanilla world can't even fathom?
Is there a form of enlightenment in the intimacy and passion of BDSM that those who reject it will never understand? Are the moments of pure ecstasy and joy a secret which they lock themselves away from? Or are thoughts like this just ego-stroking? What are your thoughts?

Post #: 1

RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something ... - 9/27/2014 11:08:15 AM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

Um... I say 98% ego stroke. We are just more present with our kink... nillas groom their partners into it, we use ours for bait.

Jus sayin

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To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

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(in reply to daykoper)

Post #: 2

RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something ... - 9/27/2014 11:13:31 AM

Xnawtyx

Posts: 20
Joined: 3/18/2013
Status: offline

daykoper -my thoughts are I hate comments like those cause I never ever under estimate
anyone....its gotten me into trouble in the past...

well that along with my big mouth

but yea I don't judge anyone vanilla or not cause, you never know what goes on behind closed curtains ;-)

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

Post #: 3

RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something ... - 9/27/2014 11:55:53 AM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: daykoper

Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something the vanilla world can't even fathom?
Is there a form of enlightenment in the intimacy and passion of BDSM that those who reject it will never understand? Are the moments of pure ecstasy and joy a secret which they lock themselves away from? Or are thoughts like this just ego-stroking? What are your thoughts?

There are some people in the vanilla world that have amazing, trusting relationships that will last a lifetime together. There are some in the BDSM world that have amazing, trusting relationships that will last a lifetime together. There are those, in both worlds that have shitty relationships. Forget the labels, you are dealing with people in both cases. If the BDSM world had it all figured out, we wouldn't be a small percentage, we would be the majority.

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(in reply to daykoper)

Post #: 4

RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something ... - 9/27/2014 12:14:59 PM

Charles6682

Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline

I dunno. I am a sub who lives in the vanilla world. I don't feel there's a secret club where only some people can grasp this. I don't understand everyone in fetish, as I don't understand everyone in the so called "vanilla" world either. I think trust between 2 people is key to any true, happy relationship.

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(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 5

RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something ... - 9/27/2014 12:48:43 PM

InHisHeart

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Joined: 3/22/2014
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No, I don't think that way. I don't believe vanilla couples in a strong, healthy relationship are missing out on intimacy, passion, excitement or missing out on anything and just because someone is a kinkster doesn't mean they have those things.

A lifestyle whether vanilla, kinky or whatever doesn't create passion and intimacy, people create their passion and intimacy. One type of lifestyle isn't more passionate, more intimate, more exciting than the other, it's what each couple makes it to be for them.

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(in reply to daykoper)

Post #: 6

RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something ... - 9/27/2014 2:13:23 PM

RedMagic1

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Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: daykoper
Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something the vanilla world can't even fathom?

If anything, it's just the opposite. Vanilla relationships tend to last much longer than scene relationships. A six month tenure as a slave has been an extremely long period of time, ever since the gay club days of the 1940s, up until the present day. It's the rare D/s relationship that makes it past a year, much less to marriage.

The kinksters who marry happily are the ones who manage to fathom the realities of the vanilla world, in addition to their kink.

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(in reply to daykoper)

Post #: 7

RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something ... - 9/27/2014 2:41:18 PM

MasterCaneman

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Joined: 3/21/2013
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I rarely come here anymore and respond even less, but I feel I'm qualified to answer this question. No, there isn't any advantage kinksters have over vanillas in the satisfaction department. It's simply a different kind of enjoyment. I'll also echo what RedMagic1 said; I've been in a solidly vanilla relationship for 13 years, versus my longest 'in-scene' relationship, which lasted a little more than three months. Not to say that there aren't success stories out there, but my personal history reflects that.

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(in reply to daykoper)

Post #: 8

RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something ... - 9/27/2014 2:45:44 PM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: online

-fr

While vanilla relationships may last much longer than kink ones, in my observation (just my opinion), their greater duration doesn't equate to comparably greater quality.

Jus sayin

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Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

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(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 9

RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something ... - 9/27/2014 2:48:36 PM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
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I don't think kink people are enlightened.
I think that kind of thinking is silly, in my opinion.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 10

RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something ... - 9/27/2014 2:51:24 PM

MasterCaneman

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FR~
You have a point there, but overall, despite the occasional issue, I'm content and so is she. We tolerate each other, respective warts and all, and every once in a while it all comes together. Makes it worth sticking around, I feel.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 11

RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something ... - 9/27/2014 3:46:17 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

No, I don't feel that way, and as you see, not many around here do either.

