Pushing limits?

Pushing limits? (Full Version)

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Angelcurvysub -> Pushing limits? (10/4/2014 7:04:36 AM)
My question is- Can you please elaborate what Doms/ Masters mean when they say "I will push your limits"? I get that pushing pain limits makes sense. For me one of my hard limits- Anal play of any kind will never change. It would not be in the best interest of a Dom/ Master to attempt to push that hard limit with me because that would end any further play or contact with that partner. I appreciate any thoughts or feed back you would like to share.

GoddessManko -> RE: Pushing limits? (10/4/2014 7:07:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Angelcurvysub My question is- Can you please elaborate what Doms/ Masters mean when they say "I will push your limits"? I get that pushing pain limits makes sense. For me one of my hard limits- Anal play of any kind will never change. It would not be in the best interest of a Dom/ Master to attempt to push that hard limit with me because that would end any further play or contact with that partner. I appreciate any thoughts or feed back you would like to share. In most cases, it likely refers to soft limits. And hopefully gently, not right off a cliff.

DarkSteven -> RE: Pushing limits? (10/4/2014 7:18:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Angelcurvysub My question is- Can you please elaborate what Doms/ Masters mean when they say "I will push your limits"? I get that pushing pain limits makes sense. For me one of my hard limits- Anal play of any kind will never change. It would not be in the best interest of a Dom/ Master to attempt to push that hard limit with me because that would end any further play or contact with that partner. I appreciate any thoughts or feed back you would like to share. It means that they enjoy the idea that they're stretching you. It also means that you need to check them out thoroughly. They better know what they're doing. Personally, I would never push a sub's limits unless that limit was something I specifically wanted. For example, I like anal, so I pushed one sub's limit there. I first got her comfortable with me and to a place of trust, and then I took her carefully. Another sub never did feel comfortable with it, and I moved so slowly that we broke up before we ever did anal.

windchymes -> RE: Pushing limits? (10/4/2014 8:52:59 AM)
For some, it will mean that no matter what boundary you set, he/she will want you to go past it just because it's there, lol.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Pushing limits? (10/4/2014 9:29:50 AM)
[img]http://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb209/disturbedchickie/SHOCKER.gif[/img]

FieryOpal -> RE: Pushing limits? (10/4/2014 10:58:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Angelcurvysub For me one of my hard limits- Anal play of any kind will never change. You have every right to set whatever Hard Limits you choose, and nobody has license to violate these Off Limits areas. Make sure that these are bona fide deal breakers where you will walk if encroached upon because IMO, Hard Limits should always remain inviolable. GoddessManko mentioned Soft Limits, and these are often the ones that a Dominant may decide to push. It's important to make a distinction between the two. My last sub and I had agreed that his Softer Limits - anything he hated - were open to my discretion for Disciplinary measure, as applicable to a serious infraction. It was never necessary, however, for me to resort to teaching him a lesson in this manner. Unfortunately, your particular Hard Limit is one that almost invites males to want to push past, so if you can find a Dom who won't, consider yourself lucky. If I may, I'd like to respectfully give you a piece of advice. Vanilla or D/s-BDSM, there are many men who want this, and not all of them are inept at introducing this dimension of sexuality to women. You may have had an unpleasant experience in the past, and you know yourself best. In all honesty, if any (not just a submissive) man were not open to at least trying out ass play (which gets incorporated into light spanking, something I would prefer not to forego), I wouldn't want him for an intimate partner. [sm=2cents.gif]

Musicmystery -> RE: Pushing limits? (10/4/2014 11:10:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: windchymes For some, it will mean that no matter what boundary you set, he/she will want you to go past it just because it's there, lol. Well if that's the case, set a boundary that your hard limit is that you refuse to have limits. Then he'll have to force you past that by making you choose limits. [8\|]

DesFIP -> RE: Pushing limits? (10/4/2014 11:37:56 AM)
For me, it meant I stopped talking to them right away. It has never made sense to me that a guy will say "trust me" while following that with "I'm going to do something to you that will harm you". My limits are there for a reason. If you tell me you can't respect them, then you're also telling me that you don't believe a word I say and that I'm lying when I say I can't do something without a bad consequence. And I don't fuck guys whom I cannot trust and who don't trust me. And the guys who say this are the same ones who don't even ask why x is a limit.

