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Bullies in BDSM - 10/8/2014 1:47:24 PM   
ChrchofDrk


Posts: 304
Joined: 7/24/2013
Status: offline 		Not to name names or anything. So I really don't want to go there. But I've always wanted to know the why of things. Whatever it might be the why was what mattered to me. That's why I took psychology in school. To understand why the human response is as it is. Which brings me to wonder. What is it about the BDSM life that seems to almost promote and reward the bully mentality? Why are there so many bullies in this life? What drives the bully mentality and what is it about BDSM that fuels it? I suppose that's the same question phrased in 3 different ways but abuse of other humans is a fetish. The strong thrive and the weak perish and all that. Doesn't it ever get kinda stale? and don't folks ever just get fed up with the bullshit enough to do something about it? If there was something to be done. What could be done?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Bullies in BDSM - 10/8/2014 1:55:07 PM   
RockaRolla


Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		People are dicks. Mystery solved.

Seriously, there are bullies and elitists in every subculture. Why would BDSM be any different?

(in reply to ChrchofDrk)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Bullies in BDSM - 10/8/2014 2:01:40 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

People are dicks. Mystery solved.

Seriously, there are bullies and elitists in every subculture. Why would BDSM be any different?


You're 100% correct. Now, bitch, we're going to see more of your tits, or else!

Jus bullyin

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to RockaRolla)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Bullies in BDSM - 10/8/2014 2:07:02 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

People are dicks. Mystery solved.

Seriously, there are bullies and elitists in every subculture. Why would BDSM be any different?


You're 100% correct. Now, bitch, we're going to see more of your tits, or else!

Jus bullyin


DO IT DO ITTTT.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Bullies in BDSM - 10/8/2014 2:07:04 PM   
RockaRolla


Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

People are dicks. Mystery solved.

Seriously, there are bullies and elitists in every subculture. Why would BDSM be any different?


You're 100% correct. Now, bitch, we're going to see more of your tits, or else!

Jus bullyin
Sorry, I left my submissive training in my other pants.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Bullies in BDSM - 10/8/2014 2:15:55 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChrchofDrk

What is it about the BDSM life that seems to almost promote and reward the bully mentality?



First of all you would have to define the "bully mentality" in order to answer this question with any type of clarity. I will say that it is more likely to attract those that simply want to push around other people under the guise of being a dominant because of a base misunderstanding of what the life is about.

quote:

Why are there so many bullies in this life?


Are there a lot? What is the basis for your observation?

quote:

What drives the bully mentality and what is it about BDSM that fuels it?


As someone who says they studied psychology, you should be able to understand the "bully mentality" and what drives it. A superiority complex would be the simplest answer. General feelings of having to validate ones self by proving that they are better than others. Covering of gross inadequacies by asserting and attacking what one perceives to be different. There are far too many reasons to be a bully. The BDSM lifestyle may offer a blanket excuse for their own bad behavior.

quote:

I suppose that's the same question phrased in 3 different ways but abuse of other humans is a fetish.


BDSM is not abuse, it can be used to facilitate abuse, but at its core ideology it is not.

quote:

The strong thrive and the weak perish and all that. Doesn't it ever get kinda stale?


This has been a fact since the very first signs of life on this planet. In my utopian vision of the world, people would be equal and work together as a whole. However the reality is harsh and no one consulted with me about how things should be in the general order of life, so we have this instead.

quote:

and don't folks ever just get fed up with the bullshit enough to do something about it?


Do what exactly?

quote:

If there was something to be done. What could be done?


What could be done to accomplish what?

Too many statements in your post are much too vague. Bullies exist. What one might do about it is impossible to say because human nature is human nature. We can do everything we want to try and "raise awareness" but the simple fact is ever since humans were able to, we have treated each other like shit, doesn't make it right, but how do you cure something that is deeply rooted in our history of existence?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to ChrchofDrk)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Bullies in BDSM - 10/8/2014 2:39:50 PM   
Bhruic


Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChrchofDrk

Not to name names or anything. So I really don't want to go there. But I've always wanted to know the why of things. Whatever it might be the why was what mattered to me. That's why I took psychology in school. To understand why the human response is as it is. Which brings me to wonder. What is it about the BDSM life that seems to almost promote and reward the bully mentality? Why are there so many bullies in this life? What drives the bully mentality and what is it about BDSM that fuels it? I suppose that's the same question phrased in 3 different ways but abuse of other humans is a fetish. The strong thrive and the weak perish and all that. Doesn't it ever get kinda stale? and don't folks ever just get fed up with the bullshit enough to do something about it? If there was something to be done. What could be done?