The long held concept by some that engaging in kink makes you smarter, more enlightened, special, blah blah blah is nothing more than one trying to prove he is better than others, or worse that he is so insecure he needs to find something that makes him special.

(in reply to daykoper)

Post #: 12

RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something ... - 9/27/2014 3:46:39 PM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: online

My fast reply wasn't directed at you, Caneman; sorry if it seemed so. I've been consciously looking at long term vanilla relationships among people I know, trying to see what they are like below the surface. Wondering if I really want a long term relationship myself. The results of this little project have been pretty disheartening, to say the least.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 13

RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something ... - 9/27/2014 3:55:23 PM

PandoraFoxxx

Posts: 182
Joined: 1/3/2011
From: San Mateo, CA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

I don't think kink people are enlightened.
I think that kind of thinking is silly, in my opinion.

Agreed.
I think saying that D/s folk, or kinky folk are somehow "more" this or that is exactly the same as saying that the gay community is "better" than the straight community, or vice versa.
We need the dynamics of defined roles and control the way vanilla folk need the dynamics of equality. Different, not better nor worse.
It's an orientation, not a contest.

(in reply to shiftyw)

Post #: 14

RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something ... - 9/27/2014 8:38:56 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

My aunt and uncle were married for nearly fifty years when he died. They have always been my example of a successful relationship. They supported each other in all things. They were so in tune that even in their 70s when both were hospitalized at the same time, they could not be happy unless they were wheeled to the other one's room.

OP, show me a 50 year power relationship where the couple still has that strong a bond. Because I've never known one. And I knew the old leather men. If they could keep a relationship for six months, it was a rarity.

I've been with The Man for 12 years, but it isn't the kink that makes this work. It's those qualities needed in vanilla relationships as well. Communication skills and relationship skills, feeding each others love language. Kinky sex is not a substitute for compatibility or fair fighting.

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(in reply to PandoraFoxxx)

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RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something ... - 9/27/2014 8:45:26 PM

starkem

Posts: 159
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

My recommendation is to stay away from relationships of any sort. However, I am a self declared introvert of hypocrisy.

(in reply to PandoraFoxxx)

Post #: 16

RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something ... - 9/27/2014 8:48:57 PM

PandoraFoxxx

Posts: 182
Joined: 1/3/2011
From: San Mateo, CA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

My aunt and uncle were married for nearly fifty years when he died. They have always been my example of a successful relationship. They supported each other in all things. They were so in tune that even in their 70s when both were hospitalized at the same time, they could not be happy unless they were wheeled to the other one's room.

OP, show me a 50 year power relationship where the couple still has that strong a bond. Because I've never known one. And I knew the old leather men. If they could keep a relationship for six months, it was a rarity.

I've been with The Man for 12 years, but it isn't the kink that makes this work. It's those qualities needed in vanilla relationships as well. Communication skills and relationship skills, feeding each others love language. Kinky sex is not a substitute for compatibility or fair fighting.

Standing ovation

Especially on the "love language"

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 17

RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something ... - 9/27/2014 11:55:03 PM

orgasmdenial12

Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline

They're just ego stroking.

I was vanilla once. My sex life was wild. There was no shortage of ecstasy and joy. Kinksters sometimes forget that you can have amazing sex without inflicting pain or control on each other.

(in reply to daykoper)

Post #: 18

RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something ... - 10/11/2014 3:26:44 PM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

This

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Post #: 19

RE: Do you ever feel like kinksters are onto something ... - 10/11/2014 4:16:04 PM

HeartAndSoul31

Posts: 148
Status: offline

I was introduced to a way of life I didn't know existed. It brought up every extreme emotion possible. I learned a lot, but I wouldn't want to go through it again. Relationships are relationships, some are healthy and some are toxic.
I found a give and take vanilla relationship is much healthier for me personally. The intensity of BDSM was to much and made me feel unstable. I am stronger being the master of my own life. Different strokes for different folks though.

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 20

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