smileforme50 -> RE: Pushing limits? (10/4/2014 1:36:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: windchymes For some, it will mean that no matter what boundary you set, he/she will want you to go past it just because it's there, lol. Oh yeah.....I've met my share of those guys. I've never done anything that was actually past one of my hard limits....but one guy I knew a few years ago....he knew what my hard limits were and he would NEVER stop talking about them. It totally drove me crazy.

CaptR -> RE: Pushing limits? (10/4/2014 4:01:30 PM)
Stick to your convictions. If you have a hard limit communicate it and expect it to be honored. Note the attempts at "respectfully" trying to soften your stance on hard limits by suggesting someone may be more skilled at delivering you from them or that you may be "missing out" on something. There are many skilled psychological manipulators on this earth/ on these sites. Creating a chink in your armor then chipping away at your resolve will have you thinking it was your idea before you can say "Peter Piper packed a peck of pickled peppers in your PO PO."

Angelcurvysub -> RE: Pushing limits? (10/4/2014 6:24:07 PM)
Thank all of you. i appreciate your feed back. i'm not new to being a sub and I have been in a D/s relationship. In conversations with Doms lately the phrase "I will push your limits" has come up. When the subject of anal play is talked about I always express it is a hard limit and I explain why because there is a very personal reason for it. I agree that anal play seems to be a favorite with men. I like light spanking also, so it can be tricky. I am connected to my local lifestyle community and will be going out to local events.

mstrj69 -> RE: Pushing limits? (10/4/2014 6:49:34 PM)
What the phrase means varies by the one making the comment. If I am taking to someone new, I will tell them to list as hard limits what they will never do under any circumstances. And everything else that they are not sure if they want to do, they can make a soft limit. I will push soft limits but will always ask why is it a limit. If I feel that they should not go there, I won't push it, too many other things for punishment or fun.

windchymes -> RE: Pushing limits? (10/4/2014 7:02:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: smileforme50 quote: ORIGINAL: windchymes For some, it will mean that no matter what boundary you set, he/she will want you to go past it just because it's there, lol. Oh yeah.....I've met my share of those guys. I've never done anything that was actually past one of my hard limits....but one guy I knew a few years ago....he knew what my hard limits were and he would NEVER stop talking about them. It totally drove me crazy. That's my point, it will drive them crazy no matter what it is, lol. Like giving blow jobs is her limit. Okay, so he got her to do blow jobs but she won't swallow. So he gets her to swallow but she won't deep throat. So he gets her to deep throat and swallow, but she absolutely refuses ass-to-mouth. So guess what he's online complaining she won't do? I think she should set a hard limit of not biting his dick off and roasting it on a stick. That's gonna be one damn fun to watch personal struggle, lol.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Pushing limits? (10/5/2014 3:42:11 AM)
[img]http://calliopes.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/harleybat_thumb.jpg[/img] Harley doesn't have a propblem explaining her hard limits to her D, so what's the problem?

CaptR -> RE: Pushing limits? (10/5/2014 7:04:38 AM)
For you who don't live in my mind I'm going to apologise in advance but ever since I read this thread I've imagined these two scenes. To misquote the first scene ; "limits?! We ain't got no limits! We don't need no limits! I don't have to stick to your stinking limits!" Cut to a Hispanic June Cleaver/ Sofia Vergara character saying "And that Castorcito is how El coochie bandito Bobbit lost his penis." Disclaimer: the preceding is not intended to offend any group or nationality. Spousal abuse of any type is a crime and in no way are these satirical scenes meant to support racism, infidelity, physical violence or the removal of any sexual organs and their casual disposal from a car window.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Pushing limits? (10/5/2014 10:11:12 AM)
I go along with those that that a HARD limit is just that...a HARD limit. Other than at the beginning...when I want to know why it's in place so I don't trigger a new hard limit by subconsciously tying something I do to that hard limit in their mind...I leave it alone. Of course, that's one good reason to pick someone whose hard limits don't conflict with my must-have a...I would not be a good choice for the O.P. since I lovvvvve anal.