I think you have failed to understand the underlying psychology of BDSM. People in this lifestyle dislike a "bully" as much as anyone else.

Based on your opening to this post, I suspect you have had a run in with someone you consider a bully... who happens to be in to BDSM. Your education in psychology should have taught you better critical thinking skills than to assume that because a bully is in to BDSM, all people in to BDSM must be bullies.

< Message edited by Bhruic -- 10/8/2014 2:40:06 PM >

_____________________________

pronounced "VROOick"

(in reply to ChrchofDrk)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Bullies in BDSM - 10/8/2014 2:59:56 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

I don't see BDSM having a corner on the bully mentality market. Bullying crosses all classifications and categories of people. Vanilla, BDSM, young, old, etc. Assholes are assholes, no matter where they fall or what they call themselves.

(in reply to Bhruic)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Bullies in BDSM - 10/8/2014 3:08:28 PM   
LadyGox


Posts: 5
Joined: 10/7/2014
Status: offline 		I tend to chalk it up to, "Miserable people act miserable."
In general I just try to disengage or ignore behavior that
I find less that sterling unless I'm dealing with someone
who has asked me to help them improve themselves.

(in reply to RockaRolla)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Bullies in BDSM - 10/8/2014 3:11:00 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

People are dicks. Mystery solved.

Seriously, there are bullies and elitists in every subculture. Why would BDSM be any different?


You're 100% correct. Now, bitch, we're going to see more of your tits, or else!

Jus bullyin
Sorry, I left my submissive training in my other pants.


Rasputia, you're a biiiiiiiitttttttttcccccccchhhhhhhhh!



_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to RockaRolla)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Bullies in BDSM - 10/8/2014 3:37:37 PM   
ChrchofDrk


Posts: 304
Joined: 7/24/2013
Status: offline 		Ya'all will please forgive me my inability to do quotes for individual comment. I feel kind of stupid honestly. So I'll direct my comments to each individual in this form until I figure out this gosh darn contraption. Didn't someone publish a book called message boards for dummies?

Gauge - I don't mean to imply that abuse is BDSM Merely that abuse seems to be a new fetish within BDSM like bondage or needles. Since abuse seems to have been being met with more popularity these days. With so many both dom and sub seeking more extreme ways live or express this Life

Bhruic - Actually In the course of my time in the chats at this site (read several years yes I know it says my join date was just last year pay no mind to that) I've had run ins with quite a few bullies. When I Op'ed the Passions chatroom some even thought of me as a bully. There's no one incident that drives my reason for posting this topic. I would rather keep it civil and try to have more a discussion than a finger pointing exercise

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Bullies in BDSM - 10/8/2014 3:56:11 PM   
Mistycalm


Posts: 20
Joined: 9/29/2014
Status: offline
quote:

I would rather keep it civil and try to have more a discussion than a finger pointing exercise

Then perhaps you should also go back and re-read what they said, without the 'quit picking on me' attitude.

As already stated, I don't see BDSM having a market on bullies. They exist everywhere, from rich to poor, young to old, male to female. And they will most likely continue to exist long after we have left this earth.
BDSM, in my experience, does not promote the bully mentality. I have found it to go in the other direction; discouraging men and women alike from just 'rolling over and letting anyone walk over you'.
It promotes self-confidence, internal examination, and being true to oneself. When one is able to achieve that, no one can 'bully' them.
If you are basing your view of bullies on the chat rooms, then it's easy to see why your vision is skewed. You said yourself that while an owner of a room, you were most likely seen as a bully.

As stated though, there are bullies in every walk of life. Why should BDSM be any different?

_____________________________

Life asked Death
"why am I loved, but you feared?"
Death replied
"because you are a wonderful lie; while I am the terrifying truth"

(in reply to ChrchofDrk)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Bullies in BDSM - 10/8/2014 4:04:44 PM   
ChrchofDrk


Posts: 304
Joined: 7/24/2013
Status: offline 		I'm sorry I didn't think I had a "quit picking on me" attitude. some of you read far too much into things

(in reply to Mistycalm)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Bullies in BDSM - 10/8/2014 4:07:42 PM   
Mistycalm


Posts: 20
Joined: 9/29/2014
Status: offline
quote:

some of you read far too much into things

Pot...meet kettle

_____________________________

Life asked Death
"why am I loved, but you feared?"
Death replied
"because you are a wonderful lie; while I am the terrifying truth"

(in reply to ChrchofDrk)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Bullies in BDSM - 10/8/2014 4:14:48 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChrchofDrk

Ya'all will please forgive me my inability to do quotes for individual comment. I feel kind of stupid honestly. So I'll direct my comments to each individual in this form until I figure out this gosh darn contraption. Didn't someone publish a book called message boards for dummies?



