Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (Full Version)

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Sevin -> Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 2:09:50 PM)

I have been asked to get a tattoo by a Dominant Woman. We have been in a Dominant/submissive relationship for a few months now. Recently she announced that I was to get a tattoo - even though we have had a long conversation about my deep, personal aversion for body modification (for myself only - she has two discreet ones for herself).

I am a scared - because a tattoo is a big limit for, and she doesn't see what the big deal is. She has offered to make it small, very discrete, hidden, non-overt - just a symbol, chosen by her.

I have never seen her this angry with me, or determined. She is drawing a line in the sand.

I am afraid that I will have to give on on a hard limit for (even one that is inexplicable to Her), or - stick to my guns, and lose a great relationship.

Am i wrong?



hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 2:17:54 PM)

You need to step back and ask yourself something, and then give it a Lot of thought before you answer yourself.  The question is "Do I really want to maintain a relationship with someone who refuses to respect the lines in the sand that I drew day one?"
 
Ink is a PERMANENT addition to your body.  Obviously if the concept of ink is causing this much friction between the two of you, then the relationship may NOT be Permanent.  I have tats.  I plan to get more tats.  But - they are not for everyone, by any stretch of the imagination.
 
I'm not a domina, and I've pretty much left power exchange dynamics behind in my life, however - a hard limit is a hard limit, and she should respect YOU sufficiently not to try and cross that.  If she doesn't have that respect for you as her partner, then things need to seriously be reexamined regardless - because they're already going downhill, whether you get inked or not.  (And you might point out to her - attempting to force this on you may very well backfire in her face, and cause you to resent her, rather than feel forever bound to her.)



impishlilhellcat -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 2:17:57 PM)

Wow. I would say as a submissive I would say that if you talked about your HARD limits ahead of time then she should understand. However I have had some hard limits myself in that past that had a Dominant not pushed with me to try I wouldn't have found a few things that I love, but with this case a tattoo is rather permanent unless you later plan on getting it laser removed and that hurts not to mention is costly. To me it seems rather quick to begin talking about markings, but that's just my opinion. On the other hand to me it's a complete honor to be marked with a symbol that an owner has chosen, but it would have to be a long time partner. So I guess I don't really have any  advice in this case it's something that you have to personally decide where you want to go. If your really adversely against any body modification then stick to your guns.



MHOO314 -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 2:32:17 PM)

Nope, tattoos are way permanent and after just a few months? Not respecting hard limits? Nope, no way.



yourMissTress -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 2:38:34 PM)

You have a hard limit and she's not respecting it.  This one is a permanent mark on your body... What's next?



Vendaval -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 2:40:01 PM)

I agree that permanent markings for a relationship only a few months
old is very premature.  The domme sounds very immature and to be
not respecting of your hard limits.
 
Suggest a less permanent way of expressing your relationship,
a piece of jewelry or a particular piece of clothing that you wear
in her presence.
 
Your body is the one thing that is truly yours in this life;
handle it with care, because spare parts do not come easily
or cheaply.
 
Regards,
 
Vendaval



BitaTruble -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 2:53:38 PM)

Given the fact that your profile states you are still 'looking' for a woman of power, I would say you're not all that committed to her yet and most certainly not to the level one should be before accepting a permanent mark even if it weren't hard limit.

So, yes, you are wrong for even considering it. Bad boy.

Celeste



greneyedjewel -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 3:00:25 PM)

Even tho i am quite new to this, i tend to agree with everyone here.  You set hard limits when you started with Her.  Asking, then demanding that you deviate from those limits is definitely not respecting you.    A tattoo is permanent and lazer treatments are expensive and painful.  It would also be a permant reminder that would eventually lead to resentment. T



michaelGA2 -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 3:01:54 PM)

i agree with everything everyone has said here. hard limits are just that...hard limits.

consider what other hard limts you have. what would happen if She decides that you no longer have ANY limits. is it really worth it to stay in what could potentially be an abusive reltaionship?



sophia37 -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 3:17:02 PM)

Heres what you do. You reasearch the design. Whats fair is fair. You say, this, down the line is what I would get for whatever reasons. Then you live with the idea for say one year, before you make the final move to get one. Anyone/everyone should do this. Its reasonable and smart to do it this way.