orgasmdenial12 -> RE: Pushing limits? (10/5/2014 1:37:36 PM)
What they mean is: "I am the Domliest Dom in all of Domland and because I am basically disrespectful towards submissives and do not really accept their right to set limits as part of consensual s&m play, I will nag, argue, push and attempt to force you into giving up your limits, so that I can have what I want, even though it borders on rape." There is one appropriate response to someone who suggests or attempts to 'push limits' and that is to drop them like a hot potato and go off and find a Dom who DOES respect limits and doesn't attempt to enforce unwanted physical, sexual, emotional and mental behaviour. You will also find a lot of apologists for this behaviour in terms of people who say 'but everyone likes anal!' and 'I didn't use to like it either but then I met someone who was good at it.' It's the BDSM equivalent of peer pressure.

subrosaDom -> RE: Pushing limits? (10/5/2014 1:41:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Angelcurvysub Thank all of you. i appreciate your feed back. i'm not new to being a sub and I have been in a D/s relationship. In conversations with Doms lately the phrase "I will push your limits" has come up. When the subject of anal play is talked about I always express it is a hard limit and I explain why because there is a very personal reason for it. I agree that anal play seems to be a favorite with men. I like light spanking also, so it can be tricky. I am connected to my local lifestyle community and will be going out to local events. I once talked to a sub for whom oral sex was a hard limit. Now, that's a requirement for me (and, I suspect, for most, but perhaps not every single Dom). So I wished her well and moved on. That's how it works. Otherwise it would be a soft limit. As far as anal goes, I like it a lot, but if I were crazy about a sub in all other respects, then, for me, I could respect anal as a hard limit. Others couldn't. Your obligation is simply to state it up front. You have no reason -- unless you and only you want to -- ever to change that.

subrosaDom -> RE: Pushing limits? (10/5/2014 1:42:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12 What they mean is: "I am the Domliest Dom in all of Domland and because I am basically disrespectful towards submissives and do not really accept their right to set limits as part of consensual s&m play, I will nag, argue, push and attempt to force you into giving up your limits, so that I can have what I want, even though it borders on rape." There is one appropriate response to someone who suggests or attempts to 'push limits' and that is to drop them like a hot potato and go off and find a Dom who DOES respect limits and doesn't attempt to enforce unwanted physical, sexual, emotional and mental behaviour. You will also find a lot of apologists for this behaviour in terms of people who say 'but everyone likes anal!' and 'I didn't use to like it either but then I met someone who was good at it.' It's the BDSM equivalent of peer pressure. I've had great success with the line: "You only don't like anal because you've never had it with a 14" cock before."[:D]

RedMagic1 -> RE: Pushing limits? (10/5/2014 1:57:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Angelcurvysub My question is- Can you please elaborate what Doms/ Masters mean when they say "I will push your limits"? I get that pushing pain limits makes sense. For me one of my hard limits- Anal play of any kind will never change. It would not be in the best interest of a Dom/ Master to attempt to push that hard limit with me because that would end any further play or contact with that partner. I appreciate any thoughts or feed back you would like to share. Negotiation and discussion of limits comes from a background in play, a context of, "Hi, nice to meet you, flog me for a while would you please?" Almost everyone, kinky or nilla, finds that their limits with a partner change during an intimate long-term relationship. Sometimes limits fall away, and other times they increase. Remember the stereotype that married people never have sex, or look at the very real dead bedroom crisis in many lesbian relationships. I think it's both healthy and natural to be willing to do more with a partner over time as you gain trust. A lot of men equate sexual openness with intimacy and trust: "She must really love me because she lets me fist her up to the forearm." So if the guy gets the girl to drop some of her limits, she must like him more, in his eyes. On a personal note, if a woman says, "There is no chance, ever, that we will do sexual activity X," then there is a 0% chance I will ask that woman out. It's an indication of either selfishness, or untreated PTSD, and I don't need either in my life.

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