If you know how to copy and paste you can quote people. Also, you can quote replies by clicking the quote button on the individual post you want to respond to. In order to quote individual lines, copy the line you want, paste it into your reply, highlight the quote and then click the quote button underneath the smiley faces at the top of the Reply To Message box. It takes a little getting used to, but it is fairly simple.

quote:

Gauge - I don't mean to imply that abuse is BDSM Merely that abuse seems to be a new fetish within BDSM like bondage or needles. Since abuse seems to have been being met with more popularity these days. With so many both dom and sub seeking more extreme ways live or express this Life


I know you didn't imply that BDSM was abuse, but you need to make the distinction because there has been way too much misunderstanding of what constitutes abuse and what is BDSM.

I did ask you a bunch of questions that I think you should answer in order to clarify your stance a little better. Of course, you are free not to answer them as well.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to ChrchofDrk)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Bullies in BDSM - 10/8/2014 4:27:24 PM   
SweetnStormySub


Posts: 74
Joined: 4/21/2012
From: Buckeye State
Status: offline 		Just what crossed my mind as well..

(in reply to Mistycalm)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Bullies in BDSM - 10/8/2014 4:28:50 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline 		You should listen to Gauge. That homophobic shithead knows what he's talking about.

Jus bullyin

(For those that do not know, Gauge isn't a homophobic shithead... Well, not homophobic.)

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Bullies in BDSM - 10/8/2014 4:35:18 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

You should listen to Gauge. That homophobic shithead knows what he's talking about.

Jus bullyin

(For those that do not know, Gauge isn't a homophobic shithead... Well, not homophobic.)


And we thank you for your support.

Bartles and Jaymes

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Bullies in BDSM - 10/8/2014 4:38:38 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

People are dicks. Mystery solved.

Seriously, there are bullies and elitists in every subculture. Why would BDSM be any different?


You're 100% correct. Now, bitch, we're going to see more of your tits, or else!

Jus bullyin
Sorry, I left my submissive training in my other pants.


Rasputia, you're a biiiiiiiitttttttttcccccccchhhhhhhhh!





Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch!


_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Bullies in BDSM - 10/8/2014 5:48:13 PM   
ChrchofDrk


Posts: 304
Joined: 7/24/2013
Status: offline
quote:

Your education in psychology should have taught you better critical thinking skills than to assume that because a bully is in to BDSM, all people in to BDSM must be bullies.


I wasn't meaning to say all people at all only some

quote:

You should listen to Gauge. That homophobic shithead knows what he's talking about.


Actually I rather like Gauge. I just don't want to inflate (or fellate) his ego

quote:

First of all you would have to define the "bully mentality" in order to answer this question with any type of clarity.


Well I would consider a person a bully if because of their (perceived) position of power they're absolute dicks to anyone they choose to be a dick to. They're pushy useless loathsome trash. Yet usually are "allowed" to get away with it because of their positions of power.

quote:

Are there a lot? What is the basis for your observation?


There have been a lot in the chat system over the years. Which is most of my experience with this site. There seems to be this great divide between the chat folk and message board folk with the message board folk being very vocal about not wanting anything to do with the "drama ridden" chat folk. Understandable since drama does suck. But I don't use the chats anymore mainly because of one bully in particular that shall remain nameless and they really are full of so much drama/pettiness anymore. Just my experiences. YMMV

quote:

In my utopian vision of the world, people would be equal and work together as a whole. However the reality is harsh and no one consulted with me about how things should be in the general order of life, so we have this instead.


I do wish they would've consulted you honestly. Sounds a shitload better than what we've got

quote:

Do what exactly?


I dunno. That's why I asked

quote:

What could be done to accomplish what?


Ohhhh maybe the end of petty tyranny? I know. Lofty goals.

quote:

Bullies exist. What one might do about it is impossible to say because human nature is human nature. We can do everything we want to try and "raise awareness" but the simple fact is ever since humans were able to, we have treated each other like shit, doesn't make it right, but how do you cure something that is deeply rooted in our history of existence


Well stop treating each other like shit would be a good place to start. Who knows. Maybe all out peace for there

quote:

Who are these people and why are they eating my brain?


They're cannibals and they think dominant brains are a delicacy

(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 20
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