RE: Theft in the Mail

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RE: Theft in the Mail - 10/14/2014 4:09:29 AM

MariaB

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When I lived in Bristol UK I was always missing letters and funnily enough they were usually birthday and Xmas cards that had cash in them. Bristol in particular is notorious for lost mail.

If a card with money has been sent to you, you at least need to let that person know you received it. Perhaps its because I was brought up in northern England, but not saying a thank you is considered very rude.

I was brought up to say thank you for a gift and throughout my adult life I have always written a letter, email or made a phone call to say thank you. Its instilled in me and I'm really glad it is. Someone who sends me a gift has taken time out of their life to think of me and I believe in showing my appreciation for that. If I'd been brought up only to show my appreciation if I wanted to, then I would never of written letters because although I wanted the gift, I was barely aware of who it even came from. Kids minds just don't work like that and that's why they need parents encouraging them to do the right thing. All its instilling is good manners.

I hate some of these modern parenting ideas. My ex sister-in-law brought her three girls up with a psychology book. I remember one Xmas day when the entire family were getting together at their grandparents house. My sister-in-law called to say, "we have a real problem. One of the girls doesn't want to come and so I think its better if I stay back with her and her dad can bring the other two" The child was 7 and absolutely didn't have to do anything she didn't want to. If that meant messing up a pre-arranged fun day for all, that was fine too. Those girls have grown up to be the most self centred selfish young women you could ever wish to meet.

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RE: Theft in the Mail - 10/14/2014 5:12:43 AM

dcnovice

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FR

Have you tried asking the kids' parents if your cards/gifts have been arriving?

That might spur them to belatedly instill some manners in the little darlings.

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RE: Theft in the Mail - 10/14/2014 6:06:34 AM

thishereboi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: caprika

It's 2014, and blame is often misplaced on more recent generations for being lazy or "stupid". They live in a different world than a lot of us did when we were young, especially when it comes to using the mail to send a "Thank You" card back. All that information is at their fingertips, and with video calling, often times people are either a visible, tangible part of life or they aren't, sorry.

I send my niece and nephew gifts, and I usually call and talk to them on the occasions. Sometimes (usually actually), my sister will have them call and say thank you, but not always. For example, my brother-in-law works 100+ hours a week, and a newborn and young child are a handful on special days even more than others with parties and such. I love my sister, but we're not best friends or anything, so being a priority on her or her kids' lists isn't something I expect.

My question would be, what's the point in sending something in good nature if you're only then expecting some measurement back? I think gratitude is great and teaches an important virtue; however, the OP does seem a bit bitter, as many of the responses do, regarding their personal relationships with relatives.

New technology is not excuse for bad manners. If anything they have that many additional ways to say thank you. Now forgetting once in a while is normal but to receive gifts for years and never acknowledge them isn't. I like Merc's idea also. As far as I am concerned part of an uncles job is to let the wee ones know when they are acting like asshats.

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RE: Theft in the Mail - 10/14/2014 7:20:48 AM

littleladybug

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Has anyone else been forced to the same lamentable conclusion?

My situation is similar...

My nieces and nephews live in a suburb of a very large city where the mail only gets delivered every 3 weeks or so. Either that, or the USPS men and women are in my head, and know when I'm going to make the "just making sure ____ received their package" phone call and deliver it that very day.

Those USPS people sure know how to suck the joy out of giving a gift...

Now, on the off-chance the gifts are being received on time and not being acknowledged:

I reluctantly accepted a while back that this was a parenting issue, and that they must just not know how to say "thanks". Then something very strange happened a couple of weeks ago when I went to visit them. I brought several gifts for the kids, and I got a "thanks" and a hug without any prompting. Hmmm...interesting. Heck, I made the two-year old a PB&J sandwich and got a non-prompted "thank you" (actually more of a "ank wu") when I gave it to him.

This is actually a *more* troubling thing for me. As circumstances sometimes go, our family is spread out over the US. We may see each other once a year, if that. Sending gifts is a way for us to try to have a presence in the kids' lives. In my mind, the acknowledgement becomes even more important when the other person is *not* in the room...

*Shrug* The family dynamics are screwed up...but that doesn't mean that the kids shouldn't be taught manners. What bothers me even more than me not getting thanks are our parents not getting them. It's become a situation of my brother not being able to see past the end of his nose...and the kids are the ones losing out.

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RE: Theft in the Mail - 10/14/2014 5:56:29 PM

dcnovice

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"No duty is more urgent than that of returning thanks."

— Saint Ambrose (A.D. 340-397), De Spiritu Sancto

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RE: Theft in the Mail - 10/17/2014 8:52:05 PM

DesFIP

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Maria cited a niece that refused to see her grandparents and assumed it's because the child is spoiled. As a grandmother, my response to that is totally different. Most kids adore their grandparents, they get spoiled by them. The child is accustomed to knowing there are toys there that aren't at home, that their favorite foods will be made, and so on. I have to wonder why this child is acting so atypical.

And the fact that the daughter in law is thrilled to have an excuse not to attend, also speaks to a less than wonderful family dynamic.

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RE: Theft in the Mail - 10/20/2014 1:12:35 AM

Kirata

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

"No duty is more urgent than that of returning thanks."

— Saint Ambrose (A.D. 340-397), De Spiritu Sancto

I think you'll find that the author of that quote is James Allen.

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RE: Theft in the Mail - 10/22/2014 11:07:15 AM

Ambyant

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shallowdeep,
Just so!
I learned pen & ink in My teens, complete with deckled edges, sealing wax & various impressions.
Sometimes postage slowed Me down, but it was far easier to send a little hand made card than get permission to call Aunts long distance!

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