A tattoo is who you are. Are you tribal? Do you love native? Who are you as a person? This opens up a world of self discovery when you research who you think you may be. And, if, at the end of a nice long specified period of time this is still who you are, there's a good chance you will be ok with your decision.

There's nothing worse than jumping to some conclusion, "Oh yes a unicorn would be nice" only to discover one year later that unicorns are way out of fashion and mean nothing to you.

You can come to some sort of agreement with another person on getting your body altered. But that comes with the understanding that you wait a specified period of time. So that should put an end to any anxiety you may have.



windchymes -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 3:58:53 PM)

If she's treating you like this, trust me, you DON'T have a great relationship.  She is going against one of the basic tenets of this whole philosophy, which is respecting another's wishes and honoring a hard limit. 

Stick to your guns.  Respect YOURSELF first, her second.



Evanesce -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 4:40:03 PM)

Ditto, ditto, ditto... to what everyone here has said thus far.  "A few months" isn't nearly enough time to know if you're going to be with this person long-term.  And the fact that she's making a big fuss over something you stated was a hard limit from day one begs the question of what else are you going to have to surrender later on, in order to appease this person? 
 
I have to say, this "great relationship" doesn't sound all that great.



HouseofBear -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 4:47:44 PM)

As mentioned before, not respecting your limits is a huge red flag.  Do you want to get something permanently marking you as owned property when you have only been with someone a few months?  Not a wise move on either part if you do indeed go through with it.  Ours are not allowed to get the tattoo until they have been with us two years and have asked for permanent membership in the family. 

Lady Ursa



LadyHugs -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 5:06:38 PM)

Dear Sevin, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I don't think you are stupid for making a hard limit on tattoos and or any body modification.  A few months into a relationship isn't a qualification for success.  Relationships come and go, your body will never leave you.
 
Temporary tattoo I can deal with but, total body modification -- I would wait 2-3 years before I'd consider something as asking a slave to be marked.
 
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs



michaelGA2 -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 5:08:05 PM)

are tattoos really necessary in this lifestyle? just wondering.



slavejlb -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 5:11:30 PM)

i know i have said this before, but tattoo's branding unless temp, is stupid at any point the realtionship. I serve my ex master two years, we thought it would be nice if i gotr a tattoo, one stating i have his property. This mark lays on my left breast, to where i do everything i can to hid it includding make up, Now i know you are wondering if i am so a shame of why not get remove, i dont know about most people but 250.00 does not grow on trees in southern calif.  please note i said ex master, soon after the marking was done, i was told to leave him the f alone and drop kick to the curb. also because the shame of it when someone wants to play with my breast i pull away. Lastly remember Masters/Mistress's you mark you slave some day you break up, you walk away clearn, while we carry the burden and who wants to play with mark property, no one i have found, as soon as they see the mark, or they fine about it, all gone.
take care and be safe
slave jlb 



hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 5:16:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA2

are tattoos really necessary in this lifestyle? just wondering.



Nothing - whether it be tattoos or brands or even a piece of jewelry  - no matter how Conventional anyone else may make it seem - is "necessary" for BDSM with the exception of Mutual Consent.  Ink in particular is a very individual expression to those of us who get it.  As has been said by several in a variety of threads - it is more than simply a pretty picture, it's a statement of who and what we (as individuals) are and how we view ourselves.  Getting inked, though, is no more mandantory than playing with a specific toy.



scymnus -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 5:20:15 PM)

I feel that anyone who won't respect your hard limits doesn't respect you either.
Just my 2 cents.

scymnus



Caretakr -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 5:35:21 PM)

Ask her if she intends to make the commitment that this entails.

If it's imporatnt enough to lose you over this, it also important enough to be willing to keep you, no matter what?



SweetSarijane -> RE: Tattoos, Limits, and Making Choices (7/12/2006 5:39:37 PM)

If your hard limits are not respected then where is the trust and caring and relationship? I personally love tatts and have 2 of my own and in the thinking deciding process on another, but I have hard limits and if someone I chose to submit to ignored those limits and tried to make me go there that would be it right there. Trust would be broken and I would start wondering what hard limit would be ignored next